Last night I called a friend I haven't seen in awhile.
She's a mommy friend. She's one of those friends who met me at my worst - when Matt was only a couple of months old.
Together with our other friend Ginny (see my Mother's day posts - I don't know how to do hyper links) we got through a whole lot of crap together. We went to play groups together, we went shopping together, we borrowed clothes and shoes and celebrated New Year's together.
And then life kind of seperated us.
We used to live in the same condo (where I am again and where Ginny always has been) and then I moved to Oakville and she moved to Scarborough.
But, the biggest thing dividing us was this:
I went back to work, and she stayed home. Don't get me wrong. She was not judging me. But, I was certainly judging myself. And when I spent time with her I felt guilty. I felt like I wasn't as good a person as her because I was following a different path.
I clung to the friends who were making the decisions I wasre: working because it was easier.
But, you know what ... she stood by me. In fact, as I dreaded putting Matt into daycare she offered up her home if I wanted him to stay with her (and she had 2 toddlers). That's just the kind of person she is.
We stayed in touch, but I kind of closed her out a bit because I wasn't quite ready to hold myself up to the mirror of her choices.
But last night I called her -- Because I realized what I was doing. And I realized that maybe, just maybe there was a bit of jealousy going on on my part. And we chatted about a lot of stuff - about the stuff that makes us so like.
We laughed about our little boys and their love of dinosaurs, the stages they are at and how crazy they can be. We talked about our relationships and we talked about our friends. And, I realized not only how great it is to have an incredible friend. I realized how amazing it is to know that sometimes people wait for you to be ready to be friends again when you get over yourself and your silliness.
There's a lot of stuff that I know I would like to change to be a better person. And last night I realized that maybe being a little less judgemental (of myself and others) would be a really great to start.