So, yesterday I was reading Rebecca's blog and she was talking about friends. In specific, she was talking about a thank you list for her book, but what it came down to was that it was a post on friendship.
And, it got me thinking - a lot.
It got me thinking about friends, how I define a friend, and how, perhaps others define me as a friend.
A lot of blogs lately discuss this whole issue of friendships when you become a mother (Heather wrote a good one, and I will figure out the linking thing soon).
But, really I got thinking just about the whole friends thing.
It's a weird thing to reflect on.
For me friends fall into several categories. There are the immediate friends - the ones you see every day. And, by this I am not referring to the acquaintances that you bump into or say hi to on the elevator. If that were the case I'd have about 200 friends at work alone.
But, really, at work, I consider myself to have only a few friends. Chances are, if you are reading this (or even better have me in your favourites, DD!) then I consider you a friend. And, work friends are tough because you see work people ALL the time. So, to become a true friend it takes time. Do you trust that person to not gossip about you - or at least not in a bad way? Do you like that person enough to go for coffee and lunch? If you felt like you were so frustrated by work that you need to confide in someone or quit can you talk to that person? Then, yep, that person is a friend, and I consider myself pretty lucky to have some good friends, who I happen to work with. And, I hope they think of me in the same way.
But, then there are the murky friendship waters that I don't really want to wade into.
For instance, if I haven't spoken to someone in years are they still my friend? I don't know. I hope so.
My best friend growing up still stays in touch. We never see each other. She lives on the other side of the country, and it's been about 15 years since we actually hung out in person and talked. Wedding gifts were sent across the country. We both shared some tears reading e-mails about post-partum depression (we both suffered it, about a year apart since my son is a year older thna her son). As we have gotten older we have changed. And, we are really different. Do I think that we would be close if we met again? I don't know. But, deep down I still consider her my bestest friend in the world.
And, then there are the friends that I just don't see enough of, or call enough, or write enough. Like, Susie. She was my maid of honour. She is Matt's godmother. She was the only person (other than Mike and the 6 million doctors, midwives and nurses) I allowed in while giving birth. And, she's off following her dreams as a midwife in Windsor. And, I haven't once hopped in my car and driven out to see her. Why? I don't know. But, I love her, and she stills ranks up there on my friends list.
And, other friends too are in that category. Are we growing apart? Kind of. I don't call them for everything. We don't share all of our heartbreaks anymore. When we get together we don't just automatically know where to start the conversation. It's a little rocky at first. But, then we do get talking and it is a ton of fun. It just takes time.
I still see a group of highschool friends - sometimes we get together monthly, sometimes not for a couple of years. Some of my mommy friends from mat leave I just don't have time to see, but I still miss and still consider them friends.
Am I saying I'm just way too popular for my own good? Yep. That's it. That must be it. I just have way too many friends!!!!
I'm kidding of course.
But, in my books, if you're my friend, you're my friend. Period. It may be minutes or it may be years. But, I really do believe that unless we've had some falling out there's always hope.
I guess the best way it was ever described to me was by a friend in 9th grade. She said that friends are like boyfriends. At first everything is hot and heavy. You want to spend all your time with that person. And, then you get used to each other. Some people break up and others become the couple that are together all through highschool.
And, it's true.
So, to my current hot and heavy friends, YOU ROCK! And, if we're not so hot and heavy right now, you still rock. I just need to pick up the phone one of these days to call you and let you know :)
But the nice thing about friendships as opposed to relationships is that you can have more than one friend at once and no one's feelings will be hurt.
Oh - and about that friend from grade 9 -- we did have a falling out and we never speak anymore. And, lest you think she is super intelligent from that one piece of wisdom her other favourite saying was "you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends under the couch."
Happy long weekend.