Kittens and Cats and Preschoolers ... Oh my!

A couple of weeks ago we got a kitten. You know, I went and got her on a whim and then told my husband after.
I had a feeling it would all work out in the end!
And I was right.
Mike has totally bonded with her. He watched TV and she sleeps in his lap.
Matty loves having a little kitten around. He carries Rosie Rose Petal all over the house. She doesn't seem to mind. He's careful with her, and she loves him entertaining her. The other night he was playing with some foam letters, and Rosie was sitting with him, watching him and occasionally swatting the letters. Adorable!!!
But the funniest thing to watch is Rosie and our older Cat Mojo playing together.
This is the part I was the most worried about. Mojo is a great cat, but she's a bit of a loner. She's quite shy at first. When I first got her she hid for days. She slowly bonded with me to the point where she would eat kibble out of my hand. As she has gotten older she's gotten a lot more comfortable with people. I think part of this has also been because she lived with my sister for a year, so she got acquainted with more and more people.
But she had never been around other cats (except for when she lived at the Humane Society and there were cats around her).
The first couple of days with Rosie Rose Petal were a little challenging. She wasn't quite sure. She would hiss if Rosie came too close. There was the occasional swat. I was pretty sure that they wouldn't kill each other when I went to work.
But over the last week things have really changed. They have become friends!!!!
They are so funny to watch now.
They follow each other everywhere. When I wake up in the morning they both come running upstairs and join me in the bathroom while I shower. they both hover while I eat breakfast. When I go downstairs to get ready for work they follow me there. It's cute.
And they chase each other. All.The.Time!
It could be 2 am (and often is) and we will hear them running around the living room.
Apparently the room is well set up for cats who chase each other. Rosie will sit on the coffee table while mojo runs circles around it. Or, mojo will hide and Rosie will come find her and Mojo will jump out at her. It's hilarious.
I never knew that Mojo had all this excitement and energy in her. I love it.

5k ... or Die

Not to be overly dramatic or anything!!!
Last week I signed up for the Scotiabank Rat Race for the United Way- a 5km run around downtown Toronto.
In January I decided I was going to run a 5k, and here we are 6 months later and I'm ready to go. I've been working hard. I ran one with my friend Lou (who, dontcha know, will be running in the next Boston Marathon!) and I done it on my own as well. I know I can do it.
But the idea of running 5k with tons of other people, my colleagues, dressed in some sort of costume ... Ahhhhhhhhhh!
I have to admit, I'm scared to death.
But, determined.
Very determined in fact.
When I heard that my company was not going to be taking part in the Rat Race this year I was really upset. So, I found out whose mind I had to switch, pled my case, and now we have a corporate team. Yay! However, it's a corporate team made up of runners - and me!!! Oh well, if nothing else I have enough spirit for everyone, and I'm convinced I won't come in dead last.
And....
I have a fundraising goal.
Let me stop for a just a second - this is not a plea for money. I'm working my butt off to get sponsors, and I'm close to my goal of $1000.
Not bad for a week. Not bad. The money I can get. The nerve I'm still working on. (If you do want to sponsor me let me know - I'll send you a link)
We're down to the wire here people. One week to go - and I'm getting nervous.
Any advice on how to get through the jitters? Please share!!!

An Update ... If you do want to sponsor me ... here's the link

Rebecca Eckler Rocks!

I've been reading about the Rebecca Eckler/Judd Apatow lawsuit recently.
Truthfully, lawsuits usually bore me. But, because it involves one of my favourite writers, a new movie and a whole bunch of controversy, I'm fascinated.
I haven't seen the movie. I don't have any plans to in the near future. I hated the movie The 40-Year-old Virgin. Really. I didn't find it funny. I think I fell asleep. (my husband loved it though). But, I'm sure we would have rented it someday because it really is the kind of movie my husband finds funny.
Regardless.
I totally see where Rebecca is coming from on this. The title is exactly the same. The plot is exactly the same. The freaking logo is exactly the same. And, why not pursue it. I would. We all would.
And, it does make me wonder how much research this guy did - because even if he copied her entire book BY ACCIDENT there should be someone doing research to make sure that such a fluke doesn't occur.
But besides all of that, what is making me angry is how some people out there are using this as a platform to start trying to slam her yet again. It's ridiculous.
I understand not agreeing with a lawsuit - but to then start discussing how she sucks is completely childless. And a big time waster.
Today I got an e-mail from someone (hi!) - and she talked about being a fan of Rebecca's as well. And she pointed out the negative attention that Rebecca has gotten lately.
I realized that if this were a friend of mine, for instance, at work, I'd totally be on their side - and supporting them. And, Rebecca is my friend in the blogosphere. So for the record - I totally support her :) And so do a lot of others.
So, I don't care how dorky this sounds ... I think she's great. And I for one am not stooping to the level of annoying anonymous people who feel the need to bash her.

Ooops ... I'm sorry

Today I learned a pretty vital lesson. Apologize.
I'm not always good at apologizing. I'll say sorry, but I don't always mean it. I've been trying to teach Matt that if he does something wrong or something that hurts someone you should apologize. It's really hard to teach a 3 year old empathy.
But, today it was my turn to apologize.
Matt and I had been gardening and he was covered in dirt. I went to change and then we were going to go mattress shopping. I left him with the instructions to wash his hands while I got changed.
When I got upstairs he was running around the living room with a tummy covered in soap. I was cleaning him off and trying to get him ready to go.
And then he reached for the soap.
He got a whole bunch on me, and on him. I was pissed.
I was ready to go. He was getting soap everywhere. So, he reached for it again and I said no. Then I shouted it. Then I said "I'm trying to go. Stop playing with the stupid soap."
It's not the worst thing of all Mommy things to say. But it was how I said it. And then he was sobbing. And I was getting more annoyed. And then he'd shout that he wanted the soap and I would shout no.
I had to walk away.
It wasn't that big a deal. We got him dressed. We went to the store. He was tired and I was.
But, in the car I said sorry.
I didn't make a huge deal of it. I just said "Matt, I shouted at you about the soap and I shouldn't have. I know you were just having fun. I'm sorry."
It sounds so simple. But, I'm not usually good at that stuff. I'm not usually the one to apologize first. But, things change when you have a child.
This stuff matters.
He said it was okay.
Part of me thinks that today was about teaching him to say sorry and mean it. But, really I know it was all about me learning to say sorry - when I'm wrong - and mean it.

Groceries + Blogging = Empowered

HBM issued a challenge to her readers - to talk about being empowered.
I struggled with this concept for days. What does it mean and how have I been empowered?
I'm not HBM, or Motherhood Uncensored, or Dad Gone Mad. I don't have a zillion readers and I don't affect a million lives.
I've never made someone cry upon meeting them.
I've never blogged about my life choices, because as a married mother of one, I fit into the "norm".

But tonight I understood why blogging has indeed empowered me.

I was in the grocery store. I had a cart full of cleaning supplies (plus some jelly beans), I had a pissed off husband and a child screaming "bum bum" at the top of his lungs. It was not a shining Mommy moment. It was a typical Monday evening.

And then someone walked up to me and said "are you Laural?"

It turned out that she reads my blog. We'd never met. She recognized me from pictures, and she wanted to say hello. We chatted while I paid for groceries (Mike and Matt had gone to another store). We talked about getting together for wine and card making. It was just a friendly exchange. (Hi Kerry!)

And then it hit me - this is why blogging has empowered me. People accepting me for who I am - with my eccentricities and failures - has made me accept myself. That's something I would never have expected.

Prior to blogging I was struggling. I started blogging because I felt like despite how well all the pieces fit together, I felt out of place. I was too relaxed with my child. I was young(ish) and was tired of people assuming that it was therefore easy for me or that life was perfect.

Probably the worst parenting moment for me was when I was attending a playgroup that I enjoyed. Matt was about 9 months, not sleeping much, and really a difficult child. I was exhausted. We were having major financial struggles. And, I went to this playgroup, and said to someone "I'm just finding it all really hard right now."

Her response? "well, I'm 40. I have a toddler and I'm pregnant with my second. You young people have no clue what this is like."

Do you know what I did? I left that playgroup. Stunned. And I never returned. I felt powerless and immature.

For me, parenting was HARD.
I went through PPD, breastfeeding killed me, I weighed about 50 lbs more than I wanted to, we were broke, our marriage was suffering. And every time I tried to talk about it I got answers like "yeah, but at least you are married." or "your child is beautiful and so many have disabilities".
By the time my son was 18 months I felt like I should shut up and never complain.
Blogging showed me the opposite. Life is difficult. Talk about it. Blog about it. Ask for help. And BE HONEST!!!!

What I've learned - it's honesty that people respond to.

Am I the perfect mother? No. Not at all. But, you know, I like me. I love my son to death, and despite all my quirks and flaws and errors and downfalls, I'm not too bad at this parenting thing!

----------------
This is my response to this (though I can't go to Blogher - I just wanted to answer the question)

Our Soccer Star

Last night my niece had her first soccer game ever. It was adorable.

We watched the practice and the game. You know what I loved about it? It was all about just having fun. Every time either team scored a goal all the parents cheered. I know we've all read about the competition between parents. And these kids are only 4. But still. It was fun to watch.

Kyla had a blast! She did great at practice and had a ton of fun playing soccer. Matt and Paige didn't quite understand the concept of sitting still and watching, but they sure had fun!

Wosie Wose Petal

We got an adorable little kitten tonight.
I'm sure my husband wants to kill me! But, the kitten is so cute.

I've been thinking about getting a kitten for awhile. Our cat is a little dull (I love her, but she is a solitary being), and she doesn't really let Matt play with her. I love how much Matt loves kittens. And I love kittens.

So, when my sister got a kitten today, and told me that her sister was still there I couldn't resist. (The kittens were left with the vet - I'm opposed to pet stores).

I didn't tell my husband - partly because I love surprises, partly because I didn't want him to say no.
This kitten is adorable.

I let Matt and Kyla name her. Together they came up with the name Rosie Rose Petal. Or, as Matt says, "Wosie Wose Petal."

It's soooooo cute. He keeps saying he loves her and she's cute.
Added bonus - he has not pointed out a cute baby, that he wants as a baby sister, all night. (Matthew is on the whole "I want a sister or brother" bandwagon)
So ... for now we have an adorable kitten.
Our cat is unbelievably okay with the whole thing. She just kind of looks at us and walks away.
LOVE!

Just Not in the Mood

for the past few days I haven't felt like running. Or exercising. Nothing. Nada.
I really wanted to loaf on the couch and do nothing.
So I did.
Really. Did nothing. I didn't watch what I was eating. I didn't workout. I basically got lazy. I ate cake and candy and fast food.
I fell off my health bandwagon a couple of weeks ago and it's been so hard to get back on. I know this sounds like an excuse, but to be honest, since my Grandma died I've just felt so low. It's been hard to care about stuff. My nice fitness and eating healthy regime went out the window. Instead of exercising religously I just kind of went a couple of times - so I didn't feel guilty.
I hate this side of me. It's like when I hit a low I hit it and stay there, and it takes so much effort to get back to the part of me that really wants to be enthusiastic and focused and doing well.
Sometimes I think that no one notices. But they do. A friend of mine commented on it the other day - and said it's like I'm trying to shake my sadness and I can't. It's true. To me it's this feeling of loss and frustration and guilt that I can't get rid of.
And I take it out on myself.
Like, maybe if I eat a few more cookies and hate how I look I can distract myself from how I feel. I know. That's very Dr. Phil. And it's so annoying.
So tonight I went for a run.
Okay, I should back track a bit. I made a doctor's appointment for next Monday. And, then I realized that I committed to her that I would a)meet my goal of running 5k - which I did last week, b) focus on eating healthy c) drink lots of water - which I have been doing.
So, tonight I ran.
I was totally not in the mood. I couldn't decide if I wanted to go outside or to the gym. I didn't know whether I wanted shorts or pants. I basically didn't want to do it.
But, I did. Because I know next week I will be held accountable. And I hate not being committed. And, I also know, that if I were to tell my doctor she would say to me that the way to get through this, to not succumb is to get out there. To run through the sadness and guilt and frustration. To be outside. To appreciate life. And to not give in to the desire to do harm.
And, so I ran. And the first block sucked. But by the second block I realized that I was happy. That the run was lifting my spirits. And I felt totally energized - till the last 5 minutes when I ran my butt off and really could only focus on the mantra of "make it home. you can do it".
And I did make it home. And I can do it.
And this too shall pass.

I'm almost 30 ...how old do I look???

I like to think of myself as a pretty good wife.
I let my husband sleep in most weekends. I do stuff like grocery shop, clean the bathroom and put his socks in the laundry basket (without really saying much).
And, when my husband brings something wonderful home, like a 44" television, I do really nice things like go to the Beer Store to buy his favourite beer so that when he comes home with said television, and a friend helping him haul it, he can have a nice cold beer.
See, I'm nice that way.
I even wore a short skirt for when he got home, and totally agreed to him going out with his friend for the night (and the friend is staying over, and I will most likely be nice and get up with the toddler while he sleeps in). See. I'm a good wife.
But you know what part of this bugged me? The trip to the beer store.
It's not that I don't like beer. But, the beer I like is available at the LCBO, and I rock that store. I like the LCBO. I usually wander the aisles and pick up a bottle of wine and, if I'm so inclined, some beer.
But the beer store???? The place is not for me.
First of all, I never know which line to get in. When I do figure out the line I stress the entire time I am there. What am I getting? How do I know if things come in 6's, 12's or 2-4's. And, how to I order? It's sooooo frustrating.
Again, today, this happened. I lined up forever, and when I got to the front of the line I got nervous and ordered the wrong thing. Who knew Sleeman didn't come in 6's. Why doesn't Sleeman come in 6's? And, did you know there are various different kinds of Sleeman?
When the woman at the cash asked me which kind of Sleeman I wanted I just looked back at her completely flummoxed. She said which one was the best. I said fine.
Then she asked if I wanted ice. Stupidly I said "aren't they cold?"
When she started to laugh I knew what the next question would be ... "Can I see some i.d.?"
I gave it to her and she shouted for the whole store "You were born in 1978? Is this a fake i.d?"
I think she was kidding.
I don't think I look that young.
Once the entire line figured out my age, and I had convinced her (thanks to my work i.d. and my health card) that I really was 29 I left. Beer in hand.
Ever the good wife.
Next time I am going to the LCBO.

Car, Anyone?

Mike and I have been debating the idea of buying a new, or new to us, car.
Our current car is the same age as our marriage. Seriously. We bought our car the week we got home from our honeymoon. It's a Pontiac Sunfire. We've paid it off. And, it's had many good days. But, the poor car is not doing that well.
This is completely our fault. We didn't keep up with oil changes, we've ignored the little rattles that have built up, and, oh yeah, we've hit it may times.
I think I actually scratched the wheel cover the first week that we got the car. I once drove it into a pole. Mike's rear ended a couple of people.
And, now we have a car that is requiring a fair amount of repair. We both agreed that when monthly repair bills equal monthly payments we'll consider a new car.
And this is what we are looking at.
Don't laugh.
It's the Dodge Magnum.
Yes, seriously.
Mike is very fond of this car. I'm not so sure. I'm really not ready to buy a mini van. I'm not even 30 ... so no!
But, a station wagon????
I know it's the new wave of station wagons. I think it's a little hearse like. And, to be honest, I'm not so sure about my driving skills.
As much as I joke about them, I am really quite comfortable with my Sunfire. I know the angles. I can back into parking spots with ease, and I have no problem parallel parking it. In fact, I quite enjoy the parallel park. I'm used to the angles. I know the mirrors. I like it.
And, I'm not sure that graduating to a larger car is the way to go. I mean, yes, it will assist me in my garage saling. I will be able to store a heck of a lot of stuff in there. But, I will also have to manoeuvre that thing at garage sales. It sort of scares me.
I would love to move to a smaller car. My friend has a mini and I really like it. But, it's not practical for us. I would really love a Smart car, but again, not practical. I suggested to Mike that since we only have on parking spot, that we get 2 minis so we would each have our own car. But, no. We don't have that much spare cash, and we really wouldn't all fit.
So, we're back to looking at the Station Wagon.
It's not that I don't like it. There are some great features. Matt loves the rear wiper. I can reminisce about my youth with a station wagon (called the "humble hornet") and the good old days where we'd drive to Florida and my parents would let us sleep in the trunk.
But, I don't think that will be an option for Matt.
We'll see ...

Books and Eulogies ...

I've been reading the best book the week. It's called the Memory Keeper's Daughter. On the weekend I really wanted a good book to read. I was tired of reading chick lit (love it, but needed a break). I have been thinking about reading this for awhile, so I decided to pick it up.
It's a little bleak, I warn you. But, it's amazingly good. I'm loving it. Ironically my sister started reading it the same day. However, she reads at a very different pace than me, so while I am almost done and would love to say more about it, I will not ruin it for her.
Anyway, if you're looking for a good read, you should pick this up. (If you are my friend, yes, you can borrow it. Let me know.)

And, on another note... I've been thinking about posting this for awhile. It's the eulogy that I said at my Grandma's funeral. It's not sad. Don't worry. I was driving home with my mom from a parenting seminar tonight and we were talking a bit about my Grandma. And, I realized that I wanted to share some of her. So ... voila.


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One of my favourite books is The Fifth Business by Robertson Davies.

When I read this book it struck me how much this term could be used to refer to my Grandma, Betty Jones.

The term fifth business refers to the main character in the book and has its roots in the opera.

The definition of the Fifth Business is a person who has no opposite: the odd man out—neither heroine nor her lover, rival nor villain—yet essential to the plot.

This is a role that Grandma has always played in my life – and the life of my sister and cousins. She never was the key player; she left that first to our parents and later to our partners. But she has always been essential to the plot … otherwise known as our lives.

For me it would be hard to talk about Grandma without also talking about Grandpa who passed away five years ago. When I think about Grandma, so many of the pictures that come to my mind are pictures of her with Grandpa.

Grandma and Grandpa were, quite simply, amazing grandparents. They loved all of their grandchildren to pieces. Going to 389 Sutherland Drive for visits wasn’t just something we did at Christmas and Easter. It was almost a weekly occurrence. Grandma would always have something made for dinner – it varied between things like ham or meatloaf or lasagna, but we could always expect to have peas, ginger ale, diet coke and vanilla ice cream. Always.

And we made their home like our second home. We would play red light green light outside in the summer and we would play Atari in the basement in the winter. Looking back I feel like we took the comfort for granted. We’d fling ourselves on the couch with a can of diet coke. Or we’d open up the Russell Stover Chocolates without a second thought.

As I said before, Grandma’s role in our lives was unique. She never played an aggressive role, but she was always so important to our lives.

Grandma was our cheerleader. She was also an amazing listener. And she was a great role model. I often see my parents and Barry and Bonnie turning into the grandparents that Russ and Betty were.

I learned a lot from Grandma. The first thing that comes to my mind about grandma was bravery. I’m not sure that this would be the first thing to come to mind for everyone, but to me this was a biggie.

When I was about 8 Grandpa had an operation. He had to stay in the hospital at night, and we had spent the evening with Grandma. As we were leaving I asked her what she was doing that night. She told me that she was watching Murder She Wrote and then reading a mystery book in bed.

As a child who was afraid of the dark, I marveled at her courage.

This is also a woman who raised three children – spending a lot of time alone while her husband traveled. A woman who as a new bride moved to a different country to follow her husband, and a woman who later in life watched one son play football, a daughter live first in Japan and then the Philippines, and another son go through major surgery.

If that’s not bravery, I don’t know what is.

Another trait about grandma was her amazing sense of humour. She knew how to laugh at herself. After leaving Buffalo she never lost certain words such as Davenport, which means couch, ice box, which means fridge, and WARSHroom which is the bathroom. As we laughed at these words, Grandma laughed right along with us.

She also laughed about her backseat driving. Whenever we went anywhere with Grandma and Grandpa we would sit patiently as Grandma would shout “Russ Russ” constantly for the entire car ride. She would say that she was a much better backseat driver than regular driver. It turns out that I inherited her driving skills because it took me 5 driving tests to finally pass.

Before I passed my final test she said to me that if I ever DID pass she would happily go for a ride and not say a word.

You know what? She was one of my very first passengers. We went for a nice drive around Leaside. She sat quietly, didn’t say a word, didn’t even comment when we hit a few cubs and gave me a hug when she got out of the car. She went on many car rides with me after that. She always bit her tongue and often closed her eyes pretending to nap while I drove...

As I said before – my grandmother was a very brave person.

But, above all she was loving.

What I will miss the most about Grandma is the huge smile that lit up her face whenever she saw one of us grandchildren and later one of her great grandchildren enter the room.

On Sunday we had planned to go visit her. I’m sad because we never got the opportunity. Instead my sister and I and our families spent the afternoon in a local park, playing with our children. The day was lovely, out children were playing and having a great time, and we were enjoying each other’s company.

That same day Lisa, my cousin, was enjoying her first Mother’s Day.

I said to Lisa last night that I wish I could have had the opportunity to say goodbye. But, I realized, that for Grandma, knowing her grandchildren and great grandchildren were so happy on her last day on earth would have been the greatest gift we could have given her.

As I said before Grandma’s role in our lives was always a little bit in the shadows. She was happy to sit back and watch us grow and mature and become the people we are today.

And, so much of who I am, who we all are, is because of the role she played in our lives. Grandma will be dearly missed by all of us.

I Love New York (or I'm Crazy!)

We have been talking about our vacation a lot.
Actually, my vacation. With Matt.
Because Mike switched jobs mid-year he does not get vacation time and can't go away with us. This sucks. But, I'm still going.
Since I don't want to drive to Vermont I looked into flights. And, the flight I will likely do stops in New York. Here's my plan.
I'm going to take a super early flight (5:55 am) with Matt from Buffalo to New York. And then we'll spend all day and evening in New York. We'll spend the entire day doing NYC completely. And then we will spend the night at a hotel, get up the next morning and fly to Vermont.
Seriously, I love the idea. The thought of going to the Empire State Building, Times Square, Central Park and of course shopping thrills me to bits. One day. Matt could handle it. We'll take the subway. We'll maybe go on a tour bus. He'll take his first airplane ride.
I've been to New York many times. I know he'll love the hustle and bustle. LOVE IT.
Mike thinks my plan is insane.
It is, a bit. It would be a super long day. But, people, that's is what coffee and adrenaline are for. And, seriously, Matt runs on sugar. I figure he has it in him. And, then we will go to Vermont where we will relax, breathe in the mountain air, and get refreshed.
To me it's worth it.
What do you think???

Run Run Run!

I set a goal for myself, kind of a New Year's resolution. I decided that by my birthday I wanted to run 5km.
In all honesty, I didn't know if I could do it. But, you never know unless you try. And try I did.
Since January I have been working towards this goal. Some weeks have been better than others. Some days I've felt like a runner, some days I've felt fat, ugly, and unable to walk around the block let around jog.
But I promised myself I would do it.
And today I did.
I ran 5k!
A friend of mine is a marathon runner. He knew of my goal. In fact, all along he's been encouraging me to keep going, to get out there, to try it, to not give up.
And, so last week when I saw him he asked if I was ready to go for a run yet.
Imagine my surprise when the word "yes" popped out of my mouth.
Last week was not a good week. I was sad about the death of my grandma, and I was absorbed in the details that go along with death. As I told a friend, I can eat my way through anything - and eat I did.
All the hard work I had done to lose weight went by the wayside as I ate and ate and ate. And I did not go to the gym once.
So, I wasn't quite sure this was the week to attempt this.
But, I decided that I would.
And today we did it.
It wasn't the world's fastest run. I ran 5k in just under 38 minutes.
But ...
Last year at this time I could not have imagined even running around the block, let alone going for a run. And, dare I say it, enjoying the run.
In fact, the last 500 metres I sprinted.
So, happy birthday to me!!! 5k was the gift I gave myself. And, I'm really proud to say I did it.
Next year I turn 30. Do I see a 10k on the horizon???

Eight Random Things About Me

I love a good meme, and since Ruthie tagged me, how could I refuse. I love this one. It's 8 random things about me.

1. For the first time since I've had my license I renewed my plates on time, before my birthday. In fact, for the first time ever I also didn't have to pay any overdue fines for parking tickets I forgot to pay. Who knew it would only cost $75 to do that?!?!?
   
   
2. My hair is the longest it's ever been. I've always wanted to grow it, but I end up cutting it. My hairdresser now refuses to cut it because he wants to see it long
   
   
3. I have a freckle in my belly button - my sister has a very bizarre theory about why.
   
   
4. My idea of a great Sunday afternoon is watching movie re-runs on TBS SuperStation
   
   
5. I cannot watch "My Girl" without crying. I've seen it at least 10 times
   
   
6. When I used to tour guide the movie "Remember the Titans" always made the male teachers (usually the gym teachers) cry. If there was an especially testosteroney teacher on a trip I would go to almost any length to get this movie and play it on the bus.
   
   
7. I went through an Amy Grant phase for a few years (in elementary school). The other day I found my old tapes, and still new all the words
   
   
8. I own clothes in 10 different sizes and I own bras in 8 different sizes. I feel like if anyone ever needed clothing in a pinch they could come to my house and I could help.
   

And now I tag ... Haley, Ali, and My Beautiful Friend

Why I'm Loving Being a Mom Right Now

It's been a long week. Very long.
But, through it all I've watched my son grow and change so much. It's pretty amazing to me.
I remember when he was little and I always hoped that he would be a sensitive and loving child. Someone told me the best way to help a child develop this is by modelling this behaviour. I'm not perfect at it - but I try.
Yesterday I realized that my son is really learning.
We came home from the funeral yesterday and I was exhausted. He had slept in the car, and was ready to play, but I really just needed a little break.
So, I asked him if he would mind sitting on the couch for awhile, watching treehouse, and having a bottle of chocolate milk while I had some quiet time.
We cuddled up on the couch. He shared his blanket. I drifted off (not completely since I was still aware he was awake).
At one point he got off the couch and said "I'll be right back." I heard him stomping up the stairs. A minute later he came back with his giant Eeyore.
He said to me "here. You need to cuddle Eeyore. He will make you feel better."
Then he got the blanket, covered Eeyore and I up, and played on the carpet.
It was the most loving gesture ever. I napped off and on, for about an hour. The entire time Matt watched tv right next to me, and played, quietly, with his cars.
When I woke up he went and got me some cheese, because "you need a snack after nap time" (at daycare they wake up and have a snack.)
We had to go to the grocery store after that, and he was so good. He kept giving me hugs and listening and not running away.
It was a pretty amazing day.

PS Here's a link to a blog that I've been enjoying immensly lately. It's sometimes funny, sometimes deep, and I love that she's turned the comments off. Enjoy!

Back to Regular Blogging Soon ...

It's been a bit of a crazy week around here.
But thanks to everyone for the kind comments, words of concern, etc.
There's so much I want to talk about and say and share, but sometimes it's hard to put the thoughts into words.
I want to talk about my conversation with Matthew about death, about how he has decided that Great Grandma is so much happier now that she is an angel.
I want to talk about the insanity of spending hours on end with people who you know don't like you all that much.
I want to talk about how much one kind word can make you feel so good. And about how one gesture can make you cry.
But, some of this is so hard to say right now because I'm tired and I'm sad. Really really sad. I feel guilty that I never got to say goodbye because the day I was going to go visit my grandma was the day she died.
But for now I'm not dwelling on that. What I'm most worried about is that I get through the eulougy I have to do tomorrow without bursting into tears. (and no, these tears are not for "dramatic effect").
I have to admit, I'm kind of hoping that there are no English professors in the room while I do this eulogy because I discuss, briefly, how my grandmother played the role of Fifth Business in my life. If there are any Robertson Davies aficionados out there you may not be impressed. It's a stretch, but I like it.
Wish me luck ...
And remind me to tell you about how my aunt and uncle live in a town overrun by 6 foot lizards. ick. I had an entire 20 minutes conversation about how wild boars like hogzilla are running wild in my aunt and uncles town (same town as the lizards) but I'm welcome to visit whenever I want. Seriously.
As I said - it's been a LOOOOONNNG week.

Services

A few people have asked for details, so please see below.

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JONES, Betty Jane  Passed away at Joseph Brant Memorial Hospital, Burlington, on Sunday, May 13, 2007, in her 85th year. Beloved wife of the late Russell (2002). Loving mother of Wayne and his wife Kate, Barry and his wife Bonnie and Nancy and her husband Brian. Cherished grandmother of Becky (Steve), Laural (Michael), Lisa (Richard) and Brent and great-grandmother of Kyla, Matthew, Paige and Kalysta. Predeceased by her sister Mabel. Cremation has taken place. Visitation at STONEHOUSE-WHITCOMB FUNERAL HOME, 11 Mountain Street, GRIMSBY (905-945-2755), on Wednesday from 3-5 and 7-9 p.m. Service of Remembrance will take place at Centennial Park Baptist Church, 11 Kennedy Road, Grimsby, on Thursday, May 17, 2007, at 11 a.m. If desired, memorial contributions to Doctors Without Borders, 720 Spadina Avenue, Suite 402, Toronto, M5S 2T9, would be sincerely appreciated by the family. www.smithsfh.com

Sad

Last night my grandmother passed away.
She hasn't been well for awhile. But, I was still surprised.
We had been planning to go visit her yesterday. My mom called first thing to tell us that they were in emergency with Grandma.
The day went on.
And, then in the evening my uncle called my parents to say that they were changing her medication and that she seemed to be improving. But, then not long after that we were called to the hospital. Before we even got there (I was picking my sister up) my dad called to say she had passed away.
It was a little surreal.
We ended up meeting my parents and aunt and uncle and cousins at the hospital. We said our goodbyes to Grandma. We talked to the doctor.
He said that it was likely a stroke. That she was very peaceful and it was very sudden. We declined an autopsy.
Part of me is really sad. But, I also know that she is happier now.
Her life was full. She loved us all and knew she was loved.
She met all of her great grandchildren.
The funny thing is that we were all sitting around last night, figuring out funeral plans, crying and laughing and chatting. And, I realized that this is what would have made Grandma happy. Her family being a family.
She will be missed, but I know she's in a better place.

Mother's Day

My sister and our children

The World's Best Mom!

My parents
I wanted to write something special for Mother's Day. Something to pay tribute to my mom. I was trying to figure out what one wonderful thing she did, what she would say - something that encapsulated my mom completely.
I can remember a million things about growing up; all of them made my mom special. I remember the rainy days where we jumped in puddles (now I do that with my son), I remember her telling me the story about how she lost her boot in the snow every time I asked (and now I tell my son that story) and I remember her laughing one time when I spilled an entire container of flour on the floor, and was certain I would be in trouble (now I laugh, not shout, when my son spills things).
But above all, what makes my mom special is just who she is.
When you think about a really good mother, or person in general, you don't necessarily think of their attibutes -
just their being.
I think that's what people would say of my mom. Sometimes she's funny. Sometimes she's deep. Sometimes she's quiet. Sometimes she talks a lot. Sometimes she's stunningly beautiful, sometimes she looks pretty in a very simple, uncomplicated kind of way.
But no matter what, her loving kindness shines through.
My mom is cool. She's the mom who welcomed my friends over. She's the mom who was welcome to come into my bedroom when my friends and I were talking about our days, laughing about things that happened and complaining about our teachers. She would chat with us, listen, laugh at our jokes (that probably weren't as funny to her), and then leave before she wore out her welcome.
She was also strict. There were rules and consequences. But there was the other side too. I knew that if I was ever out somewhere and didn't know what to do I could call and she would pick me up - no questions asked. I also always knew that if I ever doubted if I should be doing something I could invoke the name of my mother and she would back me up.
I've grown up, and some things have changed. But, not that much has changed. She's still the person who joins me for coffee and a chat. If I take a day off of work, I usually end up going to her house for coffee. She's still welcome if I'm hanging out with friends, and she still has a pretty good idea of what's going on in my life.
The other day someone was in my office talking about Mother's Day, and I said "oh yeah, here want to see my mom?" and I pulled up her blog. I thought it was pretty normal. But, the person was like "wow. you are like your mom."
Yes.. I am. And to me that's the biggest compliment you can pay me.
When I look at my mom she inspires me. I look to her for advice and guidance. One day I hope that I can be half the woman she is. She's pretty amazing.
So Happy Mother's Day Mom.
And to all of you other incredible moms out there - the same to you!
Have a good one. We all deserve it. (and I hope if you're reading this on Mother's Day morning you are in bed with breakfast and coffee that's been lovingly prepared for you ... yeah right!)
Happy Mother's Day, Mom!!!!