Happy

I've been thinking a lot about being happy.
More accurately, I've been spending a lot of time being happy, and I've been spending a little bit of time thinking about why I'm happy.
I'm a summer person, so I know for 100% sure that this beautiful warm weather has been helping. Last year I made the decision to get outside when I can - and enjoy the sun and the warmth. This year is no different. If it's nice out I'm outside - that may mean sipping an iced beverage, chasing the kids or playing in the sprinkler. But, it's more than that.
I was just so tired of feeling crappy about stuff. It seems like no matter who I talk to, people have had bad stuff happen this year from pets dying to job losses to illnesses, and everything in between. And sometimes I feel like it's a slap in the face to be happy when people are struggling.
Except I've had my own stuff to deal with this year. And I'm realizing that as much as in the moment you don't want to be smiling and laughing, it's okay to choose to be happy when you can. Even in the middle of the crappy stuff.
So I've focused on finding the happy.
I think it also helps that I've been making some really good decisions health wise.
I've pretty much maintained my weightloss, and I'm making a conscious decision to eat healthy foods as much as possible. Organic produce, quinoa, etc are playing a larger role in my life. I've cut way back on eating meat, and when I eat meat it's in smaller quantities. I'm taking my daily vitamins daily - and I sware I notice it when I skip them.. That's such a weird thing to say.
I'm also working out a lot.
My weekdays tend to start bright and early at about 4:30 when I lace up my running shoes and hit the road for a run. Most of my weeknights end with a hot yoga class, and I'm home by 10. I often hear people call this ambitious or crazy. Part of me agrees, but we're talking about me here. If I didn't want to do it, I'd make up an excuse to skip it. And some days I do.
But, here's why I'm happy.
It can stink to wake up and know you're facing a stressful day. It's hard to hear your alarm clock and know you have to get up, have coffee, watch the news, read your email and then face the day.
How much better is it to know you're waking up, you're doing something purely for you, listening to awesome music (and singing along) and knowing that no matter what hits you after your run, you've done something for you that no one can take away.
AMAZING.
Same goes for yoga.
It's not about the postures I can do (or can't do) or some imaginary check mark for attending a class. And let me tell you - as awesome as yoga is, it's also really humbling. It's the point that no matter what has gone on in my day I can go in there and let it all go. I love that. And I come home happier. And I sleep.
The other day, one of my teachers said (and I wish I had the direct quote) to stop waiting for happiness to come or looking back on a time that you were happy. Instead find happiness in the moment.
It's not easy, always. But, sometimes it's incredibly easy and you don't see it staring you in the face. Sure it comes in different forms. It can be my kids laughing, a chocolate cupcake (yesterday), a great run, a quiet afternoon, an amazing song on the radio, a good hair day, or even just a short line up at Starbucks.
Be Happy.

Chloe Rocks Out!

I'm not sure it's possible that anyone doesn't know the song "Call Me Maybe" because it is everywhere this summer! And by everywhere I mean being sung obsessively by my daughter and I ... in the car, in the house, in the sprinkler, on my runs. I love it!
And, when we heard the girl who sings it, Carly Rae Jepson, was going to be doing a free concert in our hometown, we were not going to miss it.

So, Chloe and I rocked out. And I made a very short video. Please ignore my voice, and focus solely on the adorableness of Miss Coco!
I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've posted video on here. I hope it works!

We also saw the amazing Walk Off The Earth! But, that's another story for another time.

Getting Gourmet ... Vegan Lasagna

I know ... vegan lasagna. What????

Since when did Miss Make-a-Pilgrimage-to-a-Butcher-Shop  become vegan? I didn't. Exactly. But I've been really really trying to eat less meat. So, when my in-laws and my parents came over for dinner one evening, I decided to make a meat lasagna and a vegan lasagna.
The end result?  The meat eaters tried both and though they preferred the meat, the vegan was a hit and they would have it again. The vegan (my mom) LOVED the vegan lasagna. I sent her home with the leftovers, and we're going to be having an evening where we make a few to freeze.

My verdict? Loved it. I didn't feel the need for meat. And it didn't feel heavy like normal lasagna. Definite keep. I didn't exactly follow a recipe. I just kept looking up various recipes and took what I could deal with and what seemed reasonable. So ... enjoy

Here's my mash-up recipe for:

vegan lasagna

Ingredients

• Rice Noodles - lasagna noodles (the no bake kind). just look in the organic section 
• Tomato Sauce - Whatever you have on hand. (vegan obviously)
• Vegan cheese - Shredded "mozarella" vegan cheese. I just bought the kind that said it melted
• Container of organic baby spinach
• Vegetable filling
• Olive oil
• lots of garlic
• lots of basil
• 1 big white cooking onion chopped up
• 2 zucchinis chopped up
• 1 container of mushrooms (pre-chopped if you are lazy)
•  2 cups(ish) cooked broccoli
• Base Mixture for the lasagna (so the noodles cook)
• One can of chopped canned tomatoes
• half a bottle of pesto (or however much you want)
• some garlic
• Vegan Ricotta Cheese
• 3/4 lb tofu
•  more basil, pesto and garlic

 How to make it

 1) Chop up the veggies for the veggie mix. Basically, you kind of just want there to be lots of veggies, but you want them all nice and soft.

So I really just cooked it all until it was really cooked. I heated the broccoli separately and threw it in after (I ran out out room in the pan), I also maybe had some red peppers in there. The point is I just made lots of veggies. If you don't like something, skip it. I also added lots of garlic and basil because it's lasagna (yum) and lasagna needs garlic and basil.

2) While all that was going on I made the base tomato pesto mixture.

Although when I think about it, it is possible that i just used basil not pesto. And definitely garlic. This just goes on the bottom to make the noodles cook. I also think it makes the house smell good while you are cutting up all your vegetables and acts as inspiration to keep on chopping. (really). It doesn't need to get too hot. I just cooked it so that it all mixed together.

3) The tofu part. Okay - so the goal here is to hide the tofu. So, easy peasy. First I ground it in a mini food processor. So it was ricotta like. (it would probably be better in a big one, but that's way up on a shelf i can't reach) Then it just seemed weird to throw it in and I got thinking it required more flavour (I read tofu takes on flavour) so I just fried it up (minus oil) with, you guessed it, more garlic and basil. I didn't taste test it. It looked gross. I just hoped for the best. At this point when it looks a bit gross, you can't quit or you'd be very wasteful. Also - at this point remember you're feeding vegans who have a different criteria for what they eat. My friend eats raw tofu. Keep that in mind.It will all be okay.

4) Putting it all together. - this is is lasagna. It's layers. So. I put my base as the base. I layered on some noodles. Then I kind of forget the order i threw everything on. I just put it on. I think I used some canned tomato sauce because the package said make sure it is moist so the noodles cook. IMPORTANT - I layered spinach in there. Lots of it. I did this kind of like noodles then spinach. I didn't cook the spinach. Then the fake cheese. (sorry if this offends people. it was good - but it's not real cheese. i also call processed american cheese slices fake cheese)  I didn't use much. I figured if it was gross it could make the whole thing gross. It was good though. Then at the top I put a light layer of it on. Definitely not heavy handed like you'd put on mozzarella. A little goes a long way.

5) cooking it. I went with 400 degrees for an hour. But I did this around 11 pm and fell asleep and left my husband watching. I have no idea if he added extra time. He may have. Or he may have turned it down because he likes to do things like this. So the point is - keep an eye on it and don't really trust my time and temp. Also, this is a guide because my oven is 30 years old and runs super hot, so we are always guessing anyway. But i also broiled it when I reheated it cuz the "cheese" looked a bit odd. (fake cheese does not cook the same. this goes also for processed cheese and cheese whiz. aside - if you're not vegan, try broiling cheese whiz. It's odd - delicious - yet odd) Broiling made it look good.

Okay - that's it.

Yum yum.

Time

Time is a funny thing. Sometimes it seems to go so slowly. Sometimes you have no idea how it went so quickly. This year I’ve gone back and forth. In some cases this year has dragged on.  And suddenly it’s June. Matt is finishing grade 2! Chloe is planning for junior kindergarten. (and by planning I mean trying on new outfits nightly)

And … the crazy thing?

Both kids just finished up a year of dance/drama.

Matt was in 101 Dalmations – he played Patch. It was a cute performance, and I have to tell you. Matt was not exactly the star of the show and centre stage. But his smile? His pride? The knowledge that he completed a year of drama and went on stage and knew all the lines in the songs?  He was thrilled. I was thrilled.

We have tried so many things with Matt. Different sports, dance, etc, and we have never made it through the year. This? Huge. And to me it shows one huge thing. If you believe in kids and meet them where they are at, they excel. 

And then there’s Chloe. She did a year of baby ballet. She loved it. LOVED it! Her whole group was unbelievably adorable, and they just all did so well.

Chloe’s comment to me after: The only thing that would make ballet class better every week is if we always had people cheering for us.

I think I see many dance classes in our future!

Happy June everyone.

Peace ... in pictures

Life is busy.
Everyone's is. I know. Add in an unexpected change in plans recently, two birthdays (my kids are now 4 and 8), Easter, one birthday party complete and one to go ... and some things have been missed. Like posting.
One thing I'm trying to take the time for is enjoying my kids.

I rush them places on weekends. But, I sometimes forget to just relax and enjoy their presence. What I'm learning from them is that sometimes the best moments just happen. You can plan all the amazing stuff in the world, but give them sunshine and a trip to the playground, and you see true joy. Of course nothing makes me happier than when they decide to go for a walk/bike ride to starbucks! 
Chloe, of course, finds inner peace doing tree pose at Starbucks. Yes. I know. Mini-me. (we're currently looking for a yoga class for 4 year olds. If  you know of any  ...)

Kindergarten?

Today we registered Chloe for junior kindergarten.

Really. My baby will turn four next week, and that means that in September she starts school.
Holy.Crap.
I will be honest here. I find kids easier as they get older. I love that they have actual conversations, can at least comprehend the idea of listening to reason.
Recently I've enjoyed seeing the huge differences between my two kids - partially the girl/boy thing and partially just the two totally different people.
But still.
Holy. Crap.
This seems so typical to say, but it seems like last week that I was lying awake at night worrying about going back to work, and leaving my baby with our nanny that I hadn't met yet. Now here we are signing Chloe up for school.
I'm not worried about her going. She's been accompanying Matthew to school for years, and she tends to run past the kindergarten playground yelling "Hi!" to the teachers. They all know her. She runs to the big kids playground where she meets her little group of friends.
Chloe's ready for this. I'm ready for this.
But still.
Holy. Crap.
Chloe's registered for school.

(her cousins helpfully are teaching her how to play nicely.)

Inspired

We can get inspiration from many places. I do. And, some days when I'm feeling crappy - a little inspiration is helpful. That may come from a quote, or a picture or a funny email.
It may come from a really good belly laugh courtesy of office randomness.
It may come from a run. In fact I went for my first outside run of the season last night. It was amazing! (yes, I'm a fair-weather runner).
It can also come from watching someone do something awesome - and having this incredible feeling that you're so proud of them.
I'm not sure if you know my friend Amy (aka NonMom). If you haven't checked out her blog, you should. I've known Amy for almost 7 years. Maybe this says something about how to cultivate friendships. We met volunteering! We had an awesome time.
When I met Amy I was not at my finest. I was in a tough place - I was living with my parents and at the tail end of some post-partum depression - and trying to figure out my career choices. Add in a very busy baby, money stress, and feeling fat ... and I was not too fun.
And then I met Amy. She's awesome online. She's better in person. You don't really have the option of entering a room with her and not being swept up in her excitement for whatever is going on. She very definitely has a professional side don't get me wrong. But Amy, she talks in exclamation points! How she managed to see my crazy fun side the day we met is beyond me. But, man am I ever grateful she did. And that joy - it spreads online.
Her tweets - positive. Her blog - positive. And when she has something negative to say you listen, because it's not mean or bitchy. It's honest and thought out - and not at all mean spirited.
So AMY.
She happened to get me involved in a little project. She has named it #NateLuv. It's all to do with a show called Burn Notice. I'd never heard of it until Amy told me about it. And she has gone so deep into this project it's amazing me.
As a fan of the show she has started helping one of the actors, Seth Petersen, establish a Social Media profile. And you guys, she's ROCKING this project.
The thing is, there's nothing in it for her. She's not doing it for money. She's not doing it for recognition. She's doing it because she thinks he's awesome.
I get it. There are shades of Juliequest in there (yes, we talked about it). And I remember during Juliequest how awesome I felt. I wanted other people to get it. And they did. And, well, this inspires me.
You can read about #Nateluv (Nate is Seth's character) on Amy's blog. And, if you want to follow him on twitter, (@sethpetersonla) or for that matter Amy (@nonmom) go for it. But, more than that. The lesson here for me is this. If you love something, go for it. Be awesome. Who cares if it works or not. Throw your love out - be amazing - and see what happens.
As for Seth? Well, the guy cracks me up on twitter. I'm impressed that someone who is an actor and has agents and has a career and is generally pretty awesome has made a point of thanking Amy publically for all her work.
See - the more awesome you push out the more awesome you get back.

PS. i don't have any pics because I'd have to ask Amy - and she doesn't know I'm writing this.

How Failing a Challenge was my Success

I may have mentioned that I started yoga?
About a month ago the studio where I practice at issued a challenge called the moon challenge. It was pretty simple in theory. Attend 25 classes in 30 days. There's a chance of winning a prize at the end (a one-year membership), but the real idea behind it was to really get into your own practice and commit to it.
I love a challenge. I loved that they had stars for every day you go. I loved the idea of it. I was super into this whole new yoga experience, and the timing could not have been more perfect. In typical Laural fashion I signed up, committed to it and I was ready.
And then.
A physical issue that has been plaguing me for awhile became a little bit more serious. And after several doctors appointments, tests, etc., I found out I needed surgery. And, despite explaining the fact I was in a yoga challenge my doctor felt that pushing back surgery to put stars on a chart ... probably wasn't my best option.
I respect that.
But still.
Do you know what I usually do when I know my plan don't work out? I self destruct.
I can't tell you how many times I've gone on a diet, had a bad week, and promptly gone to a buffet and said "I can't do it anyway, I may as well eat."
Or decided that I can't run a 10k so I'm not doing a 5k.
Or tried to get something I really wanted. And quit completely.
And when I started calculating the days till surgery, and trying to take it easy before, and knowing that I probably would not be at a class for a few days. Well, I felt like a complete failure. I had this challenge. It wasn't about winning. It was about completing and getting into my practice. And being part of something I loved. And not giving up.
Defeated.
And, as much as I was trying to be cool about it and look for the miracles and understand and everything else. I was not happy. And I was afraid that if I didn't do the challenge then I'd give up. And this wasn't something I was willing to give up on.
In fact. I wasn't ready to give up on me. Or give up something that I loved.
So I kept going. When I could. As I could.
At first I tried doing a couple classes a day. I figured if I doubled up then I could hit the number. Except after a couple days of that I realized it wasn't fun. It was hard and exhausting and I was going because I had to. Not because I wanted to.
And then surgery happened. And it was harder than I thought. And recovery wasn't easy. I'm okay. But, for a couple days there, success was keeping my eyes open during a movie. I wasn't even ready to pack my yoga bag. I couldn't go.
So I waited.
And then on Tuesday night I went to the class I love. The live music class. My body was better. But not perfect. And I knew I had to take it easy.
One of the things the teacher said in that class was that her challenge was to listen to our bodies. Take breaks. And stay in a resting pose all night if that is what we needed.
I think I did about half the class. I didn't push any of my poses. I didn't attempt anything I was afraid of. And as people were working hard all around me I just kind of stopped. And let myself be present where I was.
That. That was a million times more challenging than any plank series a teacher can throw at me. (That's not a challenge!).
Just Be.
And tonight I will go back.
And I will continue to go back.
In a sense I failed the challenge. And I'm sad about that. I wanted to get all those stars. But, in my own way I succeeded. Because I know that for me the challenge was accepting my limits, being okay with them, giving myself a break. And pushing forward.
Bring on the next challenge. I'm ready - for whatever lessons it may bring with it.

 Gold Star for me, anyway!

Mindful

Sometimes when you're figuring things out in life - for better or for worse - you hear things repeated over and over.
There are a couple I keep hearing: set and intention and be mindful.
I like both - and I do both. But, lately I've been thinking about the mindful one.
I'll go as far as to say this - I think hearing the phrase "be mindful" is one of the best pieces of advice I've heard in a long time. In fact, it's probably the best advice for me.
Here's the thing. I'm an all in kind of person. We all know this. Being that kind of person can work really well for me. Throw me a hard project I'll be completely invested in it. But throw me a life challenge? This can be a blessing and a curse.
The past couple of months has been about health. Yes. I did really well losing weight last year, but now what. I started thinking that maybe some of the choices I made to lose weight didn't exactly contribute to being the healthiest person ever. For instance, it's fantastic to figure out that a 2pm coffee prevents me from a 2pm cupcake. However ... maybe I should be considering an herbal tea. Right?
So, being mindful to me is being aware. Am I going to beat myself up for having more caffeine? Nope. But, I'll be aware. Will I have an extra glass of wine or drink a vodka soda? Of course. But, instead of just doing it, I'm going to throw a little more thought toward my action.
Lately the thing I'm being really mindful of is food. I read the book Crazy Sexy Diet. I'm not going vegan (read: trying to not go overboard here) but really the more I read, the more attention I'm putting on my food.
Mindful.
And also a little tired.

and then ...

so after weeks of feeling blissy ... i guess there is a crash
and then ...
you question your work
you feel like your efforts won't cut it
you eat junk
and you feel like you made 3 steps forward and 3 giant leaps back.

or you do everything you can to be a friend, and throw your whole freaking heart into something you think is special ... and you are very clearly told you shouldn't have.

and then what?

last year when i was losing weight I made a conscious choice that was awesome. my choice was that i wasn't just going to lose weight - eat healthy - weigh myself every week. My choice was that whether my weight went up or down, whether i had a good week or a bad week, i'd pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going.

And, hey. it worked. because i learned that a bad minute, hour, day or week didn't mean failure. it meant an opportunity to get up. regroup. and do better.

right now that's where i'm at.

I've done so well on this whole yoga, bliss, positivity thing. I've been cheerful and truly happy. today i lost it. it's hard because i didn't make a plan to be happier, it just started happening. so i didn't have a fall back for a bad day.

My plan? get my ass on the mat. Breathe in. breathe out. And start over.

I'm counting the days till music yoga. until then i figure everything will work out.

(I'm just trying so hard)

We are all Meant to Shine

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? 

 

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 

We are all meant to shine as children do. 

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

- Marianne Williamson

* I've read this quote over and over. And then I spent the day with my adorable little girl. And I realized. We're born with this amazing lightness. When I watch Chloe run and bounce and play and dance - how can I not remember that light.

Avoiding Collision

I've had my license now for a little over 10 years. Getting my license was not an easy task for me. I went through 4 driving instructors and 5 failed tests before I passed. There were certainly drawbacks to this, but one of the distinct advantages was that I did a lot of driver training, and learned a lot of practical knowledge.
One thing that came up often was what to do to avoid a collision. Specifically, look where you want to go, not at the thing you are trying to avoid. That advice has worked well as I'm happy to say I've never really been in an accident (I have tapped my bumper on a parked car and dented my door on a cement post. Both times ... looking at what I was about to hit).
This lesson was a reality this week when I slid through the train parking lot this week, narrowly avoiding another driver, and somehow managing to cleanly park between two cars safely, though shaken.
What did I do? Well, prayed, held my breath, and looked ahead to the space I wanted to be in, rather than the cars on either side.
I hopped out of my car and was surprised when another commuter came over to say "good job". He was amazed that I'd pulled that off. Frankly, so was I.
The next night I went to yoga class. It was not an easy class. And, it was a class that had a lot of balance and strength poses. (or maybe they are the same. I'm not totally sure)
Midway through a pose I was struggling. I was looking in the mirror, just like the teacher instructed, except every time I looked at my reflection to balance, I would fall out of it. I was frustrated and annoyed, and sweaty, and kind of getting angry that he was making us hold something for so long.
The longer I stood and wobbled the more I was looking at myself. My shorts were too short and made my thighs look chubby. My upper body was fat not strong. My cheeks were red and I looked terrible with all my makeup washed off. The messy bun on my head was less yoga style and more disheveled. And the harder I tried the more impossible it seemed.
There was no inner peace and balance. No awesome breathe in breathe out release. Nothing. In fact, in the time we were holding it (a minute? two? twenty? ) I had pretty much decided that I needed to rethink this whole yoga thing.
Yep. I do make snap decisions.
Especially when I'm hating myself.
And then the teacher came over, helped me back to the proper position and said "look in the mirror and focus on your strength and beauty."
And he stood there, helping me find my balance.
I looked at myself again. For a moment I looked past the stuff I hate. I rooted my foot, I straightened my shoulders, and I looked at the strength in my eyes and my body. And then I let go of the body resentment. Not forever. But for that moment.
And I realized that this was no different than avoiding collisions. Look where you want to go, not at what you want to avoid.
I may never hit my beauty ideal. I'll never have a dancers thin limbs or the ability to tie my hair into a perfect messy bun. But I liked seeing that strength. For a moment I believed fully that I was strong and beautiful and capable.
So I kept going. I kept breathing. I smiled. I relaxed. And I made it through not only those poses but the entire plank series.
And I left realizing that every day I need to remember to focus on the good. Because although there are a million things I can run into on the collision course of life, I will look ahead at where I want to be. And hopefully that's exactly where I will end up.

Cheesy

At the ripe old age of 7 and 3/4, Matthew is reading a lot. He reads everything from signs to encyclopedias and everything in between.
And on a trip to the bookstore we discovered the Geronimo Stilton books. They are actually a little below Matt's reading level, but he loves them, and they are long, and the combo of pictures and stories and jokes has him laughing and giggling well past his bedtime. In fact, we've often seen him put down his DS in favour of reading, and I love this.
So, when he asked me this week if we could try out a recipe in his book, I was intrigued.
And, since Geronimo Stilton is a mouse (or a rat, I dunno) cheesecake makes sense. Cheesecake, though, is not something I've ever really made, with the exception of "fake" cheesecake Mike and I once attempted years ago with very little success. So, we had to start from scratch buying ingredients we don't tend to have on hand (cream cheese, sour cream, graham crackers), not to mention borrowing a spring form pan to put all of this in.
And, it's been a three-day project. Shopping one day. Baking one day. More baking and chocolate melting the third day (tonight). I'm not even sure if my kids will enjoy the cheesecake. And, since i'm trying to avoid this stuff ... it may be a giant sugary treat that sits in our fridge.
But the process has been worth it. Last night I watched as Matt masterminded the baking while Chloe assisted and we did the oven stuff. It was a family affair. And, I think by the time we get to sample this it will be well worth it.
But, more important than the cake is seeing the joy and pleasure my monkeys had doing something pretty much all by themselves. No fighting. As Chloe said "this is called teamwork, Mama!" Yes, love. Teamwork. With cheesecake at the end.

Life should always be this sweet.

Blissy

"Perception is a mirror, not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind reflected outward."

 

If you've been following me on twitter (@lauraldawn) you are probably aware that I've had a bit of a mindset change, and I've been spending my evenings sweating my toxins out on a yoga mat in a hot yoga studio.

Like all things Laural, I've managed to skip the moderation concept and throw myself all in. This is a pretty fundamental truth of mine - there's no halfway with me. When it comes to projects, ideas, thoughts or emotions I love, or think I will love, I just jump right in. I'm seeing this right now in my life - I'm embracing this concept of wholeness and connecting with love and light and I'm loving the blissy feeling that has started to envelope me these past couple of  weeks.

And,  I want to talk about it, write about it, tweet about it and most of all experience it, with no apologies for throwing myself completely into it.

However. I don't want to make this a yoga blog. So, I'm not going to write about this more than once a week. Or so. You know, if enlightenment hits no promises. But I will try.

So, how did I get here and what's going on? 

My decision to try out hot yoga was on the surface pretty random. My mom has done it for years, and has always offered me a free guest pass to get started. But, with January comes promotions, and I saw a sign for an unlimited month for $40, and driving past the sign every day spoke to me. Combine that with the fact that I've been feeling just ick since before Christmas, I was feeling completely uninspired to run, and I really just needed to deal with some stress in a positive way, I signed myself up for the month, and decided 30 days is a good place to start. I promised myself I could give it 30 days to make a decision about continuing. Just be. That is all.

And, then I went to the bookstore to read up on yoga and I saw the book "Spirit Junkie" and picked it up instead of a book on the history of yoga. And I've been reading and practicing and feeling altogether  well ... BLISSY.

So, all in. But with a twist. I'm letting all this energy and love and happiness wash over me. But, I'm not setting any goals. For once I'm not setting a timeline to accomplish something (eg. a 5k in under 30 min). I'm not forcing myself to commit to a year of daily practice. Instead I'm trying something new. I'm being patient. I'm letting the experience lead me. Rather than committing to being able to twist myself into a difficult pose by March, I'm committing to staying at this beginner level as long as necessary - and reserving judgement of myself. I'm looking inward more. Loving myself more. And letting go of a lot of self judgement.

And this ... this is what I'm remembering.

Perception is a mirror, not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind reflected outward.