Laural Dawn

Blissy

2012-01-27T06:16:00.000-08:00

"Perception is a mirror, not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind reflected outward."

If you've been following me on twitter (@lauraldawn) you are probably aware that I've had a bit of a mindset change, and I've been spending my evenings sweating my toxins out on a yoga mat in a hot yoga studio.

Like all things Laural, I've managed to skip the moderation concept and throw myself all in. This is a pretty fundamental truth of mine - there's no halfway with me. When it comes to projects, ideas, thoughts or emotions I love, or think I will love, I just jump right in. I'm seeing this right now in my life - I'm embracing this concept of wholeness and connecting with love and light and I'm loving the blissy feeling that has started to envelope me these past couple of weeks.

And, I want to talk about it, write about it, tweet about it and most of all experience it, with no apologies for throwing myself completely into it.

However. I don't want to make this a yoga blog. So, I'm not going to write about this more than once a week. Or so. You know, if enlightenment hits no promises. But I will try.

So, how did I get here and what's going on?

My decision to try out hot yoga was on the surface pretty random. My mom has done it for years, and has always offered me a free guest pass to get started. But, with January comes promotions, and I saw a sign for an unlimited month for $40, and driving past the sign every day spoke to me. Combine that with the fact that I've been feeling just ick since before Christmas, I was feeling completely uninspired to run, and I really just needed to deal with some stress in a positive way, I signed myself up for the month, and decided 30 days is a good place to start. I promised myself I could give it 30 days to make a decision about continuing. Just be. That is all.

And, then I went to the bookstore to read up on yoga and I saw the book "Spirit Junkie" and picked it up instead of a book on the history of yoga. And I've been reading and practicing and feeling altogether well ... BLISSY.

So, all in. But with a twist. I'm letting all this energy and love and happiness wash over me. But, I'm not setting any goals. For once I'm not setting a timeline to accomplish something (eg. a 5k in under 30 min). I'm not forcing myself to commit to a year of daily practice. Instead I'm trying something new. I'm being patient. I'm letting the experience lead me. Rather than committing to being able to twist myself into a difficult pose by March, I'm committing to staying at this beginner level as long as necessary - and reserving judgement of myself. I'm looking inward more. Loving myself more. And letting go of a lot of self judgement.

And this ... this is what I'm remembering.

Perception is a mirror, not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind reflected outward.

Hide and Seek

2012-01-26T12:07:00.000-08:00

Chloe is a couple months away from turning 4. I have no idea when that happened. I have no idea when she suddenly became a child completely strong in her convictions and very capable of speaking her mind. But at 3.75 years here we are.
And one thing Chloe is very certain of? HIDE AND SEEK.
I know. It's an awesome game. I loved it when I was little. Matt insisted on playing it when he was little, and now Miss Chloe has taken this game over.
The thing is ...
I love it to.
I used to find it tedious at best until I discovered that Chloe's version of an awesome game of Hide and Seek is me hiding, and then jumping out at her and scaring her. (Did I mention she's in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer?). It's become our daily ritual. We play for 20 minutes. Full out shrieking ensues. I am often the cause.
Sometimes.
I forget.
That parenting is about playing.
That being present doesn't just mean being in the room.
That I actually like to play.
And that I'm awesome at finding hiding spaces in our tiny town house.

Over the past few weeks I've noticed that my daughter copies me a lot. Some of the things she does are super cute. It's adorable when she puts my make up on to look like me (we wash it off) or when she tries on my clothes and walks in my shoes. It's hilarious when she uses the same phrases as me and when she proclaims that it's "girl time".
But, I'm also watching her do some of the things I'm not proud of - losing her temper over stuff. Slamming doors. Foot stomping. Shouting "I'm so frustrated right now"
So, I need to be the example. I'll never be perfect. But, I will be calm.

And, I will start having fun again.

Hide and Seek anyone?

PS Don't tell Chloe, but I pretty much always hide behind a curtain!

Refresh

2012-01-18T16:34:00.000-08:00

I spent all of last year losing weight.
This year no resolutions. But, I'm a little bored of the routine - run one day, strength the next. It's January, and as much as I love my treadmill ... GAH!!!!
I'm also stressed and exhausted. The triple of changes at work, exhaustion, having a 3 year old and well, life in general is kind of getting to me.
So I decided to do the craziest thing I could think of. HOT YOGA.
Hey. It may not be bungee jumping. But I hate extreme heat. And I hate stillness. So, hot yoga? odd choice.
Of everything I pictured myself doing, hot yoga was not one of them. I run out my stress. I turn my music up. I sing along when no one is watching. Any kind of yoga, especially hot yoga, is new to me. And I can't get enough.
I have no idea how many calories it burns.
I don't really care.
I really just like when we're supposed to let go of everything.
I'm terrible at it. And I like trying to focus on my breath. I'm a little obsessed with the idea of letting a thought go as soon as it pops into my hear. I want to do that all the time.
Maybe I never will.
I also like wearing yoga tops minus a bra. Just supportive tops (thanks lululemon).
I kind of don't hate how I look in the mirror. Mind you I'm usually too focused on everything to really look in the mirror.
I feel good.

And here's what I know.
I'm being more true to myself. I'm making decisions for me - even if it disappoints people sometimes.
I'm bringing lunch - not buying.
I'm getting some control.
I'm watching Harry Potter with my kids.
And I may skip going to Disney this year.
I'm singing as loud as I can to the music in my car. And yes. It's Alanis. And, yes. I do agree with her definition of ironic.
I'm watching Buffy over and over. I may not find a new favourite series.
And I'm also letting go of some stuff I really really need to let go of.

There are some things I want to do. And all of them require believing in myself.

REFRESH. (and namaste)

.

An Update ... and Pics

2011-04-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to post about this because I don't want this to become a weightloss blog. but ...
It's funny because since January I've lost close to 25 pounds which is great. It's funny how you start doing something and it works, and then you think to yourself how weird it is that you've been trying for years and suddenly there it is. And it seemed kind of easy.
And also. People are noticing. Which is kind of awesome. It's also kind of weird because as much as it's great and I appreciate it, in the back of my mind I kind of think "hmmm ... did that person think I was fat before?" Which dumb mindset. but true.
Anyway, over and over people keep asking me what I'm doing.
So, in answer to the questions ... it's all very simple. I finally listened to what every fitness expert says. You need to burn more calories than you consume. You need to eat healthy and exercise. And drink water.
That's all I'm doing.
I don't doubt that other programs work. I've done Weight Watchers many many times. I think it's great. I lost a lot of weight with it. Here are my personal issues with it. First, after awhile the points get to me. Some people love it. I get obsessed. And I try to cheat it. Which isn't effective. Second. The weigh-ins. I don't work well under pressure. I hate someone else seeing the number before me. I hate that I feel like i have to justify every ouce to the woman behind the scale (even though you don't). And you have to pay for this. I should say - I hit lifetime. (also known as goal weight) It's very close to the weight I am now (9 lbs) and I was 10 years younger and hadn't had 2 kids. The fact that that number is in site amazes me. And I kind of want to go back for my last 5 pounds. We shall see.
It also occurred to me that maybe the next time I see my doctor I should ask her about "the number" - maybe I should set it lower than I did 10 years ago.
Actually, I just booked an appointment with a dietian. Maybe she will have an idea.
It's funny how I'm open to these things now.
I've heard good things about other programs. I just didn't want to spend the money. I always assume that spending money means I will lose weight. Doesn't quite work that way.
And I don't have a trainer. I have had trainers. But, I don't belong to a gym. And most trainers don't like 5am appointments. Plus, I am not that friendly at 5 am. I have an eye rolling issue. My last trainer called me on that.A LOT. (i.e.Him: Is it necessary for you to roll your eyes when I say do 20 push ups. Me: Yes.)
Here's what I did.
1) I set a goal for myself. So, I wanted to lose 30 lbs (well 32) but I broke it down into 10 pound timeframes. Ten pounds by Valentine's Day, 10 pounds by my birthday (May) and the final 10 pounds by my 10th anniversary (July). Yay for being ahead of my schedule.
2) I sat down for about an hour and figured out, thanks to a computer program and blackberry app, how many calories I could eat, how much I'd need to work out, etc. It's all math but I hate math. So, I kept it really really simple.
That was the easy part. Here's where it got hard. I made 2 committments
1) I promised myself that as much as this is about the numbers (I don't get people who don't care about the number on the scale) I was going to follow my program regardless. I always make the mistake of giving up when I have a gain or giving up when I'm close to a goal and don't think I can do it. So. I get one rest morning a week. Every other weekday I'm up at 4:45 and working out by 5. I'm done by 5:30. Workout times vary on the weekend. I have coffee brewing while I work out. If I have a bad day I keep at it. I write down my food. If I have a bad day I start again the next day. And if I screw it up I give myself a break. That is a really nice feeling.
2) Team Awesome. My friend committed to doing this with me. We don't work out together. We don't look at each other's food journals. I like that. What we do is check in with each other on workout days. On our blackberries. I don't want to explain this one much further. But, I will say that being committed to a morning check in - and having a supportive friend cheering you on (who you are cheering for too) makes a huge difference.

So ...
I'm doing it.
There's no magic. I am doing the Kettleworx program which I love (though the Sarge kicks my butt) 3-4 days a week. On alternate days I'm running just under 5 k on the treadmill. This is my morning. In the evenings I try to get in another workout. I love that I can run outside now some days. But I'm also happy watching tv from the treadmill.(I aim to brun 400-500 calories a day)
I'm eating about 1200 calories - 1500 calories a day (closer to 1200) and that is a lot of protein, the good carbs (mostly in the morning and at lunch) and tons of veggies. I've tried really hard to cut out sugar. And I'm getting there.
Sometimes I have a cheeseburger. I occassionally eat dark chocolate. I'm eating a lot of almonds, but they are unsalted which is a great way to moderate how many I eat.

I'm running a 5k race at the end of April. With my dad. He's fast. I plan to try to match his pace. At least at first. And I really want to push for a September 10k.

And I really need a new wardrobe! Because for once none of my clothes fit me, but instead of being too small they are too big. I'll take it.

And I'm happy!

Before ... and After

Here's me around November. I'm not a big before and after person. But, when I saw this picture I wasn't too happy with myself. And then I spent 2 months eating more and deleting picture of myself. I am surprised I kept this one.

And this is now. Or a couple weeks ago (and a couple pounds) ago.
(I know. I just posted it. But i'm having picture issues.)

Let's Belay ...

2011-03-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

Last night I spent two and a half hours at a rock climbing gym.

Let me back up a bit.

Matt is a very active boy. But he's not a fan of team sports. I've been debating putting him in soccer and football but he's not interested.

One day we talked about indoor rock climbing.

Yesterday I called to find out more.

It turns out that you kind of need a partner to rock climb because one person holds the ropes (belaying) while the other climbs. So, if I want to take Matt rock climbing I need that skill. So I signed up for the belaying class.

One hour, they promised. "It's as easy as driving a car."

I failed 6 driving tests.

I doubted I'd be done in an hour.

Regardless, I put on my lululemons and a cheerful t-shirt and off I went to belay.

Ha.

They didn't tell me I'd also be climbing the wall.

Whatevs.

The class was taught by the guy who teaches the kids - so he really got it when I explained my need to make sure I understood safety so I could protect matt. There were also only 2 other people in the class.

We started off by putting on harnesses (sounds sooooo simple). And then we moved on to tying knots. I still don't know how I figured that out. And I will practice.

And then we learned to belay. And took turns belaying each other and climbing the walls.

Awesome!

I have no idea why I had never considered this but I loved it. I loved both parts.

My first climb ... Well I'm a little scared of heights so when I first looked down it was a little startling. But you know, if turned out just fine. Well until I had to let go and trust someone to help me down. I spent a good couple of minutes clinging to the wall. And then I decided that I would just climb back down.

And then I learned I couldn't do it all my way. And the ride down was incredible.

After about an hour of this, and proving to the instructor that we were capable belayers we got a quick tour of the gym. And we were done.

And then instructor offered to work with me a little more. He knew I was still pretty anxious about locking Matt in and being responsible for him.

We then did several more climbs. I practiced my knots. I learned how to tie matt into a harness (different from tying myself in). And then we practiced over and over. The teacher actually "fell" a couple of times to show me that I had the tools to manage a fall.

(Is it wrong that after the first fall I thought it was kind of cool?)

After 2 and a half hours I left knowing I could do this.

As I was leaving I said to him "are you sure I can handle this? I think I've got it."

His response?

"You had it in the first 10 minutes. It just took another two hours for you to develop the confidence."

And if that isn't true about my life in general I don't know what is.

And She's 3

2011-03-27T05:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we celebrated Chloe's 3rd birthday.
Technically her birthday is tomorrow. But, don't tell Chloe that!
I'll be the first person to tell you I welcome this age. Just as much as I'm fully embracing Matt turning 7. I love my kids to death. I just find hte older they get the more I enjoy them.
This is true of my Chloe.

Chloe's birthday party of choice was a princess party. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to wear a princess dress; she wanted to get her nails done with friends; she wanted cucpakes at home.
She wanted her mom to dress like a princess.

She got her wishes.
We've seen a lot of change in Chloe in the last while.
My little girl has started karate. I think she's doing okay. I don't really know for sure since I don't drop her off or pick her up. But I know she loves it.
She has also developed friendships.She always talks about a little girl she is friends with at Matt's school. She was of course invited to Chloe's party.
She is completely in love with her cousins.
And then there is her relationship with her big brother. Chloe can drive Matt insane. Matt can drive Chloe insane. But they also PLAY. I love watching them playing together in the playground or in a play place. They are non-stop.
And this child is strong willed.
She knows what she wants and doesn't want. And she will tell you. She knows the rules and constantly pushes against them. That may scare some people. Not me. I really want a strong willed daughter. As I see her grow up I am confident that she will be able to stand up for herself.
But at the same times she is so sweet and kind and loving.
I love that she adores her family, her pets and her dolls.
I love that she craves cuddles - on her own terms.
I love that she dresses herself in crazy outfits. That she adores shoes and that she truly believes that her "bibbidi-bobbidi-boo stick" (wand) holds magical powers.
I have no idea what this year will hold, let alone what magic my daughter has in store for me as she grows up.
But, I can't wait to find out.
Happy birthday, Baby Girl, Princess Coco. Miss Chloe.

Going For 20 ...

2011-03-02T13:09:00.000-08:00

There's absolutely no question that I have talked a lot about weight on this blog. It's one of those things that no matter how much I avoid the subject in my life it's always there. Always bugging me. Always on my mind.
Here's the thing about me, my weight fluctuates with my mood. And god knows my mood fluctuates a lot. I've often said that there's nothing chocolate can't cure. And, that's not just a line for me. I really do believe that. (though it's not just chocolate. chips, candy, steak ...)
And, I'll say this has been true most of my life.
It's true exercise helps. I actually enjoy working out, to a point. When I'm stressed a good (short) run calms me down. Or at least channels the frustration. So, I've relied on burning calories so I'm not a million pounds.
But I've also learned something about myself. An amazing guage of how well i'm coping in life is whether I get up in the morning and work out.
I mean, we all need rest days, of course. But, if I'm not up and working out 3 out of 7 days. and can't drag myself out of bed - that's kind of a problem. And it means life is getting too much for me.
I should have had a nice clear sign when I quit my gym membership with no workout program in sight. Or when I was waking up progressively earlier to get to work. Or just getting annoyed at life.
Thankfully Christmas came. And I took a couple weeks off. And we decided to keep the gym memberships cancelled. And we got a treadmill. And life got back on track for me.
Except I went one step further. And I decided to watch what I'm eating. I didn't go back to the old fall back of Weight Watchers (no offense to it, I've just done it a lot). I simply downloaded an app that lets me track calories.
And I made a decision that I'm sticking by.
I will get up and exercise because it keeps me sane. And my mood will not control my eating.
Period. To stay on track I'm writing it all down (or typing it in to be exact).
So that I can see that I'm in control.
And when I miss a day or lose control it's not going to own me. If I have chocolate it isn't an excuse to eat a cheeseburger. It's just chocolate.
Here's the thing.
I've been doing this for 7 weeks now.
And I'm feeling good about myself. I'm enjoying the workouts (I've added kettle bells - OMG - so good so hard). I'm feeling healthy. I'm enjoying salads.
And I've lost weight. I've lost 17 pounds. I've finally passed the number that I never seem to dip below. And I passed that 8 pounds ago.
I have about 20 to go. And I think I'll get there.But, 17 is a milestone for me. I'm actually not afraid of the scale these days. And I'm enjoying the process.
And soon I will hit 20 lbs lost. Who knew 2011 would be the year to do this?
Anyone wanna run a 5k with me this summer?

Karate 2.0

2011-02-15T16:15:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in awhile. I think maybe since summer. it's not that I don't have anything to say. quite the opposite. The thing is, when I started this blog i had aspirations of being a writer, and felt like no one wanted to read what I had to say. And then my job changed and bit by bit I've been writing more and more.
Sometimes to the point where I can't put a sentence together.
And I'm not complaining. I love it. But, this space has been quiet. I know. It's a combo of having a lot to write, and also something more. It's this thing called parenting. And trying to balance what you say about your kids and not say, etc. I don't care if I have 5 readers or 500, the truth is I think about my words and how they affect my kids.
But then today ....
Today was my daughter's first karate class. She will be 3 next month, and she needs something. And karate seemed right up her alley. She's a princess, but she's feisty. And she needs to channel her energy.
This is the same karate dojo where I brought Matt. We had a love-hate relationship. He wanted to do karate. i wanted him to do karate. but it just didn't quite work. Nothing is the right fit for anyone. And he was struggling with behaviour. I pulled him because I didn't see eye to eye with the Sensei. He wanted to "train" Matt. Not a bad call. But, I wasn't ready for the tough firm correction. Matt was 4.
And over the past 2 years things in Matt's world have improved.
Yes he's on meds for ADHD. but he's matured. I've matured. we've learned to talk about issues and to manage anger and frustration. I've watched my child grow into a kid who can focus just fine when he likes what he is focused on.
And i realized the other day that I'm doing just fine as a mom. My kids are sweet and respectful though energetic. They eat their vegetables. They dress themselves. They make me laugh.
And I realized I was ready to go back to that dojo and try again.
it's funny going back with a totally different child. With the child who runs out to say "I'm having fun" and charms the pants off everyone and instead of having a meltdown flashes her signature smile and makes everyone laugh.
Not better. Different.
i'm not sure how to explain this any other way, other than to say that it made me so proud to be the mom to both of my kids. I was sitting in the totally familiar place, calmly waiting for my daughter to finish, and all I could think about was how worth it all of these struggles with Matt have been and will be.
The truth is, sometimes you have to see how far you've come to appreciate where you're going.
I know I'm not in for an easy ride. but after a day like today I can't wait to see what the future holds.
(oh and maybe i'll start blogging about it)

My summer vacation

2010-09-07T16:52:00.000-07:00

I think I took a blogging break there.
We kind of took a break from everything. Well, not work, but anything structured went out the window. My kids spent 2 months with no planned activities. Their days were centred around visits to the playground, eating popsicles, staying up late and watching tv.

Call me crazy, but when you're 2 and 6 that's how it should be.

Maybe if they'd wanted to go to a camp we would have looked into it, but anything I suggested to Matt was turned down.
No apologies here.
And Chloe ... she's 2.

She is driving us crazy, and I didn't particularly want to send her anywhere.

And, suddenly, September happened.
And we are back to schedules. And homework. And trying to remember to sign all the necessary forms and make sure Matt has all the stuff he needs for school.

He's ready.
I'm not.
But I don't have much say.

You just do it.
One of the highlights of this summer for me was watching my kids play with their cousins.

It's a 5-minute drive to my sister's place. In a way I take it for granted. But, not really.
We chose our house, and the fact it was so close to my sister played a role in that.
We have spent the summer having sleepovers, playdates, drop-by's you name it.
I don't think any of the parents think twice about disciplining the kids (i.e. "Matt. Stop.") nor do the kids really differentiate between us much of the time.
It's not unusual to find Matt playing lego in my sister's bedroom or Kyla watching Camp Rock in my living room.

I've loved watching my younger niece, Paige (5) hanging out with Matt (6). We had a sleepover the other night and I came upstairs to what I thought was 2 sleeping kids. Instead they were reading a book together, and laughing at the jokes.
It was late. I probably should have told them to go to sleep.
But instead I went back downstairs, and remembered that it's those moments that make summer special.
Maybe next year I'll put my kids in camp.
But this summer was just what they needed.
No pressure.
Lots of laughing.

And enjoying being kids.

So ... how was your summer?

A Weekend to Remember ....

2010-08-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

I had a long to-do list for this long weekend.
There was laundry to be done. Bathrooms to be cleaned. A house to be tidied.
I did none of it.

Instead I started the weekend off with friends ...

Where we spent an evening laughing, chatting and having a couple drinks. (and cooking up a great plan) And of course watching Pretty Woman which really is one of the best movies. With funny lines. "Be still like vegetables. Lay like broccoli." Or "Big Mistake. BIG.HUGE"

Love it.

I also spent an amazing afternoon with one incredible niece. We got our nails done. We laughed. We chatted. We discussed our favourite episodes of Wizards of Waverly Place.

We spent Saturday evening at my parents' place. We were celebrating my sister's birthday. Matt decided to show us his amazing gymnastics skills on the trees.

Chloe and Paige also enjoyed some cousin bonding time on the couch. Each with their own baby doll. Don't think for a second this was bedtime. No no. This was just a little break to give them enough energy to zip way past bedtime.

The other highlight of the weekend was taking the kids geocaching. I'll admit. I wasn't the biggest fan of it. Until I started watching everyone hunt around for the prize. And I couldn't resist climbing around a park downtown Oakville on my hands and knees, looking for treasure. That's my niece holding the treasure.

Awesome!

And then the was today. The bonus weekend day (ha ha. not to be confused with the Bonus Jonas).

We decided to go to the beach.

I'm not a big fan of going into Lake Ontario. But, even I got into the action.

No really. That's me waving. I KNOW!

It was kind of a perfect lake day. I say that despite myself.

Even Miss Chloe got into the action. In fact, I'd have to say that she may possibly have had the best time of all the kids. She loved hugging Kyla in the water and jumping into the waves. It was adorable to see. (and of course she was in a life jacket with adults hovering).

Life has been a little overwhelming lately. I'm tired. And I needed a break. Add in watching Julie and Julie, an amazing run, a 12 hour sleep on Friday night and a nap this afternoon ... and I'm feeling human again.

Life isn't perfect. But sometimes it's nice to take a break from it all and just watch your kids enjoy life.

On Running and Life or Something Like That

2010-07-22T17:59:00.000-07:00

m not even going to explain the lack of posting. Blame it on summer, nothing and everything to write about and being busy. And life has just been a little much lately.

The one thing I've been doing more lately is running. not long distances but enough to clear my head, take a deep breath and not wallow in stress.

Last night I had an amazing run. It was a perfect night. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and for some bizarre reason, after putting chloe to bed I decided to put on my running stuff.

I had decided to do my shorter route. But oddly enough when I got to the turn I decided to extend it. My pace was good, nothing hurt. Why not.

When I was running I was thinking about the first time I entered a race. It was hard. It was a 5k but let's face it - for me 5k is a marathon. And the route goes uphill to start and then you turn and go downhill.

When I was running the uphill part I was struggling and I started to cry because I had worked hard to get here and I wasn't going to make it. I walked a minute then ran a minute and I was not happy. I felt like a failure.

The thing is just when I was really about to give into a good cry I passed by a group of people clapping. And it was so unexpected. And amazing. And I ran 2 more minutes. And there were more clappers. All they did was clap, shout and cheer me on. But it was what I needed. I RAN.

It seemed like every time I stopped I'd look up and there was someone screaming for me to keep going.

Often when I run it's not fun. Everything hurts. I run to escape stress. And there are a lot of nights I throw pace out the window and run everything off. I'm soaked with sweat and I know I can cry and the sweat masks it. I love that.

And sometimes I'm tired and wish those clapping people could pop out and start cheering me on. (The fact they'd probably scare the shit out of me is a little irrelevant)

But last night when I was running I kept thinking that sometimes we just have to do it alone.

You know the dumb thing about life is that sometimes I feel I'm so reliant on other people. Do I think I would have made it through that race without the clappers? Probably. I'm pretty sure that at some point I would have told myself to snap out of it and just finish. And that's what happened last night.

The truth is the clapping people probably couldn't have cared less if I made it through or not. There were lots of people to cheer on.

I'm kind of tired of basing who I am on what people tell me I should be. I'm kind of tired of needing people to push me on and cheer for me. And dare I say it - I'm a little tired of being needed so much.

Sometimes you have to give up and throw in the towel. We all wear masks of who we want to be. And the thing is often when I'm not faking it - that's when people think I am.

And maybe I'm talking around some stuff that's really bugging me. Partly because I don't want to post a bunch of personal stuff for the world to read. But when it comes down to it - there's a reason I love Julie Powell. (You know Cleaving and Julie and Julia). It's because she comes to an amazing conclusion - sometimes life just is. And sometimes at the centre of it you aren't going to find the pot of gold.

You're going to find a whole lot of nothing.

My take? Sometimes knowing that is okay. And maybe, just maybe, a first race is a first race. And after that you're on your own, baby.

And that. Well I guess that's called growing up.

How to be Mother of the Year (for Lettuce)

2010-06-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

My friend is about to have a baby. I'm thrilled for her. And I think it just a little bit funny that she asks me for advice because I feel a little under qualified. But, still ... it makes my day. And I'm honest. So there's that.
So, in honour of my friend "Lettuce" having a baby I wanted to share some of my parenting advice. Or, more specifically some stuff I've learned over the last (OMG) 6 years.

You're a better parent than you think. It's really easy to doubt yourself. But the truth is, no matter who you are, when they put the baby in your hands it's scary. But a lot of the stuff you do is by instinct.
Some moms look at parenting as a competition. It's not. Some kids are good sleepers some aren't. Some babies nurse really well. Some don't. The list goes on. Nobody wins the parenting contest. I figure if you make it through the day without losing your mind you win.
Be Selfish. Choose sleep over cleaning. Use soothers if you're baby will take one. Eat when you can. Accept offers of everything (holding the baby, a cooked meal, whatever)
Play Dress Up with your Baby as long as you can. Let me explain. When Matt was a baby I was all about the cute little argyle sweaters and Osh Kosh overalls. That lasted till he was maybe 2 and discovered truck t-shirts. Chloe has been outfitted in head to toe pink and purple since birth. She's now rather demanding about what she wears (thankfully she loves princess dresses). The time you get to choose clothing doesn't last. Embrace it while you can.
The first few months suck. It's great and everything to have a new baby. But you are sleep deprived, cranky and fight with your spouse. Just get through it. And know it gets better.
Remember people care. I had a really rough first year with Matt. (It was far easier with Chloe). I couldn't have made it through without some people who were there for me. I had a friend who emailed me these incredible encouraging notes. I lived for those. My sister would literally just drive in and make me go for coffee. Sometimes you have to ask for help because people don't want to overstep.
Finally, take pictures. Time really goes by quickly. Take lots of pictures.

Love ya, Lettuce! You will be an amazing mom!

Tutus For Tanner

2010-06-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

I don't exactly look like your typical runner. Nor do I look like a ballerina.
So, wearing running clothes with a tutu on top can best be described as a fashion don't.
But, fashion dilemma or not, on Thursday evening I ran in a 5k race. It wasn't my first one.
But, here's the thing ... this one was special.
I read about Tutus for Tanner awhile ago, before I'd signed up for this race, compiled a team of colleagues, or thought about what they may say about wearing tutus.
I knew I'd run this race in a tutu.
For Tanner. For Catherine. For myself.
The amazing thing is, when we got closer to the date and the team had been recruited, when I floated the idea of wearing tutus the buy-in was amazing. Not because of me, but because everyone read Tanner's story.

The first person to say yes, more like "hell yeah" was a friend of mine who made up his mind to run this race a year ago. Over the past year he lost 75 pounds and started running.
And, when I told him the purpose behind this he embraced it.
And convinced the men on our team to run in tutus also. Because they could. And because as a team we could show we care.
Before I ran I knew I would write about it. Here, of course, on my blog. But I also had to explain over our company intranet why this team of people was running in a tutu.
A week before the event I wrote about it. And people loved the idea.
But the day of the event changed a few things for me.
On my daily GO Train commute, the train I was riding on hit a jumper. It's easy to joke about jumpers when you've never felt the impact as you're sitting on a train, seen the covered body, the mangled belongings, the bloody train.
But that's what I saw the morning of the run.
And it changed my perspective drastically.
As I sat with a friend (who thankfully was on my train) we were calculating the thousands of people who were delayed by this incident.
And I said to her, "imagine if just one tenth of the people affected by this, those of us who are saddened by this, had somehow shown that we care?"
She's used to me. She made me feel better by saying there was no way we could have known this person or changed the situation.

But, I realized that this is what Tutus for Tanner is all about.
Catherine has told us all that he is dying.
I can't change that. I don't have millions of dollars to put into research, nor do I have some genius scientific formula to cure what he has.
But, I can run in his honour.
I can't fix things.
But I can show him that I care. And that there's a bunch of people who are willing to stand out in a crowd to show that he's worth acknowledging.
Don't get me wrong.
I believe in magic. I believe in prayers. Most of all I believe in hope.
And I believe that, if nothing else, we can hope that no matter what happens in Tanners life, he knows that there are a lot of people out there that care and are thinking of him.
I am. And I was proud to wear a tutu to show that.

The amazing thing about this was my team. When I was overwhelmed by the amount of tutu making (seriously, 100 yards of tulle is a little scary) I sent an e-mail to a bunch of friends, including non-runners, and 12 people gave up a lunch hour to tie tulle to ribbon. Just because they cared.

So, the entire team didn't wear tutus. The people who were running for time (one of teammates came in third place!) decided not to. But, they asked for something to show they were part of the team. So, everyone wore signs to say what this is all about.
So, 5km per person and 11 people wearing tutus equals 55km in honour of Tanner. (and 4 people showing support).
It's not huge. But it matters.
And, it was one of the most amazing experiences ever.

School

2010-06-09T13:11:00.000-07:00

The end of the school year is close, and as usual I'm stressing about teacher gifts.
And honestly, I'm kind of just stressing about the end of kindergarten in general.
Matt will be done senior kindergarten this month.
I am honestly wondering where the time went. I'm also wondering how the heck I'm supposed to get some sort of teacher gift to thank the teacher that has done so much in Matt's life.
Two year's ago I met Matt's teacher, Miss K. I knew from the minute I met her that she was the perfect fit for Matt, and our family.
I was at a meet the teacher night. Chloe was really little (3 months, maybe) and Matt was 4. He was just out of daycare and at home full time with me. And everything was a challenge for him. His behaviour was out of control and I was terrified at the prospect of him going into school.
So I stuck around to talk to his teacher after we'd been told the classrooms, etc.
In about 5 minutes she made me feel at ease. And she said to me "I will work with you to make this work for Matthew."
And for the past 2 years she has done that.
I've seen Matt grow in so many ways.
This amazing teacher has not just taught Matt, she has loved him. He talks about her constantly. I know the other children, and parents, love her too.
I know that this is the best possible introduction to school my child, and I, could have ever asked for.
And now those 2 years are over.
And it seems like buying a gift card and a thank you note aren't enough.
I'm not sure what would be.
I'm not suggesting a million dollar gift. I just want something meaningful, something that says how much she means to us.
I was talking to Matt about it last night. He suggested that we either buy her a car or a zhu zhu pet.
Both good ideas.
But, I'm thinking they may not be quite what I'm looking for.
Any ideas?
Cuz I have nothing.

Maple Leaf Roundtable and a CONTEST!

2010-06-04T11:40:00.001-07:00

For a long time I’ve been fascinated by the phrase “a perfect storm”.

I hear it a lot when things are described in the financial world, but I realized that it holds true anywhere.

The connotation of the phrase is worst case scenario. To define it even better, a perfect storm is an expression that describes an event where a rare combination of circumstances will aggravate a situation drastically.

August 2008.

Twenty-two Canadians died after eating food contaminated by Listeria.

That, my friends, was the perfect storm. A company that had good safety standards with a major crisis on their hands.

My family wasn’t directly affected. I was at home on maternity leave with a 4 month old and a 4 year old. I’d sworn off a lot of meat, deli meat especially, in pregnancy. And, since I was pretty sure that my son had ADHD, our entire family was on a diet that eliminated pretty much everything in an effort to try to control the symptoms. Nitrates were evil. (as was sugar, artificial colours, chocolate, juice … fun times in our home!)

I watched the news unfold with a sense of horror, and admittedly a little bit of elitism

“Not me.”

“Not in my house.”

“We don’t eat anything processed. My family would never get that.”

That was a year and a half ago.

If you look in my fridge now you may be surprised.

The nitrate-free organic items have been replaced by, you guessed it. Hot dogs. My kids beg for mac and cheese (and get it) and my fibre laced cookies have been replaced by whatever happens to be on sale this week at the grocery store. We eat a lot of processed meat because it’s easy.

And suddenly it hits me.

I was living in a bubble. I was lucky that we weren’t affected by this outbreak. I was lucky that this was a year and a half ago. Not today.

I’m back at work. I have a nanny at my house. My husband and I fight over who has to cook dinner. I throw stuff in my kid’s lunch and grab something on the way out the door for me.

And while I’ve been in a tailspin called life, the company responsible for the outbreaks has been working hard to ensure that we can trust them again. And know that they will stand behind their products.

Last week I had the opportunity to attend an event held by Maple Leaf Foods with other parent bloggers.

Michael McCain, the CEO of the corporation spoke to us. You’ve probably seen him on commercials.

He was there to speak to us about food safety. And to talk about what happened in August of 2008. He said something that shocked me, “We killed 22 people.”

He took the responsibility, and placed it directly on his shoulders.

I was impressed.

It’s not easy to admit a mistake. It’s even harder to wear that mistake means you were responsible for the death of 22 people.

The other thing that I respected was that they are now working to educate people about food safety. And believe me I was inspired to clean out my kitchen after learning about various food hazards.

One other thing they introduced to us was the Maple Leaf Food Safety Pledge. In this pledge they state their commitment to food safety. It’s something that they take seriously. And, if they are willing to take it seriously I’m willing to buy their products.

And just so I can feel a little less guilt about serving my kids processed meats, they now make Natural Selections products that are healthier. And, according to my six year old, yummy!

While we were at the roundtable event we had a chance to eat dinner and enjoy their products. And take some home to enjoy at home.

CONTEST

And, there’s a chance for you to win some Maple Leaf Products as well. The gift bag, which is actually a thermal grocery bag, includes a Maple Leaf Apron, a meat thermometer, pen and coupons for approximately $20.00 of Maple Leaf Products!

How to enter:
1. Leave a comment here. Please tell me what is important about food safety to you. (please use a valid e-mail address)
Bonus Entry:
2. Follow me on Twitter @Lauraldawn or tell me that you already do.
Contest is open to residents of Canada and closes on Thursday June 10.

I was invited by MatchStick Inc in conjunction with Maple Leaf Foods to attend the Round Table event. I had dinner at the event and received a gift bag that included $20 in gas cards, some Maple Leaf products and coupons. However, this did not influence what I wrote in this post.

Let's Talk Meat

2010-05-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

I've made no secret of my love of meat.
Afterall, I'm the crazy person who travelled 2 hours each way by bus to check out a butcher shop outside of NY. (fascinating, I tell you)
So, when I was invited to an event that combined my love of meat and the blogging world ... I was hooked.
Not too long ago I heard about an event with Maple Leaf foods where they are talking to bloggers about food safety. Remember the listeria outbreak of a couple years ago? Me too.
So, I will be attending a Round Table discussion with some executives where I will have the opportunity to ask questions about their food and how it's made.
I'm actually pretty excited about this because really, we live really close to one of their meat processing plants, and I've always wanted to learn a little more.
And, here's where you come in. Do you have any questions about Maple Leaf Foods? If you do ... leave them in the comments section. I'll be sure to ask.
As for me ... I have a bunch of questions. And perhaps for homework tonight I'll re-read Cleaving.
Check back and see what I have to say ... about MEAT!

Long Weekend

2010-05-24T16:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not always the biggest fan of long weekends.
There I said it.
I know I'm not alone in this. Whether you're a working mom who enjoys the comfort of a quiet cup of coffee at your desk or a stay-at-home mom who enjoys the comfort of a routine, long weekends can throw everyone for a loop.
Kids included.
But this weekend was a little different.
Perhaps it was the perspective brought by seeing one of my favourite people in the whole world at the end of the day Friday. Or celebrating my birthday after post-haircut drinks. Or maybe it was the fact that I slept in on Saturday, had a relaxing birthday dinner with my family in the evening. Or maybe it was the family trip to Buffalo on Sunday. Or maybe it was Monday where I was up before everyone today and enjoyed coffee and tv while I woke up on my own terms. Or maybe it was watching Shrek at the movies while sharing popcorn with Matt.
Or maybe it was the fact that Mike and I made it through the whole weekend without arguing.
Whatever it was, or maybe it was all of it. But, this was the best long weekend I've had in a long time.
The truth is, life has been stressful lately.
Ridiculously so.
And I needed a break from it all.
And finally I had one.
Even though break wasn't exactly defined by relaxing. It was still fun.
The other day I was talking to my friend about kids. Specifically mine. And how it's so bizarre to see the different relationship I have with my kids. With Chloe, because she's 2, it's hard. I don't really get to chill with her and enjoy much fun stuff. Like, with Matt, we got to the movies early and we munched popcorn and chatted. And I loved it. But he's 6. Six year olds can hold conversations. I'm not at that point with Chloe.
But, I'm seeing stuff in the works. On Saturday we were at Walden Galleria and I took her to Sephora. It was exciting to see her at the makeup mecca. She's incredibly girly and it was absolutely adorable to see her running around the store dancing to the music and saying "makeup! makeup!" She was charming the staff, and when one of the girls asked if she could put some sparkles on Chloe's cheeks Chloe turned to her and said "Chloe's a princess" and proceeded to point out her new sparkly shoes.
And that's my girl.
I know parenting isn't all about the sparkles and makeup and bonding over movies, but there's something pretty amazing about finding out that you actually enjoy spending time with your kids. Cuz, really, I can't imagine going through life not liking them.
And I realized a few things this weekend. I realized that as confusing as life is sometimes, at the end of the day I need to trust my instincts. I need to remember that even though I don't know what's down the road that there's always something to look forward to - even if I don't know what that is.
And tonight ... well, let's be honest. The something I'm looking forward to is the Bachelorette.
Bring on the summer. I'm ready.

Sometimes...

2010-05-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

You know sometimes you want to do something.
And you think it over. And you wrestle with a decision until your small idea becomes huge? And then you second guess yourself? It's too huge. The answer will be no. I'm not worth it.
Sometimes I do that.
And that's where your friends come in. They tell you to just do it.
Or, as my one friend pointed out, the phrase "I'm not worth it" is quite possibly the dumbest thing that's ever come out of my mouth.
(unrelated conversation. but still)
To put your idea out there, and ask.
And I did that. One e-mail. One question. And a bit of a leap of faith.
Because sometimes if you really really want something and you have nothing to lose the best choice is just to ask. Because sometimes hearing the word no won't be the end of your life.
But hearing the word yes? That's a game changer. And that yes makes you believe that you are worth it. And it makes you believe that your story, your hopes, your dreams and even your mistakes are your story. And your story is pretty incredible - flaws and all.
Sometimes taking the chance is worth it.
Sometimes somebody will say yes. And that yes means more than you could ever explain or even understand.
And that yes is more than just a yes. It's a yes with a side of awesomeness.
I'm being a little cryptic because it's fun :)
And also because thanks to the power of google, it's amazing how when you post about someone specific you get lots and lots of people weighing in on your life.
Suffice it to say if you've been reading me since about January you can probably figure out what would make me as excited as I am today.

So ... It's been awhile

2010-05-13T06:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in awhile.
Sometimes life gets a little bit in the way of blogging.
And even though a blog is about your life, sometimes there are things that you just need to not put out there for everyone to read.
I've had lots to think about lately.
Direction.
Friendship.
Love.
Sincerity.
I know I don't have all the answers. I do know that in life everything will be okay.
We learn, we grow and life keeps going. High points, low points, blah blah blah.
But next week is my birthday. And I LOVE birthdays.

As for everything else going on ...

Matt has his assessment for enrichment today. We have already established he's a very bright child. In order to be in the enrichment program he has to be in the 98th percentile for 6 year old boys. He just turned 6. The number is very high. There's nothing we could do to prepare him for this so we just have to trust that if this is meant to be it will be. I truly believe that he's capable of doing the program, but I have no idea what his score will be. I'm trying not to worry about it. I'm just so proud that he's being considered. Also, he wants to be an actor. Fun.

Chloe. So help me she's in the terrible twos. The word "NO!" is uttered a lot. But, I'm also loving this age. Adorable. Funny. And her hair is growing so between our nanny and I we have a lot of fun with her hair. I'm sure one day she'll want to cut it so why not enjoy it while I can.

Also ...

I have a friend with an amazing blog. I love her because she's an amazing person. I also love what she can do with her craft. She's having a contest on her site. So go check it out. Because really ... I can't imagine how she does what she does.

Proud

2010-04-16T13:43:00.000-07:00

I don't talk about this often here.
Matt has ADHD.
It's been a long road for us with assessments and school challenges. We have been lucky. After a little over a year we have assembled a great team. Our school is amazing. Matt's teacher is phenomenal. The Resource team amazes me. Our psychologist and psychiatrist and family doctor have all been amazing. And every day I am grateful for them.
And Matt.
Who makes all the challenges worth it.
When you're dealing with ADHD there's a couple of things you dread - phone calls from the school and the millions of forms to fill out.
And then Wednesday I got a call. From the school resource teacher.
But, the call was amazing.
"I wanted to run an idea by you. For Matt. We want to consider him for some testing. For the gifted program."
That's right.
Gifted.
Just thinking about this makes me cry.
We struggle with choices. I second guess decisions. Should be be in public school? Should I switch him to French Immersion? Am I pushing enough.
The team is amazing.
But my kid ... he rocks.
So, the forms I filled in last night asked different questions. They weren't about whether my son was fidgety or loud or had tendencies to misbehave.
Instead the questions were about his intelligence. Does he constantly ask questions? Is he curious? Does he get excited about new ideas and concepts?
Yes to all of the above.
Nothing is confirmed yet.
The program they are looking at is new.
But, for me it's about more than that. It's about knowing that people are seeing in Matt what we've seen all along. We have an incredible amazing child with so much potential.
And that ADHD. It's a challenge, but one we can overcome.
This isn't about me and my choices. It's about Matt. And how my kid refuses to be any less than all he can be.
I love that kid!

Joy!

2010-04-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

Remember the joy of losing your first tooth?

This is one of my favourite pictures of my baby boy.

My baby boy who turns 6 tomorrow.

Life doesn't always make sense.

But this? This does. This child brings me more joy than I could have ever imagined.

Two Years Old

2010-03-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

Princess Chloe is two!
I know, everyone asks where the time went.
Me, not so much. I've enjoyed the last two years. But they've been long. And exhausting.
But, I like 2.
I like that Chloe is finally falling asleep pretty well.
In the past few months she has graduated to sleeping in her crib - till about 4am.
I also like that she seems completely fearless.
This may look like just a chair to you, but to Chloe it is a "scary jump" that she decided she'd conquer. And when she conquered it ... she laughed. And wanted to do it again and again.

Her personality. Wow. She's feisty. I like feisty. She will need it with a big brother like Matt.
And she's funny. Nothing cracks her up more than sitting in the car holding a boot in front of her face and "hiding" - a trick her big brother taught her.
And, she's a princess.
Well, let me clarify. She's not your quiet gentle princess type. But, she's loves a fancy dress and shoes. She's more Buffy than Cinderella.
And, speaking of Buffy, Chloe loves her monsters.
At her birthday she was far more excited to help me pop balloons than she was to play with them when they were blown up.
And whenever she heard a balloon pop she'd yell "Monster". (maybe we should re-think letting her watch all the Buffy)
Ahhhh ... Chloe. Coco. Coco Puff. Cookie girl.
I love how much she loves chocolate and candy.
I love that her first word was Matt. Then Chocolate. I love that she's growing up to be a girl who can kick some ass, but who can turn around and disarm you with a smile.
Life with Chloe will always be crazy. And fun. And exhausting.

I wouldn't wish it any other way for the baby girl who I desperately wanted and whom I love with all my heart.
Happy Birthday, Big Girl!

Guilt

2010-03-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

Today is my daughter's 2nd birthday.
I know I will follow up soon with a post of her happy and smiling, with Dora everything in the background.
But right now ... not so much.
Sometimes the guilt of everything eats away at me.
For some reason birthdays are hard for me. Birthdays, when you're a working mom, they kind of suck.
I don't regret that I work. I enjoy it.
But ... and here's a big but... somedays I feel incredibly guilty.
In 2 hours we're celebrating Chloe's birthday with my family. And, I'm so behind. My plans of making a fun family dinner have evolved into a pizza party.
I wrapped her presents today, and bought one of the presents yesterday. The decorations are hung, and are kind of pathetic.
And my heart isn't in it.
I just feel like I'm not quite good enough at this stuff. I do everything last minute. I'm not the mom who thinks for months about the perfect cake. Or a great party. I tried. I really did. And the cake is fine. I had her and Matt and my nieces help me. And I know she won't remember that I didn't get a Dora cake pan. Or learn how to use the special cake decorating method to do the cake.
But I will.
And, in 2 weeks it's Matt's birthday party. And I haven't really done much for that either. I haven't thought about about loot bags. I only have a couple of rsvp's. And the cake will be simple. My biggest decision was whether the cake should be vanilla or chocolate. It's great that it was that easy.
But maybe that's the problem. It was too easy.
And I guess I just don't feel good enough these days.
It's tough to divide my time.
And it's hard to come home when I'm exhausted and throw myself into playing with my kids, reading bedtime stories and enjoy singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star 57 times until Chloe finally falls asleep.
Honestly, I don't think being a stay at home mom would be better.
I watch my sister. I watch my friends who stay home. And I don't want that for me. They are the super moms that I wish I could be and I know I wouldn't be. And I don't think it would benefit my kids.
At least when I'm at work people cannot guage whether I'm a good mom or not.
I like to think I'm a fun mom. But, lately ... it's hard.
I feel like the fun stuff is all pretend lately.
The other day I was talking to a friend of mine who is expecting. And we were kind of talking about the good and the bad. And there is so much good. So much. But then there is the bad. The guilt. The questioning of whether I'm good enough, if I'm doing the right stuff for my children. If they are happy enough.
I know they are happy.
But right now ... I'm not so sure I am.
So I guess we just keep going. get through this. Suck it up and know that really this is all part of being a mom. But, somedays. Like today. I wish I was better. At all of it.
Who knows.
Maybe one day I will be.

Creating

2010-03-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

The other day I was looking for a card for a friend and I came across a magnet with a really cool saying:

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Okay. So sure it's just a magnet from the bookstore. But, it's phrases like that that make me think stop and ponder life for just a minute.

It's funny because so often I try to figure out who I am. Or what I'm doing. Or why I'm doing something. I've read so often on blogs that people are trying to reinvent, or make themselves better or, yep, find themselves.

But, I like this. I like knowing that at the end of the day there's nothing to search for - it's up to you to decide and create and invent.

Something that people often say about me is that I'm fearless. Surely that isn't true about everything in my life. Fear can be crippling. But dare me to do something, to try something, to prove myself and I'm your girl. And, sometimes I figure, why not keep trying. Why not go day by day and conquer my fears? Hey, as Julie Powell would say "What could happen?"

You'll Have to Forgive Our Slayer Fest ...

2010-03-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

You know sometimes you read a book and then you *have* to do something. Like, perhaps go on a trip to New York? Or maybe search out Ashrams in India or I don't know but you have to do something?
Please say you do.
Or maybe it's just me.
Whatever.
The point is, when I finish a really good book I rarely just sit and stew. I go and I do. And sometimes I do crazy stuff. Like start this blog. (really - that was after reading Knocked Up!) Or try a yoga class (Stuck in Downward Dog). I've tried different drinks (coffee or otherwise). Why not.
So, of course I went on my NY road trip after reading Cleaving.
I also decided to watch Buffy.
And, this weekend was Slayerfest 2010.
And if you got that reference you clearly are somewhat of a Buffy Fan.
Mike and I watched 22 episodes in 3 days. #AwesomeParenting FTW!
Really. We did.
I'd be lying if I said it was only at night. We watched all day. During naps. While the kids were playing. Matt had no interest in watching a show with vampires. But, he was more than happy to have the computer all to himself for most of the weekend. And Chloe loved dancing to the music. And shouting "MONSTER" every time I jumped.
And I am fully obsessed with the show.
It is wonderful and thrilling and hilarious to get sucked into a new show and know that you have hours of commercialess tv ahead of you. Full of Buffy goodness.
And the lines.
OMFG the LINES!!!!
They are wonderful.
Like this one from Angel.

"Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean."

I think I have Buffy fever. It's a little shameful. But so good.

In case you're wondering ... I love Spike. I love Drucilla. Of course I'm a little in love with Giles. Buffy or Faith? Ummmmm ... haven't decided. And Angel kind of annoys me.

The Mischevious Mom at the Art Gallery : A Review and an Interview with the Author

2010-03-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

When I decided to switch direction on my blog, and focus more on what I'm interested in - namely reading, and learning more about authors, I knew exactly the person I wanted to ask.
The thing is, when you have a favourite author it's amazing. What's even more amazing is when you e-mail that author and ask if you can interview her, and she says yes.
Of course my favourite author is Rebecca Eckler. I've been reading her since she was a columnist. When I read her book Knocked Up, I pretty much decided she was the coolest person on the face of the earth. What I didn't know is that she's also probably one of the nicest people you can meet.
I've read all of her books: Knocked Up, Wiped, Toddlers Gone Wild and Rotten Apple. I enjoyed all of them, and when she teamed up with Erica Ehm to write a children's book I was excited.
I could finally introduce my kids to her work.
Guess what? They loved the book, like I knew they would.

You can purchase her book now on Amazon. I bought mine at Chapters. Go get it. It's amazing!

The Mischievous Mom at the Art Gallery

The book is about a mother, Mischevious Mom, who comes home from work, puts her blackberry away, and takes her kids on an adventure. In this case she brings them to an art gallery. The kids think it will be boring until their mom brings them into a room with a sign on the door that says "Do Not Enter - VIP's only!" And from there they have quite a night.
It's a fun book. It's quick to read, and the pictures are amazing.
What I loved about this book: I could relate. I felt like it was written for me, a mom who works all day and then comes home and tends to mix it up a bit.
My favourite part of the book: I loved the story of course, but I also loved the dedication.

"This book is dedicated to all the parents who worry that they never have enough time to have fun with their kids ... We believe the best gift you can give to your kids is a love of adventure and a belief that anything is possible - if you have the guts to go for it."

If that's not the message I want to send to my kids, I don't know what is.

Interview with Rebecca Eckler

I had the chance to ask Rebecca a few questions about the book, and about her writing career.

You've now written books from several genres: Young Adult Fiction, Memoir and now Children's literature. Which was your favourite to write, and will you continue to write all three kinds of books?

My favorite book to write was The Mischievous Mom At the Gallery, our children's picture book. Why? Because it was just plain fun, from beginning to end! Writing it with Erica was fun, showing it to my daughter in the early stages was fun, editing each word with Erica was fun, choosing the illustrator was fun. Non-Fiction, my mommy memoirs, was a little less fun, but still fun. Because it was about my life, and then about my daughter, so I liked writing them, because some moments were funny in the book. I also liked them because, in Wiped! Life with a Pint Size Dictator, I really think I helped a lot of people suffering from PPD, which is rarely talked about. Same with Knocked Up. People rarely complain about how shall-we-say? uncomfortable it is to be pregnant, and how terrifying it is? So, the mommy memoirs, I liked because I felt like I was writing to other mothers, who could relate and learn they are not alone. As for the teen fiction and the upcoming adult fiction, well, that was HARD WORK. No matter how light and breezy the book may comes across, writing fiction is hard! That's why I admire any other who publishes a book. It's hard work, even chick lit is hard. Way harder than you'd think.

You've written memoirs about your life as a mom - from learning about being a mom and pregnancy in Knocked Up, to parenting challenges in Toddlers Gone Wild. Now in The Mischievous Mom at the Art Gallery, even though the mom is a fictional character ... she seems a little like you. (and Erica Ehm, and me, and a lot of your readers who are mothers). When you look at back at the past six or seven years, do you think your books reflect how you've grown as person - and a mom?

Definitely. Because I am not the mother of a baby, or toddler anymore. I'm now the mother of a little girl who understands emotions and talks and reads. Both Erica and I are the Mischievous Moms. Our children (don't hate us) are really, really well behaved. So they only make us look mischievous in comparison. I've grown up, definitely, but I also like acting like a child sometimes, with my daughter, because it's a magical moment and, maybe she won't want to hang with me in a few years. I think that's probably inevitable...so I want to enjoy every minute of this time in her life, which includes writing this book for her and her peers.

For those of us who have followed you since you were a columnist - we know you and love you as a bit of a shit disturber - and I mean that in the nicest way. Is that changing ... or do you still have some stuff up your sleeve?

Shit Disturber? Really? Joking. I am so NOT a shit disturber. We're talking A student! I work really hard. I prefer to think of what I do as starting conversations! You may not like what I have to say, or maybe you do, but it's good to get any sort of conversation going, don't you think?

Working alone - or writing with someone else. Which do you prefer ... and why?

Well, for my books for adults and teens, I prefer to write alone. I have very distinct writing style. But I would, and will, write more children's books with Erica. We have the same work ethic. She's amazing to work with. Never say never though. If I could find someone like Erica, who was so easy to work with, maybe.

What's next?

Fiction book out in fall, called Clover and The Lucky Sperm Club. Kind of chik-lit, but better. Next up, a non-fiction book, but I can't divulge that right now. We're in the middle of contracts. And I'll start writing that in April. But you'll be one of the first to know, that's for sure! Also, the second part of the teen series is coming out soon. Right now, it's all about getting the word out about The Mischievous Mom Goes to the Art Gallery! And, praying, that people will buy it!

And completely unrelated to your newest book, but questions people really want to know

    * What is your favourite book or who is your favourite author?
    * Buffy the Vampire Slayer - love it, hate it or never watched it?
    * Current favourite tv show

Favorite book? Lord of the Flies and The Romantic by Barbara Gowdy. (Also, all Margaret Atwood books.)

Buffy? Never watched. However, I do LOVE Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Favorite TV show at present? American Idol, anything on Slice, and pretty much bad reality shows (and any shows that go into diseases/siamese twins/obesity/19 children. I also have a sick fascination watching 16 and pregnant! BUT I CANNOT WATCH TODDLERS AND TIARAS! And I cannot wait for Dexter to come back!

Thanks, Rebecca!
As I said ... Coolest person ever! Go get the book. You'll love it. And more importantly, your kids will too.

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I'd love your thoughts and comments. This is new to me, but it was really fun! I want to do more reviews and interviews, so if you have any ideas or suggestions - let me know.

Irish

2010-03-17T03:22:00.000-07:00

I'm Irish.
Well, obviously first and foremost I'm Canadian, but part of me is Irish.
My grandmother was Irish. She never actually visited Ireland, and if we're being totally honest, I don't even know what percentage of her blood was Irish, but with shocking red hair, and a firey temper, the woman could claim that heritage one hundred percent.
My grandmother, Nana, died several years ago. She wasn't exactly a warm and cuddly person. I have good memories of her, funny memories of her. And honestly, she wasn't always the nicest woman. She said whatever was on her mind, and that could include stuff like telling me I was too fat (when I was 7) and that I wasn't Irish enough because I had dark hair (compared to my sister with red hair). There was even a period where I refused to go visit her because she was a little too harsh about my hair, clothing and body shape. (I was 13) I suppose I could dwell on that. But, on St.Patrick's Day I don't think about that. Not really.
I remember the one holiday that made her really happy - St. Patrick's Day.
The woman loved her Shamrocks. There was nothing like going to her house in March and seeing all of the leprachauns, pots of gold and shamrock's decorating the small apartment she shared with my grandad. She always wore a Shamrock ring, and believed in the Luck of the Irish.
Kooky yes.
And maybe I have that side of her personality.
The side that's not afraid to celebrate and be a little crazy. The funny thing is, time heals a lot of stuff. And it makes you look back at stuff in a whole new light. And on St.Patrick's Day I love to look back and appreciate my grandmother, and all the crazy kooky stuff she passed down.
So, tonight I'll raise a glass. To being Irish. To being her grandaughter. And to remembering the good memories we all pass down.
Happy St Pat's everyone.

Not to Sound Cryptic

2010-03-15T03:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I need to get over myself.
I need to get out of my head and realize that just because I don't agree with the opinion of someone else, it doesn't mean I don't like that person.
Or that they don't have something to bring to the table.
Last week I asked someone a question. My question was sincere. But, I wanted to know how 2 people could have such a completely different outlook on one particular issue.
My question - it was answered honestly, and more importantly, sincerely. And even though we will most likely never agree on the topic in question, I can say that I've learned something.
I've learned that discussion has merit. And I've discovered that you can disagree on one huge issue and still respect the opinion of someone else.
Cryptic much?
Probably.
Care to weigh in on a discussion?
I'm fascinated by this story.

PS I changed the look of my blog. It's not great - but that's what happens when I play around and delete my template. Oh well ... I guess it's time for a change anyway.

Le Boeuf - or Why I Leave Cooking to Julie (and Julia)

2010-03-10T11:22:00.000-08:00

(not mine - but let's pretend it is!)

You know when people say that the Oscars is their Super Bowl? That's kind of me.
It's nothing compared to the Olympics, but I enjoy the fashions, and usually the show is pretty good. This year not so much. It was a bit boring. But, I was determined to make it to the end of the show, mostly because my favourite movie (duh) Julie and Julia was in the running for the best actress category for Meryl Streep.
Confession: I never was the world's biggest Meryl Streep fan. But, I loved her as Julia Child. And, I REALLY wanted Julie and Julia to win - for obvious reasons.
I decided an Oscars party was in order, and there's nothing I love quite as much as a theme party. I really loved that I could make something from Julie and Julia (or really Mastering the Art of French Cooking). So, with a nod to Julie and to Julia I decided on the most obvious choice for the movie - boeuf bourgignon. And, of course the requisite gimlet.
If you've seen Julie and Julia you know the scene that features that meal. Judith Jones (Julia Child's editor) was supposed to visit Julie Powell. So, she makes Boeuf Bourgignon and then burns it. Then takes the next day off of work to make it for a second time. And then Judith Jones can't come because the weather is bad.
It's a big part of the movie.
And quite honestly, one of the only things I really had the inspiration to try cooking. Julie Powell I am not. I don't even own Mastering the Art of French Cooking (does that make me less of a fan?). I suppose I could have tried something a little more daring, like eggs in aspic, but GROSS! (that would be eggs in gelatin - I googled the picture for you)

But, the boeuf ... I wanted to try it.
I should also point out that since the kids were part of the party, I went with the decidely un-French pillsbury weiner wraps. A time-tested favourite in our house.
I combined that with some salad (from my mom), a chicken dish for my sister, and a little junk food since it's a party.
Let me tell you. I now know why Julie had so many kitchen disasters. This was not an easy recipe. I knew that going in though.
My cooking confidence - not exactly there.
I had Mike helping me and two children running around the kitchen. I was googling how to saute mushrooms the Julia way, and how to brown braise pearl onions. It was a disaster coming. And I knew it. But I persisted.
I was actually doing pretty well. I had browned the meat and measured the wine.
Disaster struck with my attempt to simmer the whole thing. It seemed really quite easy at that point. Just dump in a bottle of wine, and sit it on the stove. However ... apparently the container I made it all was not made for the stove. Who knew?
Not me. (or Mike)
Admittedly, the only pot that seemed adequate for the job was the pot from my slow cooker.
I thought something was a little bit off when the pot made a funny noise. And then CRACK. It just sort of dissolved into a giant pottery mess. A giant wine-pottery-beef mess. The stove was covered in wine. I was kind of covered in meat and wine, and I had no idea really what to do.
Normally this would invoke panic or at least some sort of meltdown.
But ... my panic was replaced by my excitement over the fact that this was also the recipe Julie screwed up.
Crisis averted.
Recipe re-started.
Several hours later my boeuf bourgignon was done. Just in time for the Oscars. It was brilliant. Well, except for the fact that Meryl Streep didn't win.
And the consensus?
Surprisingly everyone liked it. Well, the adults anyway. The weiner wraps ... also a big hit.

Amazing Women

2010-03-07T18:37:00.000-08:00

So as it turns out, Saturday was International Women's Day.
I didn't give it much thought at the time (admittedly, I didn't even know until I walked past an upscale lingerie store that had signs declaring the right thing to do for International Women's Day was to get a good bra fitting. Really?)
Ironically, I ended up spending Saturday with 3 different women: one I've known my whole life, one I met in highschool, and one I met just recently. All so different. Yet all who play such a big role.
My sister spent the day with me. I've been trying to reorganize my house. It's a disaster. And, as we went through my closets and drawers I realized that this is someone I can trust with anything. As I whined my way through Ikea and home depot and practically threw a temper tantrum as she made me sort through every piece of clothing I owned, I knew she could take it. And, unconditional love and acceptance is a wonderful gift.
I also had the chance to have coffee with a woman I've long considered a mentor. I met her when I was in highschool. Unhappy with the co-op placement I had (at a crappy newspaper) I begged my teacher to let me switch to a different placement. I found this woman from the yellow pages, called and asked if she would be interested in letting me learn from her. That was 15 years ago, and I still am learning from her. Not all the lessons are about work. In fact, I'd say that a lot of what I've learned from her is by watching her raise incredible daughters who are taking on the world. I can only hope that my children one day emulate them. And I can only hope that one day I can inspire someone the way she has inspired me.
Finally, I spent the evening having a drink with a new friend. She's younger than me. Her kids are younger than mine. And our friendship is still new. We don't have that comfort of old friends, and yet we connect on many levels - and sometimes the beginnings of friendships are really fun. The craziest part of it all is that she's a little younger and her kids are a little younger, and she asks me for advice - about schools and parenting and going back to work. Me. The person who can look back at my first year of being a mom and thinking I would never survive. And she's asking me for advice. I can't get over it.
And that to me is International Women's Day. It's not about whether you can relate to the feminist movement (I often can't) It's not about what you do. Or how well you do it. Or how many kids you have (if you have any).
To me it's about giving what you can - and taking what you need.
And if International Women's Day makes me appreciate the women in my life ... I'm all for it.

And Away We Go ...

2010-03-02T06:23:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure that making decisions based on a quote calendar given to me by my local pub is the best idea. But when the quote happens to be: "Only those who will risk going to far can possibly find out how far one can go" (T.S. Eliot) - well ... I'll take it.
Pub calendar or not.
When I think about risks I think about courage.
I've always been fascinated by courage.
Do you want a definition of courage? "It is a quality of spirit that enables you to face fear."
I love that.
(and side note - my favourite thing to do when writing is either a) look up definitions of words or b) find relevant quotes - ever noticed this?)
The other day someone called me fearless. I don't think that's quite right. But courageous is a title I can embrace or at least aspire to.
When it comes to this blog I need to take courage.
I've been talking a lot about making some changes.
And here's where I'm at.
Mommyblogging - done.
I love my kids, and I'm sure I will still write about them. But, this need I feel to document their lives is not so necessary. I just want to be present with them and not worry about if that's bloggable.
Next step. Figure out what I love. Or, as Gretchen Rubin would tell me: Be Laural. Know what I love and focus on that.
Guess what I love?
Writing. More specifically, reading what other people write. And then meeting the authors. I have so much respect and love for authors. I can't imagine ever sitting and writing my own book. But, there's nothing better to me than being completely immersed in a novel, the sense of satisfaction when I'm done reading the book. And then googling the author. Meeting the author is the icing on the cake.
Two of the highlights of my life (besides, you know, getting married and having babies) have been meeting Rebecca Eckler and meeting Julie Powell. For me their writing was life changing, and I needed to say that. And know more.
And I realized that this is what I want.
To meet writers. To read. To write about what I'm reading. And then interview the authors.
I know this is ambitious. I know this will be a long shot. I know I'm asking a lot.
Want-Take-Have.(bonus points if you know where that line comes from)
We'll get there. I'll get there.
This process is evolving. Here is what I know for sure. I'm going to post more often. Julie posted 6 days a week, and as she said, don't think about it. Just do it.
So, expect more from me here.
And, please, let me know what you're thinking. Love it? Hate it? I can take it.
Any ideas? Please send them my way. And, yes, I know. The header is changing. Soon :)

Direction

2010-02-28T18:30:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe the Olympics are over.
It's hard to believe this week is over.
Talk about a crazy week. I've said so much about New York and I could say so much more. But, so much love for New York. For Julie Powell. So much (and seriously, she commented on my blog. LOVE).
And the Olympics all tied into it.
There are just moments where I don't feel the need to say much other than sometimes life makes you happy.

The one thing that I've been thinking a lot about is the direction of my blog. I started this as a mommy blog, and even though my kids are obviously a huge part of my life, the whole mommy blogging thing isn't really what I'm focusing on lately. I know I want to keep blogging. And I know I have a lot to say. I guess I'm just getting tired of the whole "mommy blogger" label. And, as exciting as it is that in the coming months we will be potty training Chloe - I have no desire to share the stories of her pooping in the potty. I care - it's just not where my heart is.

So, be prepared for a bit of change. What I do know is that I want to write consistently. And I want to figure out where I'm going. But right now - I just don't know what that is. So... stay tuned! And if you have ideas. Please share.

What I Was Looking For

2010-02-26T03:33:00.000-08:00

Cover via Amazon

I'm back from a whirlwind trip to New York.

Maybe this is a bit cliche, but the trip was life changing.

If you haven't been following here, let me explain. I read the book Cleaving by Julie Powell. She made me look at life differently. She made me appreciate that life is messy and we need to embrace it.

I read about

Then after reading Cleaving I joined Julie's fanbook page and I found out that she was speaking at the Manhattan JCC. She was speaking with Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project. So, I bought the book, which is amazing as well, and long story short, I decided that I needed to meet Julie. Because what makes me truly happy

So, I booked a trip and went to New York.

Everyone was pretty amazing about it. Instead of being called crazy words like brave and amazing were used, and all of that melted my heart. You guys are amazing.

I decided to not only go to the speaking engagement, but also try to visit some of the places Julie talks about in her book. The place that was her solace was a butcher shop called Fleishers. As it turns out, this place has become quite famous. As it turns out, they are rockstar butchers. Who knew there was such a thing as a rockstar butcher. There is.

So, off I went to Fleishers to see what it was all about. And they gave me a tour. Okay, I realized how off that sounds. But I was fascinated by the tour. And then they let me watch them cutting meat. Again, hard to explain unless you're in my head. But I had to do it. I had to understand this essential part of the book. As it turns out it was amazing. But, thankfully for all involved, I'm far more insterested in eating meat than butchering it. I'm good with that.

So, I left Fleishers around lunch time, and made my way back to Manhattan. I did a bunch of touristy stuff and then the big event happened.

Julie and Gretchen spoke with a moderator. Amazing. And then I was able to meet Julie.

Not the best picture of me. But let's all focus on Julie. Look how beautiful she is. Stunning and lovely.

The next day I just had a New York day. I went to Century 21, of course. And I got some lovely shoes. I also saw Ground Zero. And tried to guess which building Julie worked in while writing Julie and Julia. And, I'm positive I passed it cause I got thoroughly lost looking for the store. Funny side note - 3 people asked me for directions yesterday. I pulled out my maps to help them. But it was funny since I was lost.
After Century 21 I stopped at Canal Street and got a Rolex for Mike. And some Chanel for me. (real, of course).

My final stop? Republic. This is where Julie drank gimlets. You can bet I had one. It was delicious. So so so good.

And I had a delicious lunch. Which I ate with chopsticks. And let me tell you several people helped me out with the chopsticks thing.
And then I had a lovely conversation with a woman a little younger than me. We talked about life, and chopsticks, and everything you can imagine. It was a moment that just happened. She was at the beginning of a journey. She wanted to write and follow her dreams. And, we talked about it. When I was leaving she said something to me that will always stick with me. She said: "Whatever you have found that brings you this joy - that's what I'm looking for."
That ended my trip.
It was a beautiful note to leave on.
And a pretty much perfect trip.

LIVE from New York

2010-02-24T19:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight I met Julie Powell.
Can you absorb that? Julie. Julie who I talk about all the time. Julie of "Juliequest 2010."
I don't need to go into the story. If you've followed me for awhile you know about this. And guys, tonight was amazing.
Remember when I said "live better than you dare?"
That's what today has been about.
In my last post I said I needed this and it's hard to explain how I feel. The truth is, I needed this experience. I needed to tell Julie what her book meant to me. And I did.
Of course I cried. Of course. I didn't mean to.
I went to hear her speak at the Manhattan JCC. And it was amazing.
And the thing is, Julie was amazing. She got it.
I know Julie Powell is THE Julie of Julie and Julia. But, really, it doesn't matter. I'm glad she had that success. Or maybe I wouldn't have heard of her. Maybe she wouldn't have written Cleaving. Maybe she woulnd't have given us all the message that Life is Messy, but we still have to keep going on living it and loving it and loving each other.
Fame is great. And I applaud her success.
But it's more than that.
I've been trying to explain this trip to people. To explain why I needed to do this alone.
It's not about whether I'm happy or not. It's not about meeting a celebrity. It's about believing that in life there's something important.
It's about knowing that there is this wonderful part about our existence that is confusing and complicated. But there's joy in every day.
It was funny because tonight was better than I had hoped.
I had hoped that I would be glean something from the experience. That I would leave understanding something.
What I got was so much more.
I had the chance to thank her for her work. And, you guys, she came over and gave me a hug. She got up from where she was sitting, at the front of a big audience. There was a room full of people who wanted to get their books signed, and to ask her questions, and she came over and gave me a hug. And thanked me for what I said.
There are moments when your heart just feels full.
When you feel like someone understands.
It doesn't mean life is perfect.
I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Honestly, there are storm warnings in New York and I don't even know if I will get home tomorrow.
But, what I know. What I left knowing is that life is a journey. And that there are some awesome people who make that journey so unbelievably incredible.
Julie is one of those people.
And life, right now, is just so good.
You know, I read her book. I visited Fleishers. And there are a few more stops I want to make tomorrow to see what she talks about in her books.
But, I know one thing for sure. This is my journey. And I'm loving it. And living it.

New York

2010-02-23T06:12:00.000-08:00

Tonight I leave for New York.
I'm spending 2 days in New York. Just me.
I need this.
There are no expectations on my part. Not really. Yes, it's being referred to as "Juliequest" by some of my friends. And that's appropriate. Because yes. I really want to meet her. And hear her speak.
Yes, my excitement is palpable. You may be feeling sorry for the people who have to work with me all day as I try to quell my excitement.
But, there's a line in Cleaving that explains how I'm feeling. There are many sections in that book where I can relate.
But, Julie Powell has one line in Cleaving that pretty much explains my whole life.

If there's one thing I've learned about myself, it's that passions don't tend to run out. Would that they did.

I get that.
She had Julia. She had her butchery.
I have this.
My expectations. They are of me. To absorb the moment. To appreciate what I'm doing. To come back with a better understanding of why I need to do these things.
Passions don't tend to run out.
True that, Julie. True that.

This is why I'm Tired

2010-02-20T15:48:00.001-08:00

I often come to work on Mondays and say my weekend was exhausting. I love my kids. They make me laugh and make me smile. But they exhaust me.
So the other day we let Matt make a video. No exaggeration ... this is Matt - most of the time.
Mike and I cracked up when we started watching it because it's so him. Also note how calm our cat is through the whole thing.

Live Better Than You Dare

2010-02-12T03:29:00.000-08:00

Cover via Amazon

I've been talking a lot about going to New York.
I've been talking a lot about Julie Powell.
And, I was tossing back and forth the idea of travelling to New York to go to an event she's speaking at. I know. A little crazy. But, also pretty cool.
And I've been reading the Happiness Project which is pretty full of some affirmations and quotes. I'll admit that I'm not exactly a daily affirmation person - but I do love a good quote. And one of her quotes is "Live as Well as You Dare." I thought that was pretty great - until my good friend said it should be changed to live BETTER than you dare.
And it's true. It's one of those quotes I play over and over in my head. I mean, do I dare? Do I do things I'm afraid of? Do I push things just a little more than I'm confortable with? Well, yes and no. Yes, for sure a lot. (just ask the people I work with)
So, with this whole New York thing - I'm going for it.
I was thinking about what inspired me in Cleaving. Like, I pretty much fell in love with the whole book - what Julie Powell said about herself (life lessons there). But it was also about butchery. I'll never forget the conversation I had with someone when I was halfway through the book. This person is a friend, but doesn't know me *that* well, and I was knee deep in the book, and had decided that perhaps I should move to New York and learn to be a butcher. It wasn't a serious thought. It was more of a completely engrossed in a book kind of thought.
He thought about it and suggested that perhaps I take some cooking classes, or even just try buying meat from a butcher (other than the grocery store).
And I was mulling this idea around when I decided that OMG! I could probably find the butcher shop from the book. (it's called Fleisher's) And go there! And, then I thought that I can't exactly buy meat there but they have soup and stuff. So, if nothing else - I can fly to New York, take a 2 hour bus ride to the store, eat a bowl of soup - and EXPERIENCE.
And, perhaps buy a shirt!
Live better than you dare.
Maybe to some people that's insane. To me - that's living!
Also, before I go, my friend helpfully sent me a title of a book to read (about meat) and some butchers in Toronto that have a similar philosophy. Awesome.
I'm SO excited.

Sleep and Happiness ...

2010-02-07T18:01:00.000-08:00

Chloe is almost 2. We're about 6 weeks away from her second birthday, and the child needs to sleep.
I don't know what went wrong with her sleep routine. As an infant she slept well, but as she got older it got progressively worse till we hit that point that every night Mike puts her to sleep by rocking her and then lays her on the couch until he brings her to our bed where she sleeps for the night.
I know that sounds terrible.
The truth is, when you have an older child who is really exhausting, you take sleep however you can, even if that means horrible habits.
But, the other day I was left to put Chloe to sleep, and given the fact that I'm a foot shorter than Mike, and have significantly less arm muscle, it was really hard to get her into the necessary sleep strong hold. And I realized that something had to change.
So for the past few days I've been doing sleep training.
Matt goes to bed pretty quickly and has a great knack for ignoring his sister, so while he slept I somewhat patiently walked Chloe back to her bed over and over and over. And listened to her scream - over and over and over.
And, for the last 2 nights she has slept in her own bed.
This is a miracle, I tell you. A miracle. Tonight we had only an hour of the walking back to bed/crying routine.
What's the magic formula? Well, nothing. But I'll tell you what's made it easier - reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. It's a fascinating book, and it breaks down her resolutions for happiness into 12 months. I'm kind of reading a month per night. And, it's funny how when I read it, and I'm reading about things that were hard for her, it kind of makes the suckiness of sleep training more bearable.
Also, it's a good book.
And, I've finished reading the month of February and she's actually mentioned Julie/Julia. So there's that. And she says stuff like:
One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
And let me tell you, when you're feeling a little guilty about essentially just listening to your kid cry, stuff like that is amazing.
So sleep plus happy is making me happy right now.
And I'm hoping that by Chloe's 2nd birthday we'll have a sleeping toddler. Next step - toilet training.

Debating ...

2010-02-06T11:32:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Do you ever have those moments where you debate something? You know, wonder if you're compltely insane or have a really good idea?
Here's the thing.
I don't usually debate those things.
Someone once said about me "you always take the leap, and debate the merits of it after."
That's kind of true. In fact very true. I try not to be that way, but at the end of the day, it's what makes life fun, and it's what makes me me. And sometimes you just need to embrace courage.
And here's the thing.
I'm debating going to New York. For one night. On my own.
I *REALLY* want to go hear someone speak.
I've been talking enough about Julie Powell. I've made all my friends read the book. I've been inspired by what she does. And, for me it's a matter of a relatively cheap flight and just going for it.
I should be able to get the time off work.
I've travelled to NY on my own several times, and can navigate my way around without any problem. I'm not particularly worried about any aspect of this.
In fact, I'm not even sure what I'm debating. I mean, yes, there's the one small issue of finding somewhere to stay, but it's one night... it's manageable.
And worth it.
right?
Or is it crazy?
Okay, and side note. My friend told me about a dinner party she went to where everyone there brought something from MtAoFC. I thought that was pretty much the COOLEST party idea ever. Well, next to my awesome 30th birthday fondue party. But, you know, I have a birthday every year - and what's not to love about a pot luck - in the fancy french way!

Finding Yourself

2010-01-27T10:37:00.000-08:00

When I was 19 I went to France. With my best friend.
She was working there as an au pair in the South of France (I think) - I traveled to meet her. After recovering from jet lag, and having a few days with the family she was with, we traveled together to Paris.
Picture it if you will. Two almost-19 year old girls. Together. Alone. In the City of Love.
We had life figured out.
Our trip was an adventure. We had a guide book that I was intent on following, and a couple of days in we decided to take a break from my plan and discover Paris. We found markets and we walked over bridges. We went to underground restaurants and sipped wine. We grocery shopped and ate red meat when people were stressed about mad cow. We made friends with people in the hostel and let some lovely Irish boys cook us dinner. We decided to forego taking the elevator up the Eiffel Tower and walked. We had sketches made of us that looked NOTHING like us and laughed our asses off. We spoke French (Susie did a much better job than I did) and we bought a whole tonne of Eiffel Tower crap at ridiculous prices.
When we were on the plane headed to Paris there were other young people - probably a little older than us. Different groups of people. And they all kept saying that they were going to Paris to find themselves. It became a joke between Susie and I. Whenever we left somewhere, like the Eiffel Tower or the Louvre, one of us would inevitably say "wow. I just found myself."
I guess it sounds like we were mocking the people who had traveled there for that purpose. But more than that it was the sense of security that we knew who we were - that there was nothing to find - and as we later put it, nothing we had really lost.
Fast forward about 12 years and it's a bit of a different story.
I've been writing a lot about my love of the author Julie Powell (of Julie and Julia and Cleaving). It's interesting to read her books. In case you haven't read Julie and Julia, Julie Powell decides to cook her way through Julia Child's book "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" in one year. And she blogs her experience.
Though I'm not sure she specifically says the purpose of her year of cooking dangerously is to find herself, it's the same idea. Self discovery, overcoming a challenge, etc etc.
And, as I'm reading Julie and Julia I keep thinking about how in a way I'm in the same place.
I have moments when I gasp because something she says I so totally get. TOTALLY.
Which makes me think about that time in France.
Seriously. What happened? Granted when I went there it was just before highschool graduation. We pretty much knew where our lives were headed the next year (university) and I had it all figured out. I knew I would get married at 27 (happened a little earlier) and have a perfect career (I'm happy, but I had some miserable jobs in there) and have kids at 30 (ha. I had a 4 year old and newborn at 30). It never occurred to me that everything I was dreaming may not happen according to plan. And I really thought I had it figured out.
And now I'm 31.
I'm not where Julie was at when she turned 30. Our lives are remarkably different. And the same. But that feeling through the book - the feeling of wondering whether you're living life completely, getting the most out of it, making a difference, following your dreams ... I get that.
I'm pretty sure I don't want to be where I was at 19.
I know that every day is not magical (despite what Disney tells us). I know that even the greatest things we wish for and get (marriage, family, etc) are not always as simple and perfect as we may have dreamed. And I think that's okay.
At the end of Julie's project she found out that Julia Child wasn't her biggest fan. And, I guess that's kind of life.
But it also makes me think about my own kids. How do I instill in them that feeling that they can one day own the world, that at almost-19 they can seize the moment, take whirlwind trips and know that there's nothing they need to find, and nothing they've really lost? Am I putting them in the right place?
Thinking back though, in a way I think we did find ourselves. Well, maybe I can't speak for Susie (trust me - the woman has no problem speaking her own mind!), but I can speak for myself. Maybe I didn't feel the need to find myself in the Eiffel Tower or under the Arch de Triomphe, but looking back I need to remember what that 19 year old knew. That life is an adventure. That as much as it's great to follow a map and a plan life is so much more fun when you screw up, throw out the plan and have an adventure.
Carpe Diem, people. Carpe Diem.
Oh, and since I've been asked ... yes, I love love love Julie. But, no. I'm not going to start cooking. That was her thing. I'm proud of myself when I cook a stir fry, or make roast beef. Or bake some cookies. I don't honestly get all these copycat people. That's her adventure. I will find my own. (My husband and children thank me, I'm sure!)

M-I-C-K-E-Y !!!

2010-01-24T05:33:00.000-08:00

We're back from a week in Disney.
What a week it was. We did the trip in true Disney fashion. We stayed at Disney resort, we ate all Disney meals, we soaked in everything and we had a blast. And we are exhausted!
Let me tell ya. There's a big difference between going to Disney with a one year (like our last trip) and an almost 2 year old. It was fun, but so so tiring.
I'd do a full review of it, but with laundry going and an impending return to work tomorrow I need to keep this short.
Some of the highlights ...

Mike celebrated his birthday in Disney. (yes, that's totally my dream birthday, but anyway ...)I created the lovely hat and bought him the shirt. And we had cake at dinner. And, the waiter who brought the cake sang the awesomest rendition of Zippity-Doo-Dah. It was incredible.

We had a blast with these 2 munchkins. Here's a confession, as parents who work outside of the home, Mike and I are not used to being around our kids 24/7. So, not only was this a chance to be in Disney, this also a great chance to spend time with our kids (and appreciate our nanny!). I saw so much in my kids this week, like the fact that Matt is so incredibly social. He can start up a conversation with pretty much anyone, and is fascinated to hear what they have to say. We learned so much about other families and cast members thanks to Mr. Social.

And, Chloe ... wow! The child is talking so much now. She must have learned 100 new words in Disney. And she's smart. She knows "Lella" (Cinderella) lives in the "Castle". And she's funny. One time I said to her "whose house is that?" when I pointed to the castle. She looked at me, laughed and said "Chloe's". Ha.

Speaking of Miss Chloe ...

I like to think she is a princess. Isn't this dress beautiful? My sister made it just for Chloe to have breakfast with the princesses.
As it turned out, Chloe, who LOVES Minnie Mouse in particular, and pretty much all the big furry characters, is terrified of the princesses. I don't know why. This is with the exception of Snow White.
Whenever Chloe sees a picture of Snow White she says "Mommy" (do you see the similarity? I don't). Anyway, she was downright terrified of Jasmine, and would have nothing to do with Sleeping Beauty. It may have had something to do with the fact that she woke up sick on the day of our Princess breakfast. Being the great mother I am, I truly thought that she was fine, and brought my sick baby on the boat to Magic Kingdom where she threw-up twice before breakfast, once in the castle and once outside before Mike came in and brought her to the hotel to get some extra sleep.
(In fairness, Chloe is a pukey kind of kid, and was running around before we left. She seemed fine).

See - prefers Minnie!

And then there was Mr. Matt.

I love this picture of Matt because this is so him!
Matt is growing up. Here's the thing with Matt. As an almost 6 year old he no longer believes in the characters. He knows they are costumes. But, he's still willing to have fun.
Matt's mind is incredible to me. I'm the kind of person who hates to have surprises spoiled. I realize Disney is out to make money, but I'd much rather believe in the "magic" of it. I don't want to read the books about how everything works. I'm quite happy to accept that pixie dust is how the monorail works, and believe that Tinkerbelle leaves little surprises for people. Matt, on the other hand, is fascinated by how things work. He wants to know how the animatronics work. He looks for the strings on puppets and needs to understand the workings behind everything.

He loved Epcot. There's magic there, but there's also a whole lot of Science. He absolutely wanted to figure out how everything works, and that's what epcot is for. There's also a secret agent thing - the Kim Possible Kimmunicator - where you get this cell phone that gives you clues and you basically go on a mission in a country in Epcot. This was a highlight for Matt (and really fun for us).
You know, there were times where I'd sit on the bus with him or the monorail and he'd talk and I'd be completely fascinated with his thoughts.

He is obsessed with Space Mountain. We were a little worried since he hates the dark,but he loves space. The child went on this ride about 10 times. One the last day we told him that he could choose one final ride. He chose Space Mountain. There was a 20-minute wait (welcome to Disney in January - no waits!). Awesome. We got near the front of the line and then they turned the lights on. Long story short there was a major technical problem and the ride had to close. I thought Matt would completely lose it but he didn't (I would have). They handed out special fast passes good for any ride, so we booted it over to Thunder Mountain (and by booted I mean we RAN across the park in record time to get on one more ride before we left).

As for me... I had a great time.
I found this trip more stressful and exhausting. I had a chest infection before we left, and on the trip back I was sick. I could have stayed another week, and at point debated it. But, you know, there's this thing called work ...
But, we have already started making plans. And part of me thinks that maybe when I retire I'll go work at Disney. I think I'd make an excellent Fairy Godmother in my retirement.

Mommy - Matt Date

2010-01-13T06:31:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I get a bit caught up in the everyday. We probably all do, but last night I figured it was high time to take Matt and a little mother-son date.
We go out a lot. We shop, we grab coffee, we chat. But, it's always in the midst of something. I let him play trains while I'm looking for a book at Chapters. Or, we run into Starbucks on our way to a playdate. Or I observe him playing with other kids while I am chatting with friends. Or we talk while we're baking, or cleaning or driving.
We have a good relationship.
But, we rarely take time to stop. And just be. And go somewhere with no purpose other than to be together with no true agenda.
The truth is, sometimes it's hard to do this. About a year ago Matt was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, and the hardest time of day for him is the evening. I understand it. And I accept it, but sometimes I don't exactly work with it. It's easier to let him burn off energy before bed and not contain it, and avoid fights, etc etc.
So, maybe it was a little bit crazy that I decided we do coffee (for me) at about 6:30 last night.
But it was wonderful. We sat for about half an hour and we chatted. Well, he chatted and I listened, and occasionally asked questions, but not many. Mostly I just heard about what was going on in his head. He told me about literacy week at school and recounted the story his teacher had read to them. He told me about his friends at school, and the new friend he made at recess (from the other kindergarten class). And, we talked about grade 1. He's a little nervous about it, but also a little excited.
It was a great conversation.
And it reminded me again why I know my kid is awesome, and why I know that despite some of my fears, that I know he'll grow up to be an amazing person. I need to do this more. I need to stop, and listen, and be present, with no other agenda.
After our coffee, since we were in Chapters, I let him play trains.
What amazes me about my kid is how he forms friendships with other kids. I know lots of children do this. But, despite that I'm still constantly amazed by how easy it is for him. After about 10 minutes he was off in his own little world with another boy his age. They managed to find a ton of common ground and were chatting about lego, books, trains and other boy stuff. They made their way over to the section where they sell all the Thomas stuff and the two of them were standing by the trains, both helping each other sound out all the names of the engines. It wasn't a competition. It was just one kid showing the other kid how to do something. And I sat back watching, fully impressed by how easy it all is, and how sometimes instead of looking at the time, and worrying about stuff, I need to step back and let things unfold.
Of course, the highlight of the night was pumping gas. Are kids allowed to help? I'm hoping so, because Matt wanted to help me every step of the way. I didn't see a problem with this, and in fact I figure it won't be long till I can stay in the warm car and let him pump gas for me (I kid, kind of ...)
And then there was our out of tune rendition of True Colours, over and over on our short drive.
He's almost 6. At the beginning of April my child will be 6!
Not a moment of his childhood has been easy. He was my surprise baby when I was too young to be having kids. He has challenged me every waking moment of his life. And he continues to. He fights me on a lot of stuff. He is strong willed and exuberant and when I tell him no he lets me know that he does NOT like to hear it.
And, I can't imagine loving him more than I do.
Last night when we got home (a little past his bedtime) I was reading him a story and tucking him into bed. Before I left I thanked him for going for coffee, and he said to me "You're welcome. You're lucky you have me as your little boy."
True. So true. And I'm glad he knows it as well as I do.

Cheers to You, Anonymous!

2010-01-11T08:03:00.000-08:00

So I got this lovely little comment on my blog yesterday.

"I agree with Steve and SciFi Dad ... you shold have tried the beef thing. That way your kids and husband could have been more prominent in "The story of your life" ... it's good thing your husband has a great sense of humor. He would have to, in order to put up with your ego ... "rather than take the blame" ... talk about being too self-absorbed. where were your kids while you were blogging about alcohol?"

I've had my share of mean comments, and truthfully this didn't really bother me. (some have) It did, however, interest me. Where do these people come from?

It's clear anonymous doesn't read my blog. If he/she did, they would know that really nights of drinking with friends are quite finely balanced by nights of putting my kids to bed, watching tv with them, snuggling, doing homework, making lunches, and all of the other stuff that comes with being a parent. And as I've said before, I like a balance. I can't speak for everyone, since we are all different, but I can certainly say that in my life, and in the life of my husband, having a life outside of the daily grind of getting up, getting the kids up, working full time, coming home, getting the kids to bed and then eventually rolling into bed ourselves in NOT a bad thing.

It is, in fact, a good thing. Having a sense of humour about all of this? Not just good. But necessary. I'm the first person to tell Mike to call up his friends, go for a drink, laugh about life, and if he needs to, vent about the joys of having to "put up with my ego." If he sends me a funny text when he's out I laugh. Or I'm asleep.

Let's be honest here. Was I really blaming Julie Powell for the fact that I was drinking? No. Does an author truly have the power to make me drink a handful of gimlets? Well, okay. She did inspire me to try a different drink. Whatever. It is, in fact, pretty yummy. But, I wasn't seriously blaming her for *making* me have a drink. That's silly. Though, many people would claim that she inspires them to try French cooking, rediscover a passion, break out of a rut or maybe even blog. So. Cheers to her for doing that. And, if I had a drink because of her - I'll raise my glass. I had a great time.

And, when I came home to my kids and my husband I was probably a better person for it.

In my mind, it's more dangerous to be miserable, feel home bound and forbidden to go out that sucks the life out a marriage. I married young, and I have never, for a second, felt that I wasn't allowed to have my own friends, my own conversations or my own interests. For some couples that works. And more power to them. But for me it doesn't. I love my husband and my kids. I cannot wait to spend the week in Florida with them, just the four of us, being a family. And that joy comes from the fact that at the end of the day, if I want to meet a friend for coffee, enjoy a few drinks, or catch a movie I have the liberty to do so. And for the record, so does Mike. What matters to me is that I know my kids are taken care of, that I still spend time with them and that we are all enjoying our lives.

In answer to your question, anonymous. Where were my kids? Obviously, they were with my husband. Well taken care of. If the shoe was on the other foot, and if he was out drinking with his friends and sending me some funny texts, would I be pissed off? Of course not. I'd be at home, snuggled with my kids (or, more likely, trying to keep up with them while they chase each other around the house - or reading them stories or getting in some quality baking time) knowing that in a few hours Mike would be home, and we'd wake up and start our regular life all over again.

Yes, this blog is the story of my life. And it shows the good and the bad. We've been through a lot, my family and I. And even though I know there will be many mistakes as I grow up along with my kids and my husband, what I share here isn't just the good stuff. It's not just the funny endearing stories, or my comments on how I am the world's best mom. I've never claimed that nor will I. For now I'm content being who I am. Self absorbed and egotistical as the case may be.

2010-01-10T17:37:00.000-08:00

This weekend wasn't exactly as planned.
We're less than a week away from a trip to Disney and I'm sick. Well, sick and recovering, but still ...
My plan to wake up early on Saturday and pack didn't quite work out. I slept in until 11 (unheard of in my life. I literally cannot remember a time since I have had kids where I've slept in that late) and was woken up by Mike, who told me that my parents had Chloe, my sister had Matt and we were going out for breakfast. Nice.
So, we ate, we bought a few things for the trip, we got Chloe, and I went back to sleep.
Again. Unheard of. And, though we debated the idea of packing and watching a movie, the packing got pushed as I nursed neocitron and Mike and I watched a movie (are you shocked that it was Julie and Julia? Honestly, Mike hadn't seen it and he loved it)

Today we were a little bit more on track.
Today was a family day, and it was needed. Life has been busy lately, and I feel like between Christmas and work and just life in general we've all been going in slightly different directions. Today we had nothing planned. NOTHING. It was bliss. Mike slept in and I hung out with the kids. Matt and I played a game of Frustration, and I realized that he's finally at the age where we can actually play games and it's fun.
At one point in the game Matt knocked my piece off of the board and when I was disappointed he said "well, that's just the way the ball bounces, mom." Huh? Where do these things come from?

And then, in the weirdness of all weirdness, I saw a smackdown at the gas station. Seriously. Two men were fighting over the car wash, and when I left the scene one guy was blocking the other guy at the exit of the car wash. This doesn't happen in suburbia. Really.

And at the end of the day we're mostly packed. Of course, nothing is perfect. I attempted to cut Chloe's bangs and that didn't turn out so well, so I think a haircut is in the books for this week, but all in all we're back to our usual insanity, illness and sleepyness aside.

I know I know ...

2010-01-08T14:13:00.000-08:00

This is a mommy blog after all, and I'm talking about alcohol. Gasp! And authors who have lives and books and blogs that would make some people blush.
Sorry. I have had a few e-mails asking if I'm okay (yes). And thanks for asking.
But, lately I've really felt like saying, you know, sometimes motherhood isn't only about educational toys, changing diapers and impending toilet training.
It's also about the fact that Mommy bloggers are people, and don't only, you know, do mommy things. And, no, I'm not discussing the WAHM/SAHM debate. Because I think that no matter what choice you make about working in the home or outside of it has little to do with whether or not you have a life outside of the home.
And honestly, I've been thinking a lot about that. About all the definitions. About what makes us who we are, as people, as parents, as not-parents, as spouses, etc etc.
And there's a lot on my mind.
We won't even discuss that in addition to the stress I put on myself, there's all the additional stress of an impending Disney trip (next week!) where I am not sure if I'm packing flip flops or ear muffs.
And, that's where all this Julie Powell stuff comes in.
Remember Rebecca Eckler? Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Rebecca still. LOVE her. That won't change. But, do you want to know when I discovered her writing? It was when I was dealing with Post Partum Depression, and a million issues about going back to work and whether that made me a bad mom (resounding no to that one). And then I read her book, and despite any negativity that the critics had she made me realize something - if you are comfortable with your own choices, screw everyone else. Seriously.
And, in a much grander way, that may even make Rebecca blush, JP says the same thing. Be yourself. Accept life. Live it and accept. And it works out in the end, even if it gets really really messy in the middle.

You know that line that Cyndi Lauper sings in True Colours:

It's hard to be courageous.
oh I realize
it's hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you
can make you feel so small

That's what this is all about. And sometimes you just go through life figuring it out day-by-day.
So, take courage. Be brave. Embrace the messy parts and be grateful for the easy parts. Read Julie. Follow my quest to meet her (you know it will be, if nothing else, interesting.) And Live.

That is all.

As a Julie Powell fan - do I attempt Boeuf Bouginon or the Gimlet?

2010-01-07T06:32:00.000-08:00

So I posted yesterday my love for Julie Powell. Brace yourselves because I have a feeling you will hear a lot about her in the next little while. Classic me. I can't let stuff go.
And, I've been reading her Julie/Julia Project blog.
And maybe also obsessively reading her other blog - What Could Happen.
And I've noticed something alarming in the comments. Every. Single. Julie Powell fan seems to be inspired by her to cook Boeuf Bouginon. It's a pretty big part of the movie (and book).It looks delicious. But still.
I debated that idea for like a minute. Sent a quick e-mail to my husband with the idea to try this recipe. And then remembered one small thing. I'm not really all that interested in cooking. I'm so much more of the Rachael Ray school of cooking (30 minute meals with no measuring) than I am the Julia Child School of Cooking. Honestly.
So I did the next best thing.
I decided to try the drink that Julie always talks about - the gimlet.
So, in the interest of full disclosure here, every time that she mentioned a gimlet I thought it was a little like saying a mickey, you know - not a specific drink per say but a size of drink or a fancy name. Like I'd say "I'm going for cocktails".So I assumed saying "I had a gimlet" was akin to "I had a drink." Nope. Wrong.
I looked it up.
A gimlet is actually a very specific drink. Much like saying I'm drinking a martini.
And, at this point I have to say that technically, yes, this is still a mommy blog. And, no, I don't really drink around my kids except to have a glass of wine or champagne or something.
Anyhow.
As it turns out, I may go for drinks a little too often becuase there is a pub, appropriately named "The Pub" where when I walk in they actually know exactly what I'm going to order for a drink, and bring it over to me fairly quickly. Which is a good thing. (Vodka gingerale since you asked). So last night when I bumped into a friend and we decided to go for a quick drink (which was not actually quick, and was not just one friend ... but whatever), I mentioned that I'm trying something new - the gimlet. Which I was pronouncing "Jimlet" which is incorrect.
So, I asked the bartender, a lovely old man who has seen pretty much everything, and he told me how to say it, and then reluctantly made it for me while explaining it's an old-fashioned drink. And, was that gimlet ever pretty. It was also yummy. Though it could have been improved upon, I think, with real lime juice. Minor detail.
It was pretty good though. A little too good. And I probably should have found out the alcohol content of the beverage before ordering a second (and maybe a third) while having a long-drawn out conversation with friends about life. And Julie. And gimlets. Meanwhile I was texting my husband explaining why I was missing trains due to gimlets. And rather than taking any of the blame I placed sole responsiblity on the author of a book and blog who talks a little too much about a certain drink.
And, this is where I mention that my husband has a good sense of humour because he found the whole thing somewhat hilarious - and may have been thinking that I better drink lots of gimlets now becase I most certainly cannot go on my NY road trip and sit in bars drinking gimlets alone while on my author-finding quest.

And here's the recipe

Gimlet
Impress you friends with this Martini alternative
2 oz. Gin
1/2 oz. Lime Juice
Combine in a shaker with ice.
Shake vigorously and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Serve with a lime squeeze.

A Pilgrimage of Sorts

2010-01-06T06:59:00.000-08:00

Like many people I saw the movie Julie and Julia.
For anyone who blogs, the story is pretty amazing. A woman, Julie Powell, decides to embark on a plan to cook her way through on of Julia Childs' cookbooks in a year, and blogs her experience. Her blog documents both her cooking and her life, and the blog eventually takes on a life of its own, and Julie ends up not only with a book deal, but also with a movie about her life (and Julia Child's life).
Inspiring, no?
To me, it was. Let's be honest, this blog isn't one of the big blogs, nor have I ever aspired to make it that way. It's just my space to write and talk about what's on my mind. And I'm fine with that. But what inspires me about Julie's story is the life changing aspect, and the belief that if you are motivated and want to change your life you can - if you figure out what you want to do and do it.
But to me, it was more than that. As weird as this sounds, I could totally relate to Julie Powell (the author, more than the movie character)

A couple of months ago I was getting my nails done and I picked up a magazine at the nail salon. I happened upon a a story written by her. It was actually an excerpt from her new book Cleaving.
I could not put the magazine down, and pretty much ran to the bookstore to pick up the book.
Admittedly she's come under a LOT of criticism for her book. Where Julie and Julia was a story, particularly in the movie, that was lighthearted and fun and inspiring, Cleaving is far far different.
The book claims to be about meat, marriage and obsession. And it really is. The book documents her life becoming a butcher, and somehow manages to tie in the affair she had and her obsessive nature about pretty much everything. And, the book is GRAPHIC, people. Graphic. It's not a book I'm going to pass on to my mom or many of my friends who I usually share books with.
But ... Cleaving, more than Julie and Julia, and more than pretty much any book I've read in ages, made me understand a lot about life. I don't mean to sound like a downer here, but the truth of life is that there isn't always a perfect ending to stuff. We all have dreams and goals and hopes and have an idea about how life is supposed to work out. And, sometimes, even when we get what we want, life isn't perfect.
Maybe it's just me, but sometimes I feel that even when I get what I want, when I work for something and don't attain it, I still want more. I need more direction, I have higher hopes. When Julie talks about marriage (we can skip the affair part for sake of my argument) she makes some pretty good points. Marriage isn't always the perfect little bubble you expect it to be when you recite your vows. It's work, and it's hard and somedays you cling to the fact that you love each other, even when the liking part isn't exactly happening. Hey, she calls her husband a saint, and I can say the same about Mike. He puts up with a lot from me because he loves me. And, we work things out and know that when things are tough (like you know, having a 5 1/2 year old with ADHD who needs new medication and a toddler who won't sleep and has decided to potty train herself) sometimes you just love each other and agree to brush the stupid stuff under the carpet and, you know, go to Disney World.
The point is, I have fully and completely embraced Julie's message. I kind of love her. Critics be damned.
So, I could just simply say that, move on, and whatever.
But, hello. This is me. And I don't do that. I don't just say wow, good book, moving on. Nope. I always feel the need to take some action.
And here's my plan.
Feel free to weigh-in on the craziness of it.
I have decided I'm going to go meet her. For real. The problem is this. She lives in New York, and her book signings are in places that are nowhere near where I am (Toronto). Also, book signings are one thing. But, I feel that traveling to New York to stand in line for hours (I would assume - she has fans, you know) to say hi for 30 seconds ... Really?
So, I have planned a road trip - Laural style.
I'm going to go to New York. And, I'm going to take my own little Julie and Julia/Cleaving pilgrimage. Seriously. I figure I'll take the bus down, and rent a car or something, maybe get a transit pass (though I have driven in NY) and go to all the places she mentions in her book. Well, not everything. But the important things like the butcher shop and you know, other key locations. Just because.
And while I'm at it I'm pretty determined to meet her. Not in a stalker way though. Just in a super-fan kind of way. I'm not quite sure to hook that one up, but where's there's a will there is a way. Right?
Crazy?
Maybe a little. But, I also figure that she was a huge Julia Child fan, and probably wouldn't think it's that weird. Also, she totally was driven to do what she did - embark on butchery, write books, go on trips, etc etc. I think she'd get it. I really do.
Also. This is just classic me. When am I at my best? When I have something to look forward to. A goal, even if it seems impossible, that I can put my mind to and accomplish. Part of me is scared that this is dumb, or ultimately that if I do meet her she won't like me. But, hey. Why would that happen? What's not to like? Hah! Do I think she'll somehow give me purpose in life. Well, not really. But, I do think she's cool. And what's to lose? Not much.
So, that. That is my true resolution.
What do you think? Anyone have any great ideas on how I can accomplish this?

Resolutions

2010-01-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

Some people don't believe in resolutions. I do.
I don't live by them or make crazy ones. I had a friend once who resolved to give up chocolate for a year. INSANE. She didn't it, but I have no idea what the point was.
I've had my share of good resolutions and bad ones. And I think I have rounded it down to the fact that I need one resolutions that is measurable and attainable, one that is a little bit vague and one that is a bit of a challenge.
So, here are mine.

1) I want to learn to use chopsticks. For real. Yes, I sometimes make fun of people who use them, or, you know, keep them on their desk along with their cutlery (ahem ...). But, as a certain friend pointed out to me, I probably only mock his desk chopsticks cuz I can't use them myself. Point taken, resolution #1 decided upon.

2) I want to be kinder. See. Vague. But, lately I'm not sure kindness has been my strong suit. I've been a bit mean, and a little gossipy. And I haven't made a point of trying to be nice. I mean I am to random strangers, but I will try to extend that kindness to my family and friends just a little bit more. Because these kids here - they're awesome - and I need to be a little less strict and a little more fun.

4) Finally. I want to try to enjoy my workouts. I took a couple of weeks off of the gym, and I have to say it's been nice not getting up at 4am to go to the gym. And not caring about calories. And obsessing about how fast I can run. I actually miss going to the gym, but I want to go back and enjoy what I'm doing - not care so much about the calories and the burn and all of that and just enjoy exercise. And, along those lines, I'm also going to take it a little easier. If I want to get to the gym a few minutes later and then take the later train - I'm not going to sweat it.

So there.

So .... what are yours?

Tis the Season

2009-12-18T03:21:00.000-08:00

It's been a long couple of weeks. Kind of busy. Kind of stressful. I'm exhausted (who isn't) and nowhere near ready for Christmas.
My kids are though.

Matt had his sk Christmas concert. My pictures aren't the best he did so well. He knew every word to every song and poem, and he was so excited and happy to be there.

And Chloe ... is a little in love with Santa.

Everything is "tanta" - it's pretty adorable. We have so far managed one photo in front of the tree. This is it. Chloe is in constant motion right now. Christmas morning should be interesting. And fun.

I should add, Chloe is in love with pictures of Santa, stuffed Santa toys (which she kisses) and Santa books. If you try to brng her near Santa she shouts "no no no" and buries her head in my shoulder.

Oh well. Maybe next year. Matt informed me that as her big brother he took care of telling Santa she's afraid of him an telling him what she wants for Christmas (a baby doll). So... that's covered off.

And so we bake ...

2009-12-14T17:10:00.000-08:00

Every year my friend and I have talked about the famous Pioneer Woman Cinnamon buns. This year we decided to put our money where our mouths are and whip some up.

Four and a hours, copious amounts of coffee, lots of butter & cinnamon and of course a couple of Christmas movies later - we accomplished our task!

We were all wearing comfy clothes and not feeling terribly photogenic. But, whatever.

One little lesson we learned - doubling the butter isn't exactly the best idea, but it sure is yummy. (do not ask how much butter we used) Okay, and honestly, this is my idea of an artsy food shot. This may be why I am not the pioneer woman!

So at this point we were a little bit worried. They don't look so so perfect... but, wait! I may not be the best ever cook, but my friend Kerry J is (and she's crafty too)... And she told us to be patient. (my sister by this point had moved on to sewing) . AND LOOK!

PERFECT CINNAMON BUNS!!!
Sorry for the caps. But really, yum!
we don't have nearly enough so I may make another batch.

Want the recipe? Here ya go.

A New Day ...

2009-11-23T03:22:00.000-08:00

I guess I left that chaos post up a little long because a lot of people were asking if I'm okay. That's not why I posted it, but it was nice to know that people care!
I'm not sure about anyone else, but one of the quirky things I do is keep quotes on hand that say wise stuff. The one I'm currently loving is a Judy Garland quote: "be a first rate version of who you are rather than a second rate version of someone else."
I love that.
How true is it?
So, going back to the whole chaos thing, sometimes I forget that if I just step back, be myself and stop worrying about what others think life is much easier.
Serioulsy, not always easy!
One of the things that was bugging me last week was this whole splitting with my trainer thing. He basically said that we had different priorities and that I wasn't losing enough weight. Fair enough, and let's be honest, I work hard but I eat too much.
But it made me feel like crap. Who wouldn't feel fat when their trainer dumps them for not losing weight? (oversensitive much). Granted, over a few drinks it is ridiculously funny. But still....
So today I went to the gym. It was a weird Monday since I was alone. And, since I know that I have to do a 5k race in June, and I maybe promised a friend we'd train for a half-marathon, I decided to screw the elliptical and go for the treadmill. Did I mention my trainer doesn't like the treadmill? (heh)
So, I ran. my. butt. off.
I didn't do 5 k. I ran for 20 minutes. And I sware the more I ran the better I felt about stuff. And the stronger I felt and the happier I felt.
And when I finished I was catching my breath, and one of the morning guys came over and said hi. As sociable as I am I really don't talk to gym people. It's 5 am. I'm not feeling social.
But, this guy came over, and asked why I wasn't training today. So, I said I was done.
Want to know what he said?
"We were just noticing how much stronger you look lately. You look great and toned, and I was thinking of working out with your trainer."
Nice.
Of course I told him the truth - that my trainer is great. We needed a break, but he's a nice guy, blahbity blah blah blah.
I meant it.
But, after months of training, getting up early to be at the gym, obsessing over diet and then blowing it, I realized that it's about me.
I can wake up early or sleep in.
I can be thin or fat.
I can have muscles or be weak.
But, who I am isn't going to change.
I'll admit that I've blown off the gym because I want to go for drink, and I know I won't get up. And I've scarfed down poutine. And, I eat too much candy.
But screw it. That's part of me.
I'll never be a model. I'll always fight the demon of wanting to be thin. I have to start training now to do a 5k in June, and a half marathon still seems like a completely impossible goal.
But really. I refuse to be anyone else.

Me drinking Princess Power Punch. Photo by my 7 year old niece, Kyla!

Chaos

2009-11-15T16:52:00.000-08:00

Usually I feel like my life is somewhat balanced.
My kids are far enough apart that I can enjoy different stages in their lives.
I have a husband who helps a lot.
We have a nanny which means that a whole lot of weight is lifted off of our shoulders.
And I work full time.
Usually it is all fine.
Usually I balance getting up to go to the gym, coming home and getting myself fed and dressed and the kids up, chatting with the nanny, commuting to work, working all day, taking the train home, doing dinner, getting the kids to bed and spending half an hour or so watching tv.
I usually manage it with a smile on my face.
Sometimes I take a night off to go for drinks with friends or coffee with my sister. I spend time with friends and I do things for myself like get my hair done.
But this weekend I hit a wall.
My kids, who I love dearly, were driving me insane. My husband couldn't do anything right.
I'm stressing about Christmas. I'm stressing about work. I'm stressing about money. I'm stressing about an upcoming Disney trip. I'm stressing about what has to be done to get to Christmas. I'm stressed because I haven't given any thought to Christmas cards. I used to mail my Christmas cards, pictures and letter on November 1. Seriously. I don't even think I'm doing a Christmas letter this year. Will anyone care? Does that mean I need to do extra-long notes on my cards because I don't want to do that either.
I'm stressed because although we got awesome pictures of the 4 cousins this year, I don't have any pictures with Matt and Chloe and I should really do that.
And I've totally hit a wall. TOTALLY.
I'm at that point where I'm so busy being stressed that I'm not getting anything done. I assign myself so many tasks that I don't know where to start. And so I'm getting nowhere. Except I'm fighting with my family, and I may as well not even bother to go to the gym because I'm totally gaining weight. Really, I gained 2 lbs last week. I know it's cause I'm eating crappy. Don't get me started on my trainer who quit on me cuz my heart isn't in it. And he says I haven't made the connection to eating right.
Seriously.
It's like he thinks he's Jillian from Biggest Loser.
I have no balance with this crazy life I'm living. Right now anyway.

When I have balance I'm happy.
I feel like all the decisions we have made are the right ones.
I love my family more than life itself. But seriously.

When I tried to be a good mom and end the evening on a good note by baking with the kids even that didn't work. I freaked at Matt for grabbing a handful of muffin batter and filling his mouth with it (gross ... and then Chloe tried to do that). I got annoyed at Chloe for spilling a bag of raisins. And honestly, I think Mike is cowering in fear when I look in his direction.
And, I know this isn't what Christmas is about.
I know I should be watching the Santa Claus parade with my kids and sipping hot chocolate and trusting that everything will work out.
But, I'm not there yet.
And, I don't really know how to get there.

Friends

2009-11-10T01:29:00.000-08:00

I spent a lot of time with friends this weekend.
I didn't plan it that way, but it's totally refreshing to relax around people, be yourself and just talk.
That's what happened friday night when I dragged my sweatpants clad butt to starbucks to meet one of my close friends.
And we chatted - and chatted - till they told us that they were closing. we thought we'd maybe been there an hour. Try almost 3!
I'm fortunate to have the kind of friend who I can not see in months and can catch up with in minutes. Those friendships are worth more than you ever realize when you are 16 and bonding over boyfriends, work crises and the meaning of love.
Then on Sunday I went out with another group of friends - my wondermommies.
It's funny because developing mom friends is tough.
I love this group.
We go from laughing to seriousness in seconds. One of the women made a comment about relying on everyone for something.
The comment made back "we are your friends. Please use us."
And I realized in that moment how grateful I am for my friends.
We don't agree on everything.
In fact I don't want my friends to always agree with me.
Sometimes we need someone to swap a recipe with. Sometimes we need someone to watch our kids. Sometimes we need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes we need someone to agree that yes, (fill in the blank) can be a complete asshole. Sometimes we need a shopping buddy, a friend to justify drinking an expensive latte with, someone to watch movies with or just someone to be. To not judge or laugh or talk. Just be there.
Sometimes I suck as a friend. I am self absorbed and more concerned about whether my eyebrows are properly groomed than whether you need me.
But you know ... Deep down those words are true.
I'm your friend - please use me.
Sure I wear my heart on my sleeve, laugh till I cry and sing along to the Hannah Montana soundtrack. But if you need that. Call. (I can also totally bake the starbucks mini mint brownies! But I cannot sew - that is my sister's job)
Yo Wondermommies. Call me. I luvs you. All of you!

Halloween

2009-11-02T03:27:00.000-08:00

This weekend was, of course, Halloween!
I love Halloween. I love that it's the one holiday where there's no pressure to get together with specific people, plan schedules and figure out who is making what dish. Okay, so I do, according to my nieces, have a signature dish, bloody eyeballs (deviled eggs with green egg mix, a pimento olive and red food dye). But, that's easy and fun.
More fun, is enjoying said bloody eyeballs with a bunch of friends.

Oh I'm sorry it realy is about the children ... isn't it?

Well, they are children. Look at the swords. And do you see the pirate theme happening? Love it.

And the kids. Adorable. Chloe was probably the most excitd of all of them (as you can see) even though she had no real clue what was going on. (Matt is Darth Vader in the back)

The night was great. Matt was thrilled to run from house to house with the boys and Kyla - and I was delighted to play princess with my baby girl.

And eat candy with my friends. Love love love.

Hope everyone had as much fun as we did.

There Be Monsters

2009-10-27T03:22:00.000-07:00

Matt is scared of dracula. And Medusa. And all the monsters in our house.
We've never really dealt with fears like this.
Matt is a brave kid. He has never been afraid of stuff. When we go to Disney World he loves "Snow White's Scary Ride" - laughed when the witch pops out (my nieces refused to even line up). That's just how he is.
But recently he's been scared of everything.
Maybe it's Halloween. I don't know.
But I feel bad for him.
I'm also exhasuted.
Last night he freaked out whenever Mike or I went downstairs. So, I ended up staying upstairs with him. And he slept with his light on.
And then at 3:45 he woke up screaming. Terrified. He'd seen Dracula.
So while Mike calmed down the woken up Chloe, I sat with Matt, rubbed his back and helped him fall back to sleep.
This has been going on for a week. He is terrified.
I remember those fears. I was always like that. I used to run into my sister's room and snuggle up in her bed. Honestly, when our husbands are away we still occassionally have sleepovers. I hate going in the basement or upstairs if I'm home alone.
And, I'm totally jumpy when I am outside in the dark.
I don't know how it started. But, I know I don't want Matt to have the stupid fears I do.
I'm hoping part of this is because of Halloween. Otherwise I think we'll have to figure something out.Cuz. Sleep. I need it. And so does he!

Life Cycles

2009-10-22T02:55:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we got a phone call telling us that my husband's grandpa, Opa, was taken to the hospital.
He was admitted to the icu, and he spent about four and a half weeks there.
On Monday he passed away.
Mike is doing okay. As okay as you can do when someone you love dies. We had a few weeks to prepare. Mike made numerous visits to see Opa, though he wasn't coherent. Still, it gave Mike a chance to say goodbye. I went also, though usually I let Mike see him alone. We brought the kids. Matt had a hard time seeing his great grandpa with tubes in him.
We only brought him the one time.
I'm not sure how you teach a 5 year old to say goodbye.
I think it's okay that he didn't.
I sometimes think kids understand things better than adults.
On the weekend, after Mike and I visited Opa I spoke with Matt. I told him Opa was really sick. And, Matt said to me "I think he's coming to the end of his life cycle."
That's how Matt's mind works. He is a very logical child. I'm not sure he really understands the finalness of death. I'm not sure he needs to understand that.
Sometimes he misses my grandma who passed away a couple of years ago (I miss her too). One day he was sobbing because something reminded him of her. I think that's how sadness works for some kids. Especially for Matt. He seems to feel things really strongly for a short period of time.
Mind you that's how I work too.
I'll never figure out the mysteries of grief.
But, what I know?
I know that my kids felt loved by their great opa.
We have always made a point of bringing the kids to see their great grandparents. It's not a duty. It's not always an easy task to bring 2 small children to see their elderly great grandparents. But it's worth it.
I was going to post pictures on this post, but I don't need to. I can easily picture the joy on Opa's face when I handed my babies over. I can picture Matt's huge mischevious smile when grabbing Opa's pipe and playing with it while I looked on horrified and Opa cracked up (it wasn't lit).
we still haven't fully decided if we'll bring the kids to the funeral. I'm leaning toward no. But, to me that doesn't really matter. What matters is what goes on during life, not after death.

The Thing I Rarely Mention

2009-10-11T05:19:00.000-07:00

I think most parents have something they don't talk about that often - an issue that worries them, but that they can't discuss for fear of judgement.
That topic for me? Soothers.
Here's a secret. I hate them.
Well, I didn't. And I think they are great for screaming babies who need to suck.
But the whole weaning thing. Brutal.
For us it has been particularly awful.
And, no I'm not discussing our 18 month old.
Chloe has some soothers. In fact she has about 25 because when I was pregnant I was oddly obsessed with finding every single available soother style so that if she needed one I'd have the perfect one for her.
weird.
I know it's weird.
Also weird, and somewhat predictable? She's never been interested.
She likes to play with them. She likes to steal other babies' soothers. But, really they aren't her thing.

But we also have a 5 1/2 year old. That's like 66 months old. Seriously.
And he loves his soothers.
we have attempted to rid our house of his soothers (and he will only use a specific purple one) and we haven't. His soother is his security blanket.
We have driven long distances to buy these soothers in mass quantities since they were discontinued.
And, when you get to a certain age (i.e. anything over age 2) you become a soother snob. That is what happened to Matt.
He loves them. He smells them. He touches them.
It's weird.

Last year when we met with a psychologist to have Matt assessed we brought up the whole issue of soothers. And, our beloved psychologist told me that he would self-wean, but to let him have them because they are his security blanket.
Our dentist didn't agree.
Our family doctor didn't agree.
The psychiatrist didn't care.
So, we decided that he could have a soother only in his room. At first Matt would go to his room during the day for his fix.
Then he was okay just at night.
Then I convinced him to keep it under his pillow and if he really needed it - it was there. That has been pretty effective.
And ... this week the soother went missing.
How my 5 and a half year old could lose such a beloved object is beyond me. But he did.
And he is okay.
Sure he'll wake up in the middle of the night and ask about it.
But, he doesn't have it.
We've gone days without a soother anywhere to be found.
Thank goodness.

I think we're done.
I also think that I need to go to my hidden stash and throw them out also. Because I'll admit I'm a little terrified what this world holds for us when we don't have that bandaid solution at our fingertips.

But, I think we'll all survive.

Goals and Shoes. Shoes Win!

2009-10-09T03:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine about goals. Fitness goals, life goals, all of that.
It was an interesting conversation and he pretty much said what I've been thinking lately - I need a goal. A fitness goal.
When I started running I trained for a 5k. It was hard, but I accomplished that, and it was amazing.
And now ... nothing.
I'm still doing personal training, but I'm frustrated with it. My trainer's vision is for me to lose like 35 pounds and be in body-builder shape. I neither want to lose that much weight, nor do I really care if I can press more weight than anyone else. I like strength. I like to see the number go up on the weights, but it's not the be all and end all.
I need something else.
And, then I was browsing some Disney sites and found this:

and this

And it's kind of making me want to train for a half-marathon, simply for the fact that I could wear Princess in Training Clothes.

And, you know, have a fitness goal!

But then ... then last night I was speaking to someone who does halfs, and realized I am TOTALLY out of my mind. That's a lot of hard work. And too much training. So, I think maybe a 10 k is more realistic.

And then. Then we started talking about shoes. And I was distracted.

Because I remembered that I'd just seen the awesomest shoes... Barbie Shoes by Town Shoes (for adults. And they had shoes like this (I love the heart toe)

And like this ...

Do you see the pink sole???? LOVE

And finally like this ...

and I realized that I am okay as I am.

Goals are good. But, who am I kidding? I like my life. I don't want to dedicate hours of training to something I only kind of want to do.

I want to have fun. Be silly. Be me. Talk about cute shoes - not running. And make the gym one part o my life - not my whole life.

Because who doesn't love cute shoes?

(wanna see the whole collection. I LOVE it! Heart toes. LOVE)

Sleep ... I need it

2009-10-03T05:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had this whole post written on sleep. On how I'm exhasuted and burnt out and OMG, could I please just go away to a remote island (or you know, a quiet hotel with room service and good cable channels) and sleep and relax for at least 3 nights.
And those feelings still persist.
And my husband is still cranky from lack of sleep. As am I.
And this weekend will still be a bustle of activity wherein we try to fit in our kids activities (gymnastics/birthday party), the necessary weekend stuff (like cleaning and grocery shopping) and we will maybe be able to sneak in some other stuff that we should do like going to the gym and buying new clothes for the kids (the nanny made me a list of what we need - that's how disorganized I am).
But last night when I got home from work my perspective kind of changed.
Chloe was sitting on the floor colouring pictures with our nanny.
A little later on, when Chloe fell asleep and we had our "family quiet time" Matt sat reading to me. Let me repeat. He pulled out a book and READ TO ME. Getting all the words.
And I realized that when people tell me that this time will go quickly and that I will miss this time. Maybe they are right.
I will not miss the lack of sleep.
I am really looking forward to the moment when Chloe goes in her own bed, sleeps through the night and wakes up refreshed.
I am looking forward to the moment when Matt can wake up in the morning and pour his own cereal and watch tv while I sleep in.
But I also know that the moments that happen the rest of the time, Chloe learning new words, Matt reciting the poems he learns at school, both us attempting cartwheels in the front yard, laughing at the silly things we all do ... I will miss those.
Even if the lack of sleep sometimes makes me appreciate them less.
And I'm pretty sure that one day Mike and I won't be so cranky with each other. And we'll stop snapping over the little things.
And I'm confident that one day Matt will be a little calmer and quieter and realize that he does not ALWAYS need to shout to get his point across.
And I know that Chloe will get bigger and not be quite so clingy and I'll be able to close the bathroom door and pee in peace knowing that she will sit still and watch tv for 30 seconds...
I hope.
Because sometimes I feel like my sanity is hanging by a thread over here.
And if I'm being totally honest, I don't really think I'm one of those people who will miss these days. I may look back on them fondly. But miss them? Not so much.
I'm ready to embrace middle school and teenage hood, etc. etc. You know - the days when you get a little bit of sleep.

You do, right????

My Super Kids

I believe

2009-09-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

that it is perfectly okay to listen to one song on repeat until you know every.single.word and then use lines from that song in conversation

that the best times with friends are the ones you don't plan

that it is fun to go to a pub and order a girly drink. Even if you are with a group of guys. Who laugh at you.

that saying "I'm sorry" and truly meaning it is the most powerful thing you can do when you are wrong

that when a situation really sucks sometimes the only thing you can do is change your attitude. And sometimes that makes all the difference

that sometimes you should go shopping and only try on clothes that you would never normally buy
that the phrase 'forgive and forget' is stupid. Forgiveness is a gift, but sometimes you need to remember

that if you are in Disneyworld and your child is whining and cranky, ice cream is a much more effective solution than getting angry.(this is also true in malls, on long car rides and when visiting relatives)

that if you really love a friend, and for some reason you've drifted apart CALL!

that sometimes crying is the only solution, and when it is go for it. Also. Tear fests should be followed by pizza

that it is okay to say you believe in God. Or that you don't. And that it is really good to discuss these issues with people who don't feel the same way as you.

that if you think someone is amazing tell them. Bonus points if you sit and write a note with a real pen on real paper.

that having a messy desk means you are really smart.

that you should take the time to talk to kids - and not just your own.
that you should try to take your vitamins.

that empathy is a gift ... And a curse. If you know someone empathetic (hi!) Understand that it is a weight on your shoulders

that everyone should listen to "Good Mother" by Jann Arden, read "the Fifth Business" by Robertson Davies and learn the difference between the words "to, two and too"

that mental health is something to be valued, and that if you aren't happy you should ask for help. And if you know someone who isn't happy you should offer a soft shoulder for as long as it is needed.

that singing in the car while driving is fun. More fun is rolling the windows down and belting it! (even if you're singing along to Miley)

that it's great to know how fast you can run 5 k but even better to not care how fast or far you go, and just enjoy the feeling of being outside and feeling free.

that it builds character to take yourself out to dinner alone, have a glass of wine and enjoy your own company. Go ahead. Splurge. Order the delicious dessert that makes you feel like a pig and enjoy not sharing it!

that the same goes for movies. People are only losers for going alone if they believe they are one.

that every woman should own a great pair of red shoes, sexy underwear that is comfortable should get a professional bra fitting (and spluge on the pretty one!)

Lord of the Dance (or getting there ...)

2009-09-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm Irish.
Want to know who else is Irish?

Michael Flatley. As in Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance. The guy who, let's be honest, got made fun of a LOT at the height of his popularity.
Know who else is Irish?
My son.
Who believes he is Michael Flatley.
If we are being honest, I will admit that I have never been to ireland, probably don't have any living Irish relatives, and really don't even know much about being Irish. I just cling to that heritage because I have the colouring (dark hair, pale skin), I have a temper and St.Patrick's Day is an awesome holiday to claim. And, I will even drink Guiness if it's forced on me.
So when Matt came to me asking to take Irish Dance classes with his cousin I thought that it was the perfect fit for us.
Kind of.
Mike doesn't love the idea of Matt being in a dance class.
I'm embracing it but a little scared of the reprucussions of having my boy in dance.
But ...
He's good.
He had his first class yesterday and the child can dance!
He walked right in there and just copied the teacher and went for it.
I won't say he was as well-behaved as the girls.
He didn't listen terribly well and he tended to run around a bit.
But that's Matt - and I can't change that.
What I loved was the excitement.
While some of the little girls were hanging back, not ready for class, Matt was in there showing everyone his stuff. Seriously. He has mastered the arms by his side thing.
And, I'm quite happy that my son's costume expense will be reasonably low.
Chloe even got in on the action. While Matt was in his class I let Chloe watch the older kids rehearse. She was dancing right along with them (and everyone said she was adorable)
But, as my brother in law pointed out - the end of season recital should be very interesting.
And seriously, I'm not sure how much Irish jig music I can really handle.
We'll see.
So, bye-bye karate. hello Irish dance.

Cartwheels, Among Other Things

2009-09-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

I have this list in my head.
I've been reading people who have these things they want to accomplish by 30 lists. Well, I missed that milestone, so I decided I need a list of things to do by the age of 40. That gives me 9 years, so I have awhile. Item #1 - write the list!
But really, one of the things on this mental list of mine includes learning to do a cartwheel.
You may be shocked by the fact that I can't. And that I never learned.
My parents, in their infinite wisdom, decided not to enroll me in gymnastics classes. They say it was cost prohibitive, but I think really it had more to do with my inability to walk in a straight line, and the fact that they wanted me to live past my 8th birthday. Also, I never asked.
I'm okay with that.
I'm living through my adorable children who have both taken gymnastics (Chloe shows a little more talent) and my niece who is also taking classes.
I'm okay with the fact that I will never be able to do a backflip on a balance beam, or swing freely through the air from the low-bar to the high bar.
I did do the gymnastics rotation in gym class, but my 10th grade gym teacher was frightened by the bruises I sustained in my attempts to do the vault. So, she suggested that learning a floor routine may cause too much bodily injury.
Fine.
But, I still cannot do a cartwheel. And I am determined to learn.
I debated approaching the coach from Chloe's mommy&me class, but I really want to keep the focus on my adorable child, and I'm trying to cut back on the crazy when it comes to other mothers' perceptions of me.
And then I remembered that my friend used to be a gymnastics coach. And I recruited her.
Now, I love Lisa. But, I'll admit my beloved friend thought I was a LITTLE crazy when I approached her. However, she knows me well, and supported my dream ... and off we went to a meeting room (the big one with lots of space) and she showed me some tricks.
I FELT AWESOME!!!!
So, awesome, in fact, that last night I dragged Mike outside, in the rain, to make a video of my cartwheeling prowess.
As I performed multiple cartwheels I was thrilled to post the video on here, knowing you would all be impressed, and think to yourselves "wow! she missed an opportunity to be an Olympian. She has so much potential."
And, wisely before I posted I watched myself.
OH MY GOD I SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clearly I did not miss my calling.
I have bent legs and I look horrible.
Of course, Matt decided to cartwheel next to me and he wanted it on video also.
So, as we watched the video, and I winced in horror, Matt started jumping up and down.
"Look at me, Mommy. I'm wonderful. You too Mommy. You did great."
What?
Really, I didn't.
And honestly, he isn't a cartwheeling genius either. We both equally suck.
But, man, I wish I had that kid's confidence.
I'm not sure when I hit the point of looking at myself in horror instead of pride. What Matt saw, and what I should have seen, was how much fun we were having.
How, when we tried to do cartwheels at the same time it was kind of awesome - not in the sense of an accomplishment, but more in the sense that we were laughing so hard we couldn't stand up.
So, maybe my cartwheel failed.
But, my mothering last night - PERFECT 10.
I'll take that.
And I'll practice.
And, maybe I'll make another video. If I can manage to at least land on my feet. And, I'll show you my adorable child. But, that's another day. When at least if I can't perform a cartwheel I can at least wear clothes that don't frighten the masses.
Someday ...

Crazy, Anyone?

2009-09-21T05:53:00.000-07:00

We all need a little crazy in our lives. Right? I hope so.
And there's nothing like a crazy neighbour to make life just a little bit interesting.
We've had crazy neighbours before, but the ones we had were more crazy annoying than crazy funny. And, then we thought one of our neighbours was a crazy cat lady (I say this as a cat lover), but then we got to know her and discovered that she is a teeny bit eccentric, but really not crazy at all. Which was all good except Mike nad I had one less neighbour to gossip about.
Until ...
The crazy bird lady moved in.
I'm not sure if it's totally fair to call her that since she really has a menagerie in her house. She has a cat, a dog, some fish and about 7 birds.

One of these birds is Loulou, a Macaw.
So, bird lady likes to take her birds for walks.
An added bonus is that she decided to take a paper route so that she could socialize her birds. I'M NOT KIDDING. We get a paper 3 times per week and each time she has a different bird sitting on her shoulder.
And every time that she delivers the paper she says hit to my family. My kids love her. I kind of do too. But, that does not detract from her wackiness.
Yesterday was insane on a whole bunch of levels. Mike's opa (grandpa) had an aneurysm on the same day that Mike's sister was arriving for a visit from Australia. So, he did the airport pick-up while i cleaned, cooked and prepared for a house guest.
And then for some reason crazy bird lady was walking by so Matt went out to say hi. Today was socializing Loulou the macaw day.
And, crazy bird lady decided that she would have people feed the bird.
Of course I thought that was an awesome idea.
Except the friggin bird bit me ... AND THEN LAUGHED.
Which made everyone laugh except that I was in pain.
Of course this led me to tweet about the event.
Except in this case ... twitter FAIL!
What I forgot when tweeting was that not everyone knew that my sister-in-law was visiting and then my parents were watching the kids while we were off to visit Mike and his sister's grandpa in the hospital. And the tweet about the Macaw bite was just really a one-off tweet. Instead the chain of tweets was a little jarring to some people who thought that Loulou, the Macaw who bit me, put me in the hospital (READ FROM THE BOTTOM UP)

So, my finger is fine. My ego, despite being laughed at by a bird, is intact, and the visit to the icu were for Mike's grandpa. (we don't know how he is doing, so that is another post for another day).

And, as I'm actively avoiding the bird lady, I have discovered that I needn't go far from home for the crazy because there is a spazzed-out territorial squirrel living in the tree that shades our home.
And, I am sure that the squirrel is going to attack.
Duck and cover, people. DUCK AND COVER.

In which I Somehow Compare Rebecca Eckler and Mitch Joel

2009-09-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

Pictures ... links ... talking about twitter ... Clearly I was at at internet event last night.

I have a mommy blog. I blog about my life and my kids. About my love of shoes and crushes on my hairstylist.
I tweet about that stuff to.
That's not all there is to me. But for me writing about all of that is enjoyable. If a pretty pair of shoes makes me smile, well this is the space for that.
So, while those are things that tend to define my writing, here's a confession that may surprise you.
I am completely fascinated, awed and inspired by a blogger-writer-marketer that I recently discovered.
I will freely admit that I love reading Oprah's magazine, think Rebecca Eckler is the best writer ever and love the movie Bring It On.
So when I say the name Mitch Joel - it should kind of throw you for a loop. Really. It should.
He writes about social media. And about personal brand. And about being an entrepreneur.
And here's a confession - I discovered him at a convention on special event planning, and I almost skipped his keynote speech because I thought it may be boring (sorry!). But, at work I've been really trying to spearhead a social media initiative. So I went. And OMG! This guy is amazing. I was enthralled.
In fact from the moment he started talking I was hooked. As in I stopped checking my blackberry and whispering to my friend and sat for a full hour listening to what he had to say about social media, personal branding and how it is all tied together.
And then I learned he was releasing a book - which I am reading and loving. (and side note, when I went to buy his book there was totally a line-up of 3 of us to buy it. At the same store where there was no line-up for the latest Twilight release ... so, go Mitch)
And he has a blog.
And he's on twitter and facebook. (and bonus points - he has replied to my tweets and friended me on Facebook which may make me an internet stalker, but then he totally told me to comment on his blog, so clearly I do not have the stalker look about me. Thank god.)
And then ... he had a book launch. And I managed to get invited, and brought someone I work with (who has a far greater grasp of social media than I do). And I totally went and introduced myself to Mitch. Who was really quite lovely.
And I had a typical Laural moment of starting to talk, and then realizing halfway through that I could not stop talking. Oops. But, apparently the moment wasn't so bad because then I went home and added him as a friend on facebook, and he friended me back. So clearly I did manage to STOP THE FLOW OF WORDS fairly quickly. Thank goodness.
And then I realized today I needed to blog about all his wonderful goodness.
So. Go get the book. You'll thank me. It's a little slower than say, my favourite book of all time.
And, since I keep comparing the two, here is what goes on in my head.

The Great Rebecca/Mitch Comparison
(like Julia & Julia without the food. or not really, but funny to me)
Rebecca - author of mommy books. Made me laugh. Made me cry. Made me stop panicking about whether I suck at being a mom
Mitch - author of social media books. Made me laugh. Kind of made me panic that I suck at the internet
Rebecca - Is all about her personal brand
Mitch - obsessively talks about personal brand
Rebecca - Went to her book launch. Could not stop talking then burst into tears because I was amazed by her awesomeness.
Mitch - Went to his book launch. Again could not stop talking but wisely did not burst into tears despite his awesomeness
Rebecca - Amazing fashion sense. If I were her friend I would totally ask her to take me shopping (I mean, in my head we are totally friends.).
Mitch - he seems to wear a lot of black. Despite my facebook friend status (one of about 3500 friends) I'm pretty sure I'll stick to listening to his social media advice and skip asking for fashion advice.

So, where does that leave us?
Oh - just go buy the book. It's good. And while you're at it, stock up on Rebecca's books to.

On Being a Drama Queen

2009-09-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. I have a slight tendency toward the dramatic.
Admit it. You know this is the case.
One of my resolutions when I turned 30 was to be less dramatic. (another was to get my hair dyed professionally ... good call on that one).
And, also, somewhere in there I decided that I needed to take a break from my beloved hair stylist Bill, who I will love forever and ever amen, and find a hair stylist that could cut and colour my hair for less than a million dollars.
And, so I found one.
Who, I just realized totally has access to my blog because this goes automatically to facebook (hi!). And I kind of love him.
Let's be honest. I had 17 years with Bill. We have history. I do not have that much time with my new person (I'm not sure if he's cool with me sharing his name - search my friends, you can figure it out). And, honestly, I fell in love with Bill when I was 13, and it's totally different now. But whatever. The point is ...
Wait. I think I lost the point.
Okay - new hair stylist. Building the love. it takes time.
And then something happened. In retrospect it IS kind of funny. But, I got overly dramatic. And went and got my hair cut somewhere else. And kind of liked it (the hair cut - not where I went). But, only 50% of the hair cut is the cut. The other 50% is the person cutting it - and letting you leave feeling FAB-U-LOUS. And, really ...
New guy has the same charm as Bill.
And I leave feeling good about my hair and myself.
So, back to where I was. I totally cheated on new guy. Because I was angry. I do that. (get angry - not cheat). But, then I missed him. So I called and made an appointment. And went back.
Last night.
Guess what?
It went okay.
First of all, he made my hair edgy. (well, I like to think so). he totally didn't get my joke when I said I wanted to look like Kate Gosselin. I think it's a good thing that Kate isn't on his hair radar. Instead he wanted to make me look like someone from 90210. Nice.
I didn't mention that I'm old school 90210 more than new school.
I like that he thinks I'm young. (though he knows my age).
And then after the discussions about being edgy, regular use of my flat iron, and what colour highlights I should go with (deep purple) I did something crazy.
I apologized for being such a drama queen over something so minor.
And ...
HE LAUGHED.
And promised me he would never do that again.
And we are cool. Thank goodness. And as proof that we are cool he didn't do something revengeful like shave my head. Or make me look like Kate. Cause he really could have, now that I think about it.
And, as it turns out, the guy is dramatic himself. And, I love drama queens who understand my dramatic tendencies.
Win-win.
And the best part about getting my hair cut. It has to be his wonderful gigantic bear hugs at the end. So, maybe I'm a little smitten. And you know what, I don't think it's a bad thing.
I still have to admit. I miss Bill. Because as much as my hair is lovely ... a big part of me loves my Bill. Even if I can't afford him. But, that's another story for another time.

A LONNNNNG weekend

2009-09-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

I have a lot to say about this weekend.
About how it started with gymnastics class for my baby (who walked around like she owned the place) and how I almost cried from the joy and pride. I have much to say about that, but I should really bring a camera to show you the cuteness. And oh the pride. I am fully amazed at how my little girl at 18 months takes on the world and shows everyone who is boss with the biggest and most beautiful smile on her face.
I want to talk about the funeral/memorial that I went to . I just don't have the words, or the comprehension, to go into detail, or to explain the sadness over a life ending too soon while at the same time marveling over a group of people who can rise above sadness and anger to celebrate the joy and love this person brought.
There was the surprise party for my dad which was incredible and amazing. And, I realized how proud I am to be his child (well, this I already knew, but I was reminded). And there was catching up with people I love who I don't see often enough.
And then there was yesterday, when I realized that being a mom is damn hard, and I had to deal with a total ass who felt the need to swear at my 5 year old who was having a really rough day. But, despite this man's ridiculous behaviour I was moved to tears by strangers who came to my child's defense (and mine) to help us move beyond idiocy. And they reminded me that for the small amounts of bad and mean there are in the world, there is a lot more good.
But today I am exhausted. Just completely emotionally spent.
So I got up, went to the gym, and started my week like any other.
And life goes on.
Bit by bit I realize that, like Miss Hannah Montana herself sings, "it's all about the climb."
Onwards and upwards, my friends. And on with the week.

Senior Kindergarten ... Here we come!

2009-09-10T11:35:00.001-07:00

Yesterday Matt went to school.
He's no longer the little jk kid who was excited and frightened about a new adventure. Nope. he's an sk.
he knew he was visiting his classroom for half an hour. He was thrilled he got half an hour with his teacher, his beloved teacher, to tell her about his summer and to show her he could read.
When we left jk in June he could read a couple of site words ("the" was his favourite). He knew his letter sounds. He had no interest in reading or writing.
And his teacher suggested that we try to encourage reading.
We took her advice, but we let him go at his own pace. A word here, a word there. Lots of excitement (genuine) when he sounded out the word Mom (spelled mam) and wrote it everywhere.
And over the summer he started reading more. One day sounds started to make sense. his world exploded. In place of playing lego in his bedroom he started looking through books, shrieking for us to help him with a word.
And we let him go at his own pace. Lots of encouragement. no pushing. Even though it killed me that he didn't love to read like I did, I let it go. And we let him learn the love of language on his own.
And yesterday we went to see his teacher.
And she pulled out her pile of site words.
22 words.
And he read them. Each and every word. By himself. Because he wanted to.
I was sitting in the hall chatting with the special ed teacher.
What I told the special ed teacher, the woman who I wish I didn't know because of her job function, was that over the summer I learned that instead of making Matt fit my mold I learned I have to fit his. I have to meet him where he is at.
And, it's working.
When his teacher came to bring me into the classroom she had tears in her eyes. Because she spent all of jk struggling with me, knowing that my amazing child could be amazing - if we could just figure out how.
"He blew me away."
Me too.
Because my child. The kid who has ADHD. The child who tells me that sometimes his brain just won't work right. My child decided he can.
Being a mom is amazing. Not always. We all know that. The temper tantrums, the anger. That's all part of what goes on in his brain. It's something we are working with and conquering and maybe even embracing. But seeing my child accomplish something that is really really hard amazes me.
it puts me in my place.
And it reminds me that as much as I need to accept that he struggles I can't accept mediocrity for my child.

I didn't post this last year. But, if you want to see how far we've come, here's an e-mail I sent to a few people about the exact same visit last year. We've come a long way, baby!

"Seriously ... worst visit ever!!!!
We were supposed to go for a half hour visit. We got forms to fill out while the teacher showed Matt the classroom.
So, the classroom visit went really well. He had no problem with us staying in the hall and did everything she asked. He drew pictures and even did letters (something he will not do for us). He was happy and laughing, etc.
So then she brought us in. We were talking about behavioural issues and so she let him have a "quick play" with one bucket of toys. So, we talked for quite awhile and he was happily playing away. And then she said it was tidy up time.
He refused.
So she said she would help him tidy and play. (at which point we were baffled as to whether we should let her do her thing or intervene, but we let her do her thing). So he shouted at her. And then started throwing toys. It was awful. By the end of the impromptu tidy up session he was screaming "I hate you Ms. Teacher. I am very angry right now". I was trying not to cry while at the same time relieved he was just shouting not hitting.
And then he turns to her and screams "I am very angry at you Ms.Teacher. Very angry and your tidy up time must change." Then he turned on his heel, grabbed the backpack and very dramatically said "this stupid visit is now over and I'm outta here."
Mike went with him and to my relief his teacher cracked up and told me that kids tend to be a little over-excited and have extreme reactions, and that I don't need to worry too much. And, I hit the point of laughing almost hysterically because otherwise I would have started to cry.
At least she didn't think I was the crazy parent who was trying to diagnose my kid with an issue that was non-existent.
It was horrible and funny all at the same time. Mike was quite glad to be going back to work.

The funny thing is that when we were eating lunch we were talking about it a bit. Matt turned to me and said "that Ms. Teacher seems very nice. Only 2 more sleeps till I go back!" I'm sure Ms.Teacher is counting down the days also."

Hmmmmm

2009-09-08T17:31:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago my friend and I went to hear a keynote speech at a convention. I have to admit that I tend to listen to people speak, or read books, or watch tv shows, and realize that I may have missed the whole huge message (no matter how good) because I am completely focused on one aspect of what that person said.
Case in point was this speech.
Actually, I was pretty riveted the entire time. To the point that I a going back to hear him speak next week.
But, what really struck me was not the incredible stuff the speaker had to say about social media. What struck me was when he was talking about reputation. The point he made was that sometimes what you think about yourself, and what you think people would say about you is not necessarily what you would say about yourself. And also that some of the most enlightened people in the world (I think like Oprah or Eckhart Tolle or Mother Theresa???) would have personal lists that would match what others would say about them.
And I'm completely obsessed with this thought.
I honestly will be on the elliptical in the morning, totally working out and focused on what I'm doing, and I start wondering about my own personal list. What traits would I say about myself (postive or negative) about myself, and what would others say?
Or I will start thinking about how at the gym in the morning I never talk to people. I walk in completely focused and don't say a word. And, I'm sure that the people there think I'm kind of snotty and shy.
And then I come home and I'm with my kids, and when I'm with them I try to be more authoratative. And when I'm rushing around trying to get out of the house on time I have a tendency to be kind of bitchy to Mike when he's late. And our nanny sees this, and I have to admit that she sees me as a bit of a stress case.
And then there's work. I'm totally different there again. Too chatty. Too noisy. Too messy and a little bit crazy. And I can't help but contrast the person I am from 9-5 with the person I am at my 5 am workout.
And, then take the day at work. I wouldn't say I'm 100% confident all of the time. But in many situations I am. But, the other day at work I was in this meeting and someone said to me "I'm confident you can pull this off, and do this project, but I need to know that you're confident in yourself and I'm not seeing that."
Seriously.
I can't stop questionning if people think I have no confidence.
That's been bugging me for days.
And, it actually does really matter.
And then there's this blog. And, maybe on here I'm a combination of all of those things. Actually, maybe I'm not quite as snarky on here as I am in real life. Who knows.
Which leads me to the point, what do I think of myself? And what positive qualities do I have? And seriously, even if I think I have them do I? And can you make yourself have good qualities just because you want them?
Hmmmmm....
Maybe I'll make a list.
Not now. I still have to think about it.

The Joys of Boys

2009-09-08T03:15:00.000-07:00

Matt is my sweet, sweet 5 year old.
If there's one thing he loves it's hugs and cuddles and having stories read to him. There's nothing better to him than waking up in the morning and having Mommy all to himself. We sit in the big chair, watch some Spongebob and cuddle.
I love that about Matt.
Because he also struggles with temper tantrums and meltdowns sometimes, I've discovered (in my vast parenting wisdom ... heh heh) that sometimes the best way to solve a problem is by just giving him a big hug and telling him things are okay.
The other day I came home and the world was falling apart because our nanny had said no ice cream.
As I stood in the kitchen with Matt sobbing I turned to him and said "Maybe a hug will make this better."
And he jumped into my arms and snuggled there for a good 30 seconds. He pulled back a bit and whispered to me that he wanted to tell me something.
Ever the kind, compassionate, mom, I stopped and I said "you can tell me anything."
Matt: "Mommy. Your hugs are the best. You know just how to squish me and make me fart. I love you."

Oh Matt ... I love you too!!!

Miss Me? Well I do!

2009-09-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

I know.
If you have followed me on my blogs, or know me, or are me, you've probably said (likely to me) "what are you doing with your blogs?"
I know.
It's ridiculous.
I have 3 blogs.
Here's the problem. On this blog my name is everywhere. And it bothered me for awhile when people were searching me. As in people who know me in real life. Like work people. But that died down. And there was that whole "issue" that made me question this whole blogging thing.
And then I was pregnant. And I had to debate whether I wanted to have my kids' lives online. So i started another blog. But it wasn't me. So I started a different blog. But it still wasn't me.
And then ...
And then I realized that it doesn't matter.
I miss writing for who I am.
Misadventures - that's who I am. My life is full of these misadventures. These mis-steps. The mistakes. The moments that make me laugh. The times I wonder why on earth I said what I just did - in front of a room full of people. I'm the person who brought a bawking chicken into work and then had it kidnapped. (really). I'm the person who has a tendency to let everyone know how I feel - and wear my heart on my sleeve. Which causes some problems.
And, Mommy. That's me too. It's something I'm proud of, even if I struggle pretty much every day with that as my identity. Who am I first? Laural? A mom? A working mom. A working woman who has kids?
And, this blog let me do that.
Not as someone with a pseudonym. But as me. Very definitely me.
And I miss that.
The people who know me, who love me (or at least like me or put up with me) they know that what they see is what they get.
I'd wished I'd blogged my adventures in organics here. It would have been much funnier. Maybe I'll revisit that.
But I want to be back. Here. At my blogging home. Cuz I miss it. And I miss you guys. All of you who read (hi Wondermommies! I'm looking at all of you). And I think I'm ready to go back to being me and living on line. And maybe deleting my other blogs. Or importing some of that stuff back here.
So, we're cool?
We're done being "on a break"?
Good? Good.
Welcome back.
Why thank you.
Want to know the real me? Voila.

Since My Grandad is 100

2009-08-29T10:17:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I miss this blog. And in honour of my grandad who just turned 100 (and also a couple of friends who bugged me NOT to totally quite this blog) I wanted to share what I said about him last weekend.
100. Wow!

Good afternoon
My name is Laural, and I am art’s second oldest grand child.
I was asked to say a little bit about the experience of being one of his grandchildren.
My granddad is one of a kind! My earliest memories of him are when I was pretty little. I have fond memories of traveling to the apartment in Orillia and playing with Nana and Granddad’s dog Jodi, sliding down piles of snow, and going for special dinners at Swiss Chalet. Of course I’ll never forget stealing mints from their candy bowl and Granddad telling me stories about his railroad days – stories that I now tell my children
One of my most treasured memories of Granddad is from when I was about 9 or 10. Nana was in the hospital for surgery, so our family would visit on the weekend. I would make granddad sandwiches and we’d go for a walk around the hospital. Because Granddad had a hard time hearing me, we would pass notes to each other written on hospital cafeteria napkins. I really treasured some of the messages he sent me.
I learned through those notes how much Grandad loved to hear about my life, and as I grew up I would often jot him a quick letter to tell him about life, school, work and family.
From him I discovered the love of writing, and also the importance of listening (or at least pretending really well).
As I’ve grown up I have had the privilege of not only introducing Grandad to my husband, but also to my 2 children, Matthew and Chloe, two of Art’s 4 great grandchildren.
There’s a saying that goes “it’s great to have children. Better to have grandchildren, but great grandchildren are the icing on the cake.”
For me it’s been such a blessing to watch granddad interact with my kids. I love to see the look of pure joy on his face when my kids give him hugs, or when he gets an extra special cuddle from a baby.
I recently told my 5 year old that his Great Grandad is 100. And I’ll leave you with the words he said to me.
“100 years old means you’ve seen lots of life. It makes you very smart and very special. And I’m lucky that it’s my Great Grandad.”
So, happy birthday, Grandad!
Congratulations on 100 years.

Moving on

2009-05-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

I know I’ve neglected this blog for awhile now.
I started it a couple of years ago and it was perfect for me. It was a place to talk about all the stuff going on in my life.
I loved telling stories about Matthew and the crazy life we had. The title of my blog “Misadventures of Mommy Laural” wasn’t a title I thought long and hard about. To me parenting was just a crazy misadventure and I never knew what I was doing right – or wrong.
I always felt like I didn’t quite know what I was doing. And, because I was (fairly) young when I had Matt, it seemed like strangers felt compelled to offer me advice, give suggestions or critique my parenting.
It’s been 5 years now since I became a mother (to Matt) and I’ve been a mother of 2 for just over a year now.
And, what I’m seeing now is that Matt’s story is his now.
He’s five.
And my five year old has a very strong opinion of what he likes and doesn’t like. Since he’s started school I’ve watched him grow from a little boy whose life was dictated by his parents to a child who clearly knows what he wants to do and when he wants to do it.
That’s one of the most amazing things about Matt.
But, it also has led me to believe that this blog, this discussion of my life, his life, my parenting and his being parented isn’t just my story to tell anymore.
It’s OUR story.
And as much as I would love to share it all here I can’t. I would love to sit and write a post about my fears for him. I worry about social stuff, about bullying, about his attention issues among other things.
But, I’m not sure that a blog is the right place to talk about that.
Miss Chloe has her own story too. But, it’s different the second time around. In a way it’s easier.
The great thing I learned from blogging though, is this. Everyone struggles. And when you put yourself out there, and you admit that you are struggling, that you need help, that you need reassurance, that you aren’t perfect … people listen. And they help.
I rely on my friends, on my WonderMommies, on my family. And for now I’m not relying on my blog.
So am I done? Yes and No. This space here will be shut down soon. And my other blog (that many of you know about) will be also.
But, I’m working on something new. Something fun! Something more me. And, bonus points if you can guess what the topic is.
Once I have it up and running I’ll post the link here.
But, for now, thanks for reading!

The birthdays are coming

2009-03-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

In our household, this time of the year is exciting because we have 2 birthdays to celebrate: Chloe's on March 28th and Matt's on April 6th. So, 2 birthdays in 2 weeks.
Of course I came up with the plan to celebrate Matt's birthday by inviting his entire class (19 kids) and my nieces TO MY HOUSE for a Mad Science birthday party. That party will be held exactly one week after our birthday/open house for Chloe's first birthday. Also at our house. Yes. Crazy.
So, of course, when I got an e-mail telling me I could win Disney party ideas and favours I jumped at the chance to enter.
Really, I didn't get my hopes up. I enter contests all the time. I didn't expect to win.
But, win I did!
So, soon I'm getting a bunch of Disney stuff to help me celebrate! I can't wait.
I'm not sure that this will really help me make a better party, but you never know.
For now, I'm just stressing about what I'm going to do. I still haven't sent out birthday invitations for either party. And I haven't planned.
Yikes.
But, one day at a time.
Any party planners are welcome to help out. I have nothing!

Valentines

2009-02-15T15:36:00.000-08:00

I love Valentine's Day.
I know some people call it a Hallmark holiday, but I love it for that reason. We don't have to travel anywhere. There's no worrying about changing schedules so that everyone is happy. We simply have to be with each other.
And eat chocolate.

And wake up to a table decorated by my loving husband.
We also enjoyed a lovely dinner out - just Mike and I, because our nanny babysat. (she offered). I paid no attention to my diet and enjoyed every bite of my meal down to the chocolate brownie. It was delicious.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S EVERYONE!

Loving Grandma ...

2009-01-18T19:09:00.000-08:00

When Grandma says "smile for the camera" ...

Chloe smiles for the camera!

The cuteness kills me.

Can you believe that tomorrow our nanny starts? I can't. These past 10 months have flown by. I can't believe my teeny tiny baby is getting so big (and funny, cute, crazy, active ...). I also can't believe Matthew has started the countdown to his FIFTH birthday.

This weekend we celebrated Mike's birthday. I know we're a bit ahead of things, but instead of spending the weekend stressing about the changes happening in our home I surprised Mike with a trip to Buffalo (Friday night to Saturday) an afternoon at Monster Jam with Matthew tonight and then dinner at my parents. Oh ... and a brand new camera which he seems to love.

Competimommy - the elementary years

2009-01-06T18:23:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure who coined the phrase Competimommy, but it's a good one.
I encountered many Matthew was younger. One particular playgroup we went to had the rich moms who compared which Louis Vuitton bag was truly the best to use as a diaper bag (seriously), and encounted the moms who were becoming proficient in ASL so that they could better communicate with their babies. I'm not talking baby sign language (I embraced this). I'm talking moms who paid ASL coaches to made videos for them so they could practice advanced words.
Seriously.
And, I laughed at it. Because I was so far out of their league I couldn't compete. At first I was insecure, but I slowly realized that as a mom I had my flaws, and no designer bag could really make up for the fact that I routinely spilled cheerios, lost soothers and forgot to bring diapers in my diaper bag. And, no matter how many languages I became proficient in, my kid would say his first word when he was ready. (though he did sign "milk" at a very young age!)
And then there was tonight.
Matthew and his cousin Kyla had gymnastics together.
This isn't my first session of gymnastics. In fact, we just finished a session in December. But, the afternoon moms of 3-5 year olds are not nearly as competitive as the moms my sister and I encountered tonight.
First there was the mom who, ironically, is a parent in Matt's class. The thing is, at school I barely notice her. At gymnastics it was a whole other story. It was the FIRST class. We were all trying to get a look through the window at our darlings. I'll admit that. But this mom? She pulled up a chair, stood on it, and when her daughter did something she cheered. At first I thought that this kid was doing backflips. Nope. She was skipping right next to Matt and Kyla. As they progressed through the various activities her mom continued right on, lamenting the kid's body shape (she's 5) and insisiting her husband hoist their son on his shoulder so the whole family could observe.
I was unable to enjoy the moment of snark with my sister, because our conversation (yes, we did get a Starbucks and planned to spend the hour chatting while slightly monitoring our kids) was interrupted constantly by a woman in a peach coloured sweater.
In the one hour session we learned her entire life story.
We learned about the time she sold her house.
We learned about her kids.
And, most importantly, we learned about her daughter who is a brilliant gymnast and was asked to be in this particular evening class. Thrilling.
As she talked Becky and I would casually step back at an appropriate break in conversation only to be interrupted again by the same woman. It was funny.
Now, I know this may sound harsh, but she was a plump woman and about my height. Given the fact that she was wearing a peach sweater and was very round, with a round hairstyle, I have to admit that I kept thinking she looked like a Giant Peach.
And the more she spoke the more I thought it.
But, the clincher of the evening was when we were watching the elite gymnasts doing flips. I was amazed at the ability they had to hop into a flip and do 5 or 6 ina row. It was amazing. And, I said so. And as Beck and I were discussing how many flips these girls could do yet again the Peach interrupted us.
"It's Momentum"
Good to know. I continued what I was saying.
"Momentum. It's momentum. It's the floor and it's momentum. That's how they keep going."
Okay.
"I know this. I was a highschool gymnast."
At this point all I could picture was a giant peach hurdling across the gym floor. Ironically, my sister had the same thought.
I can't wait to go back next week and hear just how well all the off spring did this week.

Why We Aren't Having Playdates for Awhile

2008-12-16T19:07:00.001-08:00

Today Matt asked if his friend could come and play. I said no.
Why?

I'm pretty sure the lack of walls may cause a problem.

And, as much fun as it is to play with power tools ... I'm pretty sure that anything our contractor leaves at our house is probably not safe for kids.

Really, our basement is pretty torn up right now. But, renovations are going well.
I was worried that it would be kind of hellish, but so far so good. The cats are a little confused, but other than that it's not too bad.

Imagine

2008-12-14T17:52:00.000-08:00

Imagine This ...

Seriously. For Christmas I want to go to Disney World!

Oh Christmas Tree!

2008-12-06T15:05:00.000-08:00

This year's Christmas tree was different from others. There is a lack of ornaments, lights, and sparkly stuff.
We debated a lot about whether or not we would even have a tree.
Chloe is very active, and after spending about 2 minutes around my parents' tree I realized that we really could not do our usual glitz and glamour.
But, of course we have a tree. And of course Matthew wanted to decorate.

So we let him.

The tree is about 5 feet, and he could reach most of it. So, we let him put up whatever he wanted. And we even let him help with the lights.

Chloe also helped.

As I said, this year's tree lacks the Martha Stewart flare of previous years. Okay, I lie. I've never been into the Martha look. But, I do usually have a colour theme, hang the tinsel/ribbon in some order and get a little anal about the whole thing.

I also usually care that there is only one ornament per branch. And ornaments have to be the right way up.

This year all our candy canes turned into J's since that is the letter of the week. And all the J's are grouped together. On one branch. There is no theme. My Kristi Yamaguchi ornament is hanging on top of a bell.

But, this is my favourite Christmas tree ever. It's what Christmas is all about. And, it makes me smile. Sure, I'd love a fancy star, not the dollar store special that blinks. But, whatever. Tis the season. And I guantee we'll remember our afternoon of Christmas carols and tree decorating more than we would a fancy tree.

But, hey...
Since you're asking, want to see my sister's tree too? (and, can we all stop and enjoy the fact that the child who is sitting and smiling properly for the picture is Matthew?)

Chilling With Grandpa

2008-11-28T04:30:00.000-08:00

Last night was a tree lighting near the school my dad works at. So, my mom picked Matt up for a special Grandma/Grandpa evening.
My dad plays clarinet and was in a jazz band, and Matt had the role of holding a flashlight so my dad could read the music.
Matt took his job very seriously, and did a really good job, sitting still the entire time.
After the music a very special visitor came out.
The whole ride there and back Matt was thrilled with time to chat to Grandma as they spotted Christmas lights, talked about school ("Q and U are best friends") and enjoyed the festive spirit.

I'm a (Guitar) Hero

2008-11-06T03:57:00.000-08:00

Image by smwood71 via FlickrMike LOVES video games. Me, not so much.
I'm not opposed to them or anything. I just have no hand/eye coordination and find them extremely frustrating. Matt has a V-Smile and I find even that frustrating.
So, when Mike got an XBox 360 last year I was happy for him, but not super excited. I mean, yay for him and all, but wow.
It's not like I was about to play.
But then ... Then he went to a friend's house and played Guitar Hero. He couldn't stop talking about it, so I said he should buy it. And he did a couple of days ago.
Last night I was curious and asked him to show me the game. I mean, what's the big deal?
I LOVED IT!
Maybe it's the fact that I have a background in music, so I could actually follow the game, but I was totally hooked.
I did the tutorial. I did the trial, and then I went to town.
Okay, I'm only playing the easy level, and it's not like I'm perfect. But, I'm GOOD! I totally understand the game, I can follow along with the beat, and I'm totally understanding how to do this.
Amazing.
It's only taken me 30 years to find a video game I enjoy.
Mike's so excited that he wants to get me my own guitar. I think he has visions of us jamming after the kids are in bed.
The next thing we're debating ... a wii.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T09:33:00.001-07:00

The first Halloween for my princess!

And her brother decided to explain it all to her

We've decided today is a day to eat candy all day and nap in the afternoon. We still have a whole evening ahead of us.

Matthew was thrilled to learn the best Halloween poem ever.
"Trick or Treat
Smell my feet
Give me something good to eat
If you don't
I don't care
I'll pull down your underwear"

Yep. He's 4!

O Canada ... or something!

2008-10-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaDinner is always an interesting time in our house. We try our best to turn off the tv and have dinner as a family.
It doesn't happen everyday, but we try.
Tonight we were talking about school, and what he does during the day. Of course they sing "O Canada" every day. So we asked him the words.

"Oh Canada. Our home and timberland"
"then there's a whole bunch of La la la"
"Oh Canada we socialize for thee."
"Oh Canada we socialize for thee."

I have NO idea what they are teaching him in class, but apparently socialism is on the agenda!

Of course, we also like to hear the stories he brings home from church. We try very hard to find out what he learned in Sunday School, and talk about it during the week.

One week they "drew pictures for apricots" (wrote letters to kids in Africa)
This week they sang "Thank you God, for giving us poo." (really, food)

It makes me wonder what he tells people we say at home. Cause really, I'm crazy enough without misinterpretations!

Mmmm ... mama mio

2008-10-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. I'm a sucker for yummy body products. But, when they are fun body products designed for mommies, what's not to love?!
For a long time all the mommy products were for mommies-to-be and new moms were on their own. But, finally there are products geared to mommies who have had their babies. One of the newest ones is the mama mio line that is geared toward supermamas. I love it. Their packaging reads "delux skincare for supermamas."
Awesome.
I tried out the Body Buff.
I liked that it promised to make me feel supersmooth and like myself in the buff.
Ha ha. I get it. Body buff - feel great in the buff. Good luck with that one.
Anyway. I liked the product. I had it in my van and let my mom try some while we were chatting. My mom, who has tried all sorts of products couldn't get over the stuff because she felt softer right away.
So, of course I had to try it. And I loved it.
Am I softer? More touchable?
Yep. My skin does feel smoother. And, considering that it's fall and my skin is getting really dry, I'm pretty impressed. And I smell good too.
What more could this Supermomma ask for?
Oh. I know. Enough time to have a long leisurely bath to fully enjoy the product!

Letters Here, Letters There

2008-10-15T04:58:00.001-07:00

Image by karen horton via FlickrSorry I haven't blogged in forever. Somehow life just seems to get in the way!
But, I have to tell you about school. Yes. We are still having challenges and time outs, and I still worry about Matthew, but ...
The one thing that worried me a lot was Matthew's lack of interest in letters. Before jk he could not care less what letter his name started with. I'd point letters out to him and he just didn't care. He didn't want to know and did not want to play along with any of my letter games.
I was a little worried. Okay, I was very worried.
A few people told me to relax and let his teacher do her job. And, since I had no choice really, I went with it.
And that teach of his? She works magic.
My child who had no interest in the alphabet has become letter obsessed.
All day he sounds out words and either guesses what letter it starts with or asks me. It's wonderful. Tiring, but wonderful.
And I'll take tiring. Because I was worried that I had a child who wouldn't read.
Not that I jump to conclusions or anything!
And, the excitement of this week?
This week the letter they are working on is the first letter of his name. This was the most exciting thing in the world yesterday.
His teacher truly is a miracle worker.

Fall Is Here

2008-10-05T16:18:00.001-07:00

I can't think of anything more wonderful in fall than going to an apple farm.
Matt's "homework" this weekend was to go for a walk with his parents and look for squirrels gathering nuts. So, we got talking about going for a walk and fall leaves and such and we ended up driving to an apple farm and walking among the trees.
Matt found straw!
The kids' play area was a fenced in straw pit and he could have spent the day there. We spent quite awhile and I was baffled when many parents refused to let their kids jump in the hay because it is messy.
IT'S A FARM!!!!
The hay was much more fun than the apples.

You can see Mike directing Matt to the apples. See the excitement on Matt's face? nope? It was all about the straw.

There was some excitement when Matt got ahold of the camera ...
There was more excitement when we went to the apple store and got to push a special apple cart. And then the maple syrup candy. Wow! Life was good in our 4 year old's world.
And as for Chloe?
She was just her happy, smiley self - watching her big brother and enjoying life.

Somedays I am just grateful for all I have.

Time

2008-09-19T11:31:00.001-07:00

Remember this little baby? You know, the one who was so teeny tiny we had to go and buy preemie-sized clothes so something would fit?
She's growing.
It's funny how it happens so quickly. She still seems so little to me. And she's still so tiny compared to her big brother.
But, she's growing.

Actually, in this picture she's still small, but it won't delete!

But, she's officially outgrown her bathtub!

What parent puts their baby on her tummy for a bath? Not me. Don't worry. But, she flips, and she has decided that she much prefers swimming to being bathed.

She has also discovered the joy of food.
We're all about the organic brown rice cereal around here. Yummy! (or not so much). Carrots aren't the hit I was hoping. But, bananas seem to somewhat of a hit. I forgot what a pain trying to get babies to eat is. She is a much neater eater than her brother.

And Matthew. Well, he's growing too. It's not quite as evident on a daily basis. But, having a kid in school. Wow! I am amazed every day by him. It's been an adjustment, but it amazes me to find out what he learned. In a week he's memorized a snake poem, learned the letter S and knows to say "here" when the teacher calls his name.
And, like a typical elementary school boy, he's learning to pose for pictures. Smiles are for wimps! It's all about the crazy faces these days.

In some ways I'm a bit sad about them growing up. But, every day I learn something new. I love that Chloe recognizes us and smiles so much. I love watching her recognize her big brother. I love that Matt's learning and growing and stretching his vocabulary. And, yet, every day I know I need to hold them close because these days fly by way too quickly!

A Picture Says a Thousand Words

2008-09-17T04:51:00.000-07:00

I won't say Chloe is crawling yet, but she's getting around.
Last night during dinner we put her on her play mat (see it in the background?) while we all ate dinner. She made her way off of the mat and saw one of Matt's toys. It's a fake transformer - dubbed Optimus Joe* . So, she sort of scooted over to Joe and was playing with him.
Matt was so focused on his meal that he didn't see her. So I said "look! she's playing with your toy!" Matt hopped of his chair and ran over. I thought he was about to take it away. But, no. He wanted to show her how it worked.
Chloe just laid there watching him. In awe of her big brother.
I love those moments.
Yesterday also happened to be Matt's first FULL day of school. That meant I had an entire day to fill with Chloe. I was at a bit of a loss because it was so quiet. I know some people would have done stuff like tidy or nap or stay home, but I didn't. Oh no. I went out.
The church we attend (on a not-so-regular basis) has a moms and tots group. I got an e-mail from another mom inviting me. So I decided to go. I was surprised because I really enjoyed it, and relaxed. I didn't have my usual "moms are judging me" anxiety. I was chatting to the mom who invited me, and it turns out that our kids are in the same jk class, we just didn't know each other. And, when I went and looked at the pictures I took her daughter is actually in pictures with Matt.
So, it was nice to find a group of women to get to know. And it was also nice to meet another mom to say hi to in the playground.
Of course I also went to the mall - just because I could!
I've been trying to find Halloween costumes. The one I was going to get for Chloe was at Gymboree. It looked so cute online, but I decided against it because when you added in all the accessories the outfit was about $100. And, even if I was considering it, I wasn't about to spend all that money on a costume that you can't even wear outside.
But, I did find some great deals. And got a gym buck. Yippee!
The best part of the visit? The coolest pj's for Matt

He is obsessed with the human body and skeletons. I loved these pj's becase they are skeletons without all the scary and gross stuff that usually accompanies skeletons. He was sooooo excited, and he rarely gets excited by clothes.

* Optimus Joe was purchased at a garage sale. Matt asked his name, and since he's clearly a Transformers rip off, I said he was the cousin of Optimus Prime and his name is Joe. Joe Prime. Somehow that translated to Optimus Joe.

First Day of School ... Well Kind of!

2008-09-09T07:21:00.000-07:00

Today marks the first day of school for Matthew. Kind of. He's starting JK which means that at his school we have graduated entry.
Today we go as a family to meet the teacher.
Thursday he goes for a half day with half of his class.
And Tuesday he gets to start full time (every other day).
So, I'm not quite sure which day is technically his first day of school. We're going with today since it's the first time he got to wear his fancy new shoes, try on his backpack and we will be walking over.
This graduated entry thing poses a lot of problems! I mean, he has a special first day t-shirt, but he has decided to wear it on the first day he meets the other kids. That shirt is the shirt that his Uncle Steve picked out for him. It's Transformers. Very cool!
So for today we decided that we would just wear clothes that match his new shoes.
Truthfully, I just can't believe he is already in JK!!! When he was born the thought was so far from our minds. I couldn't imagine that one day my little baby would be big enough to be going to school. But here he is, very independent and very ready to see all the toys that he will see in the classroom.
I'm hoping he'll learn a lot too. I know that he likes his numbers. He loves to figure out what different numbers add up to. He's definitely a number guy. My attempts at teaching him the alphabet haven't really gotten very far. So, I'm hoping that this teacher will work some magic and show him how exciting learning is.
So, we're off. We've arranged to have Miss Paige babysit Chloe (accompanied by Aunt Becky) and Mike is coming home for our first visit.
We're so excited!!!

Girls Night Out

2008-08-29T16:08:00.000-07:00

Before Matt came along I bonded with a lovely lady named Kyla, who happens to be my niece. The very first thing that we discovered we have in common ... a love of shoes!
So, before long we started shoe shopping. I really did take an infant to try on baby shoes. And as she got older kids shoes. When she turned 3 she enrolled in ballet class and my gift to her was ballet shoes. This year her sister turned 3 and she is also enrolled in baby ballet. So I promised to take her ballet shoe shopping also.
This week turned into a girls' night out week because how could I take Paige shoe shopping one evening and not continue the tradition with Kyla.

First we measured her feet

Then we danced around the store

And then we donned an apron to get ice cream...

Things started off well. Then ...

OOPS!!!!

Phew. Aunt Laural always carries wipes and a tide to go pen. We cleaned up the chocolate and did some more ballet before buying a "Sleeping Nudie" nightgown and leaving.

Since Kyla isn't taking dance this year she decided she needed school shoes. We also decided that we were far too mature for Laura Secord and went to East Side Marios. (that's Princess Power Punch... yum.)
We did some rocking out to Hannah Montana and ended up buying Polly Pocket shoes. I didn't take enough pictures because we were having too much fun! But, all in all it was a lot of fun.
And, while all this was going on, Matt was having fun too. The first night he stayed home with Daddy and watched Spy Kids (we're loving spies lately) and the second night he had a playdate with Paige. As he pointed out to me when I told him about the girls' nights ... "I hate princesses but I hate shoe shopping even more. I'm a boy." So, he had no problem with me shopping with my nieces!

Organized

2008-08-20T06:43:00.001-07:00

Here's a newsflash. I suck at organization. I have never been a tidy person. Growing up my parents and I had numerous fights over the state of my room. At school I could never keep my desk or locker clean. And, at work I'm constantly reminded to tidy my office or tidy my desk.

So, it comes as no surprise that I can't organize my house.

Don't misunderstand. My house is clean. Our dishes are washed and our bathrooms are clean. But when it comes to organization ... we suck!

I hate a messy house, but I just can't get it together. It drives Mike and I nuts. And his issue - he microorganizes. So, he'll have every single dish lined up in the right direction but step over piles of clothes. Really, it's a huge battle for us. And, the battle gets worse since I'm home from work right now and see the mess all day.

My big fear is passing this disorganization gene on to our children. It seems as though we have. Matt has no interest in tidying up. He loves having his toys spread out. It's been annoying me though, so off I went to Ikea to get an organization system. And I put it together (which took me 2.5 hours). Both Matt and I were dreading the cleaning. But can I tell you how much fun it has been? Seriously.

We've been sorting through all the toys and sorting has led to all sorts of discoveries. We found the complete train set! We found all his Cars toys! We found missing trucks! Life has been great. And, through it all we've been getting organized. Slowly organized, because every time we find a long lost toy a new game begins. But, I'm trying to remember that this is the whole point. I'm trying to teach Matt that it can be FUN to have a place for everything (and everything in its place).

And who knows, maybe it will spur me on to organize my stuff or come up with some great system for sorting all my kitchen containers. My real hope in life is that since I didn't manage to find a husband who likes organizing nor did I manage to have a child who likes organzing, perhaps the nanny we've hired will have some sort of organizing gene and whip our family into shape!

She Rolls!

2008-08-17T12:52:00.001-07:00

Chloe has been trying really hard these days to flip over. She grunts and groans and reaches and then gets stuck. It's been comical and frustrating to watch. And so cute.
Unlike Matt, Chloe doesn't scream and cry and get frustrated. She just kind of lets it go and smiles at us.
But yesterday, with much encouraging from Mike and I, and the dangling of her favourite little octopus, Chloe rolled. It was adorable. I loved the look on her face - total pride. Of course I got out the video camera to film my Olympic gymnast in training and she wouldn't do it for me. I turned off the camera, and over she went.
This happened several times. And she would look coyly up at the camera and smile. It cracks me up. I tried again this morning. Same thing. What can you do?
Because she accomplished this Olympic feat at about 10pm last night, Matt was in bed. So, when he got up this morning we put her on her little playmat and let her perform. Matt was pretty excited, and then decided he should teach her to crawl. So, he sat right next to her and kept showing her how to get from her tummy to a crawling position. The scary part? She watched and copied. She couldn't get going, but she did manage to get into position and she managed to move backwards a bit.
As cute as this is, I'm most definitely NOT ready for 2 mobile children. Matt is whirlwind enough. But 2? Scary.
So, after attempting the crawling we went out and got a baby gate. We need several, but we started with a gate for the top of the stairs. Next we need to do the bottom of the stairs and we also want to gate off the kitchen. I'm pretty sure we have a little time. And I'm also pretty sure that I am TOTALLY SCREWED.
But, yay for milestones.
Gymnastics here we come.

If You Can't Beat 'Em ... Join 'Em

2008-08-04T16:27:00.001-07:00

Last year when I was running Matt was really interested. By the time spring rolled around he'd follow me for a couple of blocks (with Mike walking) and then they'd go to the park, I'd do my run and meet them at the park. It worked nicely.
Now that Matt is a year older, and wiser, he has decided it's not fair that Mommy gets to go for a run while he stays home. In some ways he's adopted an attitude that Chloe is the baby so he should do grown up things ... like go for a run.
In all honesty, what I enjoy about running is the solidarity. I love listening to music, tuning out any concerns I have and just enjoying the run. Sometimes I plan things in my head. Sometimes not. But, I kind of enjoy the kid break, especially now that I'm around them 24/7. So I wasn't totally keen on Matt joining me.
However, after watching Bob Greene on the Rachael Ray show, and thinking I should encourage this desire to run, I got changed into a running outfit, left my ipod on the table and invited Matt to join me.
He was so excited! (I wish I had that kind of enthusiasm for running)
Instead of my normal running route we went to the local highschool and went to the track. It's a wonderful track. It's springy and new and pretty easy to run on. My rationale was that a) if Matt fell it would be a softer landing than pavement and 2) you can pick your distance. I had visions of getting a kilometre in and Matt wanting me to carry him home. So, the track was perfect.
To be honest, I wasn't terribly hopeful that it would be a fun time. Was I ever wrong. We had a blast.
First of all, Matt is a serious runner. He's 4 years old and has endurance. We both ran 3 laps which is about 1.2 kilometres. So, for me it was a pretty short run. But, he ran the whole time. And he wasn't tired after. No heavy breathing. He was just bored of it.
The whole thing was fun though. We were racing each other and changing lanes. And skipping. Backwards! Of course we had the moment where we had to yell jokes to each other as loud as we could. And we did a lap while singing "It's a Small World." Fun.
I can't say it was the best workout ever. But, the time was good. We chatted on our walk over and back. And I realized all over again that I have a pretty cool kid.
And I'm guessing if we keep this up he'll have no problem going for real runs for me (as long as I don't make them too boring)!

Ahhhh ... summer

2008-07-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

It's summer.
It's busy around here.
The wonderful thing about being on maternity leave during the summer is that we can enjoy the lazy summer days I miss at work. So, granted 90% of the days aren't lazy with a 4 year old and 4 month old. But then there are days like today.
Chloe is napping on the couch (she's not rolling yet) and Matthew is curled up in my room watching cartoons. And I finally get some quiet for a few minutes. Ahhhh ... blissful lazy quiet. Quiet time in which I should probably be doing laundry or cleaning. And instead I'm going between reading blogs and watching Regis and Kelly.
I think that this is the first time I have watched my own morning shows since Matt's been home.
So what have we been up to?
We went on an amazing trip to Disney World. Oh how I loved it. Oh how I want to go back. Oh how I am completely obsessed with the Disney message boards, planning another trip and deciding where we will stay. (we're going next May).
There's not enough I can say about our trip. I loved it though. I think I loved it because I am a kid at heart and seeing princesses and characters was amazing. What's not to love about lunching with Cinderella and having breakfast with Mickey? I'd love to say it was all about the kids, but honestly it was also about me. I loved it. I loved standing in line and singing "It's a Small World" to my heart's content with very few strange looks. Love love love.
Matt was totally engrossed. He loved it.
And now, despite the fact that this summer is nice it's dragging. I want to go back. TOMORROW. We're not. But I want to.
In order to pass the time, and get in shape, I've gone back to running. It's slow and it's hard, and I can't push it a lot. Last year I developed 2 running routes that I did regularly - a short route and a long route. I'd just alternate them every day. So far I'm at the short route and I can do it about every other day. So, as I said, a slow start. But manageable. And, I'm not pushing myself. I'm trying to enjoy it and relax into it and not worry so much about time.
And in between all of that we're redoing parts of our house. We're laying a new kitchen/bathroom/hallway floor and putting in a new kitchen. Well, kind of new. We're sanding and painting. I hope it all works out.
I've also discovered the joys od Modge Podge and decoupaging. I've already refinished a bookshelf and 2 shelves for Chloe's Princess room. They are adorned in princesses and sparkles. I love it!
So ... what are you up to?

Noooooooobody!

2008-06-20T04:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the grand opening of a Bad Boy Store not too far away from our home. The ads said there was free breakfast and fun stuff, so I thought I would bring Matt to see a store opening.
What I expected was a short line up and a quick wander around the store. What we got - an hour long line up and a packed store. Having said that, we had a really good time. Chloe slept through the whole thing, and Matt loved that they had professional pillow fighters, a mascot (we think it is a squirrel) and lots of cool furniture. He loved being allowed to shout the word "NOOOOOBODY" as loud as he possibly could.
He also really loved Mel Lastman who asked him his name and then shouted "who's better than Matthew? Noooooooooobody." It was cute.
The local newspaper photographers went a little crazy over the moment (it was like Papparazzi!) and I pulled out my camera too.

The other crazy part of the event is that they had these giant bad boy dolls all over the store. They were pretty cool because they are super sized beanie babies that say "nooooobody". Thanks to Matt's newfound popularity the store manager gave him one of these dolls. It was a very kind gesture. But the doll is bigger than Matt. And Matt loves this doll. It's his favourite toy and goes everywhere. Including the doctor. Oy. And, since it's a collector's item ... no garage sales for us.

The only bad part of the day was when Matt was dancing to the music, tripped and fell and got a giant goose egg on his head. I felt pretty bad, but he's a trooper and it didn't ruin his day at all.

Pickles, Anyone?

2008-06-17T08:31:00.001-07:00

Matthew is obsessed with pickles. I have no idea why. He loves to eat them and talk about them. His idea of a great gift is a pickle. And, the other day when we went to see a balloon-making clown and she asked what he would like he said "A pickle" (and he was delighted when she made it).
But this pickle obsession has been going on for weeks. Today at the grocery store we spent a good 5 minutes choosing which jar of pickles he wanted to get. It's a little insane.
And I made the mistake of telling him you can make pickles!
We have a good friend who is an organic gardner and sometimes makes pickles out of his cucumbers. So, I told Matt that our friend makes pickles. You would think I'd told him I'm friends with SuperMan. And, Matt has now decided that he would like to make pickles. In fact, he now wants to make pickles for presents.
How weird will it be when everyone we know gets pickles for Christmas. From a 4 year old.
Actually, I'm pretty sure our friend has given us pickles for Christmas and I never thought it was weird. But he's not 4. And he makes lots of gifts from his garden.
Now that I think about it, I think I may call him up and plan out some pickle making adventures.
And here I thought we may try making Jam.