Mommy Smackdown - McDonald's Style

Okay

So we weren't exactly in a wrestling ring, but on our weekly trip to McDonald's, Mike and I experienced competetive mommy fighting in its fully glory.

I've been exposed to the competitive mommies many times. You know them and love them. They appear at playgroups, visit drop in centres and lurk at the daycares. They are the ones with the perfectly labelled sippy cups, the tupperware containers with various healthy food options and their children are always perfectly equipped for the weather.

What these women were doing at McDonald's is beyond me. It was an unusual sighting.

Nevertheless ...

I spotted them the moment I sat down. It turns out that Matt chose the seats. And over I came hauling my tray of fattening McDonald's food. I didn't have the gender appropriate happy meal toy nor did I cart along a sippy cup to pour Matt's chocolate milk into. Bad Mommy!!! And, to top it all off, when I opened the chocolate milk it sprayed out and instead of turning it into a lesson I giggled harder than Matt - and licked it off my hand. Bad mommy again! Where were those wipes?

So, as we sat enjoying our food (I got McNuggets people, I did not want McHealthy) the mommies started talking. They drove me crazy. The entire conversation of 10 minutes was pure competition. The first topic of conversation was mitten strings. And they angrily discussed why mittens on strings were better or worse than mittens on clips. Mommy #1 was all about the mittens on strings from Dollarama. Mommy #2 was all about the choking hazard.

Next came stroller accoutrements. Mommy #1 had just spent $75 on her stroller toys. Mommy #2 felt that it was ridiculous to have a cup holder, and didn't think children needed hanging toys.

And, just when I was ready to scream at them (at this point I had explained to Mike what was going on, and he was quite entertained by it) they got on to the topic of Reflux in Babies. Mommy #2 had a baby with reflux. She was tired (though why we all had to hear the sleep patterns of her baby is beyond me) and the Mommy #2 would not shut up about reflux and how it affects babies. Mommy #2 fought her case - why she let her baby sleep in the carrier, why the baby sleeps in her room, what the doctor said, etc etc. Enter mommy #1 telling her she was wrong.

Finally, Mommy #2 said "Oh I didn't know either of your children had reflux." Mommy #1 relented.

Ding ding ding.

Smackdown over. Within seconds Mommy #1 packed up her bag and dragged her children into the playroom.

It made me sooooooo glad that I am not in that wrestling ring any more. I just avoid those conversations. It's not worth it.

A couple minutes later we went to the playland. Matthew climbed the tunnel, got to the very top looked out and started shrieking, just for fun, at the top of his lungs.

I felt inspired by the warring mommies. I thought I should show off some of my stellar parenting skills. I looked up at Matt, smiled, waved, and shouted back

"SCREAM LOUDER MATTY! MOMMY CAN HARDLY HEAR YOU. LOUDER LOUDER!"

I've accepted it. I will never win the mommy wars. But, while I'm fighting the battle I'm gonna have fun :)