A Little OCD????

Today I went to pick up Matthew from daycare. I'd stayed home from work because I wasn't feeling great, and by 4:30 I was ready to have some company.
Because I was a little earlier than usual the supervisor was there. I was asking her about Matthew, how he's doing, etc. She mentioned to me that she's slightly concerned about some of Matt's behaviours. In particular about his obsessive nature.
It's not new to us. We've always joked that he's a little OCD. Except it's not terribly funny when it's not so much a joke as it is something being brought to your attention.
I know basically nothing about this. I always thought OCD was just washing your hands a lot. Matt just tends to be completely anal about lining stuff up. Like, if he has his cars out he wants them in a straight line. Or if he's playing with his trains he will get completely frustrated with trying to get them all on the track. And he will visualize a track and completely freak out when it's not working. But, I guess unlike some kids he doesn't let it go. A lot of kids will get mad and walk away. He'll either figure it out or have a meltdown.
I guess this has happened a lot at daycare lately. He wants toys to be very specific or he has a complete meltdown.
I'm thinking this is normal. I'm also thinking that I'm glad that my beloved doctor happens to be his doctor (even though I'm going to switch to someone local for Matt) because I know if I ask her she will likely tell me that this is not something to worry about.
I asked what they are doing when he has a meltdown. And, we both had to laugh because she told me they have been doing breathing exercises. Apparently the latest thing that they are doing in their training is learning deep breathing techniques and when one child has a meltdown they lead the class (or the group or just the child) in some deep breathing exercises.
I had to ask how it was going.
"Oh - they look at me like I'm crazy" she explained, adding that she did feel a little crazy. No doubt! I happen to believe that breathing exercises are effective, but I'm not trying to lead 15 preschoolers in breathing exercises.
So, to review ... my child may have some sort of obsessive compulsive issue and to resolve it we are breathing through it.
Oookay.
For now we'll go with it. I mean, why not? Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Just to be clear - I have done some basic internet research on OCD and ADD and ADHD. I don't think it's any of those. None of them remotely match what we're talking about. And, she didn't actually say OCD. It's more just some sort of obsession thing. Still - it's the thought of going through testing that worries me.

The Doctor Debate

Yesterday I had my last appointment with my family doctor until, as she put it, I have my baby.
Starting in early October I'll be seeing my new ob. I'm nervous and excited. And, I have to admit it was kind of weird saying goodbye to my doctor for a few months.
I love the woman.
She's cool. And kind. And she quells my anxiety.
And when she wished me luck I started to cry. Just a little. I felt pretty silly. Chalk it up to hormones, but I don't know.
I'm learning though, that it's really different going to an ob than a midwife. There are a couple of reasons that I'm going the OB route. The first is that I have a blood pressure issue. It's not huge, but it's there, and so we need to watch it - and it's no fun trying to switch to an ob halfway through pregnancy (I almost had to last time). Also, we debated back and forth a lot about having a c-section. I'm not 100% sure on this, but again, I would like to be with the same doctor the whole way through and this will make it easier.
But, there's still so much to think about.
Like, did I make the right doctor decision? I live about 45 minutes outside of the city I work in (Toronto). So, I decided to go with a doctor in Toronto. Workwise it makes sense. I take the train to work everyday, and if I go with a doctor in my hometown then I will almost have to take a day off, definitely half a day off, every time I have an appointment. Instead I'm going to a doctor's office just up the street from my work. It's a 20 minute walk or a 5 minute cab ride.
But, what if I get sick?
What if I don't have a c-section and I have to drive in labour to the hospital 45 minutes away???
And, my other concern - I had no clue that I need to bring my baby not to the OB but to a peadiatrician within 48 hours. With my midwives they came to me - and took care of the baby for 6 weeks. This is all new.
Of course, I got stressed when my doctor told me this. but she said I just need to look now and I will find one, and if I don't I can go to her. But again, she's in Toronto, so as much as it's fine for me, it's not good for a baby.
But ... we'll see.
Maybe it's just me, but it seems that this time around I'm so anxious about the weirdest things. I'm not even feeling the kicks yet, and I'm already worried about finding a paediatrician. Ahhh!

Ohhh Boy

Last night Mike got a new phone.
He's had a pay-as-you go phone for a couple of years now, and we've been talking about upgrading for awhile. He uses it a fair bit and nothing annoys me more than when he runs out of time on his card and I can't reach him.
So we decided to go with a plan. Thanks to it being back-to-school time we got a great deal on a monthly plan and Mike got a phone he really wanted. It looks just like a blackberry but it's not.
And it has a camera.
So, after going through the whole process of getting the phone activated and figuring out the plan Mike started to take pictures.
It was pretty funny.
The evening went on and I was in my pyjamas and feeding the cats. Mike came into the kitchen and tried to ambush me with the camera (silly, since I am not one of those people who minds getting their picture taken).
So, I saw him coming and turned around and flashed him - a lovely chest shot.
I know - CLASSY!
But, it was really funny. To both of us.
That is until Mike admitted that he can't figure out how to delete. That's right. My computer genius husband cannot figure out how to delete me half naked from his new phone. The shiny new phone that he is bound to show his friends.
We do have options. We can take the phone back to the store and have them show us how to delete. Yeah. No.
So for now, my beloved husband has been told he must keep his phone password locked and figure out how to delete the picture. Truthfully, he probably knows how and is just holding it over me!
All I have to say is that I'm extremely grateful I'm not a celebrity - cause that would not be a pretty picture to end up on Perezhilton!!! (it could be worse, I could have pulled a Britney. But, I'm not that crude, thanks!!!)

In Case You Haven't Guessed ...

I can finally announce ...
I'M PREGNANT!!!!
I have to admit, it's been killing me to keep it quiet for so long, but this week marks 12 weeks. And, believe me, unlike my first pregnancy, I'm definitely already showing. I was able to hide it for awhile, but not so much anymore.
Okay.
So that's the news.
Are you surprised? Okay, maybe not so much if you've read between the lines. I've been kind of alluding to it a bit in the last couple of months. That's mostly because unlike with Matthew (who was a surprise when I found out at 11.5 weeks) I've been feeling really pregnant. I've been sick and tired and hormonal. I'm not whining. I know a lot of people have it way worse than me. And, I made the decision that when I was pregnant I was going to suck it up and not call in sick from work and whine too much to Mike. So far so good.

But, before that ... I have to admit I wasn't sure if we were even considering a second child. In fact, the other day I was on the phone with my mother-in-law who was understandably excited to hear the news. I said "well, were you that surprised?" and her response was yes, because she got the impression one may be enough.
And, she was right.
For the longest time one was enough. Truthfully, one still is enough. I love Matt more than I could ever imagine. And, if I were to have no more I would be content.
Matt's birth and his first year were really really rough on me. You won't find his birth story on this blog. You probably wouldn't hear his birth story if you met me in person. It's really personal. There were so many aspects of it that went wrong. Primarily for me it was all of the emotional stuff. After he was born I literally didn't even bother going to see him. About 5 hours after he was born my mom had to step in and insist I go see him (he was in the special care nursery) because I hadn't seen him yet - nor had I asked to.
Forget all the other details - and there are many - I'll suffice it to say that I didn't bond with my child for a very long time. (effects of post partum depression). Even saying that much makes me cry still.
And this, more than anything, is what scares me about having a second child.
I'm afraid of going through that again. I'm also afraid of not going through that and feeling like I love my 2nd child more than my first.
I've spoken at length with my doctor about it - and I've been to counselling. So, not to worry.
But, my point is that it's all these emotional fears that have been in the way. Well, that and money and timing and desire.
A few things changed my mind.
I have to admit that I've always said that I wasn't going to have another one until I felt that desire to have one.
And, at Matt's 3rd birthday party I did. My friend brought her adorable baby. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I left that party knowing I was ready.
The other part of it is that I read Haley's blog a lot. She had a similar issue to me - she had prepartum depression (so kind of the opposite of post partum depression because for her it was before the baby while for me it was after). When she decided to have another one and deal with her depression issues - but still do it anyway - I was really inspired. It was what spurred me on to go to my doctor and talk about my fears. No, there's no guarantee that I won't deal with it again, but instead of trying to hide it my doctor is going to make sure that she is on top of things early on.
And so now we have another 28 weeks to go (and grow!)
I'm thrilled. And terrified. And excited. And, I'm really wondering if I will be able to manage 2 kids at once (I'm keeping Matt in daycare for awhile after the baby comes ... I'm not crazy!)
But, I'll leave those concerns for later and for now enjoy my growing belly and excitement!

Ouch!

This morning Matthew and I went grocery shopping bright and early.
We're off to my in-laws later today, and since Matt was up at the crack of dawn (and by association I was) I decided to be the nice wife that I am, let my husband sleep and get the week's groceries.
Since we had a fair but to buy we decided to go to the store that is cheaper - just a few blocks away.
At the entrance to the store (inside) are flowers.
Matt knew we were going to see his Oma today and thought she would like some flowers. We took a long time choosing and finally found the "right" flower.
We put it in the cart and off we went.
About 2 minutes later a bee flew out of the flowers and stung me in the ear.
OUCH.
I tried to suck it up and keep going, but I was in serious pain and bleeding. And swelling. Matt was freaking out too since I was dripping blood and trying not to cry.
I finally walked over to a couple people in the butcher area. And burst into tears.
It was so embarrassing. Who does that? And Matt started to tell them what happened.
I've never seen people move so quickly. The one girl calmed Matt down while the man ran and got ice.
They brought me to the back room - and were pretty amazing. I felt dumb but it was just one of those things where you're trying not to cry but you're in pain so your eyes are welling up. So, I was trying to chill, and the man was trying to see how swollen I was.
After a few minutes we continued on with ice. Thank goodness Matt sat in the cart (I think he was afraid that I'd cry again). And, for some reason I continued grocery shopping.
What a morning.
I really hope the flowers are appreciated :)
(they will be...)