But, it seems that since my child has hit the magical age of 2 everyone thinks that a second child is imminent. It started with my doctor who happens to be Matthew's doctor too.
"Now that your son is two ... have you started thinking about another?" Nope.
Then it just snowballed. We had an open house for his 2nd birthday and I sware people were looking to see if I had a bump. Nope.
The questions keep coming - parents in the park, people I work with, somewhat random strangers on the street and friends of friends and distant relatives.
For the record, I don't think that a mandatory age difference is 2 years. It's nice, I agree, but so is 3 years or 5 years.
But then today Mike and I were out at a mall shopping while Matty spent some time with his grandparents. We were on a mission to find fall clothes for Matt. We were in Walmart and ended up in the baby department. And Mike turned to me and said
"I hope our next one is a girl"
WHAT?????
What next one? Trust me - I am 100% sure I am not pregnant, and we are not trying to get pregnant. So the comment was pretty random.
So I calmly said "are you trying to tell me you're ready for another one?"
Yep. It turned out he was. It turns out he's been ready for awhile and just didn't tell me. Good call on that. Since I am nowhere near ready to even think about another one.
And it shocked me that Mike is.
So, herewith all the reasons that I am not ready for another.
1) I am finally beginning to get comfortable with my body after 3 long years. Today I weighed myself and I hit that magical 25 pound mark. I have a ways to go. But, I'm seeing the results and I'm liking them. And I want to lose more and like myself again before I have another baby.
2) I love the stage Matthew is at. We chat. We talk. He communicates. He sleeps through the night. He walks and doens't need a stroller all the time. When I am sad he actually tries to comfort me. It's taken 2 years and 3 months (plus 10 months of pregnancy) to get to this stage. I don't really want to start over.
3) Pregnancy. Yuck.
4) Labour. Ouch.
5) Post Partum Depression. Terrified.
6) I would be giving up the last 2 years of my twenties. The way I see it, I got pregnant 5 years before I was planning to. I wasn't quite ready to give up eveyrthing I did. I don't regret it, but I also know that I want to finish my twenties before I get pregnant again.
7) I want to give another child the same love and attention I gave to Matt and at this point I can't. At least I don't think I can.
8) I don't want to live in Toronto in a small condo with 2 kids. I don't want to take 2 kids home from daycare everyday on the TTC. One almost kills me somedays. I think If I attempted to put a double stroller on the Eglinton bus at rush hours someone really would kill me. Ditto for a regular stroller and a hyper toddler.
9) I'm already tired enough. Thinking about working, then picking Matt up at daycare and taking him home on the bus while pregnant - I may kill myself.
10) We don't have enough money. There is no way we can afford to have 2 kids in daycare right now. Nor can we afford all of the other stuff that comes along with 2 kids - clothes, shoes, diapers, food, formula.
I know I know. That list sounds really selfish. It is, in fact, really selfish. But I think in a decision like this you have to be a little selfish, because if you aren't than you will make all the wrong decisions, right?
I dunno. Feel free to comment - I'd love to hear what others think.
PS why is there a random pic of me here? I dunno. Just cause - really because Mike and I agreed it's a nice picture and I hate pictures of me :)
6 comments:
HI!! I was cruising the Mommy blogs on blogger and seen yours thought I would stop in and say hey!!
I understand exactly what you are saying and trust me if your not ready then dont! I have 4 kids, and I love each and everyone of them and wouldnt trade them for anything but there are times when I wish I could rewind time and would have waited.... I dont regret them at all God knows I thank him everyday for them but I think I could provide for them better if I would have waited..
Sorry to write the letter but being a Mom of 4 I try to let people know that its not easy and if you have any doubt then dont..
You absolutely must be selfish making this kind of decision. It has to be right for YOU. Otherwise, all of the things that you worry about (depression being a biggie) become all the more pressing.
But you're young. You don't need to decide right now. Take time if you need it.
Follow your heart.
I agree with all of your reasons for waiting. My daughter is about the same age and I really don't want to miss a year of her life being pregnant and tired then another year with the newborn demanding all of my time. Its a tough call with no right answer but I am beginning to worry that maybe those who get it over with are smarter. Now that its good - as you describe - I worry that I can't go back.
Its so conflicting. Oh and my husband has also been ready for #2 for a while. The just don't bear the brunt of it like we do.
I HEAR you! ;) My little monkey's only one year old and everyone's asking when the next one's coming. I haven't nearly lost enough pregnancy weight yet....so, can't say I'm ready yet. And, my monkey's a handful! And, I, too, am scared of postpartum depression (during pregnancy, in my case...).
And, it's not selfish at all. YOU have to be ready! :) (BTW, thank you so much for your kind comment on my new blog. I really appreciate it--love that you're a fellow Clive and gossip lover! Now, what's more important and unselfish as that!?;) )
That is a nice pic of you :)
Having a second child terrifies me as well (my daughter is 17 months old right now), and I too can list a whole bunch of reasons why I am not ready. I guess the question I always ask myself is: Is there ever a time where you truly feel you are READY for something? How do you really know unless you try? I was terrified of having my first and I now look back and wonder why. Yes, there are difficult days and decisions, but that is part of life as a parent. I am rambling here, as I like to do...my main point here is: A part of you will always be scared to have another one (change is scary), but when all of the other factors are in place (finances, age, etc.), it will happen and you will be just fine--just like you are now!
P.S. I don't think that you are being selfish in the least! You are looking out for yourself, your child and your husband, as well as any future children. You need to be ready--take all the time you need.
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