So ... It's been awhile

I haven't posted in awhile.
Sometimes life gets a little bit in the way of blogging.
And even though a blog is about your life, sometimes there are things that you just need to not put out there for everyone to read.
I've had lots to think about lately.
Direction.
Friendship.
Love.
Sincerity.
I know I don't have all the answers. I do know that in life everything will be okay.
We learn, we grow and life keeps going. High points, low points, blah blah blah.
But next week is my birthday. And I LOVE birthdays.

As for everything else going on ...

Matt has his assessment for enrichment today. We have already established he's a very bright child. In order to be in the enrichment program he has to be in the 98th percentile for 6 year old boys. He just turned 6. The number is very high. There's nothing we could do to prepare him for this so we just have to trust that if this is meant to be it will be. I truly believe that he's capable of doing the program, but I have no idea what his score will be. I'm trying not to worry about it. I'm just so proud that he's being considered. Also, he wants to be an actor. Fun.

Chloe. So help me she's in the terrible twos. The word "NO!" is uttered a lot. But, I'm also loving this age. Adorable. Funny. And her hair is growing so between our nanny and I we have a lot of fun with her hair. I'm sure one day she'll want to cut it so why not enjoy it while I can.

Also ...

I have a friend with an amazing blog. I love her because she's an amazing person. I also love what she can do with her craft. She's having a contest on her site. So go check it out. Because really ... I can't imagine how she does what she does.

Proud

I don't talk about this often here.
Matt has ADHD.
It's been a long road for us with assessments and school challenges. We have been lucky. After a little over a year we have assembled a great team. Our school is amazing. Matt's teacher is phenomenal. The Resource team amazes me. Our psychologist and psychiatrist and family doctor have all been amazing. And every day I am grateful for them.
And Matt.
Who makes all the challenges worth it.
When you're dealing with ADHD there's a couple of things you dread - phone calls from the school and the millions of forms to fill out.
And then Wednesday I got a call. From the school resource teacher.
But, the call was amazing.
"I wanted to run an idea by you. For Matt. We want to consider him for some testing. For the gifted program."
That's right.
Gifted.
Just thinking about this makes me cry.
We struggle with choices. I second guess decisions. Should be be in public school? Should I switch him to French Immersion? Am I pushing enough.
The team is amazing.
But my kid ... he rocks.
So, the forms I filled in last night asked different questions. They weren't about whether my son was fidgety or loud or had tendencies to misbehave.
Instead the questions were about his intelligence. Does he constantly ask questions? Is he curious? Does he get excited about new ideas and concepts?
Yes to all of the above.
Nothing is confirmed yet.
The program they are looking at is new.
But, for me it's about more than that. It's about knowing that people are seeing in Matt what we've seen all along. We have an incredible amazing child with so much potential.
And that ADHD. It's a challenge, but one we can overcome.
This isn't about me and my choices. It's about Matt. And how my kid refuses to be any less than all he can be.
I love that kid!

Joy!

Remember the joy of losing your first tooth?

This is one of my favourite pictures of my baby boy.

My baby boy who turns 6 tomorrow.

Life doesn't always make sense. 

But this? This does. This child brings me more joy than I could have ever imagined.

Two Years Old

Princess Chloe is two!
I know, everyone asks where the time went.
Me, not so much. I've enjoyed the last two years. But they've been long. And exhausting.
But, I like 2.
I like that Chloe is finally falling asleep pretty well.
 In the past few months she has graduated to sleeping in her crib - till about 4am.
I also like that she seems completely fearless.
 This may look like just a chair to you, but to Chloe it is a "scary jump" that she decided she'd conquer. And when she conquered it ... she laughed. And wanted to do it again and again.

 

Her personality. Wow. She's feisty. I like feisty. She will need it with a big brother like Matt.
And she's funny. Nothing cracks her up more than sitting in the car holding a boot in front of her face and "hiding" - a trick her big brother taught her.
And, she's a princess.
Well, let me clarify. She's not your quiet gentle princess type. But, she's loves a fancy dress and shoes. She's more Buffy than Cinderella.
And, speaking of Buffy, Chloe loves her monsters.
At her birthday she was far more excited to help me pop balloons than she was to play with them when they were blown up.
And whenever she heard a balloon pop she'd yell "Monster". (maybe we should re-think letting her watch all the Buffy)
Ahhhh ... Chloe. Coco. Coco Puff. Cookie girl.
I love how much she loves chocolate and candy.
I love that her first word was Matt. Then Chocolate. I love that she's growing up to be a girl who can kick some ass, but who can turn around and disarm you with a smile.
Life with Chloe will always be crazy. And fun. And exhausting.

I wouldn't wish it any other way for the baby girl who I desperately wanted and whom I love with all my heart.
Happy Birthday, Big Girl!

Guilt

Today is my daughter's 2nd birthday.
I know I will follow up soon with a post of her happy and smiling, with Dora everything in the background.
But right now ... not so much.
Sometimes the guilt of everything eats away at me.
For some reason birthdays are hard for me. Birthdays, when you're a working mom, they kind of suck.
I don't regret that I work. I enjoy it.
But ... and here's a big but... somedays I feel incredibly guilty.
In 2 hours we're celebrating Chloe's birthday with my family. And, I'm so behind. My plans of making a fun family dinner have evolved into a pizza party.
I wrapped her presents today, and bought one of the presents yesterday. The decorations are hung, and are kind of pathetic.
And my heart isn't in it.
I just feel like I'm not quite good enough at this stuff. I do everything last minute. I'm not the mom who thinks for months about the perfect cake. Or a great party. I tried. I really did. And the cake is fine. I had her and Matt and my nieces help me. And I know she won't remember that I didn't get a Dora cake pan. Or learn how to use the special cake decorating method to do the cake.
But I will.
And, in 2 weeks it's Matt's birthday party. And I haven't really done much for that either. I haven't thought about about loot bags. I only have a couple of rsvp's. And the cake will be simple. My biggest decision was whether the cake should be vanilla or chocolate. It's great that it was that easy.
But maybe that's the problem. It was too easy.
And I guess I just don't feel good enough these days.
It's tough to divide my time.
And it's hard to come home when I'm exhausted and throw myself into playing with my kids, reading bedtime stories and enjoy singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star 57 times until Chloe finally falls asleep.
Honestly, I don't think being a stay at home mom would be better.
I watch my sister. I watch my friends who stay home. And I don't want that for me. They are the super moms that I wish I could be and I know I wouldn't be. And I don't think it would benefit my kids.
At least when I'm at work people cannot guage whether I'm a good mom or not.
I like to think I'm a fun mom. But, lately ... it's hard.
I feel like the fun stuff is all pretend lately.
The other day I was talking to a friend of mine who is expecting. And we were kind of talking about the good and the bad. And there is so much good. So much. But then there is the bad. The guilt. The questioning of whether I'm good enough, if I'm doing the right stuff for my children. If they are happy enough.
I know they are happy.
But right now ... I'm not so sure I am.
So I guess we just keep going. get through this. Suck it up and know that really this is all part of being a mom. But, somedays. Like today. I wish I was better. At all of it.
Who knows.
Maybe one day I will be.

Creating

The other day I was looking for a card for a friend and I came across a magnet with a really cool saying:

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Okay. So sure it's just a magnet from the bookstore. But, it's phrases like that that make me think stop and ponder life for just a minute.

It's funny because so often I try to figure out who I am. Or what I'm doing. Or why I'm doing something. I've read so often on blogs that people are trying to reinvent, or make themselves better or, yep, find themselves.

But, I like this. I like knowing that at the end of the day there's nothing to search for - it's up to you to decide and create and invent.

Something that people often say about me is that I'm fearless. Surely that isn't true about everything in my life. Fear can be crippling. But dare me to do something, to try something, to prove myself and I'm your girl. And, sometimes I figure, why not keep trying. Why not go day by day and conquer my fears? Hey, as Julie Powell would say "What could happen?"

You'll Have to Forgive Our Slayer Fest ...

You know sometimes you read a book and then you *have* to do something. Like, perhaps go on a trip to New York? Or maybe search out Ashrams in India or I don't know but you have to do something?
Please say you do.
Or maybe it's just me.
Whatever.
The point is, when I finish a really good book I rarely just sit and stew. I go and I do. And sometimes I do crazy stuff. Like start this blog. (really - that was after reading Knocked Up!) Or try a yoga class (Stuck in Downward Dog). I've tried different drinks (coffee or otherwise). Why not.
So, of course I went on my NY road trip after reading Cleaving.
I also decided to watch Buffy.
And, this weekend was Slayerfest 2010.
And if you got that reference you clearly are somewhat of a Buffy Fan.
Mike and I watched 22 episodes in 3 days. #AwesomeParenting FTW!
Really. We did.
I'd be lying if I said it was only at night. We watched all day. During naps. While the kids were playing. Matt had no interest in watching a show with vampires. But, he was more than happy to have the computer all to himself for most of the weekend. And Chloe loved dancing to the music. And shouting "MONSTER" every time I jumped.
And I am fully obsessed with the show.
It is wonderful and thrilling and hilarious to get sucked into a new show and know that you have hours of commercialess tv ahead of you. Full of Buffy goodness.
And the lines.
OMFG the LINES!!!!
They are wonderful.
Like this one from Angel.

"Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean."

 

I think I have Buffy fever. It's a little shameful. But so good.

In case you're wondering ... I love Spike. I love Drucilla. Of course I'm a little in love with Giles. Buffy or Faith? Ummmmm ... haven't decided. And Angel kind of annoys me.

The Mischevious Mom at the Art Gallery : A Review and an Interview with the Author

When I decided to switch direction on my blog, and focus more on what I'm interested in - namely reading, and learning more about authors, I knew exactly the person I wanted to ask.
The thing is, when you have a favourite author it's amazing. What's even more amazing is when you e-mail that author and ask if you can interview her, and she says yes.
Of course my favourite author is Rebecca Eckler. I've been reading her since she was a columnist. When I read her book Knocked Up, I pretty much decided she was the coolest person on the face of the earth. What I didn't know is that she's also probably one of the nicest people you can meet.
I've read all of her books: Knocked Up, Wiped, Toddlers Gone Wild and Rotten Apple. I enjoyed all of them, and when she teamed up with Erica Ehm to write a children's book I was excited.
I could finally introduce my kids to her work.
Guess what? They loved the book, like I knew they would.

You can purchase her book now on Amazon. I bought mine at Chapters. Go get it. It's amazing!

The Mischievous Mom at the Art Gallery

The book is about a mother, Mischevious Mom, who comes home from work, puts her blackberry away, and takes her kids on an adventure. In this case she brings them to an art gallery. The kids think it will be boring until their mom brings them into a room with a sign on the door that says "Do Not Enter - VIP's only!" And from there they have quite a night.
It's a fun book. It's quick to read, and the pictures are amazing.
What I loved about this book: I could relate. I felt like it was written for me, a mom who works all day and then comes home and tends to mix it up a bit.
My favourite part of the book: I loved the story of course, but I also loved the dedication.

"This book is dedicated to all the parents who worry that they never have enough time to have fun with their kids ... We believe the best gift you can give to your kids is a love of adventure and a belief that anything is possible - if you have the guts to go for it."

If that's not the message I want to send to my kids, I don't know what is.

Interview with Rebecca Eckler

I had the chance to ask Rebecca a few questions about the book, and about her writing career.

You've now written books from several genres: Young Adult Fiction, Memoir and now Children's literature. Which was your favourite to write, and will you continue to write all three kinds of books?

My favorite book to write was The Mischievous Mom At the Gallery, our children's picture book. Why? Because it was just plain fun, from beginning to end! Writing it with Erica was fun, showing it to my daughter in the early stages was fun, editing each word with Erica was fun, choosing the illustrator was fun. Non-Fiction, my mommy memoirs, was a little less fun, but still fun. Because it was about my life, and then about my daughter, so I liked writing them, because some moments were funny in the book. I also liked them because, in Wiped! Life with a Pint Size Dictator, I really think I helped a lot of people suffering from PPD, which is rarely talked about. Same with Knocked Up. People rarely complain about how shall-we-say? uncomfortable it is to be pregnant, and how terrifying it is? So, the mommy memoirs, I liked because I felt like I was writing to other mothers, who could relate and learn they are not alone. As for the teen fiction and the upcoming adult fiction, well, that was HARD WORK. No matter how light and breezy the book may comes across, writing fiction is hard! That's why I admire any other who publishes a book. It's hard work, even chick lit is hard. Way harder than you'd think.


You've written memoirs about your life as a mom - from learning about being a mom and pregnancy in Knocked Up, to parenting challenges in Toddlers Gone Wild. Now in The Mischievous Mom at the Art Gallery, even though the mom is a fictional character ... she seems a little like you. (and Erica Ehm, and me, and a lot of your readers who are mothers). When you look at back at the past six or seven years, do you think your books reflect how you've grown as person - and a mom?

Definitely. Because I am not the mother of a baby, or toddler anymore. I'm now the mother of a little girl who understands emotions and talks and reads. Both Erica and I are the Mischievous Moms. Our children (don't hate us) are really, really well behaved. So they only make us look mischievous in comparison. I've grown up, definitely, but I also like acting like a child sometimes, with my daughter, because it's a magical moment and, maybe she won't want to hang with me in a few years. I think that's probably inevitable...so I want to enjoy every minute of this time in her life, which includes writing this book for her and her peers.

For those of us who have followed you since you were a columnist - we know you and love you as a bit of a shit disturber - and I mean that in the nicest way. Is that changing ... or do you still have some stuff up your sleeve?

Shit Disturber? Really? Joking. I am so NOT a shit disturber. We're talking A student! I work really hard. I prefer to think of what I do as starting conversations! You may not like what I have to say, or maybe you do, but it's good to get any sort of conversation going, don't you think?

Working alone - or writing with someone else. Which do you prefer ... and why?

Well, for my books for adults and teens, I prefer to write alone. I have very distinct writing style.  But I would, and will, write more children's books with Erica. We have the same work ethic. She's amazing to work with. Never say never though. If I could find someone like Erica, who was so easy to work with, maybe.

What's next?

Fiction book out in fall, called Clover and The Lucky Sperm Club. Kind of chik-lit, but better. Next up, a non-fiction book, but I can't divulge that right now. We're in the middle of contracts. And I'll start writing that in April. But you'll be one of the first to know, that's for sure! Also, the second part of the teen series is coming out soon. Right now, it's all about getting the word out about The Mischievous Mom Goes to the Art Gallery! And, praying, that people will buy it!


And completely unrelated to your newest book, but questions people really want to know

    * What is your favourite book or who is your favourite author?
    * Buffy the Vampire Slayer - love it, hate it or never watched it?
    * Current favourite tv show

Favorite book?  Lord of the Flies and The Romantic by Barbara Gowdy. (Also, all Margaret Atwood books.)

Buffy? Never watched. However, I do LOVE Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Favorite TV show at present? American Idol, anything on Slice, and pretty much bad reality shows (and any shows that go into diseases/siamese twins/obesity/19 children. I also have a sick fascination watching 16 and pregnant! BUT I CANNOT WATCH TODDLERS AND TIARAS! And I cannot wait for Dexter to come back!

Thanks, Rebecca!
As I said ... Coolest person ever! Go get the book. You'll love it. And more importantly, your kids will too.

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I'd love your thoughts and comments. This is new to me, but it was really fun! I want to do more reviews and interviews, so if you have any ideas or suggestions - let me know.

Irish

I'm Irish.
Well, obviously first and foremost I'm Canadian, but part of me is Irish.
My grandmother was Irish. She never actually visited Ireland, and if we're being totally honest, I don't even know what percentage of her blood was Irish, but with shocking red hair, and a firey temper, the woman could claim that heritage one hundred percent.
My grandmother, Nana, died several years ago. She wasn't exactly a warm and cuddly person. I have good memories of her, funny memories of her. And honestly, she wasn't always the nicest woman. She said whatever was on her mind, and that could include stuff like telling me I was too fat (when I was 7) and that I wasn't Irish enough because I had dark hair (compared to my sister with red hair). There was even a period where I refused to go visit her because she was a little too harsh about my hair, clothing and body shape. (I was 13) I suppose I could dwell on that. But, on St.Patrick's Day I don't think about that.  Not really.
I remember the one holiday that made her really happy - St. Patrick's Day.
The woman loved her Shamrocks. There was nothing like going to her house in March and seeing all of the leprachauns, pots of gold and shamrock's decorating the small apartment she shared with my grandad. She always wore a Shamrock ring, and believed in the Luck of the Irish.
Kooky yes.
And maybe I have that side of her personality.
The side that's not afraid to celebrate and be a little crazy. The funny thing is, time heals a lot of stuff. And it makes you look back at stuff in a whole new light. And on St.Patrick's Day I love to look back and appreciate my grandmother, and all the crazy kooky stuff she passed down.
So, tonight I'll raise a glass. To being Irish. To being her grandaughter. And to remembering the good memories we all pass down.
Happy St Pat's everyone.

Not to Sound Cryptic

Sometimes I need to get over myself.
I need to get out of my head and realize that just because I don't agree with the opinion of someone else, it doesn't mean I don't like that person.
Or that they don't have something to bring to the table.
Last week I asked someone a question. My question was sincere. But, I wanted to know how 2 people could have such a completely different outlook on one particular issue.
My question - it was answered honestly, and more importantly, sincerely. And even though we will most likely never agree on the topic in question, I can say that I've learned something.
I've learned that discussion has merit. And I've discovered that you can disagree on one huge issue and still respect the opinion of someone else.
Cryptic much?
Probably.
Care to weigh in on a discussion?
I'm fascinated by this story.

PS I changed the look of my blog. It's not great - but that's what happens when I play around and delete my template. Oh well ... I guess it's time for a change anyway.

Le Boeuf - or Why I Leave Cooking to Julie (and Julia)

 (not mine - but let's pretend it is!)

You know when people say that the Oscars is their Super Bowl? That's kind of me.
It's nothing compared to the Olympics, but I enjoy the fashions, and usually the show is pretty good. This year not so much. It was a bit boring. But, I was determined to make it to the end of the show, mostly because my favourite movie (duh) Julie and Julia was in the running for the best actress category for Meryl Streep.
Confession: I never was the world's biggest Meryl Streep fan. But, I loved her as Julia Child. And, I REALLY wanted Julie and Julia to win - for obvious reasons.
I decided an Oscars party was in order, and there's nothing I love quite as much as a theme party. I really loved that I could make something from Julie and Julia (or really Mastering the Art of French Cooking). So, with a nod to Julie and to Julia I decided on the most obvious choice for the movie - boeuf bourgignon. And, of course the requisite gimlet.
If you've seen Julie and Julia you know the scene that features that meal. Judith Jones (Julia Child's editor) was supposed to visit Julie Powell. So, she makes Boeuf Bourgignon and then burns it. Then takes the next day off of work to make it for a second time. And then Judith Jones can't come because the weather is bad.
It's a big part of the movie.
And quite honestly, one of the only things I really had the inspiration to try cooking. Julie Powell I am not. I don't even own Mastering the Art of French Cooking (does that make me less of a fan?). I suppose I could have tried something a little more daring, like eggs in aspic, but GROSS! (that would be eggs in gelatin - I googled the picture for you)

But, the boeuf ... I wanted to try it.
I should also point out that since the kids were part of the party, I went with the decidely un-French pillsbury weiner wraps. A time-tested favourite in our house.
I combined that with some salad (from my mom), a chicken dish for my sister, and a little junk food since it's a party.
Let me tell you. I now know why Julie had so many kitchen disasters. This was not an easy recipe. I knew that going in though.
My cooking confidence - not exactly there.
I had Mike helping me and two children running around the kitchen. I was googling how to saute mushrooms the Julia way, and how to brown braise pearl onions. It was a disaster coming. And I knew it. But I persisted.
I was actually doing pretty well. I had browned the meat and measured the wine.
Disaster struck with my attempt to simmer the whole thing. It seemed really quite easy at that point. Just dump in a bottle of wine, and sit it on the stove. However ... apparently the container I made it all was not made for the stove. Who knew?
Not me. (or Mike)
Admittedly, the only pot that seemed adequate for the job was the pot from my slow cooker.
I thought something was a little bit off when the pot made a funny noise. And then CRACK. It just sort of dissolved into a giant pottery mess. A giant wine-pottery-beef mess.  The stove was covered in wine. I was kind of covered in meat and wine, and I had no idea really what to do.
Normally this would invoke panic or at least some sort of meltdown.
But ... my panic was replaced by my excitement over the fact that this was also the recipe Julie screwed up.
Crisis averted.
Recipe re-started.
Several hours later my boeuf bourgignon was done. Just in time for the Oscars. It was brilliant. Well, except for the fact that Meryl Streep didn't win.
And the consensus?
Surprisingly everyone liked it. Well, the adults anyway. The weiner wraps ... also a big hit.

Amazing Women

So as it turns out, Saturday was International Women's Day.
I didn't give it much thought at the time (admittedly, I didn't even know until I walked past an upscale lingerie store that had signs declaring the right thing to do for International Women's Day was to get a good bra fitting. Really?)
Ironically, I ended up spending Saturday with 3 different women: one I've known my whole life, one I met in highschool, and one I met just recently. All so different. Yet all who play such a big role.
My sister spent the day with me. I've been trying to reorganize my house. It's a disaster. And, as we went through my closets and drawers I realized that this is someone I can trust with anything. As I whined my way through Ikea and home depot and practically threw a temper tantrum as she made me sort through every piece of clothing I owned, I knew she could take it. And, unconditional love and acceptance is a wonderful gift.
I also had the chance to have coffee with a woman I've long considered a mentor. I met her when I was in highschool. Unhappy with the co-op placement I had (at a crappy newspaper) I begged my teacher to let me switch to a different placement. I found this woman from the yellow pages, called and asked if she would be interested in letting me learn from her. That was 15 years ago, and I still am learning from her. Not all the lessons are about work. In fact, I'd say that a lot of what I've learned from her is by watching her raise incredible daughters who are taking on the world. I can only hope that my children one day emulate them. And I can only hope that one day I can inspire someone the way she has inspired me.
Finally, I spent the evening having a drink with a new friend. She's younger than me. Her kids are younger than mine. And our friendship is still new. We don't have that comfort of old friends, and yet we connect on many levels - and sometimes the beginnings of friendships are really fun. The craziest part of it all is that she's a little younger and her kids are a little younger, and she asks me for advice - about schools and parenting and going back to work. Me. The person who can look back at my first year of being a mom and thinking I would never survive. And she's asking me for advice. I can't get over it.
And that to me is International Women's Day. It's not about whether you can relate to the feminist movement (I often can't) It's not about what you do. Or how well you do it. Or how many kids you have (if you have any).
To me it's about giving what you can - and taking what you need.
And if International Women's Day makes me appreciate the women in my life ... I'm all for it.

And Away We Go ...

I'm not sure that making decisions based on a quote calendar given to me by my local pub is the best idea. But when the quote happens to be: "Only those who will risk going to far can possibly find out how far one can go" (T.S. Eliot) - well ... I'll take it.
Pub calendar or not.
When I think about risks I think about courage.
I've always been fascinated by courage.
Do you want a definition of courage? "It is a quality of spirit that enables you to face fear."
I love that.
(and side note - my favourite thing to do when writing is either a) look up definitions of words or b) find relevant quotes - ever noticed this?)
The other day someone called me fearless. I don't think that's quite right. But courageous is a title I can embrace or at least aspire to.
When it comes to this blog I need to take courage.
I've been talking a lot about making some changes.
And here's where I'm at.
Mommyblogging - done.
I love my kids, and I'm sure I will still write about them. But, this need I feel to document their lives is not so necessary. I just want to be present with them and not worry about if that's bloggable.
Next step. Figure out what I love. Or, as Gretchen Rubin would tell me: Be Laural. Know what I love and focus on that.
Guess what I love?
Writing. More specifically, reading what other people write. And then meeting the authors. I have so much respect and love for authors. I can't imagine ever sitting and writing my own book. But, there's nothing better to me than being completely immersed in a novel, the sense of satisfaction when I'm done reading the book. And then googling the author. Meeting the author is the icing on the cake.
Two of the highlights of my life (besides, you know, getting married and having babies) have been meeting Rebecca Eckler and meeting Julie Powell. For me their writing was life changing, and I needed to say that. And know more.
And I realized that this is what I want.
To meet writers. To read. To write about what I'm reading. And then interview the authors.
I know this is ambitious. I know this will be a long shot. I know I'm asking a lot.
Want-Take-Have.(bonus points if you know where that line comes from)
We'll get there. I'll get there.
This process is evolving. Here is what I know for sure. I'm going to post more often. Julie posted 6 days a week, and as she said, don't think about it. Just do it.
So, expect more from me here.
And, please, let me know what you're thinking. Love it? Hate it? I can take it.
Any ideas? Please send them my way. And, yes, I know. The header is changing. Soon :)

Direction

It's hard to believe the Olympics are over.
It's hard to believe this week is over.
Talk about a crazy week. I've said so much about New York and I could say so much more. But, so much love for New York. For Julie Powell. So much (and seriously, she commented on my blog. LOVE).
And the Olympics all tied into it.
There are just moments where I don't feel the need to say much other than sometimes life makes you happy.

The one thing that I've been thinking a lot about is the direction of my blog. I started this as a mommy blog, and even though my kids are obviously a huge part of my life, the whole mommy blogging thing isn't really what I'm focusing on lately. I know I want to keep blogging. And I know I have a lot to say. I guess I'm just getting tired of the whole "mommy blogger" label. And, as exciting as it is that in the coming months we will be potty training Chloe - I have no desire to share the stories of her pooping in the potty. I care - it's just not where my heart is.

So, be prepared for a bit of change. What I do know is that I want to write consistently. And I want to figure out where I'm going. But right now - I just don't know what that is. So... stay tuned! And if you have ideas. Please share.

What I Was Looking For

Cover via Amazon

 

I'm back from a whirlwind trip to New York.

Maybe this is a bit cliche, but the trip was life changing.

If you haven't been following here, let me explain. I read the book Cleaving by Julie Powell. She made me look at life differently. She made me appreciate that life is messy and we need to embrace it.

I read about

 

Then after reading Cleaving I joined Julie's fanbook page and I found out that she was speaking at the Manhattan JCC. She was speaking with Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project. So, I bought the book, which is amazing as well, and long story short, I decided that I needed to meet Julie. Because what makes me truly happy

So, I booked a trip and went to New York.

Everyone was pretty amazing about it. Instead of being called crazy words like brave and amazing were used, and all of that melted my heart. You guys are amazing.

I decided to not only go to the speaking engagement, but also try to visit some of the places Julie talks about in her book. The place that was her solace was a butcher shop called Fleishers. As it turns out, this place has become quite famous. As it turns out, they are rockstar butchers. Who knew there was such a thing as a rockstar butcher. There is. 

So, off I went to Fleishers to see what it was all about. And they gave me a tour. Okay, I realized how off that sounds. But I was fascinated by the tour. And then they let me watch them cutting meat. Again, hard to explain unless you're in my head. But I had to do it. I had to understand this essential part of the book. As it turns out it was amazing. But, thankfully for all involved, I'm far more insterested in eating meat than butchering it. I'm good with that.

So, I left Fleishers around lunch time, and made my way back to Manhattan. I did a bunch of touristy stuff and then the big event happened.

Julie and Gretchen spoke with a moderator. Amazing. And then I was able to meet Julie.

Not the best picture of me. But let's all focus on Julie. Look how beautiful she is. Stunning and lovely.

The next day I just had a New York day. I went to Century 21, of course. And I got some lovely shoes. I also saw Ground Zero.  And tried to guess which building Julie worked in while writing Julie and Julia. And, I'm positive I passed it cause I got thoroughly lost looking for the store. Funny side note - 3 people asked me for directions yesterday. I pulled out my maps to help them. But it was funny since I was lost.
After Century 21 I stopped at Canal Street and got a Rolex for Mike. And some Chanel for me. (real, of course).

My final stop? Republic. This is where Julie drank gimlets. You can bet I had one. It was delicious. So so so good.

And I had a delicious lunch. Which I ate with chopsticks. And let me tell you several people helped me out with the chopsticks thing.
And then I had a lovely conversation with a woman a little younger than me. We talked about life, and chopsticks, and everything you can imagine. It was a moment that just happened. She was at the beginning of a journey. She wanted to write and follow her dreams. And, we talked about it. When I was leaving she said something to me that will always stick with me. She said: "Whatever you have found that brings you this joy - that's what I'm looking for."
That ended my trip.
It was a beautiful note to leave on.
And a pretty much perfect trip.

LIVE from New York

Tonight I met Julie Powell.
Can you absorb that? Julie. Julie who I talk about all the time. Julie of "Juliequest 2010."
I don't need to go into the story. If you've followed me for awhile you know about this. And guys, tonight was amazing.
Remember when I said "live better than you dare?"
That's what today has been about.
In my last post I said I needed this and it's hard to explain how I feel. The truth is, I needed this experience. I needed to tell Julie what her book meant to me. And I did.
Of course I cried. Of course. I didn't mean to.
I went to hear her speak at the Manhattan JCC. And it was amazing.
And the thing is, Julie was amazing. She got it.
I know Julie Powell is THE Julie of Julie and Julia. But, really, it doesn't matter. I'm glad she had that success. Or maybe I wouldn't have heard of her. Maybe she wouldn't have written Cleaving. Maybe she woulnd't have given us all the message that Life is Messy, but we still have to keep going on living it and loving it and loving each other.
Fame is great. And I applaud her success.
But it's more than that.
I've been trying to explain this trip to people. To explain why I needed to do this alone.
It's not about whether I'm happy or not. It's not about meeting a celebrity. It's about believing that in life there's something important.
It's about knowing that there is this wonderful part about our existence that is confusing and complicated. But there's joy in every day.
It was funny because tonight was better than I had hoped.
I had hoped that I would be glean something from the experience. That I would leave understanding something.
What I got was so much more.
I had the chance to thank her for her work. And, you guys, she came over and gave me a hug. She got up from where she was sitting, at the front of a big audience. There was a room full of people who wanted to get their books signed, and to ask her questions, and she came over and gave me a hug. And thanked me for what I said.
There are moments when your heart just feels full.
When you feel like someone understands.
It doesn't mean life is perfect.
I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Honestly, there are storm warnings in New York and I don't even know if I will get home tomorrow.
But, what I know. What I left knowing is that life is a journey. And that there are some awesome people who make that journey so unbelievably incredible.
Julie is one of those people.
And life, right now, is just so good.
You know, I read her book. I visited Fleishers. And there are a few more stops I want to make tomorrow to see what she talks about in her books.
But, I know one thing for sure. This is my journey. And I'm loving it. And living it.

New York

Tonight I leave for New York.
I'm spending 2 days in New York. Just me.
I need this.
There are no expectations on my part. Not really. Yes, it's being referred to as "Juliequest" by some of my friends. And that's appropriate. Because yes. I really want to meet her. And hear her speak.
Yes, my excitement is palpable. You may be feeling sorry for the people who have to work with me all day as I try to quell my excitement.
But, there's a line in Cleaving that explains how I'm feeling. There are many sections in that book where I can relate.
But, Julie Powell has one line in Cleaving that pretty much explains my whole life.

If there's one thing I've learned about myself, it's that passions don't tend to run out. Would that they did.

I get that.
She had Julia. She had her butchery.
I have this.
My expectations. They are of me. To absorb the moment. To appreciate what I'm doing. To come back with a better understanding of why I need to do these things.
Passions don't tend to run out.
True that, Julie. True that.

This is why I'm Tired

I often come to work on Mondays and say my weekend was exhausting. I love my kids. They make me laugh and make me smile. But they exhaust me.
So the other day we let Matt make a video. No exaggeration ... this is Matt - most of the time.
Mike and I cracked up when we started watching it because it's so him. Also note how calm our cat is through the whole thing.

Live Better Than You Dare

Cover via Amazon

I've been talking a lot about going to New York.
I've been talking a lot about Julie Powell.
And, I was tossing back and forth the idea of travelling to New York to go to an event she's speaking at. I know. A little crazy. But, also pretty cool.
And I've been reading the Happiness Project which is pretty full of some affirmations and quotes. I'll admit that I'm not exactly a daily affirmation person - but I do love a good quote. And one of her quotes is "Live as Well as You Dare." I thought that was pretty great - until my good friend said it should be changed to live BETTER than you dare.
And it's true. It's one of those quotes I play over and over in my head. I mean, do I dare? Do I do things I'm afraid of? Do I push things just a little more than I'm confortable with? Well, yes and no. Yes, for sure a lot. (just ask the people I work with)
So, with this whole New York thing - I'm going for it.
I was thinking about what inspired me in Cleaving. Like, I pretty much fell in love with the whole book - what Julie Powell said about herself (life lessons there). But it was also about butchery. I'll never forget the conversation I had with someone when I was halfway through the book. This person is a friend, but doesn't know me *that* well, and I was knee deep in the book, and had decided that perhaps I should move to New York and learn to be a butcher. It wasn't a serious thought. It was more of a completely engrossed in a book kind of thought.
He thought about it and suggested that perhaps I take some cooking classes, or even just try buying meat from a butcher (other than the grocery store).
And I was mulling this idea around when I decided that OMG! I could probably find the butcher shop from the book. (it's called Fleisher's) And go there! And, then I thought that I can't exactly buy meat there but they have soup and stuff. So, if nothing else - I can fly to New York, take a 2 hour bus ride to the store, eat a bowl of soup - and EXPERIENCE.
And, perhaps buy a shirt!
Live better than you dare.
Maybe to some people that's insane. To me - that's living!
Also, before I go, my friend helpfully sent me a title of a book to read (about meat) and some butchers in Toronto that have a similar philosophy. Awesome.
I'm SO excited.

Sleep and Happiness ...

Chloe is almost 2. We're about 6 weeks away from her second birthday, and the child needs to sleep.
I don't know what went wrong with her sleep routine. As an infant she slept well, but as she got older it got progressively worse till we hit that point that every night Mike puts her to sleep by rocking her and then lays her on the couch until he brings her to our bed where she sleeps for the night.
I know that sounds terrible.
The truth is, when you have an older child who is really exhausting, you take sleep however you can, even if that means horrible habits.
But, the other day I was left to put Chloe to sleep, and given the fact that I'm a foot shorter than Mike, and have significantly less arm muscle, it was really hard to get her into the necessary sleep strong hold. And I realized that something had to change.
So for the past few days I've been doing sleep training.
Matt goes to bed pretty quickly and has a great knack for ignoring his sister, so while he slept I somewhat patiently walked Chloe back to her bed over and over and over. And listened to her scream - over and over and over.
And, for the last 2 nights she has slept in her own bed.
This is a miracle, I tell you. A miracle. Tonight we had only an hour of the walking back to bed/crying routine.
What's the magic formula? Well, nothing. But I'll tell you what's made it easier - reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. It's a fascinating book, and it breaks down her resolutions for happiness into 12 months. I'm kind of reading a month per night. And, it's funny how when I read it, and I'm reading about things that were hard for her, it kind of makes the suckiness of sleep training more bearable.
Also, it's a good book.
And, I've finished reading the month of February and she's actually mentioned Julie/Julia. So there's that. And she says stuff like:
One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
 And let me tell you, when you're feeling a little guilty about essentially just listening to your kid cry, stuff like that is amazing.
So sleep plus happy is making me happy right now.
And I'm hoping that by Chloe's 2nd birthday we'll have a sleeping toddler. Next step - toilet training.