Sleepover!

Last night Mike went out with some friends, so Matthew and I had an evening to ourselves.
And, one of the highlights of putting Matt to bed on my own - and knowing Mike is coming home late is that I get to change up the bedroom routine.
Mike is pretty regimented when it comes to the bedtime routine.
It's always at a set time, we have a little routine and Matt is in bed by 8pm.
I'm fully supportive. The longer this routine has gone on the better the results have been. We have a child who actually goes to bed and we get a full night's sleep. I'm not complaining.
But last night was different.
Matt had expended all of his energy at McDonalds (and a totally cute aside, he was hanging out with an adorable group of five year olds who were amazing with him). We came home and watched an episode of Dora and then he was off to bed. I tucked him in and kissed him goodnight and then went to watch tv.
The only thing was, I was tired, my eyes were shutting, and I knew Matt was still awake.
So I went and asked if he would like to cuddle in mommy and daddy's bed.
"Oh yes!" he said, and went running. I set the ground rules.
He had to be quiet.
He was not allowed to play with his diaper (because he often ends up peeing all over his bed - and his mattress is plastic so no biggie - I didn't want to change sheets); and
This was a special treat!

I've gotta say, things went really well.
I'm not opposed to co-sleeping, but it doesn't work well for us on a regular basis. Matt is squirmy and Mike snores, so when I have them both in bed I don't sleep. Plus, it is too crowded. But, some nights a good cuddle is pretty fun. And, last night was just such a night.
To be honest, we didn't fall asleep right away. Matty wanted to hear stories, so I told him all sorts of stories about when I was a little girl.
Matt told me stories about daycare and even tried to teach me a song.
It was a good old fashioned sleepover. And I loved it!!!
I don't actually know what time Mike got home last night. But when I woke up this morning Matt was in his own bed, cuddling with his stuffed animals and really happy.

I know this won't happen a lot, but as life changes and Matty grows up, it's nice to relish just a few extra cuddles!

Matthew the Builder

It's Friday - and for some Friday fun some pics of my little construction worker.
And, oh the elephant costume. It a hit. Matt loves it. And, it's adorable on him albeit a little girly. But those pictures will not appear before Halloween!!!

Movin' On

Today we found out for sure that there's a spot in Matthew's old daycare.
There was some uncertainty because of the number of toddlers moving up to the preschool program. The problem that daycares encounter is that there always have to have a certain amount of children per teacher (or adult) in the classroom at all times. In this case they will either have to move one of the toddler teachers up to the preschool room or hire a new teacher.
It's not really our problem. But it kind of is because we need Matt to have a space. Which, as it turns out, he now does.
Thank God!
And, he's officially back at the old daycare as of the first Monday in December.
I've gotta say - I'm excited.
So, today I had to go into our current daycare and tell them that we are moving and Matthew will be leaving the daycare.
I was a little worried because I'm not good at this kind of stuff. I was a complete wreck when we left the old place. I cried when I told them, and on Matt's last day - well, I made my mom come with me because I didn't think I could handle saying goodbye.
But today I was totally totally fine.
In fact, I could hardly wipe the smile off my face. It was pathetic. The daycare supervisor was like "I can tell you are excited!" Ummm ... yeah.
The one sicky thing is that my favourite teacher at the old place is no longer there. I loved her, and she was the toddler teacher. But she went back to school. Part of me thinks this is good. I'm happy for her. And Matthew wouldn't be in her class anyway. So, that would be weird for him. I did like lots of the other teachers, so I'm still happy.
Plus, I love Cindy who runs the place. She's about my age and she's pretty cool. When we had initially switched Matt to a crappy daycare I called her in tears. She totally talked me through it, helped me make the decision to choose a different daycare and then had Matt and I come back for his birthday and threw him a party (there were streamers, toddlers saying happy birthday, etc - and of course I cried!!!)
So, I'm moving on. And ready to go back.
I'm now stressing - do I give them a goodbye gift? What do I do????
Help.
I'm thinking a big box of chocolate and a homemade card.

America's Next Top Model - the commentary

One of my friends, who wishes to remain anonymous, admitted to me that she is a big fan of America's Next Top Model.
So, we sit weekly and send e-mails to each other commenting on the show. (That's what blackberries are for, right?)
And, so, to make everyone's Thursday that much more exciting, I have pasted below our e-mail commentary. If you have taped the show - don't read this. We will spoil it for you.

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Anchal vs. Melrose
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Catfight! Catfight!
EVERYONE vs Melrose "the motor mouth" model

----- Original Message -----

They always encourage them to talk about themselves and each other, then they get slammed for it. So, weird!!! SHUT UP ANCHAL!!!

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Subject: Must concentrate ...

Tyra is getting deep!!
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Love AJ. Isn't that strange that Meg hasn't seen herself with a beard, I know I have....

--------------------------
Oh the drama
I love all y'all!!!
It is SO hard being beautiful
I looked at my stunning self in the mirror and sobbed - I'm just way too hot
--------------------------

They always encourage them to talk about themselves and each other, then they get slammed for it. So, weird!!! SHUT UP ANCHAL!!!

----------------------------------

Why does Melrose always act as if everyone is there to meet and see her?

----- Original Message -----

LOL!!!! You are killing me....and it's also very true. Who do you think is heading home?

----- Original Message -----

My money is on jaeda since melrose rocked the photo shoot Loving the twins Can't wait to see the pics My crush on mr.jay increases every week. He is so cute
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Did you notice that even after makeup was removed meg still had a 5 o clock shadow?
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Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld


Its bye bye Anchal (I hope)
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Bye Jaeda

----- Original Message -----

Fee fi fo fum thank god???
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I second that motion.... I feel bad for Jaeda I think she's too forcused on her lack of hair

----- Original Message -----

Let's kick off the 17 editor
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You never know it might be Anchal as her photo wasn't that good

----- Original Message -----

I think u r right but I still want ugly anchal to go!!!
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----- Original Message -----

I think that the bottom two will be Jaeda and Meg


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Poor Meg

I want to be ???? for Hallowe'en

Matthew has been talking about Halloween for awhile now.
I like Halloween; in fact I plan to take a vacation day to spend halloween with my monkey like I did last year (the year before I was on mat leave).
And, we have of course started to talk about.
Thanks to daycare, his cousin and Mike and I Matt totally understands that Halloween is all about dressing up.
So the other day I said to him "what do you want to be for Halloween?"
He said "I want to be an elephant for Halloween."
I had planned to make him a cowboy, but I'm discovering that 2 year olds have their own opinions on stuff, and he most certainly does not want to be a cowboy.
Ok.
So every day I have asked him what he wants to be. And every day he has said "I want to be an elephant."
I have looked all over the place for an elephant costume. I have looked everywhere - with no avail.
But tonight I FOUND IT!!!
When I ran into the Superstore for a few groceries and some diapers I found a toddler's elephant costume. So excited.
I ran through the store, hopped in the car and said to Matt: "So ... what do you want to be for Halloween?"
His response:
"I want to be a Monkey!!!!"

Thansgiving Already ...

As I write this it's Saturday morning. Our dinner with my in-laws is tonight, and I volunteered to make dinner.
I love making Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas dinner. I feel like the total domestic goddess that I am not most days of the year. I love the cooking and the baking and just gernally being in control of the kitchen.
Except ...
I left myself a little short this year.
This past week was - extremely busy. The good news is that there's lots for usto be grateful for after this past week. But, grateful or not, it left me little time to prepare.
So here we are at 8:30 on Saturday morning with a whole ton of stuff to do before dinner at 5 today.
We already made the pumpkin cheesecake. But it's a 45 minute recipe that has been baking for about an hour and 15 minutes. Matthew and I have, in the meantime, made 2 pumpkin pies - about ready to go in the oven and prepared the cranberries.
Once that stuff goes in the oven (who knew you could bake cranberry sauce? My mom taught me the stove top method) I will get the turkey going, make the stuffing, etc etc.
Thank goodness I thought to thaw the turkey!
Last year at Thanksgiving I also made dinner. Except Matthew was younger, and wasn't exactly that helpful. We were also living in a crappy apartment with a bad oven and very little counter space. The condo isn't huge - but there is a lot more counter space the oven works way better and we have a dishwasher. So, lots to be thankful for.


My turkey turned out beautifully - and bonus - I made delicious cranberry auce that my father in law couldn't get enough of - apparently this was the first time he ever enjoyed cranberry sauce


PS The pumpkin cheesecake was gross!!!

While I was cooking Matt decided to try on my glasses. I know it's really unsafe, but I had to take a picture. It was cute!!!

It's just a rash

Today, in the middle of a crazy day at work, I got a heart stopping phone call.
Matt's teacher called me to ask me to come pick up Matthew.
"Don't worry, Matthew's okay," were her first words. That was reassuring, until she added, "But you should come and pick him up because he's not well, he has a rash and asked me to call you."
I pretty much got up, walked across to my co-worker and told her I had to go.
Thankfully she said "Go. I can turn off your computer, just go."
I took a breath, went to tell my boss who had the same reaction, and left. I think I was out of there in about 4 minutes. En route to the bus I bumped into another work friend who managed to tell me that Matt was fine.
I made it all the way to the daycare without freaking out.
It turned out that the rash was actually a really bad diaper rash. I know diaper rash is normal in kids, but this was brutal. Kayla, his teacher, said he was hysterical whenever she had to change him. They actually had to bring in an extra staff member to help change him. It was not fun.
But, then he had some spots on his face too. They thought it may have been chicken pox.
So, Mike, who also left work early, and I took Matt to the doctor.
The diaper rash was bad. We got a prescription. He should be okay.
The chicken pox.
Well ... those would be mosquito bites. Yep. Mosquito bites.
You never know.

Mommy's a What ?!

Friday fun on the TTC.
We were on the 2nd leg of daily journey - the part where we cram on to the bus, hope for seats and pray that Matt behaves on the 20 minute bus ride.
We were doing well until the midway point. Since I'd forgotten a snack, I bought Matty a bag of chips which he ate happily much of the trip. He only talked to a few people. He was particularly friendly with the two guys behind us.
And then his nose started to run.
Good mommies keep little packs of kleenex in their purses. Mine is crammed with lipsticks, my book, my blackberry and my cell phone - there's usually no room.
So he wiped his nose on my jacket. Instead of just saying no, I decided to be funny and say "do you think Mommy is a Kleenex?"
Matt thought this was hilarious - probably because he misheard the word Kleenex. He heard Penis.
So, there, on the rush hour crowded he started yelling, yes yelling ...
"Mommy is a Penis! Mommy is a big strong Penis."
The more I blushed and asked him to stop the more he yelled, delighted in the fact that he had the entire back section of the bus laughing. I alternated between laughing and being horrified.
Parenting. So fun!

So much going on ... where to start?

It's been busy lately. You can probably tell from my lack of blogging activity. It's just been one of those weeks when you just don't seem to have the time ...

The big thing in Matt's life this week has been the transition to preschool. This is the first time he has transitioned to an older age group. I know that he changed daycares, but he's always been in a toddler room. So, it's pretty much the same. Preschool is a whole different ball game.

The big thing for him is that it is much more structured. My child is not terribly structured. Consistency is a good thing for him. He likes nap time at the same time, lunch and dinner at the same time, etc. But, being asked to sit in one place and all of that is kind of tough for him. So, the preschool teacher has noticied he's struggling to get into the routine of sitting still for circle time (it's longer than in the toddler room). I get that. And, I've seen him maturing and growing. So, I know he will adjust pretty quickly. But still.

And, in about 2 weeks he will start all out toilet training. They think he's ready for underwear (yay?) but because he's changing his routine they don't want to push it. Okay. But at the same time tonight we got him and I said it was time for a fresh diaper and Matt said "No Potty."

Sure. whatever. Works for me.

Another thing with this whole transition is what you do for the teachers. I bought cards. I know it's not the best thing. But, truthfullly we were going to get gifts, but these are women who are not easy to buy for. I'm debating buying them a box of chocolate, but I don't know. I just feel like I hardly know them anymore.

At the last daycare I agonized over the teacher gifts at Christmas and when we moved. But, his teachers were young and cool. And, they hadn't gotten all of the mugs and stuff. For the record, at Christmas I went a little overboard. I got nice gift certificates from the Gap, and then some teas and chocolate and stuff and put them in nice cellophane wrapped boxes. It was very Martha Stewart of me - and I am so not crafty. I even had Matt paint ornaments that had a place for his picture. It was impressive. When we moved, we were pretty upset. So, we had Matt paint a mug at the ceramics places (very cool if you've never done it). And we gave that to Christine. She cried. It was cute. But, she was young and hadn't gotten gifts like this before so it was meaningful.

Anyway, we're sticking with cards.

Bye Bye Toddler room. My big boy is moving on.

And, yay! His new teacher - so cool!

Cleanse ...

This weekend Mike and I decided to do a cleanse. The basic premise is that you drink a crappy drink (lemons, maple syrup and cayenne pepper) and cleanse your system. Beyonce did it and lost a ton of weight. So, I thought maybe it would work for Mike and I. Okay, really I thought it would work for me and dragged Mike along for moral support.
It sucked.
First of all - why spend a weekend cleansing? Why? Why not make your work week crappier and then enjoy the weekend. Hmmm....
Here's the thing. I keep going back to the same weight. And I hate that weight. I want to lose - and I'm stuck.
Yes, if I did the weightwatchers thing properly I would, but I lost incentive at the same time I had to lower my points and gained a little back.
I wanted to cleanse because I had a doctor's appointment today and I wanted to be at a very specific number.
The cleanse - it didn't work so well becasue we got hungry and ate salad (one a chicken caesar another a greek salad). And I don't think I drnak enough of the drink.
But still - it was a salad weekend.
And I GAINED A POUND!!!
Seriously.
Who gains weight when they cleanse? me!!!!
But I did have a doctor's appointment today (where, incidentally, I brought the wrong health card - oops) so among other things I asked her about this.
She laughed. Yep. Laughed.
Actually, first she told me that she was really proud of my weight loss. She told me to lose another 20 lbs and she will be happy. I am okay with that. I want to do that.
And, then she told me not to sweat it. This, she explained, is water weight. But, she also pointed out that my body may also be settling a bit, sticking at one weight but making adjustments. I think this is true because I feel like skirts and pants are fitting me better - even at the same weight. She said this may be from the exercise too. Who knows.
And speaking of exercise ...
Tonight our building had a fire alarm. It was pretty funny. Matt was soooo excited that he wanted to see the trucks. But, thanks to the lesson he learned from our neighbours he decided he should wear his fire hat. And then he took it to the next level and wanted to bring his fire truck.
So, off we went. Since we are on the 12th floor, and I wasn't sure if it actually was a fire (once there actually was a fire, so I am always cautious - not to mention I am a FIRE WARDEN at work) I insisted on the stairs. So, I had Matt in one arm and a ride on fire truck in the other arm, plus a plastic fire hat in my mouth and we ran down the stairs.
When we got downstairs Matt was thrilled. fzor some reason 3 fire trucks and the fire van showed up. Matt immediately went up to the firefighters (who by this time had determined it was a false alarm) and said "Hi firefighter man".
The firemen were so cute with him. They kept calling him chief and were having him show them the various different noises his truck made. Matt was totally in his element.
The funniest part was when the firefighters were in a little group talking. Matt wheeled right over and looked up at them, just like he was one of them.
It melted my heart.
Before we left the fire chief came up to me and said "That's one cute kid you've got there. Hang on to him."
I refrained from hugging the guy.
I just said thank you.
I refrained from mentioning that I am a fire warden (I've done the training people. I know about crossover floors and how to use a fire fighters phone).
Honestly, some days parenting is so rewarding.
And ... this is Matt's last week in the toddler room at daycare. I think he's spending half days in the preschool room. He talks about his new teacher constantly. I don't know who is more excited.

Buses, McDonald's and my Karate Skills

My comments on America’s Next Top Model are forthcoming – I promise. Because there was a ton of fun e-mailing back and forth throughout the show. But, my ANTM mindset has been somewhat put on the backburner. Because ...

The other day I got thinking about parenting. More precisely, someone challenged me on the topic of spending time with my child – what is important, how much time I spent, and what exactly constituted quality time.

Is it doing a child specific activity or is it just the actual time you spend together doing something, anything, together that really matters?

I didn’t quite have an answer. The question came from someone who, by circumstance, does not have an opportunity to spend as with their child as I do with mine. And it made me realize something – I need to start appreciating my time just a little more than I do.

Case in point – commuting.

I whine about it constantly. I whine on my blog. I whine to my husband. I whine to my friends. I whine to my family. Generally speaking, taking my toddler on the bus is not fun. Okay. I know you all get it.

But, I realized that it’s stuff like this that I should make fun or try to make fun.

Last night, since it’s been a busy week at work and Mike was working late, I decided to take Matty to McDonald’s. I told him that we were taking a special bus – the McDonald’s bus!

There was nothing special about this bus. Well, except my attitude; I decided that I would make commuting FUN. And, it was a blast! We looked out the window, we chatted, we discussed McDonald’s. And, surprise surprise the trip was enjoyable. In fact, I may even go so far as to say it was fun.

Shockingly, because it started off on the right foot, McDonald’s was fun too. Matthew listened to me. He waited in line with me when I ordered, he sat and ate his dinner and then when he was done he asked me if it was time to play. I was impressed. At the end of playtime, while still waiting for Daddy to pick us up, I asked Matt if he wanted ice cream.

Of course he said yes.

And, despite the fact that it was a kind of chilly evening we sat outside on the McDonald’s patio and had strawberry sundaes. The whole time we talked, and laughed and giggled and had fun. And I realized that part of it was because I was making the effort – not to be super mom. But, to just enjoy myself. Which I did.

So …

When we got home we were still in good moods. Mike wanted to walk down to see the Teluscape at the Science Centre. Which we did. It’s not quite ready yet, but it was a fun adventure.

And then it was bedtime. I don’t know what got into me, but Matt brought me an empty paper towel roll.

Perhaps it was the ice cream, or the fun of the evening. But, I decided to demonstrate my karate skills! (wait, have I taken karate. Nope. I did take Wen-Do where you learn to break a board, as well as numerous self defense/aerobics classes).

So, I made Mike hold the paper towel role while I yelled “Hi-YAH!” and broke the role. I know – impressive.

Matthew thought this was the most hilarious thing in the world. So, we spent the next 20 minutes laughing and screaming “Hi-Yah” while trying to break things. Eventually we discovered that karate chopping diapers was great fun.

Truthfully, I don’t know who enjoyed it more – me or Matt. At one point we were both on the floor giggling. It was pretty funny!

And at the end of the evening I figured out the answer to the question. It's not the activity you do with your child that is important - it's the quality of it.

A Break from the Mommy Posts because ...

Tonight is the first episode of my favourite reality show ... America's Next Top Model!!!
Some people think I'm crazy. I know it's a trashy show. In fact, I don't even like Tyra Banks. Really, I don't.
But, I love the show.
I don't know why. I just get so into it.
I love the cat fights and the anxiety. And I always end up cheering for one person to win. For instance, in the one where Nicole one - I picked her from the beginning. Seriously. But, last time I was not happy with the winner. Whatever.
It starts again tonight. Yippee!
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And, in new from last night's Parent advisory committee. It was interesting. And weird. And fun in a way.
I think the goal of the committee is to have music classes for the kids and also yoga classes for the kids. I think Matt would LOVE the yoga. It means lots of fundraising. But, that's fine.
I also had a really nice chat with some people. His preschool teacher was there and I think she's amazing. She's fun and relaxed and we talked for awhile. I can't wait till I get to do pick ups in her room.
And then this other mom stopped me to tell me how much she loves Matt. She said that she was really nervous about putting her son in daycare, but that Matt was the first child who has ever just approached her son and played with him. This little boy's older sister is autistic, and so obviously the playing dynamic between her kids is a little unusual. So, this was a pretty big deal that he was welcomed into the class.

Is it possible that I am being considered as a good mom??
Is it?
Well,yes. Wanna know why? I've been officially asked to be on my son's daycare's parent advisory council.
Okay, I know that to some people this isn't the biggest deal in the world. I know that there will be many PTA's I can join, many Parent-teacher interviews to attend and manky school trips I can chaperone. But, for now, I am relishing in this.
I don't exactly know what this involves. Nor do I really know what I have committed to. I do know that lately I'm feeling a lot more confident in my parenting skills. Like, at drop off and pick up I've been chatting to parents. And, sometimes I'm asked for advice - things like how do I get Matt to cooperate at drop off and how am I encouraging his speech.
Huh?
A couple years ago people were acting like I was crazy because I didn't own all of the baby einstein dvd's.
And now this - the request to be on parent council.
I know one of my friends is on her parent council. But, this is Ginny. And, she's super mom. She can talk about all the parenting books. She's the person I ask when I don't know what something means. She's the person I will call when I need to know what the best toy on the market is.
So, this is a big deal to me.
And, I'm looking forward to it.
Tomorrow night I shall advise away.

And in other Matty news ...
Today was a pretty big day. First Matt used the daycare potty twice. He's started telling us when he needs to pee - and announcing when he's going to poop.
He also went to visit the preschool room for the afternoon. He loves his teacher Kayla. Actually, so do I. She's really friendly, and not as crazy as his current teacher. When I went to his classroom to pick him up today I looked around and realized that the new toddlers (18 months) just looked like babies compared to my preschool boy. And, the best part is, I'm happy about all of this.
I'm not mourning his growing up. I'm realizing that every day I fall more in love with this kid.

My Friend the Comedienne!

Last night Mike and I went to Seconnd City. It was a pretty big deal for us on several levels.
The first was that it was a night out. Matthew had a sleepover with his cousin (and yes, they did sleep). The second was that we'd never been to Second City (I know) and the third was that my friend Stef was on the Second City Mainstage. Even as someone who had never been before I knew this was a big deal. So we went.
I am so proud.
Let me tell you about Stef.
I've known her for about 5 years. I met her when I was working at a film company. She was a temp receptionist and I was an admin assistant. The very first thing I remember about her is that she brought this ridiculous fish lunch bag and walked in still wearing a bike helmet over her curly red hair.
I was kind of intrigued and kind of frightened.
Within a day I realized that she is one of the most amazing people I will ever meet.
Stef is an actor and a singer. And she's incredible.
And, despite the frustrations of being a struggling actor in Toronto she hasn't given up. She goes to auditions all the time. Sometimes she lands stuff, often she doesn't. But, the point is that she is working and trying and most of all acting.
And, last night was a pretty big deal - since her comedy troupe was at Second City.
And ... they were good. In fact - they were amazing!
Truthfully, the reason I haven't been to Second city before is because I don't really enjoy comedy. Most of the time I don't get it, and I really hate people who say funny things they know are funny in order to make people laugh.
I'm more of a person who is impressed by off the cuff funny. You know, like sometimes people just say things that are so hilarious you laugh all of the time. I digress here. My point is that, despite my feelings on comedy I LOVED THIS.
Because it was good.
In fact it was amazing. Stef even sang a song about terrorists. Seriously.
And, at the end of it all I am one proud friend.
Why? Because after forever she's still doing what she loves, and no matter the set backs, she keeps trying. And getting places and doing amazingly well. And, I'm so proud to say she's my friend. (did you know she was in Mean Girls too? She was - with Lo Lo - and when we go shopping people always recognize her - also very cool.)
But, aside from all of this, the thing that keeps me hanging out with her is that she's also an amazing person and friend.
She once told me that in life you have a friends pyramid. There are the ones at the top that are the most important and then the wealth is spread down. And, she said to me "you know you're at the top of my pyramid."
Is it true? I don't know. But I feel that way - as do all of her friends.
Because she cares. Despite the fact that she's the busiest person I know (really, I almost have to call her agent if I want to meet for lunch - and yes, she really does have 2 agents and I know all about them!) she always makes the time to know about the silly details of my life.
She's one of the only friends who is allowed to join me when I go to see my hairstylist, Bill (he loves her) because she gets the Bill experience. Yes, of course I must wear my best outfit, yes you must tell me that I look thin and rich before I go in, yes I will discuss every detail of everything he said to me.
She also just seems to get things. When I had Matt and just was fat and ugly for months she bought me clothes that flattered me. She always makes me feel like the fact that I'm a mom is the cooles thing ever. And, when you're 25 when you have a baby, not too many of your friends say that.
And, at the end of the day she makes me laugh. When we were working at a crappy admin job we got nicknamed Lucy and Ethel after flooding our office because we put dish soap in the dishwasher. If I'm pissed off at someone (we worked with a crazy accountant) she can get me giggling. I think all of this comedy and improv is perfect. Because she will rock it.
Like she rocks everything else.
I think she knows how much I think of her, but now you guys do too.Yes - we are wearing matching sweaters. We thought it was cool that was had the same item of clothing (different cut, same old Navy sales rack) so we decided to go out in matching outfits. We ordered the infamous Fat Plate at Pickle Barrel - also known as their appetizer sampler.

Hello to the Peeps!

The other day I got an instant message from Mike. He was very excited to tell me about someone who read my blog.
I tried guessing to no avail.
And finally he told me. His ex-girlfriend from highschool reads my blog - on a regular basis (Hi Melissa!)
First of all, yes, I'm totally okay with the fact that he is friends with her. We're talking high school romance, and I'm friends with a highschool boyfriend. This is not my point.
My point is, this is pretty cool.
I write my blog because I like to write. I really do. It's an outlet for me and it's a space for me to write about what is going on in my life. Motherhood has been a pretty frightening journey for me, and one that I'm only beginning to navigate. Combine that with the drama that is my every day life and I'm one explosively emotional being!
And it's super cool to know that people actually are reading about my life - and care.
The comments I love. I love them especially when the comments are from people I don't know outside of the "blogosphere". I can't even tell you how incredibly important and special and, well, let's be honest COOL I felt when one of my favourite writers (and bloggers) first commented on my blog. I think I told everyone I knew - and some people I barely knew were told to check out the comments because I was so excited.
And, it's also pretty neat to know friends are reading. I know this sounds corny and cheesy and everything else, but when someone tells me that they read something on my blog it's important to me. Or when they take the time to mention something I've said, or comment on something that has upset me or pissed me off or just generally got me thinking (i.e. whether I want another baby) it's appreciated. Because, honestly, at the end of the day sometimes it's easier to write out what you are thinking than to hunt down a friend to listen.
So to all of you out there - this is a great big thank you and a great big hug. Thanks for keeping me going, keeping me smiling and caring about my little corner of the universe.
And one more thing .... comment comment comment. Please!

Wide Awake

I don't know what it is about fall, but lately my sleep is totally off. Take today for instance. In the back of my mind I knew I had to get up early. I promised one of my colleagues I would help her set up for an event, which means being downtown for 7am. No biggie, usually. I set my alarm a few minutes early and went to bed.
The only problem was that at 3:30 I was wide awake and raring to go. I finally got out of bed at 4. It's ridiculous. I decided to tweeze my eyebrows because what else do you do at 4am? I also had an extra cup of coffee and watched all of the different news programs.
Who knew how much news is on before 5:30.
Interesting.
And, on the topic of being awake so early it makes me wonder what exactly consists of late and early. For instance, the early early show that I was watching ran from 4-5. But, what time does the late late show end? It's completely possible that people, friends even, were going to bed when I was waking up.
Hmmm ...
Okay - well, it's now almost 6 and I need to get ready. Because despite my early start I'm still not dressed and ready to go.
Oh - and on a completely different topic.
I GOT NEW JEANS!
I'm very excited about this. I've been a little obsessed about jeans lately. It seems that everywhere everyone keeps talking about skinny jeans. Trust me - they look awful on me. But, still needed new jeans.
So, we were at the mall last night and I went to the Gap. I found the coolest jeans. They are kind of low rise, but not too low rise. And, the waistband is embellished with studs (sounds tacky, but it's not). Anyway, I was looking for my size and they didn't have it. So, I thought that I'd get the size down and try them on. I figured that if they weren't too horribly tight I would buy them to shrink into.
Except, wonder of wonders, they fit. Perfectly.
They could have been the ugliest jeans ever, and I think I would have bought them because they fit me and I liked the size. And, I ran down the aisle of the fitting room and showed Mike who kind of knew there was no saying no to these jeans.
Is it possible to be in LOVE with jeans??? Cause I am. I debated saying screw the dress code at work and wearing them today, but really, no. Not such a good idea. But, I'm so wearing them on friday. Because we can wear jeans on Friday (ha ha my legal department friends who cannot wear jeans. Ha ha I say). And we are going to Second City in the evening and I can also wear jeans there. I think.
So excited.

Mommy cracked

I knew one day this would happen.
I finally cracked!
Okay, well maybe not exactly, but ...
Yesterday was a weird day. We didn't quite knw if it was rainy or sunny so we didn't quite know what to do with the day. We checked out the Cabbageton festival which was fun. And then we decided to go to McDonald's for lunch because Mike wanted a big mac and Matt wanted to go to a playground. Since it looked like rain we thought the indoor playground would be perfect.
Apparently so did 5 million other parents.
We had lunch and then Matt went to play. (I went with him).
He's only 2 - and the age range is 3-10. But, I figure he is fine because he's a pretty aggressive toddler and he can hold his own with 3 and 4 year olds.
Things were okay at first, but then some of the older kids got a little aggressive. Matty still held his own, climbing through the tunnels. Though I wanted to leave Mike said no, he was fine, let him play. And I did. For several minutes.
But, I started stressing when one of the kids (I'd say he was like 8 maybe) started to climb the play structure from the outside. I kind of wondered where his parents were. This is a pretty restrained McDonald's, and usually the parents are all over their kids.
Apparently this wasn't the case with destructo child.
All the kids were kind of avoiding him.
And then he found Matt who was climbing into the tunnel.
Matt wanted to take his time, this kid wanted to get in the tunnel.
Matt said no.
The kid tried to push him.
Matt pushed back - Hard - and knocked the kid over a bit.
So the kid says "move".
Matt said no and sat down.
So the kid stepped on his foot and when Matt started to cry he pushed him and went up the slide.
All this happened while I was en route from my seat to the base of the climbing structure. I freaked out, said "hey" grabbed Matt and left the room.
Truthfully, I almost lost it. Which is why I left (thank God Mike grabbed Matt's shoes and jacket). I was almost the mommy who freaked out and shouted at someone else's child. I mean he was pushing a little kid. seriously.
Mike thought it was kind of funny because I did turn into crazy mom there for a minute. And, I did carry my screaming toddler through McDonald's. It was a bit of a scene.
Oh well. Funny. At least I didn't scream at the other kid.
And, as Mike pointed out, thank goodness Matt can hold his own.

Back on the Wagon

So of course this week was Labour day, and with it came a sort of resolution.
I was reading something about how a lot of people actually make second resultions on Labour day. Like on New Year's except in the fall. I rarely make New Year's resolutions, and when I do I never keep them, so kind of dumb to find a second time in the year for me to make a resolution that I know I won't keep.
But, this feeling of fall, new beginnings, and reading about skinny jeans did get me back on the bandwagon when it came to my weight.
For the past month I've been avoiding all of my weight watchers stuff. I wasn't sticking to my weekly weigh ins, I wasn't journaling, I wasn't really even counting points. So, basically I was off track. I was still trying in the sense that I wasn't really gaining weight, I wasn't over eating, etc. In other words I was at a standstill.
But, I got back on track.
On Labour Day (after a week of trying) I weighed myself and guess what?! I finally hit 25 pounds. It's cool, but also a little sad since in July I was at 23.5 pounds. But, I guess for me it was that thing that pushed me towards realizing that I could soon hit 30 pounds. And after 30 pounds what's another 20 - y'know. And, so I started again.
Mid week my friend pointed out that if I really work I could hit my goal weight at Christmas. She's right. What a great Christmas gift to myself not to mention all the lovely Christmas gifts others could give me.
And then I weighed myself again today (I know it should be weekly, but I did go Monday to Saturday, so whatever) and again the WW magic is working because I'm dropping pounds. And with those pounds is coming confidence. Again. Finally.
I've promised myself that when I hit a certain magic number (45 pounds) I will by the Lululemon pants I really want.
When I hit 30 pounds (which I am close to) I get to see my beloved Bill the hairstylist. Hmmm ... I think I should book an appointment.
And, oh yeah, I'm down to the next level of points. This kind of sucks because it means I get to eat less calories in the day. But then it's also good becasue it means that I am losing weight. And how great is that???????
So, today I'm just being proud of myself. Because liking myself is always a good thing.

The Monsters ...

Matthew is afraid of monsters.
I don't know why. His fear seemed to come out of nowhere. Okay, so we did let him watch Monsters Inc., but really he was already afraid of monsters when we let him watch it, and we sort of figured that it would show him not to be afraid of monsters.
Apparently that didn't work because the kid is terrified.
Yesterday, for instance, we were watching the Simpsons. I know - maybe not the best show for a toddler, but we were tired and I couldn't watch Dora again. (God help me when Mike starts quoting lines from Dora and we both laugh).
And, it was a good one. Except right in the middle of the show they make a commercial with a monster climbing in an old woman's window.
Matthew started screaming and clinging to me "Ahhhh!!! Mommy. Monster!"
Oops.
And, given that it was not a kids show, and the purpose of the show was not to show that Monsters really are nice not mean, we kind of just had to go back to Dora and try not to dwell on that monster.
He didn't mention it again. He went to bed, all was fine. Till about 3:30 am when he ran down that hall shrieking "momma momma - monsters."
Oh dear.
Half an hour later he was back asleep, cuddled up with me (and later peeing on me - thanks Matt!).
Poor thing.

Baby # 2 ... hmmmm

NO. I'm not pregnant. There is no baby #2. You can breathe again!
But, it seems that since my child has hit the magical age of 2 everyone thinks that a second child is imminent. It started with my doctor who happens to be Matthew's doctor too.
"Now that your son is two ... have you started thinking about another?" Nope.
Then it just snowballed. We had an open house for his 2nd birthday and I sware people were looking to see if I had a bump. Nope.
The questions keep coming - parents in the park, people I work with, somewhat random strangers on the street and friends of friends and distant relatives.
For the record, I don't think that a mandatory age difference is 2 years. It's nice, I agree, but so is 3 years or 5 years.

But then today Mike and I were out at a mall shopping while Matty spent some time with his grandparents. We were on a mission to find fall clothes for Matt. We were in Walmart and ended up in the baby department. And Mike turned to me and said
"I hope our next one is a girl"
WHAT?????
What next one? Trust me - I am 100% sure I am not pregnant, and we are not trying to get pregnant. So the comment was pretty random.
So I calmly said "are you trying to tell me you're ready for another one?"
Yep. It turned out he was. It turns out he's been ready for awhile and just didn't tell me. Good call on that. Since I am nowhere near ready to even think about another one.
And it shocked me that Mike is.

So, herewith all the reasons that I am not ready for another.
1) I am finally beginning to get comfortable with my body after 3 long years. Today I weighed myself and I hit that magical 25 pound mark. I have a ways to go. But, I'm seeing the results and I'm liking them. And I want to lose more and like myself again before I have another baby.
2) I love the stage Matthew is at. We chat. We talk. He communicates. He sleeps through the night. He walks and doens't need a stroller all the time. When I am sad he actually tries to comfort me. It's taken 2 years and 3 months (plus 10 months of pregnancy) to get to this stage. I don't really want to start over.
3) Pregnancy. Yuck.
4) Labour. Ouch.
5) Post Partum Depression. Terrified.
6) I would be giving up the last 2 years of my twenties. The way I see it, I got pregnant 5 years before I was planning to. I wasn't quite ready to give up eveyrthing I did. I don't regret it, but I also know that I want to finish my twenties before I get pregnant again.
7) I want to give another child the same love and attention I gave to Matt and at this point I can't. At least I don't think I can.
8) I don't want to live in Toronto in a small condo with 2 kids. I don't want to take 2 kids home from daycare everyday on the TTC. One almost kills me somedays. I think If I attempted to put a double stroller on the Eglinton bus at rush hours someone really would kill me. Ditto for a regular stroller and a hyper toddler.
9) I'm already tired enough. Thinking about working, then picking Matt up at daycare and taking him home on the bus while pregnant - I may kill myself.
10) We don't have enough money. There is no way we can afford to have 2 kids in daycare right now. Nor can we afford all of the other stuff that comes along with 2 kids - clothes, shoes, diapers, food, formula.

I know I know. That list sounds really selfish. It is, in fact, really selfish. But I think in a decision like this you have to be a little selfish, because if you aren't than you will make all the wrong decisions, right?

I dunno. Feel free to comment - I'd love to hear what others think.
PS why is there a random pic of me here? I dunno. Just cause - really because Mike and I agreed it's a nice picture and I hate pictures of me :)