Blissy

"Perception is a mirror, not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind reflected outward."

 

If you've been following me on twitter (@lauraldawn) you are probably aware that I've had a bit of a mindset change, and I've been spending my evenings sweating my toxins out on a yoga mat in a hot yoga studio.

Like all things Laural, I've managed to skip the moderation concept and throw myself all in. This is a pretty fundamental truth of mine - there's no halfway with me. When it comes to projects, ideas, thoughts or emotions I love, or think I will love, I just jump right in. I'm seeing this right now in my life - I'm embracing this concept of wholeness and connecting with love and light and I'm loving the blissy feeling that has started to envelope me these past couple of  weeks.

And,  I want to talk about it, write about it, tweet about it and most of all experience it, with no apologies for throwing myself completely into it.

However. I don't want to make this a yoga blog. So, I'm not going to write about this more than once a week. Or so. You know, if enlightenment hits no promises. But I will try.

So, how did I get here and what's going on? 

My decision to try out hot yoga was on the surface pretty random. My mom has done it for years, and has always offered me a free guest pass to get started. But, with January comes promotions, and I saw a sign for an unlimited month for $40, and driving past the sign every day spoke to me. Combine that with the fact that I've been feeling just ick since before Christmas, I was feeling completely uninspired to run, and I really just needed to deal with some stress in a positive way, I signed myself up for the month, and decided 30 days is a good place to start. I promised myself I could give it 30 days to make a decision about continuing. Just be. That is all.

And, then I went to the bookstore to read up on yoga and I saw the book "Spirit Junkie" and picked it up instead of a book on the history of yoga. And I've been reading and practicing and feeling altogether  well ... BLISSY.

So, all in. But with a twist. I'm letting all this energy and love and happiness wash over me. But, I'm not setting any goals. For once I'm not setting a timeline to accomplish something (eg. a 5k in under 30 min). I'm not forcing myself to commit to a year of daily practice. Instead I'm trying something new. I'm being patient. I'm letting the experience lead me. Rather than committing to being able to twist myself into a difficult pose by March, I'm committing to staying at this beginner level as long as necessary - and reserving judgement of myself. I'm looking inward more. Loving myself more. And letting go of a lot of self judgement.

And this ... this is what I'm remembering.

Perception is a mirror, not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind reflected outward.

Hide and Seek

Chloe is a couple months away from turning 4. I have no idea when that happened. I have no idea when she suddenly became a child completely strong in her convictions and very capable of speaking her mind. But at 3.75 years here we are.
And one thing Chloe is very certain of? HIDE AND SEEK.
I know. It's an awesome game. I loved it when I was little. Matt insisted on playing it when he was little, and now Miss Chloe has taken this game over.
The thing is ...
I love it to.
I used to find it tedious at best until I discovered that Chloe's version of an awesome game of Hide and Seek is me hiding, and then jumping out at her and scaring her. (Did I mention she's in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer?). It's become our daily ritual. We play for 20 minutes. Full out shrieking ensues. I am often the cause.
Sometimes.
I forget.
That parenting is about playing.
That being present doesn't just mean being in the room.
That I actually like to play.
And that I'm awesome at finding hiding spaces in our tiny town house.

Over the past few weeks I've noticed that my daughter copies me a lot. Some of the things she does are super cute. It's adorable when she puts my make up on to look like me (we wash it off) or when she tries on my clothes and walks in my shoes. It's hilarious when she uses the same phrases as me and when she proclaims that it's "girl time".
But, I'm also watching her do some of the things I'm not proud of - losing her temper over stuff. Slamming doors. Foot stomping. Shouting "I'm so frustrated right now"
So, I need to be the example.  I'll never be perfect. But, I will be calm.

And, I will start having fun again.

Hide and Seek anyone?

PS Don't tell Chloe, but I pretty much always hide behind a curtain!