Saturday, April 21, 2007

My Confession (since you asked)

If there's one thing I've always been hesitant to blog about, or talk about, it's my weight.
I hate the topic.
Every so often I mention my struggles with weight. Lately it's been a positive thing. I'm running, I'm liking my body, I'm getting kudos from my doctor.
And whenever I write about it I get a comment asking how I'm doing it. I get asked that in person too.
So, here's me coming clean.
Weight Watchers.
And, I'm also admitting this, I've gone back to attending meetings.
I'm embarrassed to admit it. To me Weight Watchers is somewhere that "fat" people go. As someone who has fought against that stigma my entire life telling people I go to Weight Watchers is tough.
The first time I did the program I was in university. I had about 40 lbs to lose and I didn't know where to turn. So I went there. No one knew. I told one of my closest friends (who always covered for me when friends asked where I was) and I told my boyfriend at the time( now my husband.)
Eventually I told my mom. I remember the conversation. It went somewhat along the lines of me saying "I have to tell you something..." I'm sure my mom thought I was going to tell her I was on drugs or pregnant. So, when I told her I was doing weight watchers, she was not only delighted, but somewhat relieved.
I went on to lose the 40 lbs and become a lifetime member.
But the truth of the matter is that I'm still really ashamed that I need to belong to such an organization to maintain a healthy body size.
On Wednesday, after my doctor told me I needed to lose 10 more pounds, I looked up Weight Watchers meetings online, found one, and went.
My husband asked me why I was sounding so depressed about it. He couldn't figure out why I was so upset about going.
I explained to him that I feel like an alcoholic going to an AA meeting after falling off the wagon. Because lately I feel like I have fallen off the wagon.
One cookie has turned into about 8 cookies. One chip has turned into a bag of chips. And, I realized the other day that I can't stop on my own. I need to get back in control. I need to start going to meetings.
I know I can get it back. That's the beauty of a program like Weight Watchers. I have all the tools. I know how to live a healthy lifestyle. It's about eating right, staying within the limits, writing what you eat, attending meetings, exercising, and drinking water.
It's been successful for me many times.
But, I wish there was a cure. I wish I could take a pill and solve the problem. I don't mean a pill to be a thin. I mean a pill that wouldn't make me want to eat all my troubles away.
The good news is that I have reigned it back in. I've taken the control back this week. I haven't gained 50 lbs I have gained 3. And I can quite easily lose that.
And then I will lose the other 10 lbs, and I will be back in control.
But, until then I feel like I must say "Hi, I'm Laural Dawn, and I am a foodaholic..."
Anyone wanna come to a meeting with me?


chubbyhubby said...

I wanna come to a meeting with you. :)

Jennifer P said...

I joined WW 2 years ago to drop 25lbs that crept up on me. I was embarrassed to admit that I joined because I thought that same thing too. I also became a lifetime member and now I'm back at WW meetings to lose the last of my baby weight.
It's such common sense stuff, but I really need the meetings to keep me honest.

R said...

On the one hand, I totally get where you're coming from. (I've often thought of going but am too embarrassed even to GO.) On the other, though - be proud of yourself! As a mom I've come to realize that being fat/heavy/overweight/festively plump isn't primarily an aesthetics issue, or "fat is a feminist issue" - it's about health. I want to lose weight so I can keep up with my munchkins and have a less painful pregnancy next time and have a lower risk of heart disease and cancer and live to see their grandchildren. If what you need to reach that is WW, and you're not losing weight by starving yourself, bulemia, or popping diet pills ... you're amazing!

Thanks also for blogging about this. I wish it were easier to talk about this subject.

With Love, Fat Girl said...

If I lived closer to you, yeah I totally would.

And by the way, thanks much for the blog nomination thing, you rock!!

kate said...

I salute you for getting the help that is out there. And I salute you for making it public. You never know who you may be helping by being so honest. It is about taking care of your health, being proactive, being around to watch your darling son grow up!

Haley-O said...

What a great post, LD. I hear you. I think their is a pill to make you stop eating your problems away: prozac? ;) I think you're doing great by recognizing your overeating triggers -- like emotional stuff. And, it's awesome that you go to WW. Don't be ashamed! Have you read Losing It at She's on WW, and she swears it's alllll about the meetings. Good for you for getting back in control! But, also good to let yourself go wild and learn that, if you do lose control, it isn't the end of the world or the end of your battle with the bulge.

I'll totally need your help after this pregnancy....!!! :)

ali said...

how can you be embarrassed about going to weight watchers? it's the best form of weight loss/weight maintenance out there. you should be proud of yourself!

Ruthie said...

Good for you!

Going to Weight Watchers is nothing to be ashamed of. You're working to stay healthy, that's something to be proud of. Not all of us are born naturally skinny. People like you and me have to work at it.