Sunday, September 16, 2007

In Case You Haven't Guessed ...

I can finally announce ...
I'M PREGNANT!!!!
I have to admit, it's been killing me to keep it quiet for so long, but this week marks 12 weeks. And, believe me, unlike my first pregnancy, I'm definitely already showing. I was able to hide it for awhile, but not so much anymore.
Okay.
So that's the news.
Are you surprised? Okay, maybe not so much if you've read between the lines. I've been kind of alluding to it a bit in the last couple of months. That's mostly because unlike with Matthew (who was a surprise when I found out at 11.5 weeks) I've been feeling really pregnant. I've been sick and tired and hormonal. I'm not whining. I know a lot of people have it way worse than me. And, I made the decision that when I was pregnant I was going to suck it up and not call in sick from work and whine too much to Mike. So far so good.

But, before that ... I have to admit I wasn't sure if we were even considering a second child. In fact, the other day I was on the phone with my mother-in-law who was understandably excited to hear the news. I said "well, were you that surprised?" and her response was yes, because she got the impression one may be enough.
And, she was right.
For the longest time one was enough. Truthfully, one still is enough. I love Matt more than I could ever imagine. And, if I were to have no more I would be content.
Matt's birth and his first year were really really rough on me. You won't find his birth story on this blog. You probably wouldn't hear his birth story if you met me in person. It's really personal. There were so many aspects of it that went wrong. Primarily for me it was all of the emotional stuff. After he was born I literally didn't even bother going to see him. About 5 hours after he was born my mom had to step in and insist I go see him (he was in the special care nursery) because I hadn't seen him yet - nor had I asked to.
Forget all the other details - and there are many - I'll suffice it to say that I didn't bond with my child for a very long time. (effects of post partum depression). Even saying that much makes me cry still.
And this, more than anything, is what scares me about having a second child.
I'm afraid of going through that again. I'm also afraid of not going through that and feeling like I love my 2nd child more than my first.
I've spoken at length with my doctor about it - and I've been to counselling. So, not to worry.
But, my point is that it's all these emotional fears that have been in the way. Well, that and money and timing and desire.
A few things changed my mind.
I have to admit that I've always said that I wasn't going to have another one until I felt that desire to have one.
And, at Matt's 3rd birthday party I did. My friend brought her adorable baby. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I left that party knowing I was ready.
The other part of it is that I read Haley's blog a lot. She had a similar issue to me - she had prepartum depression (so kind of the opposite of post partum depression because for her it was before the baby while for me it was after). When she decided to have another one and deal with her depression issues - but still do it anyway - I was really inspired. It was what spurred me on to go to my doctor and talk about my fears. No, there's no guarantee that I won't deal with it again, but instead of trying to hide it my doctor is going to make sure that she is on top of things early on.
And so now we have another 28 weeks to go (and grow!)
I'm thrilled. And terrified. And excited. And, I'm really wondering if I will be able to manage 2 kids at once (I'm keeping Matt in daycare for awhile after the baby comes ... I'm not crazy!)
But, I'll leave those concerns for later and for now enjoy my growing belly and excitement!

23 comments:

Infectiouslaughter said...

Congratulations!!

Rockstar said...

I, am thrilled and very happy for you :)

SciFi Dad said...

Congrats Laural. I hope your next trimester goes better for you.

Amy said...

So now I can officially say congrats!!! :)

I so want to go shopping missy!!!!
You promised & I'm holding you to it! :)

Big hugs to you, Mike and of course, my Matty!!

gail said...

I think this is fantastic news for you and I am very happy for you.
I wish all the best for you and your family and I hope this time around you have an easier go of it and can enjoy the newborn phase...best wishes

Anonymous said...

YAY! ~ I thought I noticed something glowing about you the other day when I saw you... from your anon. reader

LoriD said...

Congratulations! My uterus was aching over the weekend just watching some home movies of my now six year old - I'm very much looking forward to hearing about your pregnancy over the next few months. At least if PPD strikes you this time, you and your doc will be prepared... I'm sure it will be better. What's the due date? I know I could do the math, but I'm feeling lazy!

Teena said...

Congrats! Can't wait to go on the journey with you :)

MandyPoo said...

Congrats!!! And I didn't catch the subtle hints, but I'm going to accredit that to the fact that I just (somewhat recently) started reading your blog.

Urban Daddy said...

YAY!!!

Congratulations! I hope you have an easy pregnancy and I hope you will be able to keep all your readers up to date on the progress.

BTW, there are many days when we love the baby more than our crazy almost 3 year old, but other days when its the other way around... Bottom line, you'll love them both more than you could possibly imagine. You will find love that you did know was there for the baby because you probably feel you cannot love Matt any more than you do now.

It's all good!

Yay!

Multi-tasking Mommy said...

Yeah! Congrats, Laural!
I cannot wait to read about your pregnancy here, VERY exciting.
I think that going in to it knowing what you do will make it that much easier to deal with whatever comes your way. You have grown tremendously as a person (listen to me--you'd think I know you in real life or something) since Matt and that will help too!

Steph said...

Congrats! Even though I don't know you in real life, the love, devotion and energy that I read about you putting into your family now is inspiring. Your new baby is very very lucky to be a part of that. All the best and I can't wait to hear about the journey!

bubandpie said...

Wow, congratulations!

My first experience of childbirth and infancy was traumatic in a lot of ways - one of the great things about having a second child is how not nearly as bad it is. For me, I got a chance to experience a lot of things I missed out on the first time around - I hope you do too.

With Love, Fat Girl said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I won't say I know how you feel or give any kind of advice... but you're older, wiser, have been through the tricks and heck... you're a good kid all around. You'll all be just fine :)

Haley-O said...

CONGRATS, LD!!!! And, I'm so honoured to have inspired you to! Thank you! I will tell you this: blogging is a huge help. When you feel like carp -- either during or after pregnancy -- you can just distance yourself from it and write about it. You can laugh about it, and you'll find so much support. It has been a blessing for me.

Also, you and your family and your doctor know what (possibly) to expect this time, and that will help immensely.

I'm so sorry you had such a traumatazing beginning with Matt...!

CONGRATS!!!! xoxoxo!!

kate said...

You know how I love those babies! One more grandbaby makes four!! Now I can tell everyone -- I was about to burst with the news. Don't worry - the more love you give the more love you have to give -- funny how it works that way! Love to you, Mike and Matty.

AndreAnna said...

SOrry it tookme so long to get over here and officially say Congrats!!! I am sorry to hear you had a rough time with Matt, but know that you're a loving, caring, wonderful mother, and it will only grow with another baby. And this time, if PPD rears its ugly head, you'll at least recognize it and be able to kick it in the shins and run away. :)

I can't wait to read about your pregnancy and hope you get the second trimester surge of energy to.

You are WOMAN!!! Go kick some ass! ;)

Karen MEG said...

Congratulations, you must be so thrilled! It is an adjustment, and reading that there were challenges with Matt early on, your initial fears are so totally justified. You'll be more than able to manage two kids - you just do what you have to do, it's not always a picnic, but anything worthwhile never is. You just can't imagine how much love you have in your heart for your own children.
I'm sooooo happy for you!!!

Leece said...

Hey! I've said congrats already but thought I'd do an official comment - so Congrats to my BFAW! and just think...no more cleaning the cat litter! You're so lucky. ;)

Laural Dawn said...

You guys made me cry :)
Thank you for everything you said. It's amazing to have so many people who care!
Lori - in answer to your question - I'm due at the beginning of April (9 or 10) but I'm waiting till the ultrasound because I'm sure they will tell me a new date.
It's totally possible that the baby could be born on Matt's birthday (April 6).

Kristen said...

Wow! Congratulations! I am looking forward to reading about your journey. I have had 5 babies and suffered with postpartum with 2. Actually, with number 2 it went right through my pregnancy and beyond. Thankfully I was able to reach out after he was born and get the help and support I needed. I am glad you have supportive and aware family and doctors. That makes all the difference in the world. Good luck and happy baby growing!

Krystle said...

Congratulations!!! How exciting... Found you off of Sam's blog! :o) I'll definitely be back...

ali said...

how did i miss this??!!!

this is the best news ever! i'm soo happy for you!!!!!