Peace ... in pictures

Life is busy.
Everyone's is. I know. Add in an unexpected change in plans recently, two birthdays (my kids are now 4 and 8), Easter, one birthday party complete and one to go ... and some things have been missed. Like posting.
One thing I'm trying to take the time for is enjoying my kids.

I rush them places on weekends. But, I sometimes forget to just relax and enjoy their presence. What I'm learning from them is that sometimes the best moments just happen. You can plan all the amazing stuff in the world, but give them sunshine and a trip to the playground, and you see true joy. Of course nothing makes me happier than when they decide to go for a walk/bike ride to starbucks! 
Chloe, of course, finds inner peace doing tree pose at Starbucks. Yes. I know. Mini-me. (we're currently looking for a yoga class for 4 year olds. If  you know of any  ...)

Kindergarten?

Today we registered Chloe for junior kindergarten.

Really. My baby will turn four next week, and that means that in September she starts school.
Holy.Crap.
I will be honest here. I find kids easier as they get older. I love that they have actual conversations, can at least comprehend the idea of listening to reason.
Recently I've enjoyed seeing the huge differences between my two kids - partially the girl/boy thing and partially just the two totally different people.
But still.
Holy. Crap.
This seems so typical to say, but it seems like last week that I was lying awake at night worrying about going back to work, and leaving my baby with our nanny that I hadn't met yet. Now here we are signing Chloe up for school.
I'm not worried about her going. She's been accompanying Matthew to school for years, and she tends to run past the kindergarten playground yelling "Hi!" to the teachers. They all know her. She runs to the big kids playground where she meets her little group of friends.
Chloe's ready for this. I'm ready for this.
But still.
Holy. Crap.
Chloe's registered for school.

(her cousins helpfully are teaching her how to play nicely.)

Inspired

We can get inspiration from many places. I do. And, some days when I'm feeling crappy - a little inspiration is helpful. That may come from a quote, or a picture or a funny email.
It may come from a really good belly laugh courtesy of office randomness.
It may come from a run. In fact I went for my first outside run of the season last night. It was amazing! (yes, I'm a fair-weather runner).
It can also come from watching someone do something awesome - and having this incredible feeling that you're so proud of them.
I'm not sure if you know my friend Amy (aka NonMom). If you haven't checked out her blog, you should. I've known Amy for almost 7 years. Maybe this says something about how to cultivate friendships. We met volunteering! We had an awesome time.
When I met Amy I was not at my finest. I was in a tough place - I was living with my parents and at the tail end of some post-partum depression - and trying to figure out my career choices. Add in a very busy baby, money stress, and feeling fat ... and I was not too fun.
And then I met Amy. She's awesome online. She's better in person. You don't really have the option of entering a room with her and not being swept up in her excitement for whatever is going on. She very definitely has a professional side don't get me wrong. But Amy, she talks in exclamation points! How she managed to see my crazy fun side the day we met is beyond me. But, man am I ever grateful she did. And that joy - it spreads online.
Her tweets - positive. Her blog - positive. And when she has something negative to say you listen, because it's not mean or bitchy. It's honest and thought out - and not at all mean spirited.
So AMY.
She happened to get me involved in a little project. She has named it #NateLuv. It's all to do with a show called Burn Notice. I'd never heard of it until Amy told me about it. And she has gone so deep into this project it's amazing me.
As a fan of the show she has started helping one of the actors, Seth Petersen, establish a Social Media profile. And you guys, she's ROCKING this project.
The thing is, there's nothing in it for her. She's not doing it for money. She's not doing it for recognition. She's doing it because she thinks he's awesome.
I get it. There are shades of Juliequest in there (yes, we talked about it). And I remember during Juliequest how awesome I felt. I wanted other people to get it. And they did. And, well, this inspires me.
You can read about #Nateluv (Nate is Seth's character) on Amy's blog. And, if you want to follow him on twitter, (@sethpetersonla) or for that matter Amy (@nonmom) go for it. But, more than that. The lesson here for me is this. If you love something, go for it. Be awesome. Who cares if it works or not. Throw your love out - be amazing - and see what happens.
As for Seth? Well, the guy cracks me up on twitter. I'm impressed that someone who is an actor and has agents and has a career and is generally pretty awesome has made a point of thanking Amy publically for all her work.
See - the more awesome you push out the more awesome you get back.

PS. i don't have any pics because I'd have to ask Amy - and she doesn't know I'm writing this.

How Failing a Challenge was my Success

I may have mentioned that I started yoga?
About a month ago the studio where I practice at issued a challenge called the moon challenge. It was pretty simple in theory. Attend 25 classes in 30 days. There's a chance of winning a prize at the end (a one-year membership), but the real idea behind it was to really get into your own practice and commit to it.
I love a challenge. I loved that they had stars for every day you go. I loved the idea of it. I was super into this whole new yoga experience, and the timing could not have been more perfect. In typical Laural fashion I signed up, committed to it and I was ready.
And then.
A physical issue that has been plaguing me for awhile became a little bit more serious. And after several doctors appointments, tests, etc., I found out I needed surgery. And, despite explaining the fact I was in a yoga challenge my doctor felt that pushing back surgery to put stars on a chart ... probably wasn't my best option.
I respect that.
But still.
Do you know what I usually do when I know my plan don't work out? I self destruct.
I can't tell you how many times I've gone on a diet, had a bad week, and promptly gone to a buffet and said "I can't do it anyway, I may as well eat."
Or decided that I can't run a 10k so I'm not doing a 5k.
Or tried to get something I really wanted. And quit completely.
And when I started calculating the days till surgery, and trying to take it easy before, and knowing that I probably would not be at a class for a few days. Well, I felt like a complete failure. I had this challenge. It wasn't about winning. It was about completing and getting into my practice. And being part of something I loved. And not giving up.
Defeated.
And, as much as I was trying to be cool about it and look for the miracles and understand and everything else. I was not happy. And I was afraid that if I didn't do the challenge then I'd give up. And this wasn't something I was willing to give up on.
In fact. I wasn't ready to give up on me. Or give up something that I loved.
So I kept going. When I could. As I could.
At first I tried doing a couple classes a day. I figured if I doubled up then I could hit the number. Except after a couple days of that I realized it wasn't fun. It was hard and exhausting and I was going because I had to. Not because I wanted to.
And then surgery happened. And it was harder than I thought. And recovery wasn't easy. I'm okay. But, for a couple days there, success was keeping my eyes open during a movie. I wasn't even ready to pack my yoga bag. I couldn't go.
So I waited.
And then on Tuesday night I went to the class I love. The live music class. My body was better. But not perfect. And I knew I had to take it easy.
One of the things the teacher said in that class was that her challenge was to listen to our bodies. Take breaks. And stay in a resting pose all night if that is what we needed.
I think I did about half the class. I didn't push any of my poses. I didn't attempt anything I was afraid of. And as people were working hard all around me I just kind of stopped. And let myself be present where I was.
That. That was a million times more challenging than any plank series a teacher can throw at me. (That's not a challenge!).
Just Be.
And tonight I will go back.
And I will continue to go back.
In a sense I failed the challenge. And I'm sad about that. I wanted to get all those stars. But, in my own way I succeeded. Because I know that for me the challenge was accepting my limits, being okay with them, giving myself a break. And pushing forward.
Bring on the next challenge. I'm ready - for whatever lessons it may bring with it.

 Gold Star for me, anyway!

Mindful

Sometimes when you're figuring things out in life - for better or for worse - you hear things repeated over and over.
There are a couple I keep hearing: set and intention and be mindful.
I like both - and I do both. But, lately I've been thinking about the mindful one.
I'll go as far as to say this - I think hearing the phrase "be mindful" is one of the best pieces of advice I've heard in a long time. In fact, it's probably the best advice for me.
Here's the thing. I'm an all in kind of person. We all know this. Being that kind of person can work really well for me. Throw me a hard project I'll be completely invested in it. But throw me a life challenge? This can be a blessing and a curse.
The past couple of months has been about health. Yes. I did really well losing weight last year, but now what. I started thinking that maybe some of the choices I made to lose weight didn't exactly contribute to being the healthiest person ever. For instance, it's fantastic to figure out that a 2pm coffee prevents me from a 2pm cupcake. However ... maybe I should be considering an herbal tea. Right?
So, being mindful to me is being aware. Am I going to beat myself up for having more caffeine? Nope. But, I'll be aware. Will I have an extra glass of wine or drink a vodka soda? Of course. But, instead of just doing it, I'm going to throw a little more thought toward my action.
Lately the thing I'm being really mindful of is food. I read the book Crazy Sexy Diet. I'm not going vegan (read: trying to not go overboard here) but really the more I read, the more attention I'm putting on my food.
Mindful.
And also a little tired.

and then ...

so after weeks of feeling blissy ... i guess there is a crash
and then ...
you question your work
you feel like your efforts won't cut it
you eat junk
and you feel like you made 3 steps forward and 3 giant leaps back.

or you do everything you can to be a friend, and throw your whole freaking heart into something you think is special ... and you are very clearly told you shouldn't have.

and then what?

last year when i was losing weight I made a conscious choice that was awesome. my choice was that i wasn't just going to lose weight - eat healthy - weigh myself every week. My choice was that whether my weight went up or down, whether i had a good week or a bad week, i'd pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going.

And, hey. it worked. because i learned that a bad minute, hour, day or week didn't mean failure. it meant an opportunity to get up. regroup. and do better.

right now that's where i'm at.

I've done so well on this whole yoga, bliss, positivity thing. I've been cheerful and truly happy. today i lost it. it's hard because i didn't make a plan to be happier, it just started happening. so i didn't have a fall back for a bad day.

My plan? get my ass on the mat. Breathe in. breathe out. And start over.

I'm counting the days till music yoga. until then i figure everything will work out.

(I'm just trying so hard)

We are all Meant to Shine

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? 

 

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 

We are all meant to shine as children do. 

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

- Marianne Williamson

* I've read this quote over and over. And then I spent the day with my adorable little girl. And I realized. We're born with this amazing lightness. When I watch Chloe run and bounce and play and dance - how can I not remember that light.

Avoiding Collision

I've had my license now for a little over 10 years. Getting my license was not an easy task for me. I went through 4 driving instructors and 5 failed tests before I passed. There were certainly drawbacks to this, but one of the distinct advantages was that I did a lot of driver training, and learned a lot of practical knowledge.
One thing that came up often was what to do to avoid a collision. Specifically, look where you want to go, not at the thing you are trying to avoid. That advice has worked well as I'm happy to say I've never really been in an accident (I have tapped my bumper on a parked car and dented my door on a cement post. Both times ... looking at what I was about to hit).
This lesson was a reality this week when I slid through the train parking lot this week, narrowly avoiding another driver, and somehow managing to cleanly park between two cars safely, though shaken.
What did I do? Well, prayed, held my breath, and looked ahead to the space I wanted to be in, rather than the cars on either side.
I hopped out of my car and was surprised when another commuter came over to say "good job". He was amazed that I'd pulled that off. Frankly, so was I.
The next night I went to yoga class. It was not an easy class. And, it was a class that had a lot of balance and strength poses. (or maybe they are the same. I'm not totally sure)
Midway through a pose I was struggling. I was looking in the mirror, just like the teacher instructed, except every time I looked at my reflection to balance, I would fall out of it. I was frustrated and annoyed, and sweaty, and kind of getting angry that he was making us hold something for so long.
The longer I stood and wobbled the more I was looking at myself. My shorts were too short and made my thighs look chubby. My upper body was fat not strong. My cheeks were red and I looked terrible with all my makeup washed off. The messy bun on my head was less yoga style and more disheveled. And the harder I tried the more impossible it seemed.
There was no inner peace and balance. No awesome breathe in breathe out release. Nothing. In fact, in the time we were holding it (a minute? two? twenty? ) I had pretty much decided that I needed to rethink this whole yoga thing.
Yep. I do make snap decisions.
Especially when I'm hating myself.
And then the teacher came over, helped me back to the proper position and said "look in the mirror and focus on your strength and beauty."
And he stood there, helping me find my balance.
I looked at myself again. For a moment I looked past the stuff I hate. I rooted my foot, I straightened my shoulders, and I looked at the strength in my eyes and my body. And then I let go of the body resentment. Not forever. But for that moment.
And I realized that this was no different than avoiding collisions. Look where you want to go, not at what you want to avoid.
I may never hit my beauty ideal. I'll never have a dancers thin limbs or the ability to tie my hair into a perfect messy bun. But I liked seeing that strength. For a moment I believed fully that I was strong and beautiful and capable.
So I kept going. I kept breathing. I smiled. I relaxed. And I made it through not only those poses but the entire plank series.
And I left realizing that every day I need to remember to focus on the good. Because although there are a million things I can run into on the collision course of life, I will look ahead at where I want to be. And hopefully that's exactly where I will end up.

Cheesy

At the ripe old age of 7 and 3/4, Matthew is reading a lot. He reads everything from signs to encyclopedias and everything in between.
And on a trip to the bookstore we discovered the Geronimo Stilton books. They are actually a little below Matt's reading level, but he loves them, and they are long, and the combo of pictures and stories and jokes has him laughing and giggling well past his bedtime. In fact, we've often seen him put down his DS in favour of reading, and I love this.
So, when he asked me this week if we could try out a recipe in his book, I was intrigued.
And, since Geronimo Stilton is a mouse (or a rat, I dunno) cheesecake makes sense. Cheesecake, though, is not something I've ever really made, with the exception of "fake" cheesecake Mike and I once attempted years ago with very little success. So, we had to start from scratch buying ingredients we don't tend to have on hand (cream cheese, sour cream, graham crackers), not to mention borrowing a spring form pan to put all of this in.
And, it's been a three-day project. Shopping one day. Baking one day. More baking and chocolate melting the third day (tonight). I'm not even sure if my kids will enjoy the cheesecake. And, since i'm trying to avoid this stuff ... it may be a giant sugary treat that sits in our fridge.
But the process has been worth it. Last night I watched as Matt masterminded the baking while Chloe assisted and we did the oven stuff. It was a family affair. And, I think by the time we get to sample this it will be well worth it.
But, more important than the cake is seeing the joy and pleasure my monkeys had doing something pretty much all by themselves. No fighting. As Chloe said "this is called teamwork, Mama!" Yes, love. Teamwork. With cheesecake at the end.

Life should always be this sweet.

Blissy

"Perception is a mirror, not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind reflected outward."

 

If you've been following me on twitter (@lauraldawn) you are probably aware that I've had a bit of a mindset change, and I've been spending my evenings sweating my toxins out on a yoga mat in a hot yoga studio.

Like all things Laural, I've managed to skip the moderation concept and throw myself all in. This is a pretty fundamental truth of mine - there's no halfway with me. When it comes to projects, ideas, thoughts or emotions I love, or think I will love, I just jump right in. I'm seeing this right now in my life - I'm embracing this concept of wholeness and connecting with love and light and I'm loving the blissy feeling that has started to envelope me these past couple of  weeks.

And,  I want to talk about it, write about it, tweet about it and most of all experience it, with no apologies for throwing myself completely into it.

However. I don't want to make this a yoga blog. So, I'm not going to write about this more than once a week. Or so. You know, if enlightenment hits no promises. But I will try.

So, how did I get here and what's going on? 

My decision to try out hot yoga was on the surface pretty random. My mom has done it for years, and has always offered me a free guest pass to get started. But, with January comes promotions, and I saw a sign for an unlimited month for $40, and driving past the sign every day spoke to me. Combine that with the fact that I've been feeling just ick since before Christmas, I was feeling completely uninspired to run, and I really just needed to deal with some stress in a positive way, I signed myself up for the month, and decided 30 days is a good place to start. I promised myself I could give it 30 days to make a decision about continuing. Just be. That is all.

And, then I went to the bookstore to read up on yoga and I saw the book "Spirit Junkie" and picked it up instead of a book on the history of yoga. And I've been reading and practicing and feeling altogether  well ... BLISSY.

So, all in. But with a twist. I'm letting all this energy and love and happiness wash over me. But, I'm not setting any goals. For once I'm not setting a timeline to accomplish something (eg. a 5k in under 30 min). I'm not forcing myself to commit to a year of daily practice. Instead I'm trying something new. I'm being patient. I'm letting the experience lead me. Rather than committing to being able to twist myself into a difficult pose by March, I'm committing to staying at this beginner level as long as necessary - and reserving judgement of myself. I'm looking inward more. Loving myself more. And letting go of a lot of self judgement.

And this ... this is what I'm remembering.

Perception is a mirror, not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind reflected outward.

Hide and Seek

Chloe is a couple months away from turning 4. I have no idea when that happened. I have no idea when she suddenly became a child completely strong in her convictions and very capable of speaking her mind. But at 3.75 years here we are.
And one thing Chloe is very certain of? HIDE AND SEEK.
I know. It's an awesome game. I loved it when I was little. Matt insisted on playing it when he was little, and now Miss Chloe has taken this game over.
The thing is ...
I love it to.
I used to find it tedious at best until I discovered that Chloe's version of an awesome game of Hide and Seek is me hiding, and then jumping out at her and scaring her. (Did I mention she's in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer?). It's become our daily ritual. We play for 20 minutes. Full out shrieking ensues. I am often the cause.
Sometimes.
I forget.
That parenting is about playing.
That being present doesn't just mean being in the room.
That I actually like to play.
And that I'm awesome at finding hiding spaces in our tiny town house.

Over the past few weeks I've noticed that my daughter copies me a lot. Some of the things she does are super cute. It's adorable when she puts my make up on to look like me (we wash it off) or when she tries on my clothes and walks in my shoes. It's hilarious when she uses the same phrases as me and when she proclaims that it's "girl time".
But, I'm also watching her do some of the things I'm not proud of - losing her temper over stuff. Slamming doors. Foot stomping. Shouting "I'm so frustrated right now"
So, I need to be the example.  I'll never be perfect. But, I will be calm.

And, I will start having fun again.

Hide and Seek anyone?

PS Don't tell Chloe, but I pretty much always hide behind a curtain!

Refresh

I spent all of last year losing weight.
This year no resolutions. But, I'm a little bored of the routine - run one day, strength the next. It's January, and as much as I love my treadmill ... GAH!!!!
I'm also stressed and exhausted. The triple of changes at work, exhaustion, having a 3 year old and well, life in general is kind of getting to me.
So I decided to do the craziest thing I could think of. HOT YOGA.
Hey. It may not be bungee jumping. But I hate extreme heat. And I hate stillness. So, hot yoga? odd choice.
Of everything I pictured myself doing, hot yoga was not one of them. I run out my stress. I turn my music up. I sing along when no one is watching. Any kind of yoga, especially hot yoga, is new to me. And I can't get enough.
I have no idea how many calories it burns.
I don't really care.
I really just like when we're supposed to let go of everything.
I'm terrible at it. And I like trying to focus on my breath. I'm a little obsessed with the idea of letting a thought go as soon as it pops into my hear. I want to do that all the time.
Maybe I never will.
I also like wearing yoga tops minus a bra. Just supportive tops (thanks lululemon).
I kind of don't hate how I look in the mirror. Mind you I'm usually too focused on everything to really look in the mirror.
I feel good.

And here's what I know.
I'm being more true to myself. I'm making decisions for me - even if it disappoints people sometimes.
I'm bringing lunch - not buying.
I'm getting some control.
I'm watching Harry Potter with my kids.
And I may skip going to Disney this year.
I'm singing as loud as I can to the music in my car. And yes. It's Alanis. And, yes. I do agree with her definition of ironic.
I'm watching Buffy over and over. I may not find a new favourite series.
And I'm also letting go of some stuff I really really need to let go of.

There are some things I want to do. And all of them require believing in myself.

REFRESH. (and namaste)


.

An Update ... and Pics

I wasn't going to post about this because I don't want this to become a weightloss blog. but ...
It's funny because since January I've lost close to 25 pounds which is great. It's funny how you start doing something and it works, and then you think to yourself how weird it is that you've been trying for years and suddenly there it is. And it seemed kind of easy.
And also. People are noticing. Which is kind of awesome. It's also kind of weird because as much as it's great and I appreciate it, in the back of my mind I kind of think "hmmm ... did that person think I was fat before?" Which dumb mindset. but true.
Anyway, over and over people keep asking me what I'm doing.
So, in answer to the questions ... it's all very simple. I finally listened to what every fitness expert says. You need to burn more calories than you consume. You need to eat healthy and exercise. And drink water.
That's all I'm doing.
I don't doubt that other programs work. I've done Weight Watchers many many times. I think it's great. I lost a lot of weight with it. Here are my personal issues with it. First, after awhile the points get to me. Some people love it. I get obsessed. And I try to cheat it. Which isn't effective. Second. The weigh-ins. I don't work well under pressure. I hate someone else seeing the number before me. I hate that I feel like i have to justify every ouce to the woman behind the scale (even though you don't). And you have to pay for this. I should say - I hit lifetime. (also known as goal weight) It's very close to the weight I am now (9 lbs) and I was 10 years younger and hadn't had 2 kids. The fact that that number is in site amazes me. And I kind of want to go back for my last 5 pounds. We shall see.
It also occurred to me that maybe the next time I see my doctor I should ask her about "the number" - maybe I should set it lower than I did 10 years ago.
Actually, I just booked an appointment with a dietian. Maybe she will have an idea.
It's funny how I'm open to these things now.
I've heard good things about other programs. I just didn't want to spend the money. I always assume that spending money means I will lose weight. Doesn't quite work that way.
And I don't have a trainer. I have had trainers. But, I don't belong to a gym. And most trainers don't like 5am appointments. Plus, I am not that friendly at 5 am. I have an eye rolling issue. My last trainer called me on that.A LOT. (i.e.Him:  Is it necessary for you to roll your eyes when I say do 20 push ups. Me: Yes.)
Here's what I did.
1) I set a goal for myself. So, I wanted to lose 30 lbs (well 32) but I broke it down into 10 pound timeframes. Ten pounds by Valentine's Day, 10 pounds by my birthday (May) and the final 10 pounds by my 10th anniversary (July). Yay for being ahead of my schedule.
2) I sat down for about an hour and figured out, thanks to a computer program and blackberry app, how many calories I could eat, how much I'd need to work out, etc. It's all math but I hate math. So, I kept it really really simple.
That was the easy part. Here's where it got hard. I made 2 committments
1) I promised myself that as much as this is about the numbers (I don't get people who don't care about the number on the scale) I was going to follow my program regardless. I always make the mistake of giving up when I have a gain or giving up when I'm close to a goal and don't think I can do it. So. I get one rest morning a week. Every other weekday I'm up at 4:45 and working out by 5. I'm done by 5:30. Workout times vary on the weekend. I have coffee brewing while I work out. If I have a bad day I keep at it. I write down my food. If I have a bad day I start again the next day. And if I screw it up I give myself a break. That is a really nice feeling.
2) Team Awesome. My friend committed to doing this with me. We don't work out together. We don't look at each other's food journals. I like that. What we do is check in with each other on workout days. On our blackberries. I don't want to explain this one much further. But, I will say that being committed to a morning check in - and having a supportive friend cheering you on (who you are cheering for too) makes a huge difference.

So ...
I'm doing it.
There's no magic. I am doing the Kettleworx program which I love (though the Sarge kicks my butt) 3-4 days a week. On alternate days I'm running just under 5 k on the treadmill. This is my morning. In the evenings I try to get in another workout. I love that I can run outside now some days. But I'm also happy watching tv from the treadmill.(I aim to brun 400-500 calories a day)
I'm eating about 1200 calories - 1500 calories a day (closer to 1200) and that is a lot of protein, the good carbs (mostly in the morning and at lunch) and tons of veggies. I've tried really hard to cut out sugar. And I'm getting there.
Sometimes I have a cheeseburger. I occassionally eat dark chocolate. I'm eating a lot of almonds, but they are unsalted which is a great way to moderate how many I eat.

I'm running a 5k race at the end of April. With my dad. He's fast. I plan to try to match his pace. At least at first. And I really want to push for a September 10k.

And I really need a new wardrobe! Because for once none of my clothes fit me, but instead of being too small they are too big. I'll take it.

And I'm happy!

Before ... and After

Here's me around November. I'm not a big before and after person. But, when I saw this picture I wasn't too happy with myself. And then I spent 2 months eating more and deleting picture of myself. I am surprised I kept this one.

And this is now. Or a couple weeks ago (and a couple pounds) ago.
(I know. I just posted it. But i'm having picture issues.)

Let's Belay ...

Last night I spent two and a half hours at a rock climbing gym.


Let me back up a bit.

Matt is a very active boy. But he's not a fan of team sports. I've been debating putting him in soccer and football but he's not interested.

One day we talked about indoor rock climbing.

Yesterday I called to find out more.

It turns out that you kind of need a partner to rock climb because one person holds the ropes (belaying) while the other climbs. So, if I want to take Matt rock climbing I need that skill. So I signed up for the belaying class.

One hour, they promised. "It's as easy as driving a car."

I failed 6 driving tests.

I doubted I'd be done in an hour.

Regardless, I put on my lululemons and a cheerful t-shirt and off I went to belay.

Ha.

They didn't tell me I'd also be climbing the wall.

Whatevs.

The class was taught by the guy who teaches the kids - so he really got it when I explained my need to make sure I understood safety so I could protect matt. There were also only 2 other people in the class.

We started off by putting on harnesses (sounds sooooo simple). And then we moved on to tying knots. I still don't know how I figured that out. And I will practice.

And then we learned to belay. And took turns belaying each other and climbing the walls.

Awesome!

I have no idea why I had never considered this but I loved it. I loved both parts.

My first climb ... Well I'm a little scared of heights so when I first looked down it was a little startling. But you know, if turned out just fine. Well until I had to let go and trust someone to help me down. I spent a good couple of minutes clinging to the wall. And then I decided that I would just climb back down.

And then I learned I couldn't do it all my way. And the ride down was incredible.

After about an hour of this, and proving to the instructor that we were capable belayers we got a quick tour of the gym. And we were done.

And then instructor offered to work with me a little more. He knew I was still pretty anxious about locking Matt in and being responsible for him.

We then did several more climbs. I practiced my knots. I learned how to tie matt into a harness (different from tying myself in). And then we practiced over and over. The teacher actually "fell" a couple of times to show me that I had the tools to manage a fall.

(Is it wrong that after the first fall I thought it was kind of cool?)

After 2 and a half hours I left knowing I could do this.

As I was leaving I said to him "are you sure I can handle this? I think I've got it."

His response?

"You had it in the first 10 minutes. It just took another two hours for you to develop the confidence."

And if that isn't true about my life in general I don't know what is.

And She's 3

Yesterday we celebrated Chloe's 3rd birthday.
Technically her birthday is tomorrow. But, don't tell Chloe that!
I'll be the first person to tell you I welcome this age. Just as much as I'm fully embracing Matt turning 7. I love my kids to death. I just find hte older they get the more I enjoy them.
This is true of my Chloe.

Chloe's birthday party of choice was a princess party. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to wear a princess dress; she wanted to get her nails done with friends; she wanted cucpakes at home.
She wanted her mom to dress like a princess.

She got her wishes.
We've seen a lot of change in Chloe in the last while.
My little girl has started karate. I think she's doing okay. I don't really know for sure since I don't drop her off or pick her up. But I know she loves it.
She has also developed friendships.She always talks about a little girl she is friends with at Matt's school. She was of course invited to Chloe's party.
She is completely in love with her cousins.
And then there is her relationship with her big brother. Chloe can drive Matt insane. Matt can drive Chloe insane. But they also PLAY. I love watching them playing together in the playground or in a play place. They are non-stop.
And this child is strong willed.
She knows what she wants and doesn't want. And she will tell you. She knows the rules and constantly pushes against them. That may scare some people. Not me. I really want a strong willed daughter. As I see her grow up I am confident that she will be able to stand up for herself.
But at the same times she is so sweet and kind and loving.
I love that she adores her family, her pets and her dolls.
I love that she craves cuddles - on her own terms.
I love that she dresses herself in crazy outfits. That she adores shoes and that she truly believes that her "bibbidi-bobbidi-boo stick" (wand) holds magical powers.
I have no idea what this year will hold, let alone what magic my daughter has in store for me as she grows up.
But, I can't wait to find out.
Happy birthday, Baby Girl, Princess Coco. Miss Chloe.