If there's one thing I've always been hesitant to blog about, or talk about, it's my weight.
I hate the topic.
Every so often I mention my struggles with weight. Lately it's been a positive thing. I'm running, I'm liking my body, I'm getting kudos from my doctor.
And whenever I write about it I get a comment asking how I'm doing it. I get asked that in person too.
So, here's me coming clean.
And, I'm also admitting this, I've gone back to attending meetings.
I'm embarrassed to admit it. To me Weight Watchers is somewhere that "fat" people go. As someone who has fought against that stigma my entire life telling people I go to Weight Watchers is tough.
The first time I did the program I was in university. I had about 40 lbs to lose and I didn't know where to turn. So I went there. No one knew. I told one of my closest friends (who always covered for me when friends asked where I was) and I told my boyfriend at the time( now my husband.)
Eventually I told my mom. I remember the conversation. It went somewhat along the lines of me saying "I have to tell you something..." I'm sure my mom thought I was going to tell her I was on drugs or pregnant. So, when I told her I was doing weight watchers, she was not only delighted, but somewhat relieved.
I went on to lose the 40 lbs and become a lifetime member.
But the truth of the matter is that I'm still really ashamed that I need to belong to such an organization to maintain a healthy body size.
On Wednesday, after my doctor told me I needed to lose 10 more pounds, I looked up Weight Watchers meetings online, found one, and went.
My husband asked me why I was sounding so depressed about it. He couldn't figure out why I was so upset about going.
I explained to him that I feel like an alcoholic going to an AA meeting after falling off the wagon. Because lately I feel like I have fallen off the wagon.
One cookie has turned into about 8 cookies. One chip has turned into a bag of chips. And, I realized the other day that I can't stop on my own. I need to get back in control. I need to start going to meetings.
I know I can get it back. That's the beauty of a program like Weight Watchers. I have all the tools. I know how to live a healthy lifestyle. It's about eating right, staying within the limits, writing what you eat, attending meetings, exercising, and drinking water.
It's been successful for me many times.
But, I wish there was a cure. I wish I could take a pill and solve the problem. I don't mean a pill to be a thin. I mean a pill that wouldn't make me want to eat all my troubles away.
The good news is that I have reigned it back in. I've taken the control back this week. I haven't gained 50 lbs I have gained 3. And I can quite easily lose that.
And then I will lose the other 10 lbs, and I will be back in control.
But, until then I feel like I must say "Hi, I'm Laural Dawn, and I am a foodaholic..."
Anyone wanna come to a meeting with me?