I've been wanting to write a post about this for awhile, but it didn't all come together in my head until last night.
My entire life I have had the title drma queen. I don't know who first said it, quite possibly my mother when I was a toddler. But the name, or some version of it, has stuck with me. Last night I was out with some colleagues, and after a particularly dramatic week in the world of office gossip, I got given this name ... again.
It was well deserved. I admit.
But that's not exactly what this post is about.
This post is more about me, and how I realized this week that I live in the drama of life. I do. I relish it - and I push for it. And, then I go out and live in all the highs and lows that this drama brings. I wish I could figure out why.
On the one hand I would love it if I could be like so many people who are content - who go to work every day and take their coffee breaks at 10 am and their lunch at noon and go home at five. I envy that desire for the constant and the serene. But I don't have that desire.
And, I think I'm struggling with that right now.
I mean, how can you be a good mom and a good wife and also thrive on the drama of life?
I've often thought about the post-partum, pre-blogging days when I was going through post-partum depression - not my favourite topic. I have been really trying to figure out where that came from and why. If you do research, or talk to your doctor (which of course I did) you know there are many sources. It's chemical but it's also situational. For me it was a combo.
But, I wonder if a huge part of it is all about this thing about me - that I live between the highs and the lows.
Before I had Matt, I was so excited. And, then you have this baby and it really sucks. I'm sorry, but it does. And, something that I am learning about my personality is that if I build something up and get really excited about it, I create almost a euphoric high for myself. And then, if the situation doesn't pan out it is a disastrous low. Hence the title drama queen. But, also hence the ppd. I think I completely fell apart because I was expecting a high - and I think I truly thought in my deepest of thoughts, that I would be one of those aforementioned serenity seeking people who cherished the role of motherhood, the joys of the everyday, quiet walks with my baby in his stroller, etc etc. And, when that didn't happen ...
WOW!
I fell to pieces.
And, I am still gathering those pieces two years later. So, as for my life as a drama queen ...
Well, I don't know.
Do I continue to live in the highs and the lows? I think so. Because I don't think that my personality will allow me to do anything but.
But, really, sometimes that really sucks.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
A Reflection on Someone Else's Post
Today I read a post about the battle between staying at home and working and the conflict that arises. I'm putting a link here because I honestly could never say all that Her Bad Mother says in such an eloquent and educated way. http://badladies.blogspot.com/
Read it. It's amazing.
It made me want to say a lot.
It made me re-visit my decision to go back to work, the motivation behind it, and really how I am feeling now.
I have been at my current job for a year. This week I had my "anniversary". To me it's a big deal. Not so much the one-year thing, but just that I survived. I didn't think I had it in me. I didn't think I had one week in me.
Last July I sat on the GO train crying, waving goodbye to my baby and my husband, praying that I would make it through the first scary day at work without bursting into tears.
My friend Stef rode her bike down and got me through lunch (her words "you can cry or laugh - I'll do either with you. Which would you prefer" were the best).
And here I am a year later.
I've survived. And I'm happy. And so is Mike and so is Matty.
Matthew is no longer a baby. He is a toddler. He runs and plays and sings and talks and goes full time to daycare and he loves it.
But, this working thing is also really stressful. It it sucks to get up at 5:22 each morning to be out the door by 7. It sucks to sometimes have to deal with the crap that work can throw at you, to decide whether or not to partake in office gossip (and trust me, there is some good office gossip!!!). But, for me the decision was a good one.
Why?
Because I didn't feel fulfilled when I stayed at home. I was me, but a different version of me. I was the me who didn't feel like she fit in with the other moms, who was constantlly comparing herself with the others and who was floundering. The days were so long and I wasn't treasuring motherhood. I was counting the minutes till nap time and then counting the minutes till Mike was done working. My eye was always on the clock and I just wasn't dealing with it. And, believe me, Matt didn't have a happy mom. He had an aggravated, annoyed and tired mom, who was annoyed a lot.
On a visit to my doctor (I love her) she asked me about my work plans. I basically told her all of the stuff I was dealing with and she told me exactly what I needed to hear. It's okay to do what I want, that I will still be a good mom if I work and that everyone is happier when the mom is happier.
And I listened because she really is smart. And she is cool. And, if she weren't my doctor I would probably want to have a couple of drinks with her - that cool.
Oh - and there was also the financial issue that we were going broke!!
So I went back to work.
It was hard, but it was also good. I had my name restored. I was Laural Adams, not Mom or Mommy all day every day. When I said something it meant something (well, kind of ) and people actually let me fit in.
In the past year I've made friends and gotten to know some great people. I've done some bizarre activities (like riding a 20 person bike around Toronto, building stuff out of food, focus groups ...). I have laughed till I cried and I've learned to stand up for myself on issues. I've been acknowledged for hard work, and I've been rewarded for doing a good job.
I know - it's not always peachy. Work is still work. But, at the end of the day I think it's been the right thing for me to do.
My favourite part of the day is when I pick Matt up at daycare and he comes running over and gives me a huge hug. In his own way he gets it. Kids know when you are happy and when you aren't. And, I think he knows I'm pretty happy.
So, yep, Bad Mother is right. It's not about whether it's better to be a stay at home mom or a working mom. It's not really an issue of being a feminist. It's about doing what is right for you and accepting that what your choice is is what it is. And, if someone doesn't get it, or if someone thinks you are wrong well then they can deal with it.
My guess - they are still trying to figure out what they really want in life.
Read it. It's amazing.
It made me want to say a lot.
It made me re-visit my decision to go back to work, the motivation behind it, and really how I am feeling now.
I have been at my current job for a year. This week I had my "anniversary". To me it's a big deal. Not so much the one-year thing, but just that I survived. I didn't think I had it in me. I didn't think I had one week in me.
Last July I sat on the GO train crying, waving goodbye to my baby and my husband, praying that I would make it through the first scary day at work without bursting into tears.
My friend Stef rode her bike down and got me through lunch (her words "you can cry or laugh - I'll do either with you. Which would you prefer" were the best).
And here I am a year later.
I've survived. And I'm happy. And so is Mike and so is Matty.
Matthew is no longer a baby. He is a toddler. He runs and plays and sings and talks and goes full time to daycare and he loves it.
But, this working thing is also really stressful. It it sucks to get up at 5:22 each morning to be out the door by 7. It sucks to sometimes have to deal with the crap that work can throw at you, to decide whether or not to partake in office gossip (and trust me, there is some good office gossip!!!). But, for me the decision was a good one.
Why?
Because I didn't feel fulfilled when I stayed at home. I was me, but a different version of me. I was the me who didn't feel like she fit in with the other moms, who was constantlly comparing herself with the others and who was floundering. The days were so long and I wasn't treasuring motherhood. I was counting the minutes till nap time and then counting the minutes till Mike was done working. My eye was always on the clock and I just wasn't dealing with it. And, believe me, Matt didn't have a happy mom. He had an aggravated, annoyed and tired mom, who was annoyed a lot.
On a visit to my doctor (I love her) she asked me about my work plans. I basically told her all of the stuff I was dealing with and she told me exactly what I needed to hear. It's okay to do what I want, that I will still be a good mom if I work and that everyone is happier when the mom is happier.
And I listened because she really is smart. And she is cool. And, if she weren't my doctor I would probably want to have a couple of drinks with her - that cool.
Oh - and there was also the financial issue that we were going broke!!
So I went back to work.
It was hard, but it was also good. I had my name restored. I was Laural Adams, not Mom or Mommy all day every day. When I said something it meant something (well, kind of ) and people actually let me fit in.
In the past year I've made friends and gotten to know some great people. I've done some bizarre activities (like riding a 20 person bike around Toronto, building stuff out of food, focus groups ...). I have laughed till I cried and I've learned to stand up for myself on issues. I've been acknowledged for hard work, and I've been rewarded for doing a good job.
I know - it's not always peachy. Work is still work. But, at the end of the day I think it's been the right thing for me to do.
My favourite part of the day is when I pick Matt up at daycare and he comes running over and gives me a huge hug. In his own way he gets it. Kids know when you are happy and when you aren't. And, I think he knows I'm pretty happy.
So, yep, Bad Mother is right. It's not about whether it's better to be a stay at home mom or a working mom. It's not really an issue of being a feminist. It's about doing what is right for you and accepting that what your choice is is what it is. And, if someone doesn't get it, or if someone thinks you are wrong well then they can deal with it.
My guess - they are still trying to figure out what they really want in life.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
We have Found Nemo!
Throughout the last two years of Matthew's life, little has held his interest in the way of television.
He has his favourite shows, and Treehouse is a constant in our life, I will admit. But, there's never been a show that he just sits and watches.
We tried Baby Einstein. This started around the crawling days, when we were attempting to sell our condo and I would madly clean while Matt sat in the exersaucer (jumped in the exersaucer), ate his baby mum mums and bounced around to the music.
Never in a million years would I have left him alone with Baby Einstein sans mum mums and exersaucer because he was not that enthralled.
As he got older he developed a bit of a crush on Dora. He still loves Dora. But, again, this is not a sitting show. He likes to catch the stars, dance with her and tell Swiper not to swipe, but this is not a show he'll sit still for.
Same with Bob the Builder and Thomas. Loves them. Knows the names of all the characters, but they are mere background noise - something to talk about and play about.
But this weekend we discovered Nemo.
I'm not sure if this is an age thing (now that he has reached 2.25 years) or whether it's just the Disney geniuses, but Matty Matt is completely enthralled by Nemo.
We watch it every day. Three days in a row Nemo has come on.
We have laughed, we have cried, we have cuddled.
Never before have I seen my child so enthralled by a character on television. When the sharks try to eat Marlin and Dory Matt screams "uh oh - Nemo" (he doesn't understand that Nemo and his dad are 2 different fish). When they show Darla holding a dead goldfish he shrieks in horror.
But, he loves it.
The second time we played it - we turned it off before bedtime. (He doesn't sit for the full length of the movie). And, then once we thought he was asleep I turned it back on to watch the ending. Matt came running out of his room screaming "I hear Nemo".
He was right. He did.
How could I deprive my child? I let him sit up till 9:00 watching the end of the movie. It was good. I think we both cried. And there was lots of cuddling. It was a long weekend. Who cares.
And so I think we have a new friend.
His name is Nemo.
He has his favourite shows, and Treehouse is a constant in our life, I will admit. But, there's never been a show that he just sits and watches.
We tried Baby Einstein. This started around the crawling days, when we were attempting to sell our condo and I would madly clean while Matt sat in the exersaucer (jumped in the exersaucer), ate his baby mum mums and bounced around to the music.
Never in a million years would I have left him alone with Baby Einstein sans mum mums and exersaucer because he was not that enthralled.
As he got older he developed a bit of a crush on Dora. He still loves Dora. But, again, this is not a sitting show. He likes to catch the stars, dance with her and tell Swiper not to swipe, but this is not a show he'll sit still for.
Same with Bob the Builder and Thomas. Loves them. Knows the names of all the characters, but they are mere background noise - something to talk about and play about.
But this weekend we discovered Nemo.
I'm not sure if this is an age thing (now that he has reached 2.25 years) or whether it's just the Disney geniuses, but Matty Matt is completely enthralled by Nemo.
We watch it every day. Three days in a row Nemo has come on.
We have laughed, we have cried, we have cuddled.
Never before have I seen my child so enthralled by a character on television. When the sharks try to eat Marlin and Dory Matt screams "uh oh - Nemo" (he doesn't understand that Nemo and his dad are 2 different fish). When they show Darla holding a dead goldfish he shrieks in horror.
But, he loves it.
The second time we played it - we turned it off before bedtime. (He doesn't sit for the full length of the movie). And, then once we thought he was asleep I turned it back on to watch the ending. Matt came running out of his room screaming "I hear Nemo".
He was right. He did.
How could I deprive my child? I let him sit up till 9:00 watching the end of the movie. It was good. I think we both cried. And there was lots of cuddling. It was a long weekend. Who cares.
And so I think we have a new friend.
His name is Nemo.
Monday, July 03, 2006
I did it!!!
I started trying to lose weight the Monday after Mother's Day.
I decided to set both long and short term goals. My short term goal - to lose 20 pounds before our trip to Vermont in July. I had a couple of reasons for this. The first was because I really wanted something achievable. The second ws because last time we went to Vermont I was so unhappy with my weight. I hated how I looked and I hate all the picture with me in them. I felt so out of control food wise. I wanted this year to be different.
And I did it!
I weighed myself today I have actually lost 21.5 pounds.
I did something else pretty cool today. I set my goal weight. This is something I've been avoiding, but I realized that if I put my mind to it I can hit that weight I have in my head. I have done it before, so screw my fears that I can't because I've had a baby. I've put my mind to it and I am doing it!!
As for another 20 pound goal ...
I'm not sure.
We're looking ahead to an extremely busy month of travelling, staying in Oakville for a bit and having alternate babysitters while our daycare is closed (a whole other post all of its own). I think my main goal - and my doctor would LOVE this one - is to stick with it and to not let stress ruin what I am doing. Because according to her the reason that I do overeat is, all thyroid issues aside, because I eat when I am stressed.
So, here we go again.
So, cheers to me and feeling better about myself :)
I decided to set both long and short term goals. My short term goal - to lose 20 pounds before our trip to Vermont in July. I had a couple of reasons for this. The first was because I really wanted something achievable. The second ws because last time we went to Vermont I was so unhappy with my weight. I hated how I looked and I hate all the picture with me in them. I felt so out of control food wise. I wanted this year to be different.
And I did it!
I weighed myself today I have actually lost 21.5 pounds.
I did something else pretty cool today. I set my goal weight. This is something I've been avoiding, but I realized that if I put my mind to it I can hit that weight I have in my head. I have done it before, so screw my fears that I can't because I've had a baby. I've put my mind to it and I am doing it!!
As for another 20 pound goal ...
I'm not sure.
We're looking ahead to an extremely busy month of travelling, staying in Oakville for a bit and having alternate babysitters while our daycare is closed (a whole other post all of its own). I think my main goal - and my doctor would LOVE this one - is to stick with it and to not let stress ruin what I am doing. Because according to her the reason that I do overeat is, all thyroid issues aside, because I eat when I am stressed.
So, here we go again.
So, cheers to me and feeling better about myself :)
Saturday, July 01, 2006
That's Princess Laural
Today was my niece Kyla's 4th birthday.
She is our Canada Day Baby!
And I had a starring role at her birthday Party as Princess Laural. It was so much fun.
Kyla hosted a princess party at the Jack Astors by her house. And, since I love her, I love all things girly and I don't have a daughter, I agreed to dress up like a princess and join them for the party.
It was pretty cute. All of the little girls came dressed as princesses. Then they all got into wagons and were pulled up to the restaurant where they were greeted by Princess Laural.
Since Kyla didn't know I was coming, she was pretty excited when I was there all
dressed up. At first the other little girls didn't quite know what to make of me. But, they came around.My favourite, I must admit, was this one little girl Esther who totally believed that I was a Princess. And, she actually kept calling me Princess Laural. Too cute.
I realized today that so many memories are tied to July 1st.
Four years ago I sat in the hospital lobby just waiting for her to be born. We were the first visitors (probably becuase I wouldn't leave till they let me in) and I held her before she'd ever been weighed.
Three years ago we were celebrating her first birthday and unbenownst to me, I was pregnant. (No wonder I was so emotional)Two years ago she was 2 and just beginning to talk. I was in the throes of post partum depression and really wishing and hoping that this baby who still seemed so foreign to me would be as sweet and wonderful as my two year old niece.
Last year Kyla's birthday party was the day before I went back to work. I sat down with one of Becky's closest friends and tried not to cry as I told her that I was terrified about starting a new job. I just tried to get through the party without crying. I can't remember if I was successful.
This year is the princess year. Memories yet to be made. What will I remember about today? I will remember Kyla giving me a big hug at the restaurant and saying thank for making her birthday special - without any prompting from her mom. I will rem
ember watching my son play with his cousin (after the party) thinking about how he is turning into a wonderful kid and knowing that I can be grateful that I got that wish I made on Kyla's second birthday.And, I'm pretty excited that the fears I had last year about going to work and putting Matt in daycare were just fears. Because as far as I am concerned all of the work stuff is going just fine. And daycare is good (despite the biting)
So, happy birthday Kyla!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Thursday Thirteen - My favourite Matty Words
- I’m two – especially funny when he uses this as an excuse for bad behaviour
- Michael – in place of the word Daddy. He loves to do this when he is trying to prove a point. As in “No – Michael – No stroller”
- Momo – this is what he has nicknamed our cat. Her real name is Mojo, which he can say, but much prefers his version
- Skinamarinkidinkidink I WUV you- This one is adorable – he doesn’t quite get the concept of just a simple ‘I love you’ but loves the long version.
- Matthew do it – though not so cute when Mommy is in a rush to get to work on time and he is referring to putting on socks
- Go Home Depot – apparently his favourite store. I don’t know why. I think it’s Mike’s influence.
- Pretty Paige – another nickname – this one for my niece Paige. When she was born he saw her once and then started calling her Pretty Paige. I know – how cute. She is pretty.
- Won-wa-wand – I think Wonderland is a tough word for toddlers. When we were en route to Wonderland it was hilarious to hear him and his older cousin Kyla discussing the correct pronunciation of the word. Kyla, who is almost 4 said “No Matty – no WaWaLand – Wonwawand” so then Matt would rehearse it until he had it up to her standard. I wish I had a video camera for that.
- Camoose – Thomas has a camoose” – this means caboose. A booster seat is a mooster seat, you get the picture.
- Fix the Wheel – Matt is obsessed with cars, trucks, buses, etc. and he has a Richard Scarry Book where there is a page with someone fixing a wheel. He now insists on fixing every wheel he sees.
- Parking garage
- Elevator (elligator) and Escalator (Eccalator)
- See you later, alligator - Matt’s personal favourite
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
How Many???
Today I got a phone call from my daycare.
I always have a moment of stress when I see the number flash up. Thankfully it was no big deal. Matt's teacher was calling to let me know that they need more diapers.
How many diapers does a child go through in a day?
By our count Matt goes through an average of 6 diapers per day at daycare. I know - a lot. He also sits on the potty there. This is on average about a bag of diapers per week.
At home he has at least one diaper in the morning and one diaper in the evening and then one diaper overnight (assuming that he does not need a change or decide to take his diaper off to show us his new diaper removal skill).
So, that is about 10 diapers per day for one two year old boy.
And then we get into the clothing changes. At daycare he rarely comes home in the same outfit he went in. I don't know why. His teachers like him to be clean - and so they usually change his outfit at least once a day if not more.
Mind Boggling.
I always have a moment of stress when I see the number flash up. Thankfully it was no big deal. Matt's teacher was calling to let me know that they need more diapers.
How many diapers does a child go through in a day?
By our count Matt goes through an average of 6 diapers per day at daycare. I know - a lot. He also sits on the potty there. This is on average about a bag of diapers per week.
At home he has at least one diaper in the morning and one diaper in the evening and then one diaper overnight (assuming that he does not need a change or decide to take his diaper off to show us his new diaper removal skill).
So, that is about 10 diapers per day for one two year old boy.
And then we get into the clothing changes. At daycare he rarely comes home in the same outfit he went in. I don't know why. His teachers like him to be clean - and so they usually change his outfit at least once a day if not more.
Mind Boggling.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Am a C, a D or a G - we will never know
Will a bra revolutionize my life?
Hmmmm ...
This question has come up over and over again. Of course I heard the story on Oprah. A friend of mine went right out and got a bra fitting and got a couple of nice new bras.
And then one night when I was out with some of my colleagues the conversation about bra fittings came up. It turns out that there is a wonderful store on the Danforth that fits you properly. I was told I must go to Sophia's for the perfect bra - pronto.
I did set a date with someone to go, but realized (thanks to my thrifty husband) that it would be a little bit ridiculous to spend close to $100 on an undergarment when I am trying to lose weight. So I held off.
And then said shafted colleague sent me the following link today:
(http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1208335,00.html?cnn=yes).
And the question that came to my mind was - will a bra really make a difference in my life.
I doubt that it would take 20 years off my age. I am not even sure if it would make me look that much slimmer. But, I really am quite intrigued. Can a well fitting bra make life easier?
I asked my friend (who will remain unnamed) whether her expensive bras changed her life. Her response wasn't quite up to Oprah's enthusiastic response, but she really was quite positive. It turns out that her clothes fit better, she looks better and she knows what size to buy.
Others have told me that they have more self confidence and even have less pain.
And, yet I resist.
I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps I feel I am perky enough. Perhaps I feel like my clothes are fitting me just fine. But, I think that realistically, I just don't want to know my size.
I have heard of people going into the bra store thinking they are a 34c and leaving a 32G!!!! That is a lot of baggage.
What comes after G? What is considered too large? What is the ideal band size? Apparently it doesn't matter, but let's be honest. I think I would have a complete meltdown in the middle of Sophia's if I was told I was a G (or worse). And, for that matter, what is worse? What letters to bras go to? Why can you buy a DD if there are E's and F's and G's? I don't get it.
And I am afraid. Very afraid.
But, if I were to spend the big bucks on a bra I think this is what I would go for:
http://www.freshpair.com/Le-Mystere-Dream-Tisha-Underwire-Bra-9955.html
PS I will be going back to mommy blogging, but this week there have been many non-mommy things going around in my head.
Hmmmm ...
This question has come up over and over again. Of course I heard the story on Oprah. A friend of mine went right out and got a bra fitting and got a couple of nice new bras.
And then one night when I was out with some of my colleagues the conversation about bra fittings came up. It turns out that there is a wonderful store on the Danforth that fits you properly. I was told I must go to Sophia's for the perfect bra - pronto.
I did set a date with someone to go, but realized (thanks to my thrifty husband) that it would be a little bit ridiculous to spend close to $100 on an undergarment when I am trying to lose weight. So I held off.
And then said shafted colleague sent me the following link today:
(http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1208335,00.html?cnn=yes).
And the question that came to my mind was - will a bra really make a difference in my life.
I doubt that it would take 20 years off my age. I am not even sure if it would make me look that much slimmer. But, I really am quite intrigued. Can a well fitting bra make life easier?
I asked my friend (who will remain unnamed) whether her expensive bras changed her life. Her response wasn't quite up to Oprah's enthusiastic response, but she really was quite positive. It turns out that her clothes fit better, she looks better and she knows what size to buy.
Others have told me that they have more self confidence and even have less pain.
And, yet I resist.
I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps I feel I am perky enough. Perhaps I feel like my clothes are fitting me just fine. But, I think that realistically, I just don't want to know my size.
I have heard of people going into the bra store thinking they are a 34c and leaving a 32G!!!! That is a lot of baggage.
What comes after G? What is considered too large? What is the ideal band size? Apparently it doesn't matter, but let's be honest. I think I would have a complete meltdown in the middle of Sophia's if I was told I was a G (or worse). And, for that matter, what is worse? What letters to bras go to? Why can you buy a DD if there are E's and F's and G's? I don't get it.
And I am afraid. Very afraid.
But, if I were to spend the big bucks on a bra I think this is what I would go for:
http://www.freshpair.com/Le-Mystere-Dream-Tisha-Underwire-Bra-9955.html
PS I will be going back to mommy blogging, but this week there have been many non-mommy things going around in my head.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Introspective
Maybe I'm feeling a tad introspective today, but there's so much rolling around in my head today that I'm taking a break from my typical diary like blog entry to amuse myself and my thoughts.
This weekend I had a bit of a break. Saturday the boys went to Peterborough while I spent a completely selfish day of self-indulgence. I did some movie watching, some cleaning, some hair highlighting, went for a walk and ate a dinner I loved.
And it made me think a little about this life I have right now. In a sense I'm somewhat conflicted. Is it okay to like life and to hate life and be stuck in the middle? Becuase I think that is where I am. On the one hand I LOVE some aspects of my life. I have what I always wanted. I have a home and a family. I have a car and a cat and I have some really good friends. And, we are starting to sort through a bunch of the stuff we faced when we were a little younger.
And, then I start to wonder - where is the drama? Where is the passion? Where is the excitement that makes me look forward to getting up in the morning, or more accurately that makes me so drained in the morning because I can't sleep at night? Where did it go and why did it go? And, do I really want it back? I think I look back on the drama of university and of early marriage and think of it in a positive excited way and I forget that with the drama came tears.
And work also plays into this picture. I'm always reading about getting ahead. Taking that next step in your career. But, I often wonder, is it okay to be happy where I am? I cut a little top 10 list out of Glamour a couple of years ago, and it was called the Top 10 things that are okay to be happy about. In them were that it is okay to be happy about your job whether or not you are the CEO of a company or not. And, lately I've realized that I actually do quite enjoy coming to work. I like that I have friends here and that we do some fun corporate events. I enjoy knowing I have a pension (albeit small since I've been only paying into it for a year) and I even enjoy the pretty constant hours every day.Does it mean I'll be here till retirement? I dunno. I doubt it. That's like 38 years away, and who knows where I'll be in 38 years? But, for now, I'm content. Is there drama? Not really. I mean there is some, but not excessive drama like in previous jobs. And I am grateful that my job description now does not include screaming at warehouse people who shipped the wrong shoes. Trust me - I'll take our mailroom (without the frigid lack of heat and air conditioning that the shoe warehouse lacked) anyday.
But, what does contentment breed? Does it breed laziness? Or am I constantly looking for something new. Is it okay to search for excitement still? I think it is okay to be a mom but still want to develop myself fully as a person. I think it's just fine to say that I devote myself to motherhood but that I still want to lose some weight and dye my hair and do my nails. In fact, I think that maybe this lack of contentment with myself in fact makes me better. And I think it all ties into one.
I don't know. BUt I'm thinking through all of these. Bring on the Drama, Mama! I'm waiting.
This weekend I had a bit of a break. Saturday the boys went to Peterborough while I spent a completely selfish day of self-indulgence. I did some movie watching, some cleaning, some hair highlighting, went for a walk and ate a dinner I loved.
And it made me think a little about this life I have right now. In a sense I'm somewhat conflicted. Is it okay to like life and to hate life and be stuck in the middle? Becuase I think that is where I am. On the one hand I LOVE some aspects of my life. I have what I always wanted. I have a home and a family. I have a car and a cat and I have some really good friends. And, we are starting to sort through a bunch of the stuff we faced when we were a little younger.
And, then I start to wonder - where is the drama? Where is the passion? Where is the excitement that makes me look forward to getting up in the morning, or more accurately that makes me so drained in the morning because I can't sleep at night? Where did it go and why did it go? And, do I really want it back? I think I look back on the drama of university and of early marriage and think of it in a positive excited way and I forget that with the drama came tears.
And work also plays into this picture. I'm always reading about getting ahead. Taking that next step in your career. But, I often wonder, is it okay to be happy where I am? I cut a little top 10 list out of Glamour a couple of years ago, and it was called the Top 10 things that are okay to be happy about. In them were that it is okay to be happy about your job whether or not you are the CEO of a company or not. And, lately I've realized that I actually do quite enjoy coming to work. I like that I have friends here and that we do some fun corporate events. I enjoy knowing I have a pension (albeit small since I've been only paying into it for a year) and I even enjoy the pretty constant hours every day.Does it mean I'll be here till retirement? I dunno. I doubt it. That's like 38 years away, and who knows where I'll be in 38 years? But, for now, I'm content. Is there drama? Not really. I mean there is some, but not excessive drama like in previous jobs. And I am grateful that my job description now does not include screaming at warehouse people who shipped the wrong shoes. Trust me - I'll take our mailroom (without the frigid lack of heat and air conditioning that the shoe warehouse lacked) anyday.
But, what does contentment breed? Does it breed laziness? Or am I constantly looking for something new. Is it okay to search for excitement still? I think it is okay to be a mom but still want to develop myself fully as a person. I think it's just fine to say that I devote myself to motherhood but that I still want to lose some weight and dye my hair and do my nails. In fact, I think that maybe this lack of contentment with myself in fact makes me better. And I think it all ties into one.
I don't know. BUt I'm thinking through all of these. Bring on the Drama, Mama! I'm waiting.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
The great bathing suit hunt
Edit to the post below: I FOUND a bathing suit. I really did try on a total of 33 bathing suits to find it. My mom directed to me to, of all places, Sears. I literally took in every single bathing suit in my size that was decent (i.e. not a bikini - and side note I'm all for bikinis if you can pull it off which I can't). The last one I had pulled off the rack was this cute black and white 2 piece but the bottom is actually a skirt. It fits and is flattering enough. Mike said I should post the picture of me in it on my blog. Ummm - no. Well, maybe if he wears his Speedo for the camera - LOL - there are no speedos allowed in my house.
Today I started my hunt for the great bathing suit.
There was a lot of criteria on my mental list including: 1) full coverage of tummy 2)comfortable 3) not a flowery "mum" suit - and by this I do not mean my mom hence the spelling difference and 4) and most important proper boob support.
I think today I tried on 17 bathing suits. I tried on both one and two piece bathing suits.
I went in knowing that I have lost almost 20 pounds since May and I keep reminding myself that it would be way worse if I had that weight still on and also that I would probably not like my bathing suit clad image.
And, let's be honest. My self esteem is not that horrible. I mean I'm not about to send in my picture to Tyra at America's Next Top Model, but I also have a bit of a feeling that you have to take me as I am and that like it or not I am and probably always will be a little bit chubby.
So, having said that, I am beginning to think that bathing suit manufacturers are setting us up for diapppointment.
There are some great bathing suits out there - as long as you are a size 6 or less.
For instance, I say the cutest whit bathing suit with an underwire bra that would keep everything in place. The problem - the cup size really only goes up to a B. I have never been a B. well, maybe when I was 12.
But, not in the last like 15 years. Even when I was skinnier never a B.
And I kept finding this. Tiny bathing suits have underwire, larger bathing suits (like size 8 and up which is hardly "large") do not.
So, I hunted and tried things on. I tried different sizes and colours. My downfall, literally, was in the cleavage department. I just need some wire.
There were also several other problems I discovered. For instance, there are code words you want to avoid. "tummy tamer" means excess fabric and a large print. "Bust enhancer" means ruffles or lace. "Body Shaper" means relaly unattractive.
And then I thought I found what may be a great bathing suit. It was a lime green colour and it seemed kind of supportive. I was kind of admiring myself when I noticed one large downfall - IT WAS SEE THROUGH!!
I actually started to giggle at the hilarity of it. I mean - I would be on vacation chasing after my toddler and be basically naked. I may even take the attention away from the woman who inevitably sits in the beach chair at the resort with the thong bathing suit. (and I don't mean a pretty model. I mean the woman who you really wonder "what was she thinking - she's going to get hemorrhoids!)
And so back went the lime green bathing suit.
I now continue on the hunt for the perfect bathing suit.
Will I find it?
I dunno.
Today I started my hunt for the great bathing suit.
There was a lot of criteria on my mental list including: 1) full coverage of tummy 2)comfortable 3) not a flowery "mum" suit - and by this I do not mean my mom hence the spelling difference and 4) and most important proper boob support.
I think today I tried on 17 bathing suits. I tried on both one and two piece bathing suits.
I went in knowing that I have lost almost 20 pounds since May and I keep reminding myself that it would be way worse if I had that weight still on and also that I would probably not like my bathing suit clad image.
And, let's be honest. My self esteem is not that horrible. I mean I'm not about to send in my picture to Tyra at America's Next Top Model, but I also have a bit of a feeling that you have to take me as I am and that like it or not I am and probably always will be a little bit chubby.
So, having said that, I am beginning to think that bathing suit manufacturers are setting us up for diapppointment.
There are some great bathing suits out there - as long as you are a size 6 or less.
For instance, I say the cutest whit bathing suit with an underwire bra that would keep everything in place. The problem - the cup size really only goes up to a B. I have never been a B. well, maybe when I was 12.
But, not in the last like 15 years. Even when I was skinnier never a B.
And I kept finding this. Tiny bathing suits have underwire, larger bathing suits (like size 8 and up which is hardly "large") do not.
So, I hunted and tried things on. I tried different sizes and colours. My downfall, literally, was in the cleavage department. I just need some wire.
There were also several other problems I discovered. For instance, there are code words you want to avoid. "tummy tamer" means excess fabric and a large print. "Bust enhancer" means ruffles or lace. "Body Shaper" means relaly unattractive.
And then I thought I found what may be a great bathing suit. It was a lime green colour and it seemed kind of supportive. I was kind of admiring myself when I noticed one large downfall - IT WAS SEE THROUGH!!
I actually started to giggle at the hilarity of it. I mean - I would be on vacation chasing after my toddler and be basically naked. I may even take the attention away from the woman who inevitably sits in the beach chair at the resort with the thong bathing suit. (and I don't mean a pretty model. I mean the woman who you really wonder "what was she thinking - she's going to get hemorrhoids!)
And so back went the lime green bathing suit.
I now continue on the hunt for the perfect bathing suit.
Will I find it?
I dunno.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
My Ballerina
Kyla with her jumbo flowers after her recitalTo clarify, it was my niece Kyla's ballet recital and I had the opportunity to go as the doting aunt. I left my boys at home and went off to Hamilton Place to watch my niece in her first show.
Truthfully, I had no idea what to expect. I hav enever taken a ballet class. It's not because my
parents weren't willing to let me try. It's just that it was never even discussed in our house. I was not exactly the most graceful child, and I never had any sort of interest in donning a pink tutu and leotard, unlike my niece who at age 2 announced to us that she wanted to be a ballerina.So, when the big night of the ballet recital came, I was pretty darn excited (and a little worried that I wouldn't make it there in time).
Thankfully I thought to call one of my colleagues, whose teenager is a fairly accomplished dancer, and asked him the etiquette of ballet recitals. What does one wear, what does one bring, what can I expect? And, he was more than happy to fill me in and send me some pictures of his daughter.
Kyla and her mom, my sister Becky
The grand decision was to bring a bunch of pink flowers to the recital and spoil her like crazy. Which I did. I called a florist and explained that I needed a nice bouquet of pretty pink flowers for my neice's first ballet recital.
So, back to the evening.
I finally found my family when I arrived just before the doors opened. Of course they
were in the front of the line (thank goodness for our obsessive family organization and timeliness). We sat right at the front.I was really really impressed by the show. There was never a dull moment - it was that organized. And, it was arranged so they had a more senior group or single dancer followed by little ones. That way the spotlight was shared by all, and it kept moving.
And, it was amazing to me how good some of these kids were.
But the highlight was of course when Kyla took the stage.
Kyla is almost 4 and honestly the cutest little girl in the world. (she shares this honour with my other niece Paige who currently holds the title of cutest baby in the world).
Kyla and Aunt Laural
She was in a Hawaiian outfit complete with grass skirt. She went on with her class. They were just the cutest things ever. Their class is "baby ballet". They stayed together and did a few spins and such and then this little hip wiggle move. ADORABLE.
And then a couple of them fell. Kyla went down and then they helped each other up and kept going.
I have never been prouder.
She really was a star.
When it was all over I explained that the flowers were for her. I think the florist and I went a little overboard because she could barely hold them. (why did I not listen to Beth who said to buy one rose for every year old she is - that was smart - oh wait because I wanted to be extragant).
It was such a wonderful evening.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
A Play Date
Last night we (Matthew and I) had a play date with some of our friends.
I got an e-mail yesterday morning from my friend asking if I wanted to come over for coffee and playtime before bed.
It's pretty convenient since we do live down the hall from each other, so I immediately agreed.
I have to admit, I was a little tentative about it. Not because I don't have a great time with Ginny. Of course I do - she's the person who got me through that first year.
What I was worried about was that a) Matt would bite one or both of her daughters b)Matt would tear their house apart or c) and this is the biggie for me, that the friendship between the kids that we had always hoped for may not work out.
It's not that they hadn't played together - it's just that it has been with other kids. This was a real playdate.
I sound like I'm in high school - we've hung out in groups but we've never been alone on a date.
Anyway ...
Much to my surprise, the evening went really well.
First off, we'd all had dinner, so that was a good start. And, the truth is the kids just had fun. When I actually relaxed and didn't work about the dynamics it was fun. Mac, her older daughter, was just really fun with Matt. She set up a train track (she's 3 and a half) and let him run his train along it. Lindsey, the same age as Matty, did her own thing for awhile and then joined them in the play.
My favourite part of the evening was when they all started jumping on the bed and playing games. There's really pure and fresh about watching toddlers just laughing and playing and not having a care in the world. We just kind of watched them and let them enjoy each other's company.
Sometimes I get worried about what is out there for Matt - who he will be friends with, whether he'll fit in, how he'll do in school. And, then I watch him and I realize that he'll be just fine.
I got an e-mail yesterday morning from my friend asking if I wanted to come over for coffee and playtime before bed.
It's pretty convenient since we do live down the hall from each other, so I immediately agreed.
I have to admit, I was a little tentative about it. Not because I don't have a great time with Ginny. Of course I do - she's the person who got me through that first year.
What I was worried about was that a) Matt would bite one or both of her daughters b)Matt would tear their house apart or c) and this is the biggie for me, that the friendship between the kids that we had always hoped for may not work out.
It's not that they hadn't played together - it's just that it has been with other kids. This was a real playdate.
I sound like I'm in high school - we've hung out in groups but we've never been alone on a date.
Anyway ...
Much to my surprise, the evening went really well.
First off, we'd all had dinner, so that was a good start. And, the truth is the kids just had fun. When I actually relaxed and didn't work about the dynamics it was fun. Mac, her older daughter, was just really fun with Matt. She set up a train track (she's 3 and a half) and let him run his train along it. Lindsey, the same age as Matty, did her own thing for awhile and then joined them in the play.
My favourite part of the evening was when they all started jumping on the bed and playing games. There's really pure and fresh about watching toddlers just laughing and playing and not having a care in the world. We just kind of watched them and let them enjoy each other's company.
Sometimes I get worried about what is out there for Matt - who he will be friends with, whether he'll fit in, how he'll do in school. And, then I watch him and I realize that he'll be just fine.
Good Karma or Good Day - I'll take either
Given that the beginning of my week wasn't the best I decided that a mid-week turnaround was in order.
Why? Okay well partly because I was feeling pretty sorry for myself (my sunburn hurt, I was stressed about the biting and I was just tired) and I sort of kind of whined to someone in the mailroom who told me he had no sympathy. Nice. And, then I realized I was being silly and turned the week around.
I did a couple of things that I think caused some pretty good karma.
First, the biting thing. I decided that I'd had my say about my hurt feelings. I spoke with the daycare teachers and supervisor and we came up with some tactics on how to deal with this. And then I realized that in the process of being upset I'd probably hurt the feelings of the daycare teacher who got me mad.
So I sat down and wrote her a really long note about all the things we love about her. And, I went in and cleared the air. We were both hugging. It was a good moment. She told me wonderful things about Matt and promised not to be critical of my parenting. And, Matt didn't bite anyone yesterday!!!
Next, was a bit of a bigger thing. I gave my bike trailer away.
I bought it last year in this quest to be a cool mom. But, after reading like a zillion blogs these past couple of months and hanging out more with one of my great friends (Run, Ginny, Run) I realized that I didn't need to hold on to something that I had pruchased for the sole reason of making other parents think I was cool, a good mom, or whatever.
I heard about a woman who needed a bike trailer to get to her cancer treatments. Seriously.
So I got in touch and I gave it to her.
And, it made me feel really good. And it also made met get over the silliness of being cranky.
So, the week is looking up. Good Karma? I don't know. But whatever it is I'll take it.
Why? Okay well partly because I was feeling pretty sorry for myself (my sunburn hurt, I was stressed about the biting and I was just tired) and I sort of kind of whined to someone in the mailroom who told me he had no sympathy. Nice. And, then I realized I was being silly and turned the week around.
I did a couple of things that I think caused some pretty good karma.
First, the biting thing. I decided that I'd had my say about my hurt feelings. I spoke with the daycare teachers and supervisor and we came up with some tactics on how to deal with this. And then I realized that in the process of being upset I'd probably hurt the feelings of the daycare teacher who got me mad.
So I sat down and wrote her a really long note about all the things we love about her. And, I went in and cleared the air. We were both hugging. It was a good moment. She told me wonderful things about Matt and promised not to be critical of my parenting. And, Matt didn't bite anyone yesterday!!!
Next, was a bit of a bigger thing. I gave my bike trailer away.
I bought it last year in this quest to be a cool mom. But, after reading like a zillion blogs these past couple of months and hanging out more with one of my great friends (Run, Ginny, Run) I realized that I didn't need to hold on to something that I had pruchased for the sole reason of making other parents think I was cool, a good mom, or whatever.
I heard about a woman who needed a bike trailer to get to her cancer treatments. Seriously.
So I got in touch and I gave it to her.
And, it made me feel really good. And it also made met get over the silliness of being cranky.
So, the week is looking up. Good Karma? I don't know. But whatever it is I'll take it.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I Got Tagged!!!
I'm so excited!!! I got tagged by Naomi at UrbanMummy. Thanks!
http://www.urbanmummy.com/journal/
5 THINGS:
5 Things in My Refrigerator:
- Lemonade
- Cooked Chicken for our Chicken Caesar Salad tonight
- Lots of Apples (some with bites taken out - thanks Monkey)
- Skim Milk and 2% milk
- 5 (count em) 5 English cucumbers. Did you know cucumbers are good for blood pressure?
5 Things in My Closet:
- Lots of shoes and purses
- A suit that I hope to fit soon
- Several unlabelled boxes
- A pair of sandals I love but are really high
- Probably my cat (it's her favourite hiding place
5 Things in My Handbag:
- Blackberry
- Soother
- a few lip glosses
- lots of change
- Dora Candy
5 Things in My Car: (this is very scary)
- Kyla's Birthday present - a giant framed Little Mermaid Poster
- Bob the Builder toys
- several old bottles that we are afraid to touch/smell
- lots of coffee cups
- A whole lot of paper, cups, fast food bags, etc.
I don't know how to hyperlink so cut and paste, okay?
- Meghan (www.girlwholovestoknit.blogspot.com)
- James (http://jameskoole.ca/)
- Virginia(http://runginnyrun.jameskoole.ca/)
- Heather (http://hemakesmesmile.blogspot.com/)
- Rebecca (http://www.ninepounddictator.blogspot.com/)
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
A New Stroller
Look How Happy Matty is! He is not fearing impending stroller collapse!
So we did it. We bought a new stroller.
I'm very excited.
It is not a MacLaren. Mike didn't want to spend the money, and I kind of get why so we went for a compromise and bought a less expensive knock off with many of the same features.
I can justify this because I know that if and when I decide to have another baby there will be a shiny new Maclaren stroller waiting for me. And I will want a new stroller for a new child, and I will be justified in buying it.
Or my niece will outgrow hers and I will get it.
Or, maybe I will promise my friend Amy to name my future child after her and she will buy the Burberry MacLaren. Or maybe the will add Louis Vuitton to their collection and Ginny will break down and want to buy it.
Until then we have our "Hauck". Bonus points if you know what store this came from. Nope. It's not Ikea though it sounds like Ikea.
Pictures below.
Tomorrow is our trial run to daycare.
My boys!
So we did it. We bought a new stroller.
I'm very excited.
It is not a MacLaren. Mike didn't want to spend the money, and I kind of get why so we went for a compromise and bought a less expensive knock off with many of the same features.
I can justify this because I know that if and when I decide to have another baby there will be a shiny new Maclaren stroller waiting for me. And I will want a new stroller for a new child, and I will be justified in buying it.
Or my niece will outgrow hers and I will get it.
Or, maybe I will promise my friend Amy to name my future child after her and she will buy the Burberry MacLaren. Or maybe the will add Louis Vuitton to their collection and Ginny will break down and want to buy it.
Until then we have our "Hauck". Bonus points if you know what store this came from. Nope. It's not Ikea though it sounds like Ikea.
Pictures below.
Tomorrow is our trial run to daycare.
My boys!
Further to yesterday's post ...
I went into the daycare today, as usual, to drop off Matt. I was totally dreading it. As much as I enjoy confrontation at times, I hate it when it involves something like a daycare issue because I want them to like Matt and I want them to like me. I want us to all be a big happy family.
But I'm not happy. And their not, and if all the adults are upset about an issue it will affect Matt and I knew I had to speak to his teacher.
She knew it too and was kind of waiting for the conversation.
So, I said that I am pretty upset about what is going on. She explained that biting is an issue, etc., etc. AndI said I agree, but what I am upset about is that the other teacher made me feel like a rotten parent - and that was unfair and unhelpful.
And then I burst into tears.
Yep. The mature side of me came out in full force this morning.
But, tears work I think. And it is an emotional issue. And they are taking care of my most precious thing in the world.
We'll see how it goes to tonight.
PS Thanks to the people who posted responses/talked to me/e-mailed me offline about it.
I went into the daycare today, as usual, to drop off Matt. I was totally dreading it. As much as I enjoy confrontation at times, I hate it when it involves something like a daycare issue because I want them to like Matt and I want them to like me. I want us to all be a big happy family.
But I'm not happy. And their not, and if all the adults are upset about an issue it will affect Matt and I knew I had to speak to his teacher.
She knew it too and was kind of waiting for the conversation.
So, I said that I am pretty upset about what is going on. She explained that biting is an issue, etc., etc. AndI said I agree, but what I am upset about is that the other teacher made me feel like a rotten parent - and that was unfair and unhelpful.
And then I burst into tears.
Yep. The mature side of me came out in full force this morning.
But, tears work I think. And it is an emotional issue. And they are taking care of my most precious thing in the world.
We'll see how it goes to tonight.
PS Thanks to the people who posted responses/talked to me/e-mailed me offline about it.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Stupid Biting Issue Revisited
Today was a a very bad day. it just generally sucked, but then it got worse when I got to the daycare and I was "greeted" by a pissed of daycare teacher.
I didn't get a hello, or a friendly how was your weekend.
Instead I was accosted with "Matthew bit a child today."
Huh? what?
I get it. Matthew bites. He is 2.
Here's my problem with this. I leave him all day - about 9.5 hours with trained daycare teachers who watch him. They have their ECE and the place is well run. So, what the heck? Why am I being told off by a teacher the second I walk in the door?
I wasn't there. Yes, I agree biting is wrong. But, I WASN'T THERE. I didn't see what happened, I didn't encourage it or refuse to punish it. I was at work having a crappy day.
The teacher was so beligerent that I had to walk away for a second so I didn't a) cry b) scream or c) do both.
How do I explain to a 55 year old toddler room teacher that this is her problem. Not something she needs to attack me with, telling me how my husband and I should deal with this at home.
In fact we do tell him it is wrong. But, it is also up to them, during the day, to keep him from biting other kids.
I think part of the problem is that I don't want my child to be the biter of the class. I don't want to have the bully. And I want teachers to like my child. I work hard with him and I make sure he knows the difference between right and wrong. That's the most I can do. When I send him out of my home, even to the safe environment of the daycare I want to know that he is understanding the principles that I am teaching him.
But, at some point it is up to them.
I say this having been raised in a home with a father who is a principal. He would be the first to tell you the huge role the parent plays in a home, but I think (and correct me if I am wrong, Dad) that when the child is in a classroom the teacher has a responsibility to teach the rules and enforce them. Yes, the parents should be on the same team, but in the classroom the teacher is in charge. And, if a kid misbehaves in the classroom the parents should not be told off. Consulted yes, encouraged to take part in the discipline process, for sure, but not punished because their kid was bad.
Trust me - I had my moments. I could be a brat. But, that was not my parents' fault. It was mine. And, if you watched me as a child and teenager you would have seen that the classes I behaved in were the classes in which I was engaged and the classes I misbehaved in were the classes where I was bored. And, in the classroom teachers had to stand their ground.
I will never forget when I was in 2nd grade and I completely refused to do a very simple math assignment. My teacher stood her ground, did not let me get away with what I was doing, and I didn't cross the line again.
You know, Mrs. Black still is hands down my favourite teacher. Why? Becuase I knew where I stood with her and I didn't cross that line. She was cool and fun, and in story time she let me touch her suede shoes (she still laughs about this), but she never let us get away with murder.
So, how does this relate to the biting issue?
In my opinion, biting in the classroom is an issue for the classroom - and one that I am happy to work on but not be blamed for.
So, what am I going to do?
I have already spoken to the teacher, so now I am going to make an appointment with the woman in charge. I'm going to explain my issue in as rational and non-emotional a way that I can and I am going to come to a solution. I hope.
I didn't get a hello, or a friendly how was your weekend.
Instead I was accosted with "Matthew bit a child today."
Huh? what?
I get it. Matthew bites. He is 2.
Here's my problem with this. I leave him all day - about 9.5 hours with trained daycare teachers who watch him. They have their ECE and the place is well run. So, what the heck? Why am I being told off by a teacher the second I walk in the door?
I wasn't there. Yes, I agree biting is wrong. But, I WASN'T THERE. I didn't see what happened, I didn't encourage it or refuse to punish it. I was at work having a crappy day.
The teacher was so beligerent that I had to walk away for a second so I didn't a) cry b) scream or c) do both.
How do I explain to a 55 year old toddler room teacher that this is her problem. Not something she needs to attack me with, telling me how my husband and I should deal with this at home.
In fact we do tell him it is wrong. But, it is also up to them, during the day, to keep him from biting other kids.
I think part of the problem is that I don't want my child to be the biter of the class. I don't want to have the bully. And I want teachers to like my child. I work hard with him and I make sure he knows the difference between right and wrong. That's the most I can do. When I send him out of my home, even to the safe environment of the daycare I want to know that he is understanding the principles that I am teaching him.
But, at some point it is up to them.
I say this having been raised in a home with a father who is a principal. He would be the first to tell you the huge role the parent plays in a home, but I think (and correct me if I am wrong, Dad) that when the child is in a classroom the teacher has a responsibility to teach the rules and enforce them. Yes, the parents should be on the same team, but in the classroom the teacher is in charge. And, if a kid misbehaves in the classroom the parents should not be told off. Consulted yes, encouraged to take part in the discipline process, for sure, but not punished because their kid was bad.
Trust me - I had my moments. I could be a brat. But, that was not my parents' fault. It was mine. And, if you watched me as a child and teenager you would have seen that the classes I behaved in were the classes in which I was engaged and the classes I misbehaved in were the classes where I was bored. And, in the classroom teachers had to stand their ground.
I will never forget when I was in 2nd grade and I completely refused to do a very simple math assignment. My teacher stood her ground, did not let me get away with what I was doing, and I didn't cross the line again.
You know, Mrs. Black still is hands down my favourite teacher. Why? Becuase I knew where I stood with her and I didn't cross that line. She was cool and fun, and in story time she let me touch her suede shoes (she still laughs about this), but she never let us get away with murder.
So, how does this relate to the biting issue?
In my opinion, biting in the classroom is an issue for the classroom - and one that I am happy to work on but not be blamed for.
So, what am I going to do?
I have already spoken to the teacher, so now I am going to make an appointment with the woman in charge. I'm going to explain my issue in as rational and non-emotional a way that I can and I am going to come to a solution. I hope.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Am I a Hostage to the Soother??
Tonight something became crystal clear to me - I'm a hostage to the soother.
My son, who's 2, loves his soother. It's funny because when he was really little he didn't like it at all, but as he has gotten older it's his favourite thing next to a bottle of chocolate milk.
But it seems like lately we have become hostage to the soother. Tonight there is no soother because I have somehow misplaced it. Neither Mike or I can find it anywhere and we have looked everywhere. The question is, are we hostage to the soother.
My answer is slowly becoming yes. And I am thinking it's time to ween from it.
The problem is that I think it is me who will have a harder time than Matthew.
At daycare he seems okay with no soother. He gets it at nap time. Period. The rest of the day he survives without it. They claim he is fine. But, what do they do when he has a temper tantrum? What do they bribe him with when he's not listening or take away when he is being bad?
A very brave friend of mine decided that she would just name the date and then take away the soother. She followed through with this too. Since we live in a condo she simply let her kids throw their soothers down the garbage chute.
And it worked. Her kids are weaned of their soothers (her daughter is less than a week older than Matt so is a good gauge for me). But, she was totally on board with the idea. She also was able to throw a very beloved DVD down the chute when she had to follow through with a threat.
Am I being critical?
Of course not. I think it's genius.
I just don't know if I am ready or not. I'm way too attached to it and the value it plays in our life.
So, I guess we have a few options. We can take option A - the option Ginny took and dispose of the soother. Problem being, I would need to have Ginny throw it down the chute for me because I would wimp out. There's Option B - Let him keep it and give it up when he's ready even if that is like age 5. Or there's Option C - slowly slowly wean him from the beloved soother.
For now I have no idea what we're doing.
I just sent Mike to the car to hunt it out. We'll see if he finds it or not.
PS. Yes, I have thought about having more than one soother. I think we have about 26 I just can't find any.
My son, who's 2, loves his soother. It's funny because when he was really little he didn't like it at all, but as he has gotten older it's his favourite thing next to a bottle of chocolate milk.
But it seems like lately we have become hostage to the soother. Tonight there is no soother because I have somehow misplaced it. Neither Mike or I can find it anywhere and we have looked everywhere. The question is, are we hostage to the soother.
My answer is slowly becoming yes. And I am thinking it's time to ween from it.
The problem is that I think it is me who will have a harder time than Matthew.
At daycare he seems okay with no soother. He gets it at nap time. Period. The rest of the day he survives without it. They claim he is fine. But, what do they do when he has a temper tantrum? What do they bribe him with when he's not listening or take away when he is being bad?
A very brave friend of mine decided that she would just name the date and then take away the soother. She followed through with this too. Since we live in a condo she simply let her kids throw their soothers down the garbage chute.
And it worked. Her kids are weaned of their soothers (her daughter is less than a week older than Matt so is a good gauge for me). But, she was totally on board with the idea. She also was able to throw a very beloved DVD down the chute when she had to follow through with a threat.
Am I being critical?
Of course not. I think it's genius.
I just don't know if I am ready or not. I'm way too attached to it and the value it plays in our life.
So, I guess we have a few options. We can take option A - the option Ginny took and dispose of the soother. Problem being, I would need to have Ginny throw it down the chute for me because I would wimp out. There's Option B - Let him keep it and give it up when he's ready even if that is like age 5. Or there's Option C - slowly slowly wean him from the beloved soother.
For now I have no idea what we're doing.
I just sent Mike to the car to hunt it out. We'll see if he finds it or not.
PS. Yes, I have thought about having more than one soother. I think we have about 26 I just can't find any.
Wonderful Wonderland
Yesterday Matthew, my niece Kyla, my brother-in-law Steve and I went to Canada's Wonderland.
There was much excitement around this event. Kyla and I had planned it for weeks (down to what treats we were each bringing) and I had explained to Matt what it was all about. Steve and I even had a couple of phone conversations about it.
So we met at our pre-arranged rendezvous point and off we went.
Now it may seem a little stange that it was me and Steve going. The reason behind it is that this year they are offering up by one day's passes get another day's free for the rest of the season. Becky and Steve went once with their kids and then asked if we
wanted to go the second time and bring Kyla since she and I have always talked about going (seriously, she is almost 4 and we have been discussing this for about 2 years).
Mike wasn't too keen on the idea of going with 2 kids, so we determined that giving him the day off would be a great Father's Day gift and Steve wanted to go.
Anyway ... Back to the day
I have to say we had a pretty Wonderful time. I was a little tentative about bringing my 2 year old who doesn't stand still. But, with his cousin keeping him in check it went fine. The line ups weren't bad, and he loved that he got to go on all the rides with Uncle Steve while I went with Kyla.
I loved that I got to go on so many rides. Okay - so they weren't exactly scary roller coasters like I prefer, but what's not to enjoy about the mini rollercoaster that you ride with your kid complete with
the camera where you can buy expensive photos. (we didn't because the pic wasn't flattering, but I will definitely plan ahead next time).
We also went to to the Dora show which was pretty darn cute. I started to sing and dance right along with dora and boots. I couldn't help myself. It was that good. And the fun thing about that show was that no one cared that I was singing and dancing along with dora and boots.
Side note for anyone who read the post about the Dora clothes - it is TOTALLY cool to wear Dora clothes at any age at Wonderland. In fact, you could buy a Dora shirt to wear to Wonderland.
Anyway, I was also really impressed with the staff in the kids area. They were so much fun. They were patient with the kids getting in and out of the rides and also totally fine about the parents being a bit anxious when their kids were going on an unchaperoned ride for the first time.
Probably the funniest moment of the day was when we were waiting to go on the airplane ride. We were in line forever (like about 30 minutes). It was hot, there was no shade and the kid behind us was having a complete meltdown. Matt and Kyla were both cracking and we just wanted
to get on the ride. We were right at the front of the line behind one other family. WE WERE NEXT! Then it happened. First there was some delay starting the ride. Then one little kid freaked out completely so they stopped the ride to pull him out. Then it restarted and then stopped again because one of the parents hadn't left the ride area. Finally, it starts AGAIN. In order to make all the kids who'd been sitting on the ride happy, the guy decided to play Simon Says with them.
Okay, so that was funny.
"Simon says wave at your parents."
"Simon says raise your hands in the air", etc. etc.
Funny, except that he was making the ride longer to compensate and also longer because he was enjoying Simon Says.
Finally he does this long drawn out "Simon Says ...." and as he was waiting to fill in the blank the woman next to me yells
"MAKE IT STOP!"
Honestly, the funniest moment of the day. I couldn't stop giggling. I'm still laughing about it - it was that funny. But, funny in the way that you can't really repeat the moment. But, you will always laugh about it because it was funny.
The rest of the day was fun too. There was some spilled pop, a few tears and a couple meltdowns, but nothing major.
I think for me the highlight of the day was watching the cousins interract. They would often be waiting in line and just spontaneously hug. That was pretty cool. Or, they would go on a kiddie ride and sit there laughing about a joke that only they shared. I would watch them swiging through the air and laughing - and then Kyla would show Matt to wave at us, and then they would laugh together. Very cute.
I am thinking about going again. In fact, part of me wanted to run up to the desk and buy a season's pass. But, then I realized that part of what made the day special was that we don't do it a lot. That we can't just hop in our car and go up there. It's a treat and it's a big deal.
Pictures to come :)
There was much excitement around this event. Kyla and I had planned it for weeks (down to what treats we were each bringing) and I had explained to Matt what it was all about. Steve and I even had a couple of phone conversations about it.
So we met at our pre-arranged rendezvous point and off we went.
Now it may seem a little stange that it was me and Steve going. The reason behind it is that this year they are offering up by one day's passes get another day's free for the rest of the season. Becky and Steve went once with their kids and then asked if we
wanted to go the second time and bring Kyla since she and I have always talked about going (seriously, she is almost 4 and we have been discussing this for about 2 years).Mike wasn't too keen on the idea of going with 2 kids, so we determined that giving him the day off would be a great Father's Day gift and Steve wanted to go.
Anyway ... Back to the day
I have to say we had a pretty Wonderful time. I was a little tentative about bringing my 2 year old who doesn't stand still. But, with his cousin keeping him in check it went fine. The line ups weren't bad, and he loved that he got to go on all the rides with Uncle Steve while I went with Kyla.
I loved that I got to go on so many rides. Okay - so they weren't exactly scary roller coasters like I prefer, but what's not to enjoy about the mini rollercoaster that you ride with your kid complete with
the camera where you can buy expensive photos. (we didn't because the pic wasn't flattering, but I will definitely plan ahead next time).We also went to to the Dora show which was pretty darn cute. I started to sing and dance right along with dora and boots. I couldn't help myself. It was that good. And the fun thing about that show was that no one cared that I was singing and dancing along with dora and boots.
Side note for anyone who read the post about the Dora clothes - it is TOTALLY cool to wear Dora clothes at any age at Wonderland. In fact, you could buy a Dora shirt to wear to Wonderland.
Anyway, I was also really impressed with the staff in the kids area. They were so much fun. They were patient with the kids getting in and out of the rides and also totally fine about the parents being a bit anxious when their kids were going on an unchaperoned ride for the first time.
Probably the funniest moment of the day was when we were waiting to go on the airplane ride. We were in line forever (like about 30 minutes). It was hot, there was no shade and the kid behind us was having a complete meltdown. Matt and Kyla were both cracking and we just wanted
to get on the ride. We were right at the front of the line behind one other family. WE WERE NEXT! Then it happened. First there was some delay starting the ride. Then one little kid freaked out completely so they stopped the ride to pull him out. Then it restarted and then stopped again because one of the parents hadn't left the ride area. Finally, it starts AGAIN. In order to make all the kids who'd been sitting on the ride happy, the guy decided to play Simon Says with them.Okay, so that was funny.
"Simon says wave at your parents."
"Simon says raise your hands in the air", etc. etc.
Funny, except that he was making the ride longer to compensate and also longer because he was enjoying Simon Says.
Finally he does this long drawn out "Simon Says ...." and as he was waiting to fill in the blank the woman next to me yells
"MAKE IT STOP!"
Honestly, the funniest moment of the day. I couldn't stop giggling. I'm still laughing about it - it was that funny. But, funny in the way that you can't really repeat the moment. But, you will always laugh about it because it was funny.
The rest of the day was fun too. There was some spilled pop, a few tears and a couple meltdowns, but nothing major.
I think for me the highlight of the day was watching the cousins interract. They would often be waiting in line and just spontaneously hug. That was pretty cool. Or, they would go on a kiddie ride and sit there laughing about a joke that only they shared. I would watch them swiging through the air and laughing - and then Kyla would show Matt to wave at us, and then they would laugh together. Very cute.
I am thinking about going again. In fact, part of me wanted to run up to the desk and buy a season's pass. But, then I realized that part of what made the day special was that we don't do it a lot. That we can't just hop in our car and go up there. It's a treat and it's a big deal.
Pictures to come :)
Friday, June 16, 2006
Thirsday Thirteen on Saturday ... Why Not?
I like the Thursday 13 thing so I have moved it to Saturday because I have more time. Here we go ...
Thirteen Quirky/Crazy Things People Don't Know about Me (and probably don't care)
1. Growing up my nickname was Lauralski. My sister came up with it and knew it drove me crazy. Thanks, Beckwith (I mean, Becky)
2. I have passed 2 written driving tests and 2 road tests. I have failed one written test and 5 road tests. I do not have nerves of steel when it comes to driving tests.
3. People who drove with me before the age of 23 really are terrified to get in the car with me most of the time.
4. Some people believe that I have a slightly obsessive personality. I do not agree. Addictive maybe, but not obsessive.
5. If I were to agree that I am a tad bit obsessive the things that come to mind are: Phantom, Kurt Browning, City, and I think that is about it. Maybe also the Louis/'Flouis' thing but that was a short period in my life.
6. I took singing lessons - but quit shortly after I started.
7. I have done a mini-triathlon. It almost killed me because I had to swim in a lake and then bike and then run. What was I thinking? I believe I am a stronger person for having done that. And I will never swim in any lake again.
8. I forgot my hairdresser Bill in #5.
9. I love and adore the hairdresser who I have gone to for almost 15 years now and I used to send him cards and letters on a regular basis. If there was one person I felt I really needed to talk to in a crisis I would hands-down trust him with anything. He knows that. And, I love him for that.
10. Sadly, I love the Show America's Next Top Model. It's a bit addictive. Canada's not so much. This does not think I could be a model.
11. Pride week is important to me. I lived on Church Street and in many ways grew up as a person living there. I learned about acceptance - and also about being the one seeking acceptance. I plan to be at the Pride Parade because I want my son to understand - and not judge. And, yes, I will probably cry when I see PFLAG walk by because it always brings tears to my eyes and having my own child makes that more clear.
12. I am absolutely addicted to rewards programs like Shoppers Optimum Points. I love something for free - even if I have to spend more to get a reward.
13. When I was a child (maybe 7 or 8 I think) I was recorded on a cd with a small singing ensemble. I love to say I have my own CD. Actually, 20 years ago it was probably a record. A what? A RECORD!
Thirteen Quirky/Crazy Things People Don't Know about Me (and probably don't care)
1. Growing up my nickname was Lauralski. My sister came up with it and knew it drove me crazy. Thanks, Beckwith (I mean, Becky)
2. I have passed 2 written driving tests and 2 road tests. I have failed one written test and 5 road tests. I do not have nerves of steel when it comes to driving tests.
3. People who drove with me before the age of 23 really are terrified to get in the car with me most of the time.
4. Some people believe that I have a slightly obsessive personality. I do not agree. Addictive maybe, but not obsessive.
5. If I were to agree that I am a tad bit obsessive the things that come to mind are: Phantom, Kurt Browning, City, and I think that is about it. Maybe also the Louis/'Flouis' thing but that was a short period in my life.
6. I took singing lessons - but quit shortly after I started.
7. I have done a mini-triathlon. It almost killed me because I had to swim in a lake and then bike and then run. What was I thinking? I believe I am a stronger person for having done that. And I will never swim in any lake again.
8. I forgot my hairdresser Bill in #5.
9. I love and adore the hairdresser who I have gone to for almost 15 years now and I used to send him cards and letters on a regular basis. If there was one person I felt I really needed to talk to in a crisis I would hands-down trust him with anything. He knows that. And, I love him for that.
10. Sadly, I love the Show America's Next Top Model. It's a bit addictive. Canada's not so much. This does not think I could be a model.
11. Pride week is important to me. I lived on Church Street and in many ways grew up as a person living there. I learned about acceptance - and also about being the one seeking acceptance. I plan to be at the Pride Parade because I want my son to understand - and not judge. And, yes, I will probably cry when I see PFLAG walk by because it always brings tears to my eyes and having my own child makes that more clear.
12. I am absolutely addicted to rewards programs like Shoppers Optimum Points. I love something for free - even if I have to spend more to get a reward.
13. When I was a child (maybe 7 or 8 I think) I was recorded on a cd with a small singing ensemble. I love to say I have my own CD. Actually, 20 years ago it was probably a record. A what? A RECORD!
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