Thursday, May 10, 2007

Camel Toes, Cleavage and Quality Time

I love to shop. I love shopping even more when I get to sip a latte, pick clothes for someone, judge outfits and have a really good laugh.
Luckily for me, one of my friends wanted to go shopping at Winners. I love this store. It's exhilerating to go through a million racks to find that perfect item. I far prefer shopping at Winners to a lot of other stores because of the variety and, sometimes, the prices.
We started off in the shoe section. My friend (who will remain unnamed) is quite a bit taller than I am. This isnt hard considering i am 5'2, but while she tried on some stunning platform sandals while I hovered nearby in flip flops the evening became hysterically funny.
The true mission of the night was to find capris and sunglasses. First stop - sunglasses.
Now Winners, as I am sure you know, has some great stuff. They also have some stuff that can be rightly considered a fashion don't. This was true of the first pair of sun glasses my friend tried on.
I looked at her and thought she looked like a bug. So, she left the sunglasses on and buzzed, like a bug, while browsing. To me this seemed somewhat normal but to the others looking at sunglasses it seemed odd.
We quickly found a pair and continued on to the clothing racks.
In true shopping spree style we took everything that we thought may be appropriate. We loaded the cart with pants, jeans, capris and shorts and proceeded to the change room.
I learned one very important lesson - when shopping with someone whose legs are approximately twice the length of your own, it is impossible to guage pant length. While i happily flit between the regular and petites section long legged people cannot. Petite length capris are more like hot pants on someone with long legs.
So we made it to the fitting room. Six items were allowed at a time so i ran back and forth a fair bit while she tried on pants.
As she was trying clothes on we were laughing and chatting and telling stories. At one point a woman came out of her dressing room to tell me that we were the best entertainment she had ever had at Winners.
I think we were a little loud!
At one point i was telling a story about the time i tried on a dress that was too small for me. The zipper got stuck and they had to cut it off of me (it was totally relevant to the fact that my friend could not get a pair of too tight jeans off of her!)
Suddenly from two dressing rooms down a woman shouted, "so did you have to pay for the dress??"
The answer was no.
This sent us into hysterical giggles just as my friend opened the door to show off the most hideous pair of shorts known to man.
They were a tight hoochie momma pair of terry irwin inspired shorts that displayed the world's worst camel toe.
It was hilarious.
Not only were the shorts horrible, but this friend is about as likely as i am to wear any garment made to be worn in the outback.
When we saw thosw shorts we lost it. Tears were running down my cheeks. She was snorting she was laughing so hard. It was truly funny.
We decided against the shorts and moved on to brassiers.

Exact same shorts & camel toe

I sware by the bras at Winners. I once read that you have to buy a bra based on breast shape. So, if your boobs are particularly round you want a rounder bra whereas if they are more oblong you want more of any oblong shape. This is why me and my round boobs dont like La Senza so much.
We like Winners. My friend was looking for cleavage enhancement. I just wanted a new bra.
We must have gone through everything on the rack. Who knew that they had blinged up bras at Winners???
In order to keep them untangled we simply hung our bras on the outside of the cart. Again we took about a zillion in - you know we had to try everything.
For some strange reason the fitting room is on the exact opposite side of the store as the bras so off we went our "bra buggy" leading the way.
It was all fun and games till we found the only men shopping in the store. They just did not quite know where to look when the bra buggy and two giggly girls walked past them en route to the changerooms. When we saw their look we really were gone.
Unfortunately we did not get the cleavage we were looking for. Well, I did. Too much. The lovely push up bra I tried on could only be described as startling. So I did not get it. (I did, however, find another one I loved, a little less cleavagey, but quite nice which I broke when I tried it on this morning. Oops!). And, as for my friend. Well, the goal of cleavage would have happened if we had gone back to get more sizes, but just as we discovered that the bedazzled bra was indeed the wrong size the store announced they were closing ... and we had to leave.
All in all a lovely evening. But it looks like we'll be going back. Soon.

5 comments:

SpeakEasy said...

When I saw the subject header was "camel toe" I knew I had to read this post and I'm glad I did. It sounded very funny.

Shopping should be fun! And Winners is great.

The Girl Who Loves to Knit said...

Adrian - with no shame I've probably told you - used to take my cleavage enhancing bras and wear them like giant insect eyes and pretend he was a fly. And then, with me giggling like an idiot, chase me around the apartment until I could retrieved the bra.

My second story is that my mom shops at addition Elle. And the bra section definitely caters to the younger crowd and my mom has significant knockers. Anywho - I convinced her to try on a bra and she came out with - I kid you not - a pointed shelf where one could set tea and scones. We laughed so hard there were tears. She sticks to The Bay.

Her Bad Mother said...

That picture is PRICELESS. PRICELESS.

Her Bad Mother said...

BTW? New look is FABOO.

Multi-tasking Mommy said...

LOVE your new look, Laurel! It's awesome and it's you!

Oh, bra shopping....
hey, I learned something new tonight from you about the round vs oblong...I guess that's why my boobs and La Senza don't mingle all that well either, much to the hubby's wishes! I went on a bra shopping spree in the fall there and came home with some sexy bras only to found out that after being washed and warn, my boobs literally popped out of the bras! It was awful--it almost looked like I had 4 breasts.