looks like fun! I must say rebecca looks amazing in that shot- (and so do you and HBM) someone was telling me today how funny the book is. I must pick up a copy soon.
Doesn't anyone ever ask Rebecca how her child is going to feel when she grows up and reads in her mom's books how little she was loved, what a big annoyance she was, how much more important STUFF is to her parents? You're all moms (presumeably) -- doesn't it bother you? The book isn't funny -- it's sad in the extreme.
Anonymous, Have you actually READ her book? There is no question she loves her daughter. I love my son to death, but he is in full-time childcare and I have no hesitation saying I need all the help I can get. What I love about her writing is that she makes it very clear that as parents we can and should still be ourselves. Being a parent is not easy. Being able to look at yourself and laugh at your parenting skills is a great ability. Yes, she complains about the exhaustion, the crying, and the effect on her body. But she does not critcize her daughter. To me she makes it very clear. She loves her child, but parenting is hard and sucks. Do you have a child? Because if you've never been through it you can't judge.
I have read the book, and just because she SAYS she loves her daughter, it doesn't negate complaining about her, how she's ruined her life, her figure, her fun. But the worst part is Rowan will READ how her mother felt about her. How will that make her feel about herself? How would you have felt to read your mother referring to you so negatively. Of course I'm mother, and I know that there are tough times, and days you could scream, but I would NEVER, EVER let my child think that she was responsible (especially for a cheap laugh), or is anything less than loved and cherished by her parents. To do so is scarring and cruel. Share your doubts and frustrations with your partner, your friends, your own mother, but NOT your child.
Ummm, I have no child, I just 'borrow' others and even I can tell that Rebecca Eckler adores her child. I think if Rowan gets to know her mom at all growing up she'll see how blatantly obvious it is that her mother is being humourous. Every mom I know jokes about their figures and lack of sleep etc., but its always obvious they adore their kids. Hell, I'm 29 and my mom still complains about me but I know she adores me.
Actually, anonymous. I think you are the kind of person I would never ever associate with in life. You seem like the kind of person who goes out of her way to critique other mothers while all the time believing you are THE.BEST.MOTHER.EVER. Guess what? No matter how perfect you think you are, you are not perfect. Maybe you should take all the time you spend criticizing other mothers and either a)spend some time with your child or b)get a life. I know that I was difficult for my mother. She has told me. It has not scarred me. We are very close. I'm sure Rowan will grow up learning that honesty is important. And, I'm sure she'll grow up knowing that it is okay to express how you are feeling. And, that was a LOVELY guest post you did over at your site. Yes. That is exactly how I feel about her. I'm honoured she invited me. I am absolutely not ashamed that I cried when I met her. And, she is beautiful.
Okay, I am a working mother of four, I have read the book (a girlfriend who works for Random House gave it to me, and in a fair bit of disbelief herself, I must admit), and while I had no real opinion one way or another before reading the book about Rebecca Eckler because I never read the National Post and so she was a nobody to me, I must agree with anonymous. I found the book appallingly crass and cruel and the whole time I read it, I cringed, knowing one day her child is going to grow up and read it.
Sorry, Laural. I like your blog and urbanmoms.ca and all sorts of other Mommy blogs, I read them quite regularly, but I really don't understand, as the loving and caring mothers that you seem to be, how you can think this book is just harmless fun. Especially since throughout the book, both parents are constantly complaining, and quite nastily, about the child they chose to bring into this world.
It is not judgmental to say that. I just don't see the humour in anything she wrote in that book.
Cathy I totally respect your comments. You are entitled to your own opinion. I totally understand that not everyone loves Rebecca Eckler. What makes me upset about anonymous is that she made fun of me for making positive comments on Rebecca's blog. And then she posted a completely ridiculous "guest blog" about me on her blog. I like Rebecca. I was dealing with some really difficult issues, and I felt she was the first person to say it's okay to say things are hard. It's okay to feel judged and rise above it.
I'm your Anonymous, and I didn't make fun of you either here or on 9 Gram Brain (though you were pretty quick to judge me). You're entitled to your view, but I'm with your other commentators(and many, many more) who is simply asking the valid question: why aren't more mothers outraged on Rowan's behalf? How can they find it funny? This book is very profoundly sad. These are parents who may pay lip service in the book to SAYING they like their daughter, but everything they describe and do indicates they view her as burden. There's a big difference between your mom telling you funny stories about the frustrations she faced raising you (massively edited I'm certain) compared to Rebecca's many, many really cruel and unfeeling descriptions of her daughter now forever captured in a book. I'm baffled -- and since you clearly are devoted to your son, I'm curious as to the huge disconnect.
This is why most mother's piss me off: They don't seem to realize that every child is different, that every mother is different and that there are several theories to raising a child. (I'm not condoning any form of child abuse, I'm talking about differences)
And this absolute CRAP about loving every single freaking moment and every single freaking occurrence is just SO ANGERING. It's called repression. Being under the impression you have to be soooo happy , and sooo elated and soooo pure and virtuous that you enjoy the "natural process of life" just wreaks of the years of repression women have suffered because of the fact they are so intimately connected to the birthing process. And this is obviously STILL an issue! Authority figures (aka the men - I'm seriously referring to the Napoleonic code, Spain under Franco, Plato, the Cold/Warm theories etc) said that women should be happy and fulfilled in this role, and that it is their patriotic duty - their ONLY duty. That's shit. And you know what? Sometimes being a mother sucks. ADMIT IT YOU DIRTY ROTTEN LIARS! And I don't see why people can't just go with the honest flow about how they feel. Critical people - who are so restrictive about the way one is "allowed" to feel about one's children, and one's own personal experiences I feel are repressed horrid liars. And they make me VERY angry.
That's a pretty slippery slope, don't you think. You're saying it's ok to hate your kid, feel angry at your kid, write publicly about those feelings, thereby humiliating the kid. What's next? It's ok to physically abuse them too because after all, if you don't, you're repressing yourself?
Who forced you or Eckler to have children? Nobody. You made the choice, you did it, you brought them into the world, and if you're angry and miserable about it, get to a shrink, get on anti-depressants, and talk about it to your friends, don't publish books about it and risk forever scarring a child who didn't ask to be born into your angry world.
Cathy, I'm not sure if that comment was made in reference to my writing, to the comment made by "integrity" or to Rebecca's writing. I have never once written anything that was remotely close to even mean about my child - let alone abusive. If anything I would criticize myself for being too sweet. If you are referring to Rebecca's writing - I think it is critical more to herself than to her child. She constantly takes the fall (admitting she is self absorbed, admitting she is lazy). She walks a fine line, I agree. I don't at all think her writing is abusive. If I did I would not read it. My reading of it is that she is struggling with the concept of being a parent, not with the child herself.
That wasn't directed at you, but at the person who commented right above me. In fact, it is crystal clear reading your blog what a loving and fantastic mother you are. That is why I am surprised you thought Eckler's book was funny. To me it was mean and very sad, and the saddest of all for poor Rowan.
But in any event, my comments were not directed at you.
I'm with Cathy - I get that you like Eckler's writing, but I suspect, based on how you talk about your son and yourself as a mother, that you'd soon grow appalled if you looked at Eckler as a mother and not an amusing writer. You said she walks a fine line - maybe we just disagree about what side of it she ends up on. She certainly does admit she's selfish and shallow, but she seems to think that be admitting it she's absolving herself. I think it's worse - if she were actually a 16 year old crack whore who'd grown up in a ghetto, she wouldn't know any better than to call her baby a bitch, put her at the other end of the house so she can't hear her screaming at night, document telling her boyfriend to come in her without a condom, etc ...
But she's not. She's a middle-aged, middle class woman with a university (well ok, sorta) education, a solid family background, and a live-in boyfriend with absurd amounts of money. And she is smart enough and aware enough to realize she's a miserable and shallow person - and yet she doesn't care enough, for her daughter or anyone else, to change.
Being a lousy person (or mother) is one thing; you're right nobody's perfect, and anyone who says she is is deluded. But acknowledging you're a lousy person (or mother) and just plain not giving a damn, is quite another. That's what inspires a lot of the serious dislike of Eckler, some of which got aimed at you.
Oooo boy, the drama. Is it okay that I don't read all the negative comments here. I HAVE YOUR BACK, THOUGH, LD! People who write nasty negative comments on people's blogs (especially my friends' blogs) aren't worth my or your time. LOVE YA!!! xo
I finished "Wiped" today. I had started it, then put it down in disgust, months ago. I revisited it today because I needed a reminder that there are people that are worse mothers than I am.
No, Eckler isn't saying anything the majority of us haven't thought. Really, saying that it's hard work to raise a child is a huge understatement. The difference is that the rest of us don't publicly air the worst of our frustrations, at least, not in a format that our children can later get their hands on. While I can grudgingly admit that I can see where Eckler is coming from on a lot of points, a child doesn't view things with those sorts of eyes. Rowan can be expected to walk away, not remembering that her mother loves her, but with the sting of seeing she was a pain in the arse that her parents sometimes didn't want to deal with.
The fact that she put these things in writing is no better than telling a child to his or her face, "You made my life hard and miserable!" You can tack on "but I love you more than anything," but that addition isn't what will stick in his or her head.
Me and my friend Michelle
Me, Her Bad Mother, Erica Ehm
22 comments:
You met her?!!
Laural that's awesome!!!!
Does that mean the new book is now out? I can hardly wait to read it!!!
looks like fun!
I must say rebecca looks amazing in that shot-
(and so do you and HBM)
someone was telling me today how funny the book is.
I must pick up a copy soon.
Strange. She claims on her blog that she doesn't own any makeup. She sure looks made up there.
her nose doesn't look big in this picture
Doesn't anyone ever ask Rebecca how her child is going to feel when she grows up and reads in her mom's books how little she was loved, what a big annoyance she was, how much more important STUFF is to her parents? You're all moms (presumeably) -- doesn't it bother you? The book isn't funny -- it's sad in the extreme.
Anonymous,
Have you actually READ her book?
There is no question she loves her daughter. I love my son to death, but he is in full-time childcare and I have no hesitation saying I need all the help I can get.
What I love about her writing is that she makes it very clear that as parents we can and should still be ourselves.
Being a parent is not easy. Being able to look at yourself and laugh at your parenting skills is a great ability.
Yes, she complains about the exhaustion, the crying, and the effect on her body. But she does not critcize her daughter.
To me she makes it very clear. She loves her child, but parenting is hard and sucks.
Do you have a child? Because if you've never been through it you can't judge.
I have read the book, and just because she SAYS she loves her daughter, it doesn't negate complaining about her, how she's ruined her life, her figure, her fun. But the worst part is Rowan will READ how her mother felt about her. How will that make her feel about herself? How would you have felt to read your mother referring to you so negatively. Of course I'm mother, and I know that there are tough times, and days you could scream, but I would NEVER, EVER let my child think that she was responsible (especially for a cheap laugh), or is anything less than loved and cherished by her parents. To do so is scarring and cruel. Share your doubts and frustrations with your partner, your friends, your own mother, but NOT your child.
Ummm, I have no child, I just 'borrow' others and even I can tell that Rebecca Eckler adores her child.
I think if Rowan gets to know her mom at all growing up she'll see how blatantly obvious it is that her mother is being humourous.
Every mom I know jokes about their figures and lack of sleep etc., but its always obvious they adore their kids. Hell, I'm 29 and my mom still complains about me but I know she adores me.
Actually, anonymous. I think you are the kind of person I would never ever associate with in life.
You seem like the kind of person who goes out of her way to critique other mothers while all the time believing you are THE.BEST.MOTHER.EVER.
Guess what? No matter how perfect you think you are, you are not perfect.
Maybe you should take all the time you spend criticizing other mothers and either a)spend some time with your child or b)get a life.
I know that I was difficult for my mother. She has told me. It has not scarred me. We are very close.
I'm sure Rowan will grow up learning that honesty is important. And, I'm sure she'll grow up knowing that it is okay to express how you are feeling.
And, that was a LOVELY guest post you did over at your site. Yes. That is exactly how I feel about her. I'm honoured she invited me. I am absolutely not ashamed that I cried when I met her. And, she is beautiful.
Okay, I am a working mother of four, I have read the book (a girlfriend who works for Random House gave it to me, and in a fair bit of disbelief herself, I must admit), and while I had no real opinion one way or another before reading the book about Rebecca Eckler because I never read the National Post and so she was a nobody to me, I must agree with anonymous. I found the book appallingly crass and cruel and the whole time I read it, I cringed, knowing one day her child is going to grow up and read it.
Sorry, Laural. I like your blog and urbanmoms.ca and all sorts of other Mommy blogs, I read them quite regularly, but I really don't understand, as the loving and caring mothers that you seem to be, how you can think this book is just harmless fun. Especially since throughout the book, both parents are constantly complaining, and quite nastily, about the child they chose to bring into this world.
It is not judgmental to say that. I just don't see the humour in anything she wrote in that book.
Cathy
I totally respect your comments. You are entitled to your own opinion. I totally understand that not everyone loves Rebecca Eckler.
What makes me upset about anonymous is that she made fun of me for making positive comments on Rebecca's blog.
And then she posted a completely ridiculous "guest blog" about me on her blog.
I like Rebecca. I was dealing with some really difficult issues, and I felt she was the first person to say it's okay to say things are hard. It's okay to feel judged and rise above it.
Who says anonymous is ninegrambrain? There are lots of people out there who don't like Eckler -- not just one male blogger.
I'm your Anonymous, and I didn't make fun of you either here or on 9 Gram Brain (though you were pretty quick to judge me). You're entitled to your view, but I'm with your other commentators(and many, many more) who is simply asking the valid question: why aren't more mothers outraged on Rowan's behalf? How can they find it funny? This book is very profoundly sad. These are parents who may pay lip service in the book to SAYING they like their daughter, but everything they describe and do indicates they view her as burden. There's a big difference between your mom telling you funny stories about the frustrations she faced raising you (massively edited I'm certain) compared to Rebecca's many, many really cruel and unfeeling descriptions of her daughter now forever captured in a book. I'm baffled -- and since you clearly are devoted to your son, I'm curious as to the huge disconnect.
This is why most mother's piss me off:
They don't seem to realize that every child is different, that every mother is different and that there are several theories to raising a child. (I'm not condoning any form of child abuse, I'm talking about differences)
And this absolute CRAP about loving every single freaking moment and every single freaking occurrence is just SO ANGERING. It's called repression.
Being under the impression you have to be soooo happy , and sooo elated and soooo pure and virtuous that you enjoy the "natural process of life" just wreaks of the years of repression women have suffered because of the fact they are so intimately connected to the birthing process. And this is obviously STILL an issue! Authority figures (aka the men - I'm seriously referring to the Napoleonic code, Spain under Franco, Plato, the Cold/Warm theories etc) said that women should be happy and fulfilled in this role, and that it is their patriotic duty - their ONLY duty. That's shit. And you know what? Sometimes being a mother sucks. ADMIT IT YOU DIRTY ROTTEN LIARS!
And I don't see why people can't just go with the honest flow about how they feel.
Critical people - who are so restrictive about the way one is "allowed" to feel about one's children, and one's own personal experiences I feel are repressed horrid liars.
And they make me VERY angry.
BESIDES who wants a world of drones? BORING.
That's a pretty slippery slope, don't you think. You're saying it's ok to hate your kid, feel angry at your kid, write publicly about those feelings, thereby humiliating the kid. What's next? It's ok to physically abuse them too because after all, if you don't, you're repressing yourself?
Who forced you or Eckler to have children? Nobody. You made the choice, you did it, you brought them into the world, and if you're angry and miserable about it, get to a shrink, get on anti-depressants, and talk about it to your friends, don't publish books about it and risk forever scarring a child who didn't ask to be born into your angry world.
Cathy,
I'm not sure if that comment was made in reference to my writing, to the comment made by "integrity" or to Rebecca's writing.
I have never once written anything that was remotely close to even mean about my child - let alone abusive. If anything I would criticize myself for being too sweet.
If you are referring to Rebecca's writing - I think it is critical more to herself than to her child. She constantly takes the fall (admitting she is self absorbed, admitting she is lazy). She walks a fine line, I agree. I don't at all think her writing is abusive. If I did I would not read it.
My reading of it is that she is struggling with the concept of being a parent, not with the child herself.
Laural
That wasn't directed at you, but at the person who commented right above me. In fact, it is crystal clear reading your blog what a loving and fantastic mother you are. That is why I am surprised you thought Eckler's book was funny. To me it was mean and very sad, and the saddest of all for poor Rowan.
But in any event, my comments were not directed at you.
Laural,
I'm with Cathy - I get that you like Eckler's writing, but I suspect, based on how you talk about your son and yourself as a mother, that you'd soon grow appalled if you looked at Eckler as a mother and not an amusing writer. You said she walks a fine line - maybe we just disagree about what side of it she ends up on. She certainly does admit she's selfish and shallow, but she seems to think that be admitting it she's absolving herself. I think it's worse - if she were actually a 16 year old crack whore who'd grown up in a ghetto, she wouldn't know any better than to call her baby a bitch, put her at the other end of the house so she can't hear her screaming at night, document telling her boyfriend to come in her without a condom, etc ...
But she's not. She's a middle-aged, middle class woman with a university (well ok, sorta) education, a solid family background, and a live-in boyfriend with absurd amounts of money. And she is smart enough and aware enough to realize she's a miserable and shallow person - and yet she doesn't care enough, for her daughter or anyone else, to change.
Being a lousy person (or mother) is one thing; you're right nobody's perfect, and anyone who says she is is deluded. But acknowledging you're a lousy person (or mother) and just plain not giving a damn, is quite another. That's what inspires a lot of the serious dislike of Eckler, some of which got aimed at you.
Oooo boy, the drama. Is it okay that I don't read all the negative comments here. I HAVE YOUR BACK, THOUGH, LD! People who write nasty negative comments on people's blogs (especially my friends' blogs) aren't worth my or your time. LOVE YA!!! xo
Ooo, and LD! YOU and Rebecca Eckler and Catherine all look GORJ! :)
I would have rather hung out with LD and Erica Ehm, personally.
:)
I finished "Wiped" today. I had started it, then put it down in disgust, months ago. I revisited it today because I needed a reminder that there are people that are worse mothers than I am.
No, Eckler isn't saying anything the majority of us haven't thought. Really, saying that it's hard work to raise a child is a huge understatement. The difference is that the rest of us don't publicly air the worst of our frustrations, at least, not in a format that our children can later get their hands on. While I can grudgingly admit that I can see where Eckler is coming from on a lot of points, a child doesn't view things with those sorts of eyes. Rowan can be expected to walk away, not remembering that her mother loves her, but with the sting of seeing she was a pain in the arse that her parents sometimes didn't want to deal with.
The fact that she put these things in writing is no better than telling a child to his or her face, "You made my life hard and miserable!" You can tack on "but I love you more than anything," but that addition isn't what will stick in his or her head.
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