Thursday, October 22, 2009

Life Cycles

A few weeks ago we got a phone call telling us that my husband's grandpa, Opa, was taken to the hospital.
He was admitted to the icu, and he spent about four and a half weeks there.
On Monday he passed away.
Mike is doing okay. As okay as you can do when someone you love dies. We had a few weeks to prepare. Mike made numerous visits to see Opa, though he wasn't coherent. Still, it gave Mike a chance to say goodbye. I went also, though usually I let Mike see him alone. We brought the kids. Matt had a hard time seeing his great grandpa with tubes in him.
We only brought him the one time.
I'm not sure how you teach a 5 year old to say goodbye.
I think it's okay that he didn't.
I sometimes think kids understand things better than adults.
On the weekend, after Mike and I visited Opa I spoke with Matt. I told him Opa was really sick. And, Matt said to me "I think he's coming to the end of his life cycle."
That's how Matt's mind works. He is a very logical child. I'm not sure he really understands the finalness of death. I'm not sure he needs to understand that.
Sometimes he misses my grandma who passed away a couple of years ago (I miss her too). One day he was sobbing because something reminded him of her. I think that's how sadness works for some kids. Especially for Matt. He seems to feel things really strongly for a short period of time.
Mind you that's how I work too.
I'll never figure out the mysteries of grief.
But, what I know?
I know that my kids felt loved by their great opa.
We have always made a point of bringing the kids to see their great grandparents. It's not a duty. It's not always an easy task to bring 2 small children to see their elderly great grandparents. But it's worth it.
I was going to post pictures on this post, but I don't need to. I can easily picture the joy on Opa's face when I handed my babies over. I can picture Matt's huge mischevious smile when grabbing Opa's pipe and playing with it while I looked on horrified and Opa cracked up (it wasn't lit).
we still haven't fully decided if we'll bring the kids to the funeral. I'm leaning toward no. But, to me that doesn't really matter. What matters is what goes on during life, not after death.

1 comment:

SciFi Dad said...

I am very sorry for your loss. I don't know if I'd bring a child of Matt's age to a funeral or not; my daughter was only 18 months when my grandmother died, so she went, but much older than that and it'd raise a lot of questions...