Hills and Cheetos and Smiles

If you ever join a running clinic you’ll be introduced to a new fear … hill training.

It’s part of every running clinic, and people talk about the fear of hills pretty much from the moment clinic starts.

Last night … dunh dunh dunh … was hill training.

(admittedly so was last week, but I was sick and the warm up did me in. I don’t even remember the hill part).

Usually clinic nights start out at the local store and then we do a route around the area. It started with a 3k run and progressed to about a 6k route. This week we met at a local park (kind of local. I got lost) with a lot of hills. We did a 20 minute warm-up, ran 4 huge hills, and then did a 20 minute cool-down.

The warm up went well. I enjoyed it. The we got our hill route. There were lots of runners out because another clinic group was training on those same hills. I was walking down the hill with our coach when I realized that everyone running these hills was smiling. SMILING. Call me crazy, but I did not expect that.

Because we were all going at different speeds and setting our paces what you started to see was people almost in lines on either side of hill. What started to happen was that on the walk/slow jog down people were screaming and cheering encouragement to the people running up the other side of the hill. As soon as someone heard the cheers this huge smile would cross their face. At first people were cheering for the group we were familiar with, but as everyone started crossing over, there was more cheering.

Last night I did 4 hills. It was pretty awesome. I thought I’d hate hills. I didn’t. I thought they were awesome. And I can’t tell you whether I preferred cheering on the runners or being cheered when I made it to the top.

It’s funny how these small successes seem monumental lately.

Sometimes I feel like all of this focus on running and yoga keeps me from focusing on other stuff, but I don’t think that’s really true. I was talking about Matt’s school issues. You know, it didn’t get any easier. Every day my 8 year old came home from school sad.

Tuesday night he was downright miserable. He’d had an argument with his best friend at recess, and trust me when I say he looks soooo forward to recess. (it was a typical 8 year old disagreement). Add to that the fact he ate practically nothing all day because he’s not in a routine, and he was a mess.

Now I can’t solve all the problems of the world. I can’t even solve all the problems of my kids. But one thing I can do is comfort food. Tell me all you want about how bad cheetos are, how meatloaf is fattening, how you shouldn’t eat your way out of your issues and that red food dye is evil. BUT, if you ask me, it’s called comfort food for a reason and if my kid isn’t eating I can do comfort food. So, off we walked to the grocery store. We bought cookies, candy, chips and all the ingredients for Matt’s favourite food, meatloaf. Oh – and we talked, about school, about friendships and about the importance of knowing the difference between Lego Star Wars and Lego Star Wars the Clone Wars.  And then I came home and made meatloaf.

And yesterday. School success. I came in to a kid who told me “my day was perfect.” He ate his lunch! There’s a new kid in his class that he likes. He did well on a math quiz. He had amazing recesses.

Maybe a thumbs-up kind of day isn’t always monumental. But right now it’s so necessary. And you know what? I’m going to celebrate the small successes. Because sometimes … they are huger than anything we can ever imagine.

Quarter Marathon! Check One off the Bucket List

This weekend I ran in The Durham Quarter Marathon. That's right, 10.54 km!
The race was on Saturday. I signed up on Tuesday. Crazy, right? I'd been thinking about trying a 10k for awhile. I was pretty sure I had trained enough and that physically I was capable of it. I was completely lacking in the believing in myself category though. Here's the breakdown of race day!

(at the starting line!)

4:20 am - my alarm went off. This is when I normally wake up to run, so I was ready. I had a shower, and I'd read to eat a bagel and cream cheese. Awesome. I love bagels. I avoid them usually (carbs, white flour) - so this was a yummy treat!

5:20 am - I was more than ready. I put all the race stuff, plus snacks for the family in the car. I woke up Mike and the kids and we brought them to the car. It did not take them too long to wake up and get excited for the road trip ahead. They didn't know what we were doing because I really didn't tell many people - and my kids tend to overshare!

5:30-5:55 - The hunt for an open Starbucks!!! We finally gave up, grabbed coffee at Timmies and we were finally on the road to Oshawa (a good hour away).

7:00 am. - We arrived just as they were setting up. I had no idea how busy the race would be. It turned out it was pretty quiet. So we parked, got the race kit, and then took the kids to Tim Hortons to kill some time. I ordered 2 chocolate timbits for myself. My nerves were kicking in as I didn't even make it through one!!! We then just killed time for the next hour or so, stretching, playing with the kids, enjoying the entertainment and making our way to the starting line. Closer to the start they announced the pace bunnies, so I walked over and introduced myself to my pace bunny, Steve. I told him it was my first 10k (well 10.54) and I wanted to cross the finish line by 1:20. He was a 1:10 pace bunny (the slowest!) and he said stick with him, and if I needed to slow down I could. I never run with people, but this was pretty cool.

8:30 am - we were off. This was the first race I've ever done where I've started slow. I really wanted to hang out with the pace bunny, and he started, you guessed it, ON PACE! I will always do this from now on. I enjoyed the start.

1km - This was a cool first km. I usually stress the first kilometre. When i run in the mornings it always takes me awhile to find my pace and breathe and sort of shake things out a bit. I felt strong from the first step. When my nike+ app told me I'd hit my first km I was shocked.

2-4 km - This was remarkably easy. The pace was slower than normal and I was totally enjoying the scenery. I was listening to my music, but every so often Steve (pace bunny) would check in. I'd get a thumbs up or a smile. I loved this aspect. At one point he told me to swing my arms more and watch my breathing. (on the hill). I liked the encouragement without constant chatter. I think he would have talked the whole time if I wanted.

(that's me in the pink waving - right next to me is Steve the pace bunny!)

5km - I'll admit when I hit 5km I felt amazing. Normally I'd be exhaustend but I wasn't. Maybe this was a combo of adrenaline and training and you know the whole pacing myself thing. This is the moment in the race where I got a bit emotional. I pulled a bit ahead of Steve and picked up my pace a bit. I wasn't really trying to change my time, I just wanted to be in my own space. I realized that this was the halfway point and I was doing okay. I didn't really expect the sudden wave of emotion. I probably should have stayed on pace, but I don't regret having that moment of running alone and totally feeling it all.

6-8km - Of course there were hills. I need to train on hills. This was just a challenge. I couldn't find a rhythm. I'd lost Steve (gah!) and I freaked out a bit. These 2 km I kept telling myself "just keep going." Right around 8k there was a street closed and a police officer standing there keeping cars away. I started to walk and she yelled "keep running. just keep going." I wasn't expecting that. It made me laugh. I kept running.

8km - I'd never run this far. This was when it got hard. I slowed down. I wanted to quit. The thing is,  I wasn't tired or sore. I just hit a mental block. Luckily at this point Steve caught up to me. I was close to tears, and because we were by the lake and i'd slowed down so much I was shivery and cold. It was so nice to just run with someone. I yelled "this is soooo hard." He said "It's supposed to be. You're fine. Stick with me." There were all sorts of signs at this point. Funny ones. I just kept going. When I stopped he'd say "keep running."

9km - Seriously? Another km to go??? I think I was a bit walk run walk run. But I kept going. At 9.5 Steve said "you have 6.38 minutes to go. You can do it." I took off. I wanted to be done. That last km was tough because most of it was up hill. Everyone started to walk. BRUTAL. Finally it got flat. I ran. Finally I saw Mike and the kids at the end. They were cheering. I just kept going. The finish like was sooooo close.

10km. - WHAT????  My Nike+ app alerted me to the fact I hit 10km and I was impressed. I was also on a hill. Another half a kilometre did not sound like a good idea. I really wanted to quit. I was determined to find some sort of hidden energy reserve. (at this point I actually thought of one of my yoga teachers who always says "find that extra bit of energy" and I was seriously searching!). We were still going uphill. I wanted to die. And then I saw flags in the distance. And I took off. There was that little energy. Yay! I saw Mike and the kids and I slowed down enough to wave. Ha ha. Not really. That was me speeding up. Whatever. I ran past them to the finish.

10.54 km - I finished. My time: 1:11:09. I wanted to do this is in an hour and 20 minutes. Shaving 9 minutes off that rocked my world!

(almost at the finish line. Those are the flags.)

So, I was glad that was over. I finished and then turned around and found Steve and gave him a big sweaty hug because I really thought at 8 km that I may just sit in the grass for awhile. I don't think he was expecting it. And it cracked everyone up. A woman said "usually you don't hug the pace bunny." Well, you know. Learn something new every race!

Recovery after was pretty good. Immediately after I was super thirsty and kind of just wanted to get away from everything. I was kind of stunned, and really just wanted to sit down and not do any of the after race stuff. I felt a bit gross, but I think I was also a bit dehydrated. Once I had lots of water and juice and walked I was fine. I went to a baby shower after and it was great. And then the next day I got up and felt great enough to do a yoga class. I was a little sore, but I felt way better after yoga - I think because I needed a really good stretch.

So ...

Here's what I learned.
1) I like running with a group. I've done enough running now that I felt pretty comfortable with letting someone pick a pace. I liked not being alone. (but I like running alone too).
2) Pace. Pace. Pace. Pace. I don't pace anything in my life. I should probably try to start with running.
3) If I want to keep doing this I should probably join a clinic. I've avoided this mostly because I've been kind of self conscious. I was worried I wouldn't be able to keep up. I think I proved I can. Actually - after I drafted this I went to the Running Room and signed up for a 10 k clinic and then I will do the half.
4) I really really really want to run a half. This was amazing. I want to keep going.

Live Better Than You Dare

Cover via Amazon

I've been talking a lot about going to New York.
I've been talking a lot about Julie Powell.
And, I was tossing back and forth the idea of travelling to New York to go to an event she's speaking at. I know. A little crazy. But, also pretty cool.
And I've been reading the Happiness Project which is pretty full of some affirmations and quotes. I'll admit that I'm not exactly a daily affirmation person - but I do love a good quote. And one of her quotes is "Live as Well as You Dare." I thought that was pretty great - until my good friend said it should be changed to live BETTER than you dare.
And it's true. It's one of those quotes I play over and over in my head. I mean, do I dare? Do I do things I'm afraid of? Do I push things just a little more than I'm confortable with? Well, yes and no. Yes, for sure a lot. (just ask the people I work with)
So, with this whole New York thing - I'm going for it.
I was thinking about what inspired me in Cleaving. Like, I pretty much fell in love with the whole book - what Julie Powell said about herself (life lessons there). But it was also about butchery. I'll never forget the conversation I had with someone when I was halfway through the book. This person is a friend, but doesn't know me *that* well, and I was knee deep in the book, and had decided that perhaps I should move to New York and learn to be a butcher. It wasn't a serious thought. It was more of a completely engrossed in a book kind of thought.
He thought about it and suggested that perhaps I take some cooking classes, or even just try buying meat from a butcher (other than the grocery store).
And I was mulling this idea around when I decided that OMG! I could probably find the butcher shop from the book. (it's called Fleisher's) And go there! And, then I thought that I can't exactly buy meat there but they have soup and stuff. So, if nothing else - I can fly to New York, take a 2 hour bus ride to the store, eat a bowl of soup - and EXPERIENCE.
And, perhaps buy a shirt!
Live better than you dare.
Maybe to some people that's insane. To me - that's living!
Also, before I go, my friend helpfully sent me a title of a book to read (about meat) and some butchers in Toronto that have a similar philosophy. Awesome.
I'm SO excited.

Hmmmmm

A couple of weeks ago my friend and I went to hear a keynote speech at a convention. I have to admit that I tend to listen to people speak, or read books, or watch tv shows, and realize that I may have missed the whole huge message (no matter how good) because I am completely focused on one aspect of what that person said.
Case in point was this speech.
Actually, I was pretty riveted the entire time. To the point that I a going back to hear him speak next week.
But, what really struck me was not the incredible stuff the speaker had to say about social media. What struck me was when he was talking about reputation. The point he made was that sometimes what you think about yourself, and what you think people would say about you is not necessarily what you would say about yourself. And also that some of the most enlightened people in the world (I think like Oprah or Eckhart Tolle or Mother Theresa???) would have personal lists that would match what others would say about them.
And I'm completely obsessed with this thought.
I honestly will be on the elliptical in the morning, totally working out and focused on what I'm doing, and I start wondering about my own personal list. What traits would I say about myself (postive or negative) about myself, and what would others say?
Or I will start thinking about how at the gym in the morning I never talk to people. I walk in completely focused and don't say a word. And, I'm sure that the people there think I'm kind of snotty and shy.
And then I come home and I'm with my kids, and when I'm with them I try to be more authoratative. And when I'm rushing around trying to get out of the house on time I have a tendency to be kind of bitchy to Mike when he's late. And our nanny sees this, and I have to admit that she sees me as a bit of a stress case.
And then there's work. I'm totally different there again. Too chatty. Too noisy. Too messy and a little bit crazy. And I can't help but contrast the person I am from 9-5 with the person I am at my 5 am workout.
And, then take the day at work. I wouldn't say I'm 100% confident all of the time. But in many situations I am. But, the other day at work I was in this meeting and someone said to me "I'm confident you can pull this off, and do this project, but I need to know that you're confident in yourself and I'm not seeing that."
Seriously.
I can't stop questionning if people think I have no confidence.
That's been bugging me for days.
And, it actually does really matter.
And then there's this blog. And, maybe on here I'm a combination of all of those things. Actually, maybe I'm not quite as snarky on here as I am in real life. Who knows.
Which leads me to the point, what do I think of myself? And what positive qualities do I have? And seriously, even if I think I have them do I? And can you make yourself have good qualities just because you want them?
Hmmmmm....
Maybe I'll make a list.
Not now. I still have to think about it.