Last night I officially lost it.
I've been sick, and tired.
This pregnancy has taken more out of me than I care to admit, but I'm trying to keep it together. I'm trying to get work done, be a good mom, be a good wife and get ready for Christmas. For the most part I keep it together.
And then there was last night.
Matt woke up in the middle of the night puking. He's got a horrible cough, and he coughed so hard he threw up.
So, Mike and I cleaned him up, and he came to sleep in my bed while Mike took the couch. This worked for a couple of hours until 2:00 when Matt's coughing kept waking me up. I was trying to sleep, but the constant coughing was driving me up the wall.
So I decided to move him.
In order to do this I had to take the blankets off the top bunk of his bunk bed and move them to the bottom bunk because I can't lift Matt up to the top bunk.
As I was moving the blankets, one of his toys - the f*&%ing Puzzle Bug came flying out of the blanket on the upper bunk and whacked me in the eye.
I LOST IT.
I've put up with more than enough. A toy in the eye was pretty much more than I could handle, especially at 2 am.
So, there I was grasping my eye, crying, and trying to make Matt's bed.
I then woke him up to move him. By that point I wasn't even aware I was still crying. I just was. So Matt started crying. So there we were, both sobbing, while trying to move beds.
Poor Mike stumbled up the stairs at this point thinking there was some major crisis.
The ridiculousness of the situation didn't occur to me at the time.
Mike calmed Matthew down and then came to figure out why I was so upset.
At this point I'd cleaned up the blood (cause yes, it did actually cut me) and was just standing in the bathroom crying.
I think I managed to say "I've had enough. I can't handle this."
Wisely Mike just let me cry. And cry. And cry.
He knows me well enough that when I hit the point of not being able to put to make sense of my tears I probably just need some space to cry.
Eventually I fell asleep. Exhausted, in pain, and just utterly utterly frustrated.
Now that it's morning the outlook is a little brighter.
My eye is cut, but at least I don't have a black eye. I'm still deaf in one ear, but at least it's not throbbing anymore. My nose is still stuffy, and my throat still hurts. But they are bearable.
I'm hoping that cleaning the house, listening to Christmas music and having an afternoon nap will make things a little better.
But seriously, ENOUGH!
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
Imagination
The Christmas television commercials are hitting the air, and my favourite ones are for toys. I love watching them with Matt. I don't care about consumerism and all of that right now because for a month I let him watch the stations with all the ads and see what's out there.
I love watching his face when a really cool new toy is advertised.
He rarely asks for one. I'm not quite sure he understands that the ads are telling him to buy it - he's just pretty enamoured watching what these things can do.
We already know what we're asking Santa for, and I have a pretty good idea what Santa, and assorted relatives, will be getting for Matthew. He loves Christmas morning, but doesn't seem to think of it only as about gifts.
He still appreciates the magic.
But, what these commercials have got me thinking about is imagination.
I'll be the first to admit that I am swayed by advertising - especially when I read about and see toys that are educational.
When Matthew was really little, I was quite obsessed with toys that encouraged imagination. I wasn't sure if I would have another baby, and I didn't want him to be lonely. I wanted him to find the same joy in imagination as I did.
I can still remember the hours and hours we spent playing with the Fisher Price Little People. My sister and I had names for them all (she got to be "green girl" - the girl in the green dress, and I got to be "blue girl" - you got it, the girl in the blue dress). As we got older we moved on to dolls where I would play school for hours on end (our favourites were Sarah and Mandy and Jenny) . And, eventually it was on to Barbies. (we had tons, and I can still tell you all their names).
What was unique about these toys is that they didn't make sounds. They didn't have speech that told us what they were saying, rather we had to make it up. This wasn't a hardship for us. We loved playing with our dolls.
We did eventually get Nintendo, but I have to admit that Super Mario Brothers were boring compared to the sordid love lives of our Barbies who swapped boyfriends, traded cars and exchanged children. For kids not allowed to watch Soap Operas, we were very creative.
But, when it comes to Matthew, I never knew what to do with gifts.
Did I accept that it was 25 years later and toys are "more advanced" or did I get non-noisy toys.
In the end, I got a mix. Truthfully, I got swayed by the amazing things the toys did. I don't know that it's called giving in so much as going with the flow.
But, last night I started thinking about this when I was watching Matthew play.
Our big chair was turned into a boat, and a bunch of cars were gathered on it. He had different noises for each car or truck, and sang as he played. Every so often he'd stop to dictate what was going on. At one point he needed more toys from downstairs and told us to "keep an eye on the trucks".
And it struck me that his imagination is just fine.
In fact, it's more than fine. He comes up with crazy and zany ideas. He loves to talk about the "monster baby" that is growing in his tummy. He makes up stories about all sorts of things and is constantly telling us made up jokes.
And, I realize that his imagination is vivid and growing.
So, bring on the toys. I'm beginning to realize that no matter what we give him he will add it to his own fantasy world anyway.
It's amazing to watch him learn and grow.
And .... today is the last day of NaBloPoMo! Yay! I'm so glad I did it and managed to write every day, but it will also be nice to take a little break from daily writing.
I love watching his face when a really cool new toy is advertised.
He rarely asks for one. I'm not quite sure he understands that the ads are telling him to buy it - he's just pretty enamoured watching what these things can do.
We already know what we're asking Santa for, and I have a pretty good idea what Santa, and assorted relatives, will be getting for Matthew. He loves Christmas morning, but doesn't seem to think of it only as about gifts.
He still appreciates the magic.
But, what these commercials have got me thinking about is imagination.
I'll be the first to admit that I am swayed by advertising - especially when I read about and see toys that are educational.
When Matthew was really little, I was quite obsessed with toys that encouraged imagination. I wasn't sure if I would have another baby, and I didn't want him to be lonely. I wanted him to find the same joy in imagination as I did.
I can still remember the hours and hours we spent playing with the Fisher Price Little People. My sister and I had names for them all (she got to be "green girl" - the girl in the green dress, and I got to be "blue girl" - you got it, the girl in the blue dress). As we got older we moved on to dolls where I would play school for hours on end (our favourites were Sarah and Mandy and Jenny) . And, eventually it was on to Barbies. (we had tons, and I can still tell you all their names).
What was unique about these toys is that they didn't make sounds. They didn't have speech that told us what they were saying, rather we had to make it up. This wasn't a hardship for us. We loved playing with our dolls.
We did eventually get Nintendo, but I have to admit that Super Mario Brothers were boring compared to the sordid love lives of our Barbies who swapped boyfriends, traded cars and exchanged children. For kids not allowed to watch Soap Operas, we were very creative.
But, when it comes to Matthew, I never knew what to do with gifts.
Did I accept that it was 25 years later and toys are "more advanced" or did I get non-noisy toys.
In the end, I got a mix. Truthfully, I got swayed by the amazing things the toys did. I don't know that it's called giving in so much as going with the flow.
But, last night I started thinking about this when I was watching Matthew play.
Our big chair was turned into a boat, and a bunch of cars were gathered on it. He had different noises for each car or truck, and sang as he played. Every so often he'd stop to dictate what was going on. At one point he needed more toys from downstairs and told us to "keep an eye on the trucks".
And it struck me that his imagination is just fine.
In fact, it's more than fine. He comes up with crazy and zany ideas. He loves to talk about the "monster baby" that is growing in his tummy. He makes up stories about all sorts of things and is constantly telling us made up jokes.
And, I realize that his imagination is vivid and growing.
So, bring on the toys. I'm beginning to realize that no matter what we give him he will add it to his own fantasy world anyway.
It's amazing to watch him learn and grow.
And .... today is the last day of NaBloPoMo! Yay! I'm so glad I did it and managed to write every day, but it will also be nice to take a little break from daily writing.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
The Question...
Yes THAT question.
"How did my baby get in your tummy?"
I'm not sure why the question never occurred to Matthew before, but today, when we were waiting for Mike to get home, Matt wanted to know all about how the baby got into my tummy.
I asked how he thought the baby got in there.
Apparently he thought I ate the baby.
In his mind I ate some sort of seed, and then when I eat and drink (especially milk) the baby grows and grows.
I guess he got it sort of right.
So, then he said "well, if you didn't eat the baby how'd it get in there?"
My answer "Daddy."
"How did Daddy get it in you - did he throw her?"
Ummmm ... no.
And at that point I said that this is something Daddy could explain because he put her there.
And then Mike got home.
And they got talking about Cars and daycare and Becky picking Matthew up at daycare. The question was averted - for tonight.
-------------
My sister picked Matt up from daycare today, and so she and the kids came in for a bit (with some super yummy soup for dinner) My niece, Paige, is talking a LOT these days. Like in the last 2 weeks she hasn't stopped talking.
She must have asked about 16 times in 5 minutes, if "that baby girl in your tummy is coming out soon."
But, she cracks me up. "Aunt Laural, you having that Baby Girl in your tummy yet?"
No, not yet.
Thirty seconds later "Aunt Laural, you having that Baby Girl in your tummy yet?"
I tried to explain that it's not for a long time. First Christmas, then Valentines Day and then right before her daddy's birthday the baby comes (my section is scheduled the day before my brother in law's birthday).
She looked at me, said okay, and then said "Aunt Laural, you got any cheese?"
She makes me laugh!
"How did my baby get in your tummy?"
I'm not sure why the question never occurred to Matthew before, but today, when we were waiting for Mike to get home, Matt wanted to know all about how the baby got into my tummy.
I asked how he thought the baby got in there.
Apparently he thought I ate the baby.
In his mind I ate some sort of seed, and then when I eat and drink (especially milk) the baby grows and grows.
I guess he got it sort of right.
So, then he said "well, if you didn't eat the baby how'd it get in there?"
My answer "Daddy."
"How did Daddy get it in you - did he throw her?"
Ummmm ... no.
And at that point I said that this is something Daddy could explain because he put her there.
And then Mike got home.
And they got talking about Cars and daycare and Becky picking Matthew up at daycare. The question was averted - for tonight.
-------------
My sister picked Matt up from daycare today, and so she and the kids came in for a bit (with some super yummy soup for dinner) My niece, Paige, is talking a LOT these days. Like in the last 2 weeks she hasn't stopped talking.
She must have asked about 16 times in 5 minutes, if "that baby girl in your tummy is coming out soon."
But, she cracks me up. "Aunt Laural, you having that Baby Girl in your tummy yet?"
No, not yet.
Thirty seconds later "Aunt Laural, you having that Baby Girl in your tummy yet?"
I tried to explain that it's not for a long time. First Christmas, then Valentines Day and then right before her daddy's birthday the baby comes (my section is scheduled the day before my brother in law's birthday).
She looked at me, said okay, and then said "Aunt Laural, you got any cheese?"
She makes me laugh!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
The Mucosy Fog is Lifting
It turns out I did, indeed, have a sinus infection - combined with an ear infection and and strep throat.
First of all - what's with strep throat? I have had it before, but I have no idea how to tell if I have it. I mean, I have been taking halls, but it was bearable and I only mentioned it as an aside. But, last year I had the worst sore throat imaginable, and the doctor just told me to drink cold drinks and take halls.
Weird.
Anyway, I went to my appointment, and mentioned about 3 times that I needed an antibiotic that I could take when pregnant - and penicillin free. So, she gave me a prescription and I asked if she was sure I could use it while pregnant.
Her response? "It should be."
Okay - I really I've been a little over-anxious this pregnancy, but all along I've been pretty confident that if my doctor tells me something I trust it.
"It should be" is not a phrase I trusted.
So, I went to my favourite pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist that I trust.
He looked at the prescription and told me that he did not feel comfortable prescribing that to me. He asked if I wanted to come look at what the risks were. (they have a huge book of prescriptions and the side effects. It's fascinating).
The side effect - "toxicity to the fetus".
WHAT????
I kind of freaked out. He explained to me that penicillin, which I'm allergic to, is what they would normally give. Okay. I get that. But, I'm not willing to take something possibly toxic to the fetus.
I was at the store for an hour.
There were faxes back and forth.
I called my OB.
He called both the doctor and Motherisk. (actually, that was to make me feel better, I think). In the end he came up with a prescription that is safe to take. The doctor signed off. My OB said okay.
All's well that ends well. But, the moral of the story is if you have doubts ASK.
As for the sinuses, ear and throat? Well, between the medication and the various sprays and other stuff I have to take I'm feeling very medicated and a little bit better.
Going to bed at 6:30 also helped.
First of all - what's with strep throat? I have had it before, but I have no idea how to tell if I have it. I mean, I have been taking halls, but it was bearable and I only mentioned it as an aside. But, last year I had the worst sore throat imaginable, and the doctor just told me to drink cold drinks and take halls.
Weird.
Anyway, I went to my appointment, and mentioned about 3 times that I needed an antibiotic that I could take when pregnant - and penicillin free. So, she gave me a prescription and I asked if she was sure I could use it while pregnant.
Her response? "It should be."
Okay - I really I've been a little over-anxious this pregnancy, but all along I've been pretty confident that if my doctor tells me something I trust it.
"It should be" is not a phrase I trusted.
So, I went to my favourite pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist that I trust.
He looked at the prescription and told me that he did not feel comfortable prescribing that to me. He asked if I wanted to come look at what the risks were. (they have a huge book of prescriptions and the side effects. It's fascinating).
The side effect - "toxicity to the fetus".
WHAT????
I kind of freaked out. He explained to me that penicillin, which I'm allergic to, is what they would normally give. Okay. I get that. But, I'm not willing to take something possibly toxic to the fetus.
I was at the store for an hour.
There were faxes back and forth.
I called my OB.
He called both the doctor and Motherisk. (actually, that was to make me feel better, I think). In the end he came up with a prescription that is safe to take. The doctor signed off. My OB said okay.
All's well that ends well. But, the moral of the story is if you have doubts ASK.
As for the sinuses, ear and throat? Well, between the medication and the various sprays and other stuff I have to take I'm feeling very medicated and a little bit better.
Going to bed at 6:30 also helped.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Sick Day
I finally gave in ... and called in sick.
Tylenol isn't helping. Halls aren't helping. I'm not sleeping.
And, I just couldn't face a train ride and then sitting at my desk all day.
So - I'm logging in from home to work. And, when I'm done what I have to do I'm sleeping. And taking it easy. And eating some soup.
I'm trying to decide if it's worth my effort to get dressed and go to a walk-in clinic because I know my sinuses are infected. But, I'm not sure if they can do anything other than tell me to sleep and eat soup.
Oh - and I don't have the car today, so I'll have to ask my mom or sister to bring me. And though I'm sure they would if I called it still means talking on the phone with no voice and a headache.
Ugh.
Sorry. Usually I'm way more upbeat on my blog. It's just hard when everything hurts. I swore I would not be like this when I'm pregnant. What's wrong with me?
So, let's review what I'm happy about:
Tylenol isn't helping. Halls aren't helping. I'm not sleeping.
And, I just couldn't face a train ride and then sitting at my desk all day.
So - I'm logging in from home to work. And, when I'm done what I have to do I'm sleeping. And taking it easy. And eating some soup.
I'm trying to decide if it's worth my effort to get dressed and go to a walk-in clinic because I know my sinuses are infected. But, I'm not sure if they can do anything other than tell me to sleep and eat soup.
Oh - and I don't have the car today, so I'll have to ask my mom or sister to bring me. And though I'm sure they would if I called it still means talking on the phone with no voice and a headache.
Ugh.
Sorry. Usually I'm way more upbeat on my blog. It's just hard when everything hurts. I swore I would not be like this when I'm pregnant. What's wrong with me?
So, let's review what I'm happy about:
- Christmas is coming. Yay!
- Next week is Matt's daycare Christmas party - love that!
- Despite the fact that I feel like complete crap the baby inside me is growing and healthy!
- Matthew makes me smile every single day
- I'm almost done my Christmas cards. The only people left are the people who I didn't have addresses for and I'm slowly getting those addresses.
- I have a cold now which could quite possibly mean I'll be healthy for Christmas
- I have more vacation days left than I thought - this means that I can take the time off I've booked at Christmas and then take a couple of extra days or transfer them over to next year.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Monday Already?
Ugh.
That's the only word for it.
I'm still sick. And I'm tired. But, I've been up for hours. And I see a busy week ahead. Between doctors appointments (2 this week... I love my ob, but I have about a zillion more appointments and tests etc than I did with my midwife), some work deadline, and this stupid lingering cold that has me sneezing every 2 minutes I'm tired.
And the week hasn't even started.
Our house is a disaster.
My poor husband has been trying to keep up in my wake. He even made beef stew and dumplings last night! And got a hair cut! He's trying. But, trying to keep a house clean when it's hard to get off the couch is nearly impossible. I know we could get someone in to clean, but half the problem, at least, is organizing and tidying and keeping up with it all.
I'm debating taking a couple of days off to get stuff in order.
But, not when I'm sick. Because no matter what has to be done, I've discovered that sleeping seems to make the problem go away.
Yesterday I came home from our really cool kids Christmas party (more on that tomorrow) and slept for 2 hours.
Then I got up and organized baby clothes, and then I fell back asleep.
The laundry is still piled up. The bathroom still needs cleaning.
At least I went to the grocery store to get some food for dinner tonight (frozen pizza - there's sustenance), but if we are being honest, I only went because I had the worst craving for McCain Deep and Delicious chocolate cake. And, really, it's pretty much the first real craving in months, so I figured one piece would not kill my attempt for a healthy pregnancy. And ... after Mike had made dinner, done the dishes and a bunch of other things, asking him to go get me cake just seemed mean.
And, when I went to pay for the cake, tonight's pizza and a few other assorted items I realized that I knew every single cashier who was working because we pretty much go to the grocery store every day. It's like we can't even get it together enough to make weekly trips to the store. I actually choose the line based on who is working. Sad. It's a whole new dimension.
The weird thing is, second trimester is supposed to be the "honeymoon phase" of pregnancy. Seriously. For me it's more of the "please shoot me and get me out of this misery" phase. Though I think that has less to do with the pregnancy and more to do with being sick constantly, being denied cold medicine and being so freaking tired. Oh, and a little added stress on the side.
So, how's your Monday?
That's the only word for it.
I'm still sick. And I'm tired. But, I've been up for hours. And I see a busy week ahead. Between doctors appointments (2 this week... I love my ob, but I have about a zillion more appointments and tests etc than I did with my midwife), some work deadline, and this stupid lingering cold that has me sneezing every 2 minutes I'm tired.
And the week hasn't even started.
Our house is a disaster.
My poor husband has been trying to keep up in my wake. He even made beef stew and dumplings last night! And got a hair cut! He's trying. But, trying to keep a house clean when it's hard to get off the couch is nearly impossible. I know we could get someone in to clean, but half the problem, at least, is organizing and tidying and keeping up with it all.
I'm debating taking a couple of days off to get stuff in order.
But, not when I'm sick. Because no matter what has to be done, I've discovered that sleeping seems to make the problem go away.
Yesterday I came home from our really cool kids Christmas party (more on that tomorrow) and slept for 2 hours.
Then I got up and organized baby clothes, and then I fell back asleep.
The laundry is still piled up. The bathroom still needs cleaning.
At least I went to the grocery store to get some food for dinner tonight (frozen pizza - there's sustenance), but if we are being honest, I only went because I had the worst craving for McCain Deep and Delicious chocolate cake. And, really, it's pretty much the first real craving in months, so I figured one piece would not kill my attempt for a healthy pregnancy. And ... after Mike had made dinner, done the dishes and a bunch of other things, asking him to go get me cake just seemed mean.
And, when I went to pay for the cake, tonight's pizza and a few other assorted items I realized that I knew every single cashier who was working because we pretty much go to the grocery store every day. It's like we can't even get it together enough to make weekly trips to the store. I actually choose the line based on who is working. Sad. It's a whole new dimension.
The weird thing is, second trimester is supposed to be the "honeymoon phase" of pregnancy. Seriously. For me it's more of the "please shoot me and get me out of this misery" phase. Though I think that has less to do with the pregnancy and more to do with being sick constantly, being denied cold medicine and being so freaking tired. Oh, and a little added stress on the side.
So, how's your Monday?
Sunday, November 25, 2007
A Birthday at McDonalds & a hot Date
Matthew went to a birthday party yesterday. It was the first time that he was invited to a birthday party where parents were allowed to leave and come back in a couple of hours.
I was totally fine with the idea - until we had to leave! Mike was with me, and was totally encouraging me to leave. After giving the mother my cell number, and telling her where we were going (cause I'm sure she was going to remember that detail while chasing 3 year olds) off we went.
It was funny because there were a lot of kids from daycare there, and they all were either 3 or 4. And, those parents weren't quite sure what to do either. The parents who also had older children were scurrying out like us. The "first timers" were hovering. Some parents decided to stay.
I think the decision wouldn't have been quite as easy if we didn't know all of the kids, but Matt knew pretty much eveyr other child from daycare, and they were so funny to watch. They are so used to following each other and lining up, that when the McDonald's staff wanted them to do something, they would automatically line up just like at school. Hilarious.
We came back early to watch. It was really well organized. The McDonald's staff was fairly young and were great with the kids. I ended up chatting for awhile with the birthday boy's mom. It was a really fun time for all of us.
But ... what did Mike and I do during the hour anda half we didn't spend at McDonald's? We went on a date! Well, a funny one.
We picked up a baby name book at Chapters, and then we went to Starbucks (across from the McDonald's) and we discussed baby names. We basically went through all of the names in the letters we liked, and CAME UP WITH A NAME! This is quite a feat.
Mike and I are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to names. I really love one name, and Mike said we could go with it. But, I knew he hated it, and as great as it is to get my own way, I don't want my child growing up with her dad hating her name. I mean, how many times in a day do you say your child's name? Not to mention my brother-in-law totally guessed what name I wanted to go with and keeps making fun of it. (I'm not offended. It's akin to a big brother making fun of a name). But, if it was that great a name ... they would both like it.
But, the name we came up with.
Here's the thing. Before I was pregnant, when we weren't trying yet but I knew I was ready, I had a dream that I had a baby girl. And, we gave her this name. The dream stuck with me and I mentioned it the next day to Mike. And, he loved the name. I had even dreamed the spelling up. How weird is that????
So, yesterday one of the names I mentioned was the one from the dream. And, again we both fell in love with it. Spelling and all. How great is that? I'm pretty excited! I'm not telling anyone what it is. Why? Because that is the one thing that want to keep secret.
I was totally fine with the idea - until we had to leave! Mike was with me, and was totally encouraging me to leave. After giving the mother my cell number, and telling her where we were going (cause I'm sure she was going to remember that detail while chasing 3 year olds) off we went.
It was funny because there were a lot of kids from daycare there, and they all were either 3 or 4. And, those parents weren't quite sure what to do either. The parents who also had older children were scurrying out like us. The "first timers" were hovering. Some parents decided to stay.
I think the decision wouldn't have been quite as easy if we didn't know all of the kids, but Matt knew pretty much eveyr other child from daycare, and they were so funny to watch. They are so used to following each other and lining up, that when the McDonald's staff wanted them to do something, they would automatically line up just like at school. Hilarious.
We came back early to watch. It was really well organized. The McDonald's staff was fairly young and were great with the kids. I ended up chatting for awhile with the birthday boy's mom. It was a really fun time for all of us.
But ... what did Mike and I do during the hour anda half we didn't spend at McDonald's? We went on a date! Well, a funny one.
We picked up a baby name book at Chapters, and then we went to Starbucks (across from the McDonald's) and we discussed baby names. We basically went through all of the names in the letters we liked, and CAME UP WITH A NAME! This is quite a feat.
Mike and I are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to names. I really love one name, and Mike said we could go with it. But, I knew he hated it, and as great as it is to get my own way, I don't want my child growing up with her dad hating her name. I mean, how many times in a day do you say your child's name? Not to mention my brother-in-law totally guessed what name I wanted to go with and keeps making fun of it. (I'm not offended. It's akin to a big brother making fun of a name). But, if it was that great a name ... they would both like it.
But, the name we came up with.
Here's the thing. Before I was pregnant, when we weren't trying yet but I knew I was ready, I had a dream that I had a baby girl. And, we gave her this name. The dream stuck with me and I mentioned it the next day to Mike. And, he loved the name. I had even dreamed the spelling up. How weird is that????
So, yesterday one of the names I mentioned was the one from the dream. And, again we both fell in love with it. Spelling and all. How great is that? I'm pretty excited! I'm not telling anyone what it is. Why? Because that is the one thing that want to keep secret.
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