The Best Christmas Concert EVER!

Last night was Matthew's Christmas concert. It was a concert/potluck/craft evening. Very very cool.
First of all, thank you to EVERYONE who gave me ideas for our potluck item. We had totally settled on meatballs, but someone already signed up. Then Jeff gave me this awesome dinner idea, and when I went to sign up I discovered there were no desserts.
So, I went with an old standby - trifle. It was a total hit. Seriously, I was approached by a couple of people saying it was really yummy. So, yay for that. I'll post the recipe.
Anyway ...
So we got there around 6:30. We dropped the kids off in the classroom and headed down to the cafetorium for the concert. Matthew's daycare is in a highschool, hence the cafetorium. I was a little concerned because Matt was really confused about why we were leaving him again, but his super amazing teachers took care of it, brought him into the classroom and calmed him down in like 10 seconds.
We got seats, all the parents filed in, and waited a few minutes.
Pretty quickly, like within about 10 minutes, in filed the children. It was super adorable. They were all wearing reindeer ears, and they actually all filed in in a line and went right up on the stage. I, of course, was going crazy with the camera, as were most of the parents.
Serioulsy, the concert was the cutest thing in the world. They had all of the children come on the stage, and there are about 25 kids. And they led them in 4 songs - Jingle Bells, Rudolph, Up on the Housetop and finally We Wish You a Merry Christmas.
The kids all sang. Matthew was right into it. He knew all of the words, he was tapping his foot, he was standing in one spot.
I couldn't have been prouder or taken more pictures.
When they were done we all found tables and lined up for the potluck. In between lining up, eating and waiting for Santa they had tables of crafts for the parents to do with their children. We made a Rudolph ornament.
Santa arrived with, no kidding, a bagpiper, who led him around the room and played Christmas carols. Then he sat on a bench and all the kids got to sit on his lap and say hi.
The evening was over by 8pm, just in time to bring our kids home to bed.
If I wasn't happy with this daycare before, I am THRILLED with it now!
The teachers were great. The kids listened, they had fun. The parents chatted, the teachers chatted. They kept it under control, and most of all they had a lot of fun. When Santa came one of the teachers was there making sure that the kids took turns seeing Santa.
We just left feeling great. We felt like we'd made the right choice of daycare. We could see Matt is happy. We're happy.

Weird

Ever have a weird day?
Not bad. Not wonderful. Just weird.
That was my day today.
The weirdness started in the morning. When we had mini golf at work. I know. Crazy. I've never worked somewhere where you mini-putt at work.
And that - it was weird.
It was weird because I got kind of cornered into it at the last second and our little pathetic team came up with the idea of a golf hole with the general theme of Christmas.
The problem was that half of our team was sick.
None of our team was artistic.
We were all lacking in time.
And motivation.
And budget.
And we didn't have any idea people would take it so seriously.
So while we cobbled together a mini putt "hole" made out of dollar store Christmas Crap other teams created phenomenal mini putt holes. I mean phenomenal. If I get pictures I will post them. But they were awesome.
Like one team - they made this contraption out of (I hope) old computer parts. It had a proper ramp, it had a proper little green. You name it. And the guy who did it, who I happen to know is a golfer, took it very very seriously.
At one point he told me he was disappointed because it was a par 3 (I think) hole and he thought it should have been par something else.
I didn't even know that par 3 meant something.
The hole next to ours was run by the department that wins everything. They didn't exactly kick our butts. They pretty much steam rollered right over us. They, too, had a Christmas theme. Except they brought in a tree and also had some sort of contraption that they built that spit your ball out and went around a corner. They had a full size fireplace with stockings hung and this giant "Happy Holidays" sign. To clarify, they had stockings hung until I decided to take my turn and my over ambitious swing sent the stockings flying. Anyway ...
So our lovely hole. The name rocked. It was called "Ho Ho Hole in One." I know. Genius. But, it pretty much sucked.
And I was disappointed. Like almost crying disappointed. And my bronchitis inflicted friend tried to calm me down by telling me that it was just all in fun. That no one cared. That it was just a silly corporate event.
And then I kind of got upset at my friends, my BFAW's (sorry guys) becasue they didn't exactly help as much as I wanted. Nor did they help me clean up. So, up and down. Up and down. All day.
But then it was kind of nice because everyone was great in the end about it. Everyone was pretty positive. You know - at the end of the day I kind of realized I was being silly. It was just a stupid corporate event that I didn't need to be upset about.
So, you know, up down. up down.
Okay. needy toddler.

Tumble Tots!

Matthew and I start gymnastics in January.
I'm very excited. Thrilled, in fact.
I was a little worried because I'm not exactly what you would call coordinated. Wisely, my parents put me in sports like soccer because I had a tendency to injure myself a lot. In grade 9 gym (which I loved) we had a gymnastics unit. I was so bad at it that my teacher asked me not to try the uneven bars rotation. This is because I kept trying to use the vault and was so banged up that I had to have an ice pack after every class.
Yes. I was that bad.
Matthew, however, seems more coordinated than I am. And, I thought he would really like gymnastics. I discussed this with my four year old niece who assured me that he would LOVE gymnastics (cause John-Wes does) and it's really fun.
I started looking into classes. Since Matt is still 2 the only classes available are parent and tot classes. Uh-oh.
I've never been in a real gymnastics gym in my life.
Luckily one of my BFAW's was a gymnastics teacher (coach?). Seriously. So, I finally plucked up the courage to call her and beg her to teach me a cartwheel. She laughed. Okay. It is funny. She has high hopes for me. We are in discussions about where we will do this practice.
Anyway...
So I called to sign up.
I was pretty nervous. Guess what? The parent's role is just to make sure that the tots don't run away. That's it. NO CARTWHEELS REQUIRED!!
I did point out to the friendly lady that I did yoga, and I can do sommersaults. Just not cartwheels or backflips. She said that if I mention that to the teacher that perhaps she can have me demonstrate.
So, it appears that I am now booked every Saturday from January to May. 9am.I can't wait!!

Advice Needed!!!

Okay everyone out there.
I need your help.
Friday is a potluck at Matt's daycare. It's a Christmas party/potluck dinner/performance thing. And we have to bring something yummy. I need to sign up for something to bring.
HELP!
Does anyone have any ideas?
I need something that will make me seem cool. I have visions of being the cool mom who works full time, commutes, and still manages to whip up something nutricious and delicious. I want to be the person who returns home with an empty dish.
Last year we did mini cupcakes for the Christmas thing at the old daycare. These were a big hit. I will make these also (if my sister has a mini cupcake pan that I can borrow??? Beck??)
But I need to make something main coursey.
Something cool. That does not involve tofu. Something easy.
I live across the street from a grocery store. Groceries are not a concern.
HELP!!!
Oh and I will literally run in the house, pick it up, and leave again. So I need to make it Thursday.
And, for some fun a picture of Matty and Me.

Ahhhh Sunday

Things have been a little intense lately.
The house, the lawyers, the cold, work. I've had enough. So last night I did my Christmas cards, bought myself a grocery store chicken, put on the movie "Legally Blonde" and chilled. Forget the boxes that were crowded around me (we got a new load of stuff from both sets of parents - seriously, how much stuff do we own? My dad brought a sticker book from when I was 7! Can anyone say pack rat?). I was fully embracing the Christmas spirit.
And, how can you not be in a Christmassy mood when you address cards with your toddlers adorable face smiling back at you.
The more I wrote, the more I got into it.
I write a Christmas letter every year. But some people, the ones I rarely see, got a more fullsome note. Bill, my hairdresser, got congratulated on his new television commercials, old neighbours got a full update on Matthew. As the cards rolled on I realized how much life is changing. One of my friends just had her third baby and all their names didn't fit on one line. My cousins are all dating people or getting married and I'm struggling with how to address cards (since I keep forgetting boyfriend's name).
And it made me realize just how much I'm appreciating things lately.
Life is good. The more I addressed cards and talked a bit about Matt's progess the luckier I realized I was. Two years ago I was in a totally different place. Our Christmas letter was sad. We had this adorable child but we had no idea what our direction was in life. I remember sitting in the car with Mike on Christmas Day sobbing that I was terrified about going to work and leaving Matt in childcare. He just said to me that we'd figure it out.
And we did.
And two years later it's Sunday morning. I'm sitting in our living room. We have a Christmas tree outside that we'll decorate later today. My toddler is laying on the couch watching his favourite show. We've been chatting all morning - about Santa and Reindeers and telescopes and trains and a million other topics.
And I'm realizing that life is good. Not perfect. Nothing ever is. But, for now the holidays are in full swing, I have the cutest kid in the world, I'm surrounded by people who love me. That, my friends, is happiness.

Speechless ... Literally

I went back to work on Thursday.
I'm a little under the weather. I have a cold. It's bearable with some cold pills. But I have a very scratchy throat that has gotten scratchier from having to much fun. And, from work.
On Thursday night several of my colleagues and I went to a really cool party. It was fun I tell you. Fun. It would have been more fun healthy. But that wasn't something a couple of drinks didn't fix.
I met all sorts of neat people.
I met a report who I LOVE (okay, admire. No love. no admire. Whatever she hugged me!) And I met the mayor who told me we'd never met. (nope) but I did mention I voted for him. (what else do you say to the mayor?) And just generally had fun.
Seriously, Shinan Govani was there. I KNOW. cool. I didn't say hi. I wanted to. One of my newfound friends (read: I introduced myself because we always talk on the phone and I wanted to meet him in person) tried to convince me to go say hi, but I didn't. Because I had this sudden case of nerves. So we had another drink and then lost him. But he was there. That's enough for me.
And the fun wasn't over because the next day was our work Christmas lunch.
As I'm sure anyone who knows me, or knows me through here, things like this I love. It's fun getting together with friends, having a nice lunch, chatting and then seeing who gets employee awards. It's fun. And there's usually some partying when it's all over. Yesterday was no exception.
What was completely shocking though was that I was one of the people who won an employee award.
Truly, I was not expecting it. At all.
The president and CEO stood up and call my boss on stage. That sort of surprised me, but I suddenly thought to myself "awesome - Beth (my colleague) is getting an award." I was totally smiley and happy for her in the way that when someone totally deserves something you are. She and I had worked on a project together, but she did a whole whack of work on it, and seriously deserved this. I was thrilled for her. And then what do I hear? Both her name and mine being called.
Oh!
Really?
I thought I heard wrong. Luckily my friend said "he said your name" and I went up.
Gotta say. Totally flattered, shocked and flustered all at once. Thank God for the Board member who took my hand on my way up the stairs. And, then what did I do? Did I shake hands like everyone else? Did I? Nope.
I started hugging.
First I hugged my boss, but that's fine because I've done that before.
But, then I hugged the CEO. oops. Apparently I was the only person to do this. Memorable, I tell. My goal in life is to at least be memorable.
And, I am still completely shocked and flattered by this award.
It's cool because you get a letter and it's framed. So I'm going to hang it. Yay!
And, drinks after. Well, it was great. I had fun. We went to a couple of places because some of our group got kicked out for bad behaviour. Who knew that pouring your drink into someone else's glass is not allowed??? I did not know this. Anyway, fun was had by all. I went home in a cab with one of my new neighbours. All was good.
This morning, though. I am speechless. No matter how hard I try no words come out of my mouth.

Busy week

I stayed home the first three days of this week. I had booked the days to get the house in order. I didn't exactly plan to be sick as well. So, it was kind of a bit of everything.
The time off of work has been nice. I had the chance to get Matt into the new daycare. I know Mike could have totally handled it, but I also know that no matter how well it went, and how happy Matt seemed, I would need to know for myself. And, I did go, and I do know it's okay. So I'm okay. (and I'm 90% sure that I'm sick because of the stress).
I also had a chance to hang out with my sister who now lives 5 minutes away from me. We went to Starbucks and the mall last night. And we LAUGHED. Like, the stupid sister laughs that you don't share with just anyone. It kind of helped that it was Starbucks Christmas night and it was a bizarre evening. But, it made it worth it.
I also hung out with my 4 year old niece. Okay, so I kind of screwed up because I picked her up from school late (school ends at 3 - not 3:30!!!) I think took her to McDonald's where she puked everywhere. And, I also promised her that I would save the part of her happy meal and I threw it out. (I was so confused by the puking incident and kind of grossed out). So not the best Aunt Laural performance, but I have lots of time to make up for that.
And I haven't had any quality time with my younger niece yet - but we'll get that soon.
All in all, it's been a freaking great week.
Now I have to go back to work. Why? Because I've become a shopaholic. No mall has been off limits this week. And something scary has come over me. I've started browsing the home decorating section. Gah! Must.Go.Back.To. Work.!!!
I need to make more money. To buy more home stuff.
I also keep taking these side trips to the Starbucks down the street. I've been going every day. I drag Mike. It's an expensive habit. And fattening. But fun.
So tomorrow I go back to work. No painting. No cleaning. No organizing. No sorting. Work.
Ick.

Do I Look 15?

I've always been told I look younger when I have no make-up on.
Generally speaking I'm okay with this.
But lately I feel like I'm looking younger and younger not older and older. Here's why. A few weeks ago I went out with some friends and this guy asked me if I was 19 yet. I asked a few people I was with how old I looked. Most of them guessed about 25. But all of them work with me, and pretty much would have some idea based on my occupation and the fact they know I'm married with a child.
Then when we were at the lawyer's office he asked me 3 times if I was "of the age of majority". I know this is a legal question, but honestly he asked me before I even sat down. Yes, I'm above the age of 18. I have a 2 and 1/2 year old with me. That would mean I was pregnant at the age of 15. Seriously. Yes, I have reached that age.
But, then today was the topper.
My son's daycare is in a high school. Apparently school starts at 8am. I didn't even think about this when I dropped him off. (I have today off of work, this is a late drop off for us). I was there for a few minutes, and then left about the same time as another mom.
She walked out of the room, down the hall and was off. She did this just after O Canada played. I was about 7 second behind her. I started to walk the same route when I suddenly heard "young lady, we don't wander the halls during announcements."
I turned around. oops.
That was in reference to me.
Young Lady?!?!?
I always hated that term when I was a teenager. Suddenly I had an inclination to turn around and hug the man saying that. But, of course the whole fear of being sent the principal's office sort of stopped me in my tracks.
What did I say "Oh. I'm not a young lady."
I was about to say that I had my kid in daycare when a bunch of kids started cracking up. It was funny because they'd seen me come out of the classroom. So, what then came out of my mouth?
"I don't go here."
Duh. He just raised his eyebrow. So, I finally explained that my child was in day care, but thank you very much for the compliment about my age.
He started to laugh. I started to laugh. And then I added "I know I look young, but I'll be 30 in a couple years."
Gotta say - I don't really miss high school. And, the past couple of days I'm beginning to realize that I'm sorely out of style. And, if I want to get mistaken for a high school student again I had better work on my look.

New Daycare

Today was Matt's first day at his new daycare. I was completely stressed about it.
Turns out Matt wasn't.
After several days with boring mommy and daddy, Matt was thrilled when he walked into a classroom with new friends and new teachers. I offered to stay, but Matt just gave us hugs and said "bye Mommy and Daddy."
Easy Peasy.
So, I continued to stress all morning. The what-ifs were running through my head. What if he turned around and was looking for us. What if he thought his other daycare friends would be there. What if he didn't like the teachers?
None of those fears were realized. We promised to pick him up after lunch, and when we got there he was thrilled to see us. Because he'd been in the bathroom when we got there we had a chance to chat with his teacher.
She said his day went really well. She couldn't get over how outgoing he was. She said that he was happy to just get to know all of the kids. She said he played with everyone and shared his toys. At lunch he asked for more milk when he wanted more. It was a really really good first day.
When we were walking home he said to me "my new friends were so nice. I love them. They make me so happy." I almost cried. Thank goodness! He also gave the yummy hamburgers and ketchup and milk rave reviews.
I couldn't have asked for anything better.

Things I've Learned My First Weekend in our New House

1. Houses are not condos. The guy who told me I was in for a big surprise was completely right. There's a lot more space in here, and a lot more can go wrong.
2. The word "wow!" coming out of my husband's mouth can mean many things. For instance it may mean "wow! my 5'2 wife can carry a gigantic speaker." or "wow! I've never seen my wife fight with a lawyer before and it's impressive" or "wow! When you said you were painting the bathroom pink you meant it!"
3. The words "go nuts" in reference to choosing a bathroom colour do no mean "please paint everything including the ceiling pink"
4. Three levels of living space is significantly larger than one level. This can be good, but it can be really daunting when vaccuuming.
5. When you are assembling something, like a closet organizer, and it says "read instructions carefully before assembling" you should. You should also know how all tools required for a project work. If you don't the friendly people at Home Depot will help.
1. LISTEN TO THE FRIENDLY HOME DEPOT PEOPLE!
   
6. Pink and green floral wall papers are very popular. In the kitchen and bathroom alone we have found 6 different versions of pink and green floral wall paper.
   
7. Pink and green is a very annoying colour combination - especially when they are bold versions of those colours and go throughout the house
8. The little things that you deemed "liveable" such as dark dusty rose bedroom paint really aren't liveable for that long.
9. I am clearly not Martha Stewart, Debbie Travis, Brian Gluckstein or any of those design gurus. If any of those people would like to come and help me out they are welcome.
10. If you move from a tiny condo to a slightly larger home, your relatives will happily bring all of your discarded belongings that have been residing in garages. Items may include things like hamster cages, high school love notes and graduation photos. (anyone want a hamster cage?)
11. This is the most wonderful experience of my life and I'm so FREAKING happy that we are finally in our own home.

PS Tomorrow Matthew starts his new daycare. My fingers are crossed. I hope it goes well.

blogging in my kitchen among the boxes

No we have not yet set up our home office. I am blogging with my bberry. Sad I know. But it is early and I can't face the boxes yet!
Yesterday was moving day.
I hate moving.
I won't give you the full run down. I will say that torrential rain and wind gusts are not a fun way to move - especially when the truck you booked fell through (thanks U-haul) and you get a van, albeit a large one, from a different company. Thanks god for father inlaws with trucks, trailers and more tarps than your local home hardware.
By 4 pm I was on the road with a car filled with crap and a freaking out cat. By 4 10 I was on the crowded DVP when our lawyer called with "a little bad news" that the buyer's mortgage did not come through.
Several hysterical phone calls later (and no accidents despite my panic) we sorted something out. Thanks to a couple of amazing real estate agents and a good lawyer we bought in escro which basically means we have not paid for our home.
Today.
Gotta say - I LOVE credit!!!
When we finally got here we saw our new home.
My mom had already started ripping down wallpaper and curtains. It is pretty fugly. I mean we love it but it is a little scary. I can't wait to take the before and after photos. We have gone from a modern condo with stuff like granite counters and kohler fixtures to a 30 year old townhome in need of repair.
But it is what we chose. We are looking big picture!
Matty hasn't been here too long. Given that his bed was soaking wet (it is a plastic race car and trust me it did well in the rain.)He slept at grandma's last night. We are returning the van and then will pick him up.
Yesterday he spent the day bonding with his younger cousin, but that is another post for another day.
Anyway, I'm now off to wake up Mike and find some clothes.
Wish me luck that this escro thing ends today. And hey, BFAW's if any of you can explain what escro is I'd appreciate it. You know the legal stuff. I know it!!!
PS sarah - my bingo card didn't win did it????

GUILT

Ninety per cent of the time I am totally happy with my choice to have my son in daycare. There are a zillion reasons why. I've listed them before. I won't bore you.
At the end of the day there are a couple of reasons my son is in daycare a) because we can't afford for one of us to stay home and b) he is really happy in daycare.
Both are good reasons.
But there are days when the guilt is crippling.
Take today for example.I was trying to explain to Matt that tomorrow he has to say bye to everyone at daycare because we are moving. So much of me is okay with this. The move is definitely a good thing. The new daycare seems great. The future school and our proximity to it - all of that is wonderful.
And yet I feel guilty.
I don't even know why. I guess some days I wish I were around him more. It breaks my heart when I realize that he spends more time with others than with me. It makes me sad when I worry about how happy he will be at the new place. What if he doesn't like the teachers? What if the other kids are mean? What if ...
And, truthfully part of me feels guilty because I'm okay with it all.
I'm okay with hopping on a train and going to work every day. For the most part I'm okay with the teachers and the routines. And I feel like I shouldn't be. I feel like I should have a harder time with it.
And these crappy feelings suck.
Some days I just want to take Matt and snuggle him and never let go. And then some nights, like tonight, I try.
And then I realize that he doens't want that. He wants to learn and explore and grow. And part of his day is telling me what he did and what he learned and who he played with. His joy every day comes from seeing us and hugging us and being delighted that we're back. And I try to remember that I was not a particularly good SAHM. I was tired and cranky and I was not making Matt happy.
But the day that the guilt kills me - it's a hard day.

Gum

My two year old son has a new found obsession with gum.
I'm not sure where it came from. It just appeared.
Lots of kids like gum. My niece, for instance, used to beg me for gum. And I would (and still will) buy her the good gum - Hubba Bubba or Bubblicious. She understood the concept of chewing and then spitting it out. She was enamoured when I blew bubbles.
I thought this would be the same thing with my son.
One time I let him have gum. And he loved it. It seemed he understood the concept. You chew till the flavour is gone then give it to Mommy. No biggie.
Then we had an incident where he had gum in his mouth at daycare - a big no no.
So I listened to the advice of his teacher and limited the gum. This worked for awhile.
We just kept saying "no gum" and life was good.
This lasted like a day. He now asks for gum constantly. And we constantly said no. This is consistent parenting. The child does not need gum.
And then the other day we were at a restaurant. And Matthew climbed under the table. And he hit pay dirt.
We realized he was being really quiet while we were eating our lunch (and no, it was not McDonald's. It was Tucker's).
A couple of minutes later up popped a very excited Matthew.
"Look what I found mommy!" He shouted.
I figured he had found some of the cheese that he had dropped or maybe a roll. But no.
He found pre-chewed gum under the table. And, he was chewing it.
CRAP!
So much for being strict. Our kid has gotten around the rules. Why ask Mommy for gum when you can find it for yourself.
We kind of freaked out and then he spit it out and we made him drink some juice and that was that.
You can't exactly reason with a two year old who has found the motherlode of gum.
We put the incident out of our minds and went on with our day.
The today we were sitting on the bus. Suddenly Matt hopped off the seat and crawled under it.
"What are you doing, Matt?" I naively asked.
"Looking for gum, Mommy!"
CRAP.
Now what??
Since we were already en route to the grocery store I promised him that I would get him his very own pack of gum.
All you naysayers ... I get it. Kids shouldn't chew gum. But, chewing pre-chewed gum is far worse. I bought the sugar free kind, and I plan to dole it when asked.
And you know what? If nothing else my child will have the freshest breath on the block.

Dear Santa ... I want a Ham Limer??

Matthew is quite enamoured with Santa.
We explained to him that you write letters to Santa to ask him for presents. So, we've been asking Matt what he wants for Christmas.
Guess what he keeps saying?
"I want a Hamlimer."
Yes, a Hamlimer. Or maybe a Ham Limer.
Any ideas???
He's been saying this for 2 weeks.
We've been trying to figure out exactly what a hamlimer is. His only answer is "it's a ham limer." Okay. He's 2. He doesn't know how to describe it.
I asked him if any of his friends had a hamlimer.
Yes, Diego does. Great. Given that Diego is a cartoon character I can't exactly ask his mother.
Finally, my genius mother solved the riddle yesterday by asking what a ham limer does.
A ham limer flies.
What does Diego have that flies.
That, my friends, would be a Hang Glider.
Great... So, where do we buy a hamlimer?
I have absolutely NO idea!

FINALLY!

I've finally done it!
The scale has nudged down below the 30 pound mark.
Today, my weigh-in day I discovered I lost 2 lbs this week.
So 31 pounds it is!
I have a way to go still.
But the numbers are getting less scary.
And I'm liking myself more and more.
Gold star for me today!

The Stuff I don't Blog About

So tonight I went out to dinner with two of my BFAW's. The third is on some all-inclusive trip in some tropical destination. We didn't feel too badly!
Anyway, as the evening progressed we got on to the topic of children, in particular child birth and babies. Two of us have kids and one didn't. For some reason the question of "was it really that hard" open the floodgates to conversation about giving birth and the first while of Matt's life.
I realized that this is something I rarely talk about.
When I first had Matt it was all I could discuss because I was hanging on by a thread, and I really felt like I needed to sort it out. I needed people to hear about how crappy Matt's birth was. A huge part of me thinks that I really just wanted to justify to everyone what was going on, why I was so unhappy, why I hated life, why I wasn't the happy loving mother that I had planned to be.
But as time has passed, as my very difficult screaming baby has turned into this amazing child who I love desperately I never ever talk about that stuff.
Why?
I guess because I feel guilty. I feel horrible that when Matt was a teeny tiny baby I didn't have this overwhelming love that I have for him now. And I try to not think about all of that. I talk about the present. I talk about what he's doing now - talking in sentences, counting, telling me he loves me. Because when I think about how I felt, how scared I was, how horrible it felt to be unhappy and even angry I feel awful. And I haven't quite resolved that.
It feels like this week has been all about babies. A friend of mine is about to give birth, and as we sat chatting I felt sad for her. She's scared. It's not her first. And she knows what to expect. I wanted to be happy for her and tell her how wonderful this would be, but I knew what she was saying - and she knows it will be rough. Especially with 2 other kids who are running around.
And then later on in the week I was speaking with someone else about kids, about the unexpected and what to do if babies come when they aren't planned. I sometimes feel completely unequipped to talk about it.
Call my sister, I want to say. She handled it. She was the maternal one. She's the one who had a baby in an hour. She's the one who stays at home and enjoys it and does cool crafts. Don't ask me. I'm way happier than I was, but I sware most days it's still a thin line between me and insanity. I'm the mom at the daycare who forgets diapers and cries when teachers tell me how to discipline my child.
Why do you ask me? Why does anyone turn to me for advice about kids, to ask questions, to seek an opinion.
Don't get me wrong. I find it flattering. It means that outwardly I'm holding it together. And I guess in all honestly inwardly I am too. Sure I go to bed early and sometimes lose my temper. But at the end of the day, we're getting through it - me, Matty and Mike. Day by day we are happy.
But still, it's just so bizarre when I talk about it, when people ask me questions about being a mother, about parenting and about babies. My advice is always the same - don't overthink it. It sucks at first, but it gets better, and the love, the pure honest love of a child - it's worth it completely.
And, maybe, one of these days I'll blog about my early days, the early months, of being a mom. But right now - I'm just not ready.

We're having too much fun too talk about unhappy times!

Things I'll Miss

One week from today we'll be in our new HOUSE!! I can't wait. I spoke to our lawyer today. Everything is in order (except our packing). And in all the excitement of what I'm looking forward to what we'll get there are some things I will miss.

1) My neighbours - no. Not the noisy guy next door. I'll miss Ginny and James and their kids. It will suck not bumping into them in the elevator or running over when Matt wants to see Mackie or going down to the reading room. We all know Ginny was my new mom sanity. That's changed and we don't see each other as much. But, I'll still miss them a lot.
2) The view - I like looking outside and seeing the lights and the cars and the firetrucks.
3) The Firetrucks - okay, so when we have multiple fire alarms it sucks (especially at 2am). But Matt like the excitement of the firemen coming to visit. And, I don't think that firetrucks arriving with sirens blaring at your home is a good thing. Really.
4) The walk to the daycare - I actually like the short walk from the daycare to the subway. I love the time Matty and I spend on our little walks. We chat about the day. We look at the trucks, we sometimes visit the stores. It's our special thing. That I'll miss. I know we'll have a new special thing
5) Rides on the McDonald's Bus - about once a week I announce that we are taking the McDonald's bus. Matthew gets so excited. I love that. I love how well he behaves on the McDonald's Bus and the smiles I get and how he announces to everyone that we're on the McDonald's bus.
6) The TTC - okay. Not on a regular basis. But sometimes. The good days when we have fun on the subway (i.e. when I leave work early and the bus is empty). Matt loves the subway, and I'm sort of sad he won't go on it so much. But, I'm not going to miss it on a regular basis.
7) Yonge Street - there's no street like Yonge Street in suburbia. I like walking down the street with Matt - and just looking. And then stopping at Starbucks where Matt knows exactly what to order. My kid is so city sometimes.
8) 24 hour everything (except the 'convenience' store in our building) - what will we do if we need milk at midnight? I don't know. Really. I don't know. We'll have to make do.
9)Saying I live in Toronto - I'm beginning to fear that "moving to the suburbs" means that I am old. Does it? Please say I haven't reached middle age. I'm not even 30.
10) Mongolian Grill - we have never actually eaten there. But we've always planned to. And I like to hear Matt attempt to say 'Mongolian Grill'. We hear it's very good. We have one week and limited funds in which to go there.

That's it. That's all I can think of. Mostly I'll just miss Ginny down the hall. But thinking about makes me cry, and that's silly.

Moving on. T-6 days. Stress. Anyone have extra boxes?

This week is kicking my butt ...

Rarely does a week kick me in the butt like this one has.
It's Thursday and I'm exhausted.
Why?
Let's see. Well first of all on Sunday I broke my tooth (one that I've already had a root canal on) so on Monday I had to find a new dentist, which I did. Then I went to see him, and I'm not a good dental patient, and he informed me that to fix it I would need 2 separate appointments and a couple thousand dollars. GREAT!
I left with a prescription for Adovan (valium) for when I return, and a promise that they would let me know the insurance quote. For now I have a hole in my mouth the size of a baby tooth. And it hurts.
But whatever. Got through that.
Then the next day I woke up not feeling myself. You know, under the weather, but managing. So I went to work. Midway through the day - in my boss's office - I suddenly realized that I really was not okay. Luckily I made it to the bathroom. Where I puked everywhere. It was probably my most embarrassing moment EVER, or at least at work. I stumbled out of the bathroom, begged the receptionist to call my friend, who located both a spare shirt and my boss who promptly sent me home in a taxi.
By yesterday I was done. Not only was everyone staying a good distance away from me (food poisoning people - I'm not contagious), but I was swamped with work. The phone kept ringing, I kept messing things up. There was nothing seriously bad abotu the day - but I just felt totally behind. I made it through the day - and we got to McDonald's where, my son got picked on by a 4 year old, and I almost lost it with his mother. Thank GOD we are moving. I don't think I can go back to that McDonald's. Echoes of "parents who don't chaperone their kids should not be allowed in the Play Place" followed me out of the building. It was awful. Matt left hysterical and Mike rolled his eyes.
And, now, I realize it's only Thursday. I hope to make it through today unscathed - no dental surgery, no vomit, and no fights with other parents.
I HOPE!

Too Funny NOT to Blog About ...

Our dryer is broken. This sucks because we are moving in 2 weeks. It also sucks because I discovered this when I had one load in the dryer and another in the washing machine waiting to be dried.
So, after finally accepting that we would not be able to get our laundry done, I sucked it up, piled all of our clothes (including the damp/wet ones, which, by the way, weigh a ton) and drove my butt to a laundromat.
Now, let's be honest. I was not about to go to "Scrubby's" the Laundromat in Flemingdon Park. It's close, but I'd be at risk of being shot. So, I decided to hightail it over to the fancy pants laundromat in Davisville Village. It's clean, it uses cards (so you can use debit and not worry about quarters) and it's conveniently located across from Starbucks. Plus, after a busy day of packing up the condo, who was I to complain about spending a couple of hours chilling with a book and a non-fat-no-whip-iced-mocha? Not I.
The problem is, when you drink your mocha too quickly, and your laundry isn't done ... you need to use the washroom.
No biggie at the laundromat of laundromats. There is a bathroom. You use your card to get in - and there's a little occupied sign. You are practically peeing in luxury as far as laundromats go. I was good.
Now, I was well aware it was still a laundromat, so I brought my purse in with me - just in case.
Good thing.
Because I got locked in the bathroom. Yep. LOCKED IN!!!
I have to admit, I did kind of panic. First of all, it was hot in there. Second of all, I had left all of my underwear sitting on the counter. I mean, it was buried beneath towels, but I love my panties, and I had vision of some creepy guy pawing through my stuff.
So I knocked.
Then I shouted.
And then I realized that in my pocket was the laundry card. Maybe there was a phone number on it.
Nope. But there was a name. (laundry express).
So I called Mike.
No answer.
I called again. He picked up. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Laughing won out. I insisted Mike look up the number and call the lovely lady who had taught me how to use the washers there.
So he did. A couple of minutes later I heard the phone ring.
Another couple minutes and there was a knock on the door.
"are you okay?" came the voice of salvation.
"yes. But please let me out" I replied.
"Stand back, dear" she shouted. I had visions of her kicking down the door. Nope. She just used her card and some special key and opened the door.
Safe. At last.
I quickly grabbed the rest of my laundry and left.
Next time - if there is one - I will go to option B and use the bathroom at the Starbucks across the street.

Potty Time & Gum - Bad Mommy!

Edited at the Bottom!In case you want to know the outcome
Friday morning.
Our household is cranky. It's rainy and icky. And, really, all I want to do is have a quiet morning, get out the door on good time, and hurry up with the day.
Matty had other plans. He chose today to denounce the use of diapers in our house.
After his morning potty session (we're really good about getting him out of bed and plopping him on the potty), he was okay getting dressed except for the diaper part.
"No Mommy. No diaper."
Ummmmmm. What? This is a child who would be happiest if he could run around all day in a diaper and nothing else. And now, suddenly, he wants underwear.
Of course we had some. So, on when the Bob underpants. And Matty was so happy.
I figured that what I would do is just pack a ton of underwear (like all 5 pairs that he owns), a bunch of diapers, a bunch of clothes and send him to daycare.
I'm not really thinking okay, you guys have 2 weeks till we move - toilet trian. But, let's be honest ... It would be nice!!!
So, I wrote a long note to his (somewhat strong-willed) teacher about my reasoning and off we went. My assumption was that the easy going usual morning teacher would be in, and she would say, sure, whatever. And that would be that.
But, NO! His regular, strong-willed-say-what's-on-her-mind was in. And, she basically flipped out when I told he was in underwear.
"WHAT?!?!?!"
Yes, I calmly said. He has chosen to wear underwear today and we went with it. He's used the potty this morning. I've packed lots of extra stuff. We're good.
She wasn't too happy. I guess we hadn't talked about it. And I did kind of spring it on her. But, I also made it really clear that if she wanted to put his diaper on right then and there that was totally fine. My point was just that he asked for underwear and I was encouraging it.
I'm a big believer in the idea that kids hit milestones when they are ready. And, if it's time to give up diapers ... bring it on!
We left. She was snippy. It was a weird morning.
Oh, and before we left she noticed that Matthew was, shocker, chewing gum.
She pointed out that he is NOT allowed to chew gum, and that it is very dangerous and made him spit it out. Apparently gum is not allowed at daycare.
BAD MOMMY!
Honestly, on the weekend, when we were at Walmart, I let him put a quarter in the chiclets gum machine, and he was enamored by it. I taught him to chew gum not swallow it. And it was pretty darn cute to me. I didn't realize he had saved some of it in his car seat for a day like today.
Anyway, instead of just fessing up to the whole thing I said to the teacher. "I'm sorry. I didn't give it to him. He found it."
Oops. Mike just looked at me. I guess it sounded like he had taken it from the bottom of a desk or something.
Dammit!
It just kept getting worse and worse. So, not only was I the worst mommy in the world for the diaper thing. I let my kid chew found gum. And, then to top it all off I asked for a hug goodbye and he said "wait a minute" to which she said "that's not how you talk to mommy!"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
It's no wonder motherhood stresses me out.
Pass me a drink. I need it this morning. This mothering this is tough.
It's a good thing that I didn't mention to her that last night he begged me to stop at Tim Hortons for a sprinkle donut and chocolate milk (which I did) and he then ate the entire donut, got home, sat and watched cars and ate cheese strings, and then we called it a night. No balanced dinner, no reading before bedtime. Just donuts, cheese and a movie.
I call that fun.
Some people would call that bad parenting.
I honestly just think we all need a vacation.

So I went to get Matthew at the end of the day. He was back in diapers. They actually did try to bring him to the potty several times, but he decided he wanted diapers. I came home with a bag full of wet clothes (including shoes).
I had a lengthy chat with Doug, the male teacher. He told me that he thinks Matt is waffling a bit. He said that all week his diaper has been dry all day - and that today it was wet at every change. So, I asked if he thought that was weird. He said that no, it means that he's making a point that he will toilet train in his own time. He said that the good news is that a child who can control like that is actually ready for Toilet Training. He said that most kids like this can literally train overnight when they are ready.
So, I'm sticking with not pushing this till we move (and after Christmas). I think. Or maybe we will tell him Santa won't come unless he uses the potty. I'M KIDDING! I'm only a kind of bad mommy. I'm not that mean!
Besides, we are currently using Santa in way too many other bribes. Like, we can't buy toys or Santa will be sad. You can't have a meltdown or Santa will be sad. And, blissfully, we have taken a break from Raffi to listen to "Santa Music." Anyway, that had nothing to do with potty training now did it???