Today I learned a pretty vital lesson. Apologize.
I'm not always good at apologizing. I'll say sorry, but I don't always mean it. I've been trying to teach Matt that if he does something wrong or something that hurts someone you should apologize. It's really hard to teach a 3 year old empathy.
But, today it was my turn to apologize.
Matt and I had been gardening and he was covered in dirt. I went to change and then we were going to go mattress shopping. I left him with the instructions to wash his hands while I got changed.
When I got upstairs he was running around the living room with a tummy covered in soap. I was cleaning him off and trying to get him ready to go.
And then he reached for the soap.
He got a whole bunch on me, and on him. I was pissed.
I was ready to go. He was getting soap everywhere. So, he reached for it again and I said no. Then I shouted it. Then I said "I'm trying to go. Stop playing with the stupid soap."
It's not the worst thing of all Mommy things to say. But it was how I said it. And then he was sobbing. And I was getting more annoyed. And then he'd shout that he wanted the soap and I would shout no.
I had to walk away.
It wasn't that big a deal. We got him dressed. We went to the store. He was tired and I was.
But, in the car I said sorry.
I didn't make a huge deal of it. I just said "Matt, I shouted at you about the soap and I shouldn't have. I know you were just having fun. I'm sorry."
It sounds so simple. But, I'm not usually good at that stuff. I'm not usually the one to apologize first. But, things change when you have a child.
This stuff matters.
He said it was okay.
Part of me thinks that today was about teaching him to say sorry and mean it. But, really I know it was all about me learning to say sorry - when I'm wrong - and mean it.