Daycare ... I love it

I started my blog after Matt started in a new daycare.

When we lived in Oakville (for about a year) and I first went back to work we found a wonderful daycare for Matt. I LOVED his teacher. She was amazing and kind and sweet and cool and Matt loved her to death. In fact, I loved all his teachers there and the centre managers. It was a hidden gem and I don't think I realized how great it was until we were moving and had to find a new place.

Our first attempt at a new daycare lasted for 2 weeks and I really hated it. I knew it was the wrong place when I voiced a concern (something I don't do a lot because I am pretty easy going) and I was told that "he was growing up" and I just had to accept it. Huh? I pulled him out that day.

And then he started at the daycare he is now.

I love the place!!

It's very different from his daycare in Oakville, and it made me a little nervous. But it has worked out really well. Over the last week or so I've discovered something. He really loves the place!

I knew he liked it, and I knew I liked it, but it takes time, and it seems that time has passed. He's in the routine now, and so am I. I know the names of all the teachers he is around frequently. He talks about them constantly!!

It's funny because the teacher he spends the most time with is the complete opposite of his teacher in Oakville. I don't mean to say she is old, but we have discussed her pension on occasion! She is rigid and strict, but she is really loving and it works. I have to admit that she makes me a little nervous because I often feel intimidated by her knowledge of toddler issues, but I am learning she is there to help me, not be critical.

The other day I said to her that I can't imagine spending all day every day with toddlers. She looked at me like I had 2 heads!! Really, I can't imagine it, and I don't think she could ever imagine sitting behind the desk and not singing itsy bitsy spider 27 times in a day.

She is balanced out by the preschool teacher who we see many mornings. Matthew LOVES her. We are usually the first family there in the morning and she is so relaxed with Matt. I love when I know she will be there because she works some sort of magic so that Matt doesn't cry at drop off. I don't know what she does, but really, it's wonderful.

For me daycare was such a tough choice. But, here I really feel like it was the right one.

For the past few weeks I've been taking the bus with a woman who is about to have her first baby (due early October). We started chatting, and have gotten to know each other fairly well. She asked me the other day about putting Matt in daycare because she is making the choice now. I said to her that when you are really comfortable with the place you are at it's a good choice.

I hope that was good advice. (and flattering that she asked. I know this is a topic for another post, but I am very flattered that someone is asking me for advice on everything from daycare to childbirth options. Is it possible that to some people I come off as a reasonably sane, put together and dare I say it mentally healthy mom??? I'm beginning to think so)

Finances - Ick

Mike and I have been talking a lot about our finances, or our lack thereof.
When we went for a brief time to marriage counselling we went through several of our issues - typical couple with a toddler issues -- not enough time for each other, dealing with stress, work/life balance, etc. We did really well in the counselling and enjoyed it.
The counsellor was pretty cool, and I think it's a fantastic thing for any couple.
At the end of it, though, she told us one thing. If we are going to stay together we need to get some financial counselling. (or win a lottery, I would imagine).
So, it's been something Mike and I have discussed off and on for awhile now.
What is financial counselling. I don't really know. There are a million different types, it seems, and a lot of services, but the issue from most of them is that there is a reason behind because obviously people want to make money.
We want to steer clear of those.
So the other day I was online and looking some stuff up and I came upon a web site for a television show where they basically offer you financial advice for free. The catch is, obviously, that you are on television.
Hmmmm ...
Of course I sent the application in. Why? I think part of it is because I assumed that they would say no and that we could then decide that if the tv show declined us we really were on the right path toward "financial freedom".
I was wrong.
They called us within a couple days. We did a preliminary interview and it turns out that they are really interested in us. And, we are really interested in them.
So, we are in the process of of working with them to get on the show.
On the one hand we are really excited. On the other we're not - for a couple of reasons.
1) It's admitting failure to the whole world, or at least to Canada and whatever country they decide to broadcast it in. (lol Japan? China? Indonesia? I wonder how I would sound if I were dubbed in another language?) Or at least admitting that we tend to overspend on stupid things
2) I am not entirely sure I want to go on a financial diet. I mean, I hate diets. And I am on one. So, what do you do when you can't go out to dinner? You go to a mall and buy stuff. Or, in my case garage sales. Either way. I'm a little afraid of what I would have to give up.
I guess what I am saying is this whole thing makes me nervous ... and excited. Would we be able to do it?
Will be accepted past the initial interview stage????
We'll wait and see.

Thursday Thirteen - 13 Things I admire about my friends

I was inspired by someone else's Thursday Thirteen. I hope this doesn't sound like a highschool year book

Thirteen Things I admire in my friends (in no particular order)

1. Wonderful zaniness and complete confidence in who she is. (Stef - How could I not instantly become friends with the temp who walked into our office with a fish lunch bag and long red braids without a second thought?)

2.Tolerance and patience (Sabrina - She has been with me since our first day of J-School - she even put up with Boom Boom confusing us in diversity class)

3. Exuberance (Salina - Who else would even think to make their 1-month old "dance" in the puppet theatre at the playgroup and laugh when the other more snooty moms are shocked?)

4. Strength of conviction (Ginny -I always know where I stand with her, and where my ideas stand with her. There's no pretension)

5. Humour (Beth - She can make almost any office situation funny - and find anything I say hilarious. Sending blackberry messages back and forth is more addictive than passing notes in class)

6. Vision (Meghan - She will someday get her book published - I know it!)

7. Enthusiam (Ketly - Being around her is just generally uplifting because she is a fun person)

8. Encouragement (Amy - Sometimes all you need to solve a problem really is a latte and a listening ear and she's always there with both)

9. Guidance (Donna - I've looked up to her as my mentor for years. When I was struggling through breastfeeding I'd check my e-mail and there would be a wonderful e-mail encouraging me and answer the many questions I may have had - but there was never judgement.)

10. Caring (Sarah - She's that person who will get you a coffee when she knows it's been a bad day - and not expect you to do the same back. Even though of course you want to. It's just not a requirement of your friendship)

11. Love (Kyla - For Christmas I got a carebear ornament and this adorable 3 year old said to me "I really wanted to buy this for you because I love you very much". She loves me for me - it amazes me the capacity kids have for love, and even when I'm feeling and looking my worst she is excited to see me.

12. Longevity (Greg - The only guy to make this list! He's been in my life for so long and has been a friend through ups and downs. It's a friendship I can't explain for the most part, but I can't imagine not calling him my friend. Life would just suck)

13. Goodness (Becky - She just covers all the good qualities like patience and kindness and friendship and love. A little of my sister's time goes a long way.)

The Bus is Broken

They say in comedy it's all about the timing.
I think my son is going to be a comedian.
Yesterday on the ride home the back door on the bus wouldn't open. The driver got out and tried to fix it with no luck.
The next thing we knew he decided to turn off and completely "re-boot" the bus.
This has happened to me before. The whole thing just turns off and the lights are out etc.
No biggie.
Well ...
This is the first time such an exciting event had happened for Matthew.
Off went the lights, the fans, etc. Everyone got quite and did that mutter you hear on public transit when you know you may be awhile. That collective groan.
Then silence.
And in the collective silence, the moment of pure calm Matt shouted:
"UH OH! BUS IS BROKEN!"
I have to say, it was probably the funniest moment in his short life.
Everyone bus cracked up.
I cracked up.
The driver cracked up.
And Matt realized that he was funny. And he cracked up too.
In the end it was no big deal. The bus got turned back on and the doors worked again.
And the entire way home Matt announced to everyone "bus is broken. bus is broken"
My son - the comedian.

I sware I am serene!!!!

Second post of the day - I have a lot to say.
I read the article below in the Post today. I know some people like that paper, but it's not my favourite (I'm sorry). It just irritates me some days. Like today.
The story below was on the front cover. I read it a couple of times because I couldn't figure out exactly what was annoying me.
But wait, it's the first sentence "The serene stay-at-home mother who teaches her children as she cleans and cooks all day remains the main focus of modern literacy advice to families, ignoring the reality of the modern, dual-income working families"
Okay - so I understand that this is a researcher who is saying that (see below) but I also understand that they picked out a very specific phrase that just perpetrates this whole working vs. stay at home argument to use as the lead paragraph.
In my opinion they did this to raise the ire of some people. Like me.
It frustrates me to no end that they that they automatically assume the mom at home is calm and serene while the mom who works is frazzled.
Okay, I am a little frazzled, but in relation to my year of being at home not so much!
Really, meet some Stay at Home Moms. Unless you have a live in nanny or something to help you out you are generally not all that serene. I don't mean that to be offensive. It's the toughest job in the world, I believe.
I think the point that should be made here is that most literacy training materials are directed toward stay at home parents.
Point taken. How does the fact that they use shopping trips and laundry to teach reading cause SAHM's to be more serene?
I don't see this researcher saying that. What I think she is saying is that literacy material is more focused at SAHM's.
Well, that makes sense.
I'm not offended or annoyed by that part. I am still taking issue with the word serene.
Truthfully, when it comes to literacy, I don't worry that much about it. Why? Becuase he is in daycare, and one of the advantages of daycare is that is something that they work on. I get report cards and daily information from them. I do care, don't get me wrong. I love reading and I think it is crucial to my son's development. But, he's reciting his ABC's, Counting (in English and Spanish, thanks Dora!) and knows his colours.
Why? Well, I attribute that to the daycare he is in.
My sister stays at home with her kids. And, yes, they seem equally bright.
But, she does use those tactics to teach. Why? Because she is home with them all day, so instead of throwing laundry in at night she uses stuff like that as a learning session. This is normal. She also does stuff like that with the dishes and cleaning up.
She does not always do this in a serene fashion.
She doesn't own a dishwasher - how can she be serene about doing dishes? And, what does it matter in the scheme of literacy?
Really, this story is not front page news unless you want to piss people off. I really don't believe that literacy materials encouraging families to use grocery shopping as a learning experience is only focused on SAHM's. It is just more geared towards them. They know their audience - parents who are home with their kids. And, why not use laundry, cooking and cleaning as learning lessons. Yes, that is how parents did it a hundred years ago. And it worked.
And at the same time, hello, many of us working parents still grocery shop, wash our clothes and bake and cook, and we really do use these times as learning lessons.
Whatever, it's a good point, and something to look more into. Maybe there should be some literature on using the commute to daycare to teach my child counting (one bus, two bus) good hygiene (don't put your hand in your mouth after touching the subway seat, use more Purell) and even grammar (find the spelling mistake in that billboard).
But, please, let's not bring up the argument about how serene parents are.
Really.

P.S. This article is really interesting - you just have to get over the first paragraph.
---

News

The myth of literacy & stay-home mothers

Anne Marie Owens

National Post

600 words

30 May 2006

National Post

National

A1 / Front

English

(c) 2006 National Post . All Rights Reserved.

In a week-long series from the Congress of the Humanities and Social Sciences, the National Post showcases some of the most interesting research being undertaken in Canada.

- - -

The serene stay-at-home mother who teaches her children as she cleans and cooks all day remains the main focus of modern literacy advice to families, ignoring the reality of the modern, dual-income working families, a Canadian researcher has concluded.

When parents are instructed to encourage their children's literacy, there is a subversive undercurrent that often favours this old-fashioned image of motherhood as primary agent for children's reading, says Suzanne Smythe, a graduate student at the University of British Columbia.

"The advice embeds literacy in domestic work traditionally performed by women," Ms. Smythe says. As in, "Bake cookies with your children," "Let your children help with the shopping list," and "Doing laundry is a good time to teach colours and sizes."

Often billed as based on the latest science in children's reading, she says much of the advice about encouraging children to read remains unchanged from what women have been told for the past hundred years. Even though lives have changed dramatically, with more women working and more families with time-strapped, double-income couples, much of the advice aimed at helping kids read is still rooted in very traditional notions of family life and in a mythical mother who teaches as she goes about her busy day.

"Literacy advice is often less about promoting reading and writing than about regulating mothering practices and children's reading choices," argues Ms. Smythe, who presented her findings at a conference in Toronto yesterday in a paper called, "Ideal Families, Ideal Literacies."

For her doctoral thesis, she examined child-raising manuals, parenting magazines and family literacy promotional materials from the 19th century to the present day. What she found was "a remarkable continuity" in the content of advice to mothers.

She says even though school boards often say broad-based statements such as, "Parents are their children's first and foremost educators," what is hidden in that statement are gendered assumptions about mothers' roles and primary responsibility for literacy development.

Much of the home instruction on literacy ignores the possible roles of fathers, siblings and other community members, and also fails to recognize children's own literacy interests independent of their parents, she says.

She says it is more subversive than the 19th century literature, where at least literacy was overtly expressed as the mother's domain. Now, the political correctness of language suggests that all of this is parents' work, not mothers', and yet the reality and the expectation are largely unchanged.

She says she began the research when her own children were small and she realized that even in her equal-responsibility home, where both parents read to the children, the responsibility for homework, for school assignments, for communication between home and school, fell to her.

"Is children's success in literacy and in schooling dependent on the work of the 'ideal' mother," she asks in her paper. She says the question is more than rhetorical and is particularly relevant today, when cash-strapped schools are increasingly relying on mothers not only as teachers in the home, but as advocates for school conditions and fundraisers for the school.

Back to Daycare & Work

So despite my rant yesterday it was actually a pretty fun day.
It was a nice surprise to stay home with Matt and just have some fun.
I'll say this first of all - if my maternity leave had been with a toddler it would have been a lot more fun.
Seriously.
When Matty was an infant I would say "hey, do you want to bake muffins today?" and he would scream. Or I would say "hey, let's turn on the music" and he would scream.
Yesterday was much different. When I offered to make muffins he brought the chair over and got very excited, helped stir and cracked the egg for me.
When I turned on the music he danced!!! It was great.
We even made a yummy dinner (he asked for mashed "tatoes" though he didn't touch them) and just enjoyed each other's company.
But, at the same time I think we were both ready to go back to daycare/work today.
When we got to daycare he was so excited, his friend was waiting for him and they found the teacher who told them that they were going to eat breakfast outside today. I got a couple extra hugs goodbye and then they were off.
Is it okay for me to feel this happy about the daycare send off?
I am pretty positive that I feel happy about it because Matty is so happy about it. Yesterday for both of us was a treat. And, I think we both appreciated it. I know I did. I got a whole lot of extra cuddles and impromptu kisses that aren't generally part of my work day. And it was so nice.
But, I also think it was because it was unexpected for both of us. I don't really think that we'd have mellow days like that if I were home all the time. I think I'd go back to being just as frazzled as I was, and constantly trying to come up with new ways to entertain him.
So, today I'm back at work. And, I'm happy to be here (especially since we have a divisional lunch that will be fun). I'm happy to be working, and happy that my job pays enough that I can put Matty in a daycare where I know he is safe, happy, well taken care of and I think I can go so far as to say loved. (not as much as by me, but in a completely different way).

Where's the Bus???

I know that I don't always love the bus and subway, but today it's ridiculous.
Who thought that calling a Wildcat strike for a Monday morning - with no warning - was a good idea? This strike is ridiculous.
Here is why I am annoyed.
I live in Toronto and chose a condo that was accessible on 2 bus routes. I chose a job that I was able to commute to by transit and I chose a daycare that is on a subway line. And, I buy a monthly metropass.
I RELY ON TRANSIT!!!!
This strike is ridiculous.
I understand unions, and I am very sympathetic to the plight of drivers. But, I also pay a lot of money every month. It is completely unfair of them to cripple the entire city to further a cause that at this point hasn't even been clearly stated.
Are they locked out? Is it a wildcat strike? Who knows.
What I do know is that it is very frustrating.
My son couldn't go to daycare today because I didn't know how we would get him home or how I would get to my office if we got a ride to the daycare. It's a very long walk. I estimate 2 hours.
So, he is at home trying to entertain himself while I try to get work done.
This morning my boss was on the phone trying to have me re-word something. She said to me "why did you pick that as the important thing to point out in the e-mail". Well, because while I was trying to draft something halfway logical Matthew was climbing the chair.
So in order to actually speak logically I gave Matt a popsicle and figured out what I wanted to say.
He has had several popsicles today as I have been on the phone. Oh well.
But, I have to admit it hasn't been all that bad.
We've had a fun morning.
Matty and I have watched some tv, had a cup of coffee and just relaxed. Well, kind of.
And, he has a new phrase "where's the bus?" How cute is that.
I think this afternoon I will teach him to say "wildcat strike" or maybe "lockout" but first I have to figure out what it is.

I'm So Proud!!!

(My Mom and Matt)
Usually I write about my experiences with my son and all of the reasons I am proud of him.
But, today I was proud of someone else ... my mom!
Today Mike, Matty and I went with her and my dad to see her new office in North Oakville.
My mom is my greatest ally and an inspiration. Don't get me wrong, we don't always get along. We've had many arguments and we certainly don't see eye to eye on every issue. But, she's an amazing person and an incredible mom (who I draw a lot of inspiration from.)
For the past few years she has been changing her career path. She has always wanted to make a difference in the lives of others, and the way she does this is through training, solution focused counseling and stress management coaching.
When she decided to do this she also committed to keeping her family first. Between us my sister and I have 3 children. My mom kept her grandchildren snd children a priority (especially when Matty, Mike and I arrived on my parents' doorstep for a few months between houses!). She's committed to her work, but she always makes time to bake brownies with my nieces and blow bubbles with my son.
My mom made so many huge leaps in the last 5 years it amazes me. Few people have the courage to leave a full time job with no guarantee of full time work in order to what you really want, but that is exactly what she did. When she turned 50 she decided it was now or never.
So, I am really proud to say that she has now grown her business enough to expand into her very own office.
Way to go, Mom! You're an inspiration.

Mushy Carrots and the Debate about Perfection

This week Mike and I had a bit of an argument. Not a fight where there was screaming or anything. Just a civil debate.

It all started because I had made a nutritious and delicious stir fry for dinner. Instead of commenting on how yummy the meal was, Mike took out all of his baby carrots, the best part, offered them to me and said “they are too crispy. I like my carrots mushy.”

If I were a calm and civilized person by nature I would have taken that in stride and perhaps thought to myself, that yes, I should have pre-cooked them so they were less crispy. Or, maybe I should omit them next time.

Yeah, right.

I was furious.

Every single day I pick May up at daycare and suffer through an often-unpleasant subway and bus ride with a sometimes cranky toddler and then get home to plan and make dinner. Mike comes in about 15 minutes after me to dinner mid-preparation, Matthew usually happy with a snack or a drink, sometimes helping me (safely) cook or sometimes playing or watching tv.

And I don't ask for any assistance. I think it's a pretty nice house for Mike to come home to.

Most of the time this is okay to me. But, when my meal gets criticized, even if it is about the correct carrot mushiness, I get annoyed.

Why?

Because I work really hard. And because the compliments are few and far between. And, I’m tired of it.

In fact I am tired in general. Yes, there are more breaks with a toddler than with a newborn. And, being a working mom I have the luxury of going to the bathroom alone, of savouring a cup of coffee on a quiet day, and even occasionally going shopping on lunch if we’re not busy,.

But, I always feel like I am in a time crunch.

We’re out the door at 7. I’m at work around 8:10. I stress if I am later than usual picking my son up, and then I stress if the subway is delayed because it means dinner will be late which means that Matt will get to bed late which means he won’t get enough sleep.

All these things go on in my head, and when part of my routine is criticized, inadvertently or not, I crack.

I brought this issue up with my sister and another friend. We meet informally every few weeks as a group to chat about life and motherhood and stuff, and laugh about all the stupid issues that we could be annoyed about. And we often e-mail back and forth. So, in one of our e-mails I mentioned the carrot episode.

The comment that Ketly made seemed pretty astute to me. She said that I don’t need to look at the whole dinner thing as my responsibility, nor do I need to look at it as something that is my job. (She also pointed out the crispy carrots probably have a lot more nutrients!!)

Profound.

I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to do everything and be everything. No matter what anyone says, there is a lot of guilt about being a working mom. I try to be pleasant and happy with my son for the time I am with him, but it can be hard when I am trying to be perfect in so many other areas.

The other day my doctor actually told me that sometimes it’s okay to be stressed in front of Matty. She explained that his watching me deal with stress will show him how to deal with stress himself.

So, where does that leave me?

I don’t really know.

I know I should probably let a few more things go just a little bit. Like, maybe I don’t need to worry quite so much about the state of cleanliness of my bathroom, whether or not I journal every single thing I eat and whether or not Matt’s clothes match perfectly. I could try not to schedule every weekend as much as I do and I could accept that if we leave the house 15 minutes late one day and I have to send an e-mail saying I will be a couple minutes late to work that the world will not end.

I’m not sure whether that would make me a better person, better wife, or most importantly a better mother.

I honestly think it may make me a little more stressed because if the bathroom isn’t clean, Matt looks like a wreck and I am late for work I will just be angry. And, I think angry is worse than stressed.

I think.

So, for now I think I will try to accept that all of these things are my quirks.

I also think that tonight I will not cook dinner. Maybe we will eat fruit and cottage cheese and bagels or maybe we will get some take-out or maybe even attempt going to a restaurant. (Okay, the last one may be a bad idea).

But I am not, absolutely not, stressing about the state of my carrots any longer, or whether my pork chops are properly seasoned, if the chicken is properly marinated or, really, if every member of my household is enjoying the meal I provide.

And, I will also not be so sensitive over such stupid, unintentional comments. Or, at least I will try not to be.

We’ll see if it works.

Pictures ...

I often talk about my niece Kyla. She's the adorable little girl who loves ballet, Barbies and does not own Dora clothing!!! (I'm kidding about that last one).
I can't believe that she will be turning 4 in July. I can remember holding her when she was about an hour old. Really, more like 15 minutes.
Though you can't see it in this picture, she has an ever growing shoe collection thanks to her doting aunt (her little sister, Paige also has a growing shoe collection.) I have to definitely say girls' shoes are far cuter than boys shoes, and Kyla is also a lot more willing to wear the various shoes I buy her. The latest acquistions include a pair of pink Geox boxing boots (adorable and also good for growing feet) and a little pair of pink ballet flats that I bought her yesterday, but they are still at my house. I think I may give them to her at her ballet recital because it fits with the theme.

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

It could be worse ...

So today I decided to wear a new skirt to work. I love this skirt! I haven't shopped along Bloor Street since before I was pregnant (shocking, I know) and the Friday before Mother's Day I ended up there after a lovely lunch. (I took the day off).
And, I found this pretty pink skirt.
It was pretty springy and I bought it.
Since the weather today was so beautiful and spring like, out came the pink skirt. I've been trying to lose weight, and despite an early morning zipper mishap I looked pretty good.
As the morning wore on I was thinking that my diet was really working quite well because my skirt seemed looser than the morning.
Turned out that no, my little zipper mishap was not so little and I was literally walking around with an unzipped skirt.
So, lucky for me I work in a company of 400 employees, and there were safety pins and binder clips to be found. Another lucky thing is that I have lost some weight since buying the skirt (8.5 pounds, but who's counting?) so it was loose enough to pin together without it being too too noticeable. And, the third lucky thing is that I have been covering for our CEO's assistant the past few days and she is back so there were no embarrassing run-ins there.
Anyway, pinned and clipped together I headed over to the GAP for a new skirt.
Of course I found a skirt at the Gap. I love that store. It does not let me down and the people are always nice to me. And honest. Like if I look really hideous the gay changeroom guy tells me.
So, I tried on said skirt in the size I always pick up. Always. I don't even bother trying to pull from the other sizes. I go in and put on the size and it fits. Today should have been no different.
I walked out in the changeroom in the skirt of usual size not for an opinion so much as for a pair of scissors to cut the tags off.
The guy looked at me and said "Oh - you need a smaller size - that is too large."
I refrained from hugging him, kissing him, and announcing my total weight loss to date (early stages still, but whatever).
Instead I humbly told him to go get me the size 2 (okay, I'm kidding) and waited for him to return.
God bless the Gap.
And, thinking ahead I also popped by the pharmacy to get the Tide to Go stain stick. I'm not banking on it being a completely lucky day. I did, afterall, walk around all day with a hole in my skirt!!!

The ever important clothing decision - Dora or no Dora??

The other day my sister and I went out for coffee and shopping and enjoyed some fun sister bonding/child-free time.
Our conversations ranged from talking about husbands to in-laws to our friends, parents and of course parenting.
Becky's older daughter, Kyla, is almost 4 and in September she will start Junior Kindergarten. We got on to the topic of Dora, and more specifically, Dora clothes. Kyla has loved Dora for a couple of years now, but my sister has resisted buying her Dora clothes. She did get the running shoes, but never the clothes.
A big part of that is because Becky doesn't want a child who needs to have all the cartoon character shirts. I think it also has to do with Becky's taste in clothes, and it's never really bugged Kyla.
But, on to the deeper topic, which was about clothing in general.
I shared with my sister that a friend of mine has a 7 year old who wore a Dora ensemble (shorts and t-shirt) to school in sr.kindergarten. Her friends all made fun of her and called her a baby.
So, I told my sister that in no way should Kyla where Dora clothing to school. The other kids may laugh at her.
It turns out that Becky was aware of this, and she said that is why she is pushing her in the direction of Princesses and Barbie using subtle persuasion. For instance, if Kyla sees the Dora runners that light up, Becky will direct her to the Princess running shoes and suggest she get those instead.
Why?
To avoid being made fun of.
I'm pretty much on board with this solution. For instance, Matty loves Dora and he has a pair of Dora socks (that's as far as I was allowed to go even though Walmart sells boyish Boots playing soccer sandals. I didn't get those, in fact, because they looked like they would fall apart before we left the store). They are blue, but definitely girly. Even at the age of 2 I will not let him wear them to daycare. They are reserved for trips to Grandma's house. Why? Because I don't want my child to be made fun of. And, even at two kids make fun of other kids.
When I asked my friend the mother of Dora-wearing-five-year-old what she did about the situation, she confessed that she knew that her daughter would be mocked, but she let her wear the outfit anyway. Why? Because she felt that life isn't easy and she may as well learn young. And, she said she hated the outfit and she knew that if she let her daughter wear it to school she would never have to see that outfit again.
I have to say - I don't get that.
I understand completely that a parent should be a parent and a friend should be a friend. For instance, when your kid is misbehaving or just not listening you need to fill the parent shoes. But, I also think that being a good friend to your child cultivates a good relationship.
Maybe if she had told her daughter that her friends may laugh at her and call her a baby, her daughter may have reconsidered. Who knows. But, at least she may not have been quite as shocked and upset.
Personally, I like the way my sister is doing it. It makes sense. She's encouraging Kyla to wear something that won't be made fun of and is letting her fight the battles she needs to fight because I am sure there will be many of them.
Thank goodness I have a big sister leading the way.

A Really Nice Day!

Some days it's really nice to have a do-nothing day.
Mike and I decided that since today is a holiday we were going to do absolutely nothing as far as leaving the house. We were just going to hang out, relax and enjoy each other's company.
I think that when Matt woke up he realized it would be that kind of a day today too. He just sort of got up, and decided to snuggle with us - a little different from his typical hyperactivity!
So far today we've spent the day watching Dora, eating banana bread and cleaning the house. I even (and I know this was a shock) ironed my clothes.
I'm beginning to realize that times like this are just as important as going out and doing stuff, seeing people and having play dates. As great as it is for life to be full, it's also important to just sit back and relax and not feel the pressure of being around people. It's sooooo nice to make several pots of coffee and not look at the clock once while drinking it. It's nice that we can all have an afternoon nap, eat popcorn in the afternoon and of course, my favourite order pizza for dinner.
I love days like today!!!

Brithday/shmirthday ... I want to be 2!!!

So yesterday was my birthday. I'm a ripe old 28 which doesn't really make me old or make me young.
Pretty much an uneventful year.
But as always I was looking forward to my birthday. I love birthdays and expect this will always be the case, but yesterday I realized that birthdays do get a little less exciting as I get older.
Don't get me wrong. My family made a really nice dinner for me and we had a nice time. I got some great gifts (apparently teaching Matt to say "Pedicure" was effective ... next year I will have to teach him "Louis Vuitton" and make a little more $$) and I think between my son and my niece the song happy birthday was sung about 37 times. I even got a surprise birthday cake from my co-workers.
It was all pretty fun.
But, what was missing?
I think I really wanted to be like my 2 year old at his birthday. It wasn't just a day, it was sheer joy!
From the moment he woke up it was pure excitement. He didn't really know what was going on. He just woke up to a giant Bob the Builder balloon - okay that part sort of freaked him out - but it was just fun. He had several different parties. He had a party with Grandma and Becky and his cousins, he had a party at the old daycare he had just left (and, yes, I sobbed, but that is another story), he had a party at a pretty cool restaurant, he had a party with a few friends and then with all his adult friends. He was a little birthdayed out, but it was worth it.
I am not saying that is what I want now.
What I really want is to feel as excited by life and full of sheer joy as he is.
And, what stood out to me about his birthday, and about him when he goes to other kids' birthday parties is just how much enjoyment he gets out of it.
When Matty opened a cool gift, it wasn't him being excited and the other kids being jealous. They just all wanted to pass the toys around and play with them. And, Matt was just as excited to have kids playing with his toys as with playing on his own. In fact he enjoyed it more.
The other day we went to a birthday for his friend Ethan. Matt's eyes almost bulged out of his head when he saw that Ethan had a gigantic bouncy castle (it was the size of Matt's bedroom and all you did was jump.) And, instead of being jealous of Ethan's cool toys, backyard and play house he was just excited to be sharing in the fun.
So, I guess I'm kind of looking at myself in a different light this birthday.
I think maybe I need to be less excited about my own stuff, and just as excited for others. Maybe it's my perspective that needs to be changed not my experiences.
But, I am really glad I worked so hard at teaching Matt the word "pedicure."

Yesterday I heard the news that my friend's mom passed away.
I've known this friend since grade 7, and by extension I knew her mom. She was one of the moms who knew our names and was interested in what instrument we played and how we were doing at school. She was the mom who would see us 5 years after highschool graduation and remember our names and ask how we were.
I guess it was just something I took for granted. I still sort of expect all of my friends' parents to be alive and well. We are still (fairly) young. Many of my friends aren't yet married and don't have kids. In my mind that qualifies us as young. We aren't 30 yet.
So, it hit me fairly hard when I found out that this particular mother passed away. Even sadder was that on Mother's Day she found out she only had a few days to live so she went home and spent those few days with her family.
We've been through the passing of grandparents. I've held my friends' hands at the funerals and certainly cried on their shoulders when my grandfather passed away. But that is different. I guess when someone has lived a full life and they are older it's a little easier and a little more okay. But this isn't.
It's not fair that her mom got breast cancer and died.
And, it is sure making me appreciate my mom a little more.

Ta!

I HATE the word Ta!
I know there are much more things in this world to concern myself with on a daily basis, but the one thing that really bugs me more than most things is the word "ta"!
It's just a stupid word.
What does it mean?
It means nothing. To some people the word means thank you. It's a big one around my office, it seems. One person here (who happens to sit right near me) uses it in moderation. That does not bug me because I hear it from her once a month. But, I guess the word was a hit at some meeting because immediately people here started to pick it up.
Yesterday, for instance, I put a lot of work into something and I was rewarded with a "ta!" Just now I received an e-mail full of instructions and at the end was the word "Ta!"
Does that mean thanks? Then type thanks. Don't use some stupid expression.
I looked it up. It's some ancient British saying that does, indeed, mean thanks. But, I had to search a few online dictionaries to find that definition.
What confuses is me is why the word is also thrown at my son all the time - in the wrong context.
Strangers who do not know Matty use it instead of the word no. For instance, if on the bus he is touching someone's bag and they don't want him to, instead of saying "please don't touch" which would be totally fine with me they say "ta".
As if it's the nice way of saying no.
When my in-laws don't want him to do something they say "ta" as a precursor to the word "no." Matt just looks at them in complete confusion and usually keeps on doing whatever it is he was doing.
I see where he is coming from. I wouldn't listen either. It's a stupid word.
It's like saying some bizarre word instead of soother or saying the word "cheers" because the cool people do it.
Resist, I say. Resist.
Use the proper words. It will make our lives easier.
No is no.
Thanks is thanks.
End of story.

Finding my voice in the blogging wordl

I've been thinking a lot about finding my "blogging voice".
It's a really hard thing to find. I've read a zillion blogs lately- it's my new lunchtime activity (while eating all the healthy food I keep bringing). Some people have these short bite-size entries that you read in 30 seconds. But, maybe that is how they talk and correspond.
Others are a lot longer. They go on and one or tell a long story or get philosophical. I enjoy reading those ones a lot.
I'm beginning to find myself addicted to some to the point that if they don't post that day I get pretty annoyed.
But, I feel like I'm still finding my voice.
I didn't really plan to start this as a "mommy blog" because I don't feel that I have all that much to contribute. But, maybe I do.
I do know that nothing inspires me to write every day as much as Matty-Matt (his name for himself) does. I mean, it's just so fascinating to watch this child develop. I started journaling about him in his first year in this calendar Ginny gave me. Then I started to scrapbook and the journal entries soon overtook the pictures.
This is just the next logical step. I mean, there are so many cute things and it's so easy to forget them.
Am I a Mommy Blogger?
I dunno. I think so.

A visit to Starbucks - I think I'm finally learning!

Last week I decided to take Matt to Starbucks. We do this every so often since it's on our route home. I already knew a couple of things:

1) Don't order a hot drink when you have a stroller because hot drinks always spill
2) My son and straws are a lethal combination. Due to the aforementioned straw rule whenever I order a drink for Matthew at Starbucks I request it in a cup with a lid so that it at least keeps some of the milk in the cup.

So ... we went to Starbucks.

The Starbucks we went to does not really cater to the stroller crowd, and those that do have strollers have Bugaboos or the like. (Our stroller is the $19.99 Zellers special that Matt prefers over any other. I do too. It does the job much better than the expensive ones now in my parents garage).

Whenever I take Matthew out we call it "going for coffee." That's what I say when I meet my friends whether we are ordering lattes, tea or just coffee. And, Matty loves the term. He uses it all the time. For instance, if he is has a sippy cup of juice and I have a cup of coffee he says "mommy's coffee" and "Matty's coffee".

Given that that day was a particularly busy day we had to stand in line twice - once to order and once to wait for the chocolate milk and my passion iced tea lemonade (see rule #1). I was entertaining Matt by asking him what he was going to have to drink. He kept saying "Matty Matt have coffee". And I would say "yum ... coffee".

Finally, the woman behind me tapped, yes tapped, me on the shoulder and said "Excuse me, miss, but are you giving your son coffee?"

What almost came out of my mouth was an apology of sorts and an explanation that no, I would never give my child a cup of coffee. But something stopped me (maybe the memory of being tapped by a stranger who didn't even comment on how cute my child was!). I said to her the following:

"Yes, I sure am. It's what keeps us going all day."

With that I picked up my drink, picked up Matt's drink, handed it to him and said "here's your coffee" and walked out of the store.

Silly, but this is probably the first time I have just ignored that inner voice to be a perfect mom and was just myself. And, it was pretty funny.

A Pretty Cool Mom - My Sister

When I think of all the moms who inspire me, the first that comes to mind (other than my own mother of course) is my sister.
Becky is two years older than me and my complete opposite.
When we were growing up we were never the sisters who argued over who got the pink dress and who got the blue one because we never chose the same thing. We argued over a lot of stuff, just not over the same things.
When we grew up we were very close but very different. We had many of the same friends, but the people who went to me for encouragement and enthusiasm went to my sister for a listening ear. I would be the person to start singing karaoke and she'd be the one dancing in the audience. In highschool she'd illustrate my stories while I'd edit her art history project. We later studied Journalism and Interior Design at the same university.
It should come as no surprise that our parenting styles are completely different.
My sister is a suburban mom. Both of her daughters were very much planned. Becky's life is an exercise in order. Her house is always clean, her girls are always clean and they are really very quiet. She invents games with them and takes them on discovery walks where they make up stories.
Her kids are good. They are the children that teenagers want to babysit and who delight the seniors when we visit our grandma.
Becky has more patience than I could ever imagine having. She doesn't get angry or shout at her children. She pretty much just lets it roll off her.
I am her complete opposite. My son was a surprise, and there never was calm in our house. we live in Toronto and he is in daycare. I wish my house were cleaner, Matthew gets dirty in abot 2 seconds and he is most definitely not quiet. We take Matt to visit my Grandma after a dose of Motrin (for teething of course) or when he is in an unusually subdued mood. Even then he seems to do some crazy thing to disrupt the order at the seniors complex.
I couldn't love my sister or her children more. Becky is my best friend and my inspiration. She is the mom I wish I could be but know I am not. And, the best thing about her is that she loves me for who I am.
When I told her I wanted to go to work because staying at home was too much for me she babysat Matt while I went to interviews. She encouraged me and reminded me that I was doing the right thing.
She has listened and been there for me more than most people could ever be. She is the person I can call when I need to cry - the person I can tell anything to no questions asked - the person who knows that if I call excited about something to just pretend it is the coolest thing she has ever heard (and she gets these phone calls at least twice a week).
She deserves the happiest Mother's Day ever!!!